Three O'Clock in the Morning
by Doneril
Summary: After the occurances at the end of OotP, Sirius finds himself on the pavement of a Muggle city. Slowly he begins to learn of a life beyond the Veil, but, when old alliances crumble and he must depend upon his enemies, Sirius begins to long for home.FINISH
1. Writ in Water

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Writ in Water (Prologue)  
  
Here lies one whose name was writ in water. - Keats  
  
All was darkness and all was night. He did not want to open his eyes; he didn't want to see the wreckage of what would inevitably lay before him. This was what he had feared - what they had all feared. And it had come to pass. Yet, he felt like he had a concussion - the number of times he had had one when he had been a Beater! - so maybe he had passed out and would not have to see the carnage. That thought seemed rather unlikely, so he decided to remain where he lay for the moment and hope for the best.  
  
He tried to remember what happened last. In his mind's eye he could see the Department of Mysteries, the battle unfolding. He saw Harry fighting with Death Eaters. And his heart broke again. It was his fault. If only he had not told James to make the switch. If only he had killed Peter that next day. If only he had escaped Azkaban earlier. If only he and Moony had killed Peter in the Shrieking Shack. He knew the others thought of Peter as Wormtail - a being not worthy of a human name - but he always thought of the rat as Peter. The name Wormtail held so many memories with it - the night they learned Moony was a werewolf, the time he and Prongs had charmed Snivellus' hair pink, the day the Marauders had finally become Animagi, Prongs and Lily's wedding. So many memories that Peter had long ago forfeited his rights to. He wondered when Peter had sold his soul to Darkness. He wondered how long they had sheltered a traitor in their midst. He clenched his hand into an angry fist. All he wanted was to be with his godson - and his foolish actions, his blindness to betrayal, kept him from Harry. For that there was no forgiveness.  
  
He tried to turn his head to the side, but - unlike his hand - a simple motion shot pain through it like a curse. He winced slightly and wondered just what kind of curse Bellatrix had cast on him. Obviously one meant to cause a great deal of pain. Well, if that was how she wanted to play, why did she not just cast an Unforgivable and get it over with? Whatever thoughts paraded as decisions in his deranged cousin's head, he vowed that he would not move for a long time. If he had his choice, he would stay where he was - probably Hogwarts, come to think of it - for the rest of his natural life.  
  
That decision was not to be, though, because, after a moment, he heard a familiar voice call his name. "Sirius? Sirius! Oh, God, Sirius!"  
  
He cracked open a single blue eye. Remus, dressed in fine Muggle clothing, stood over him, looking worried. "Hello, Moony. Lovely night, isn't it?"  
  
Remus' brow wrinkled. "Moony?" he muttered under his breath, but Sirius didn't hear. "Are you drunk?"  
  
"Ah, that I were, old friend, ah, that I were. It would make me ever so much more comfortable. You wouldn't happen to have any whiskey on you, would you? No, even if you did, you wouldn't give me any. I can't think that Poppy would be pleased with you if you did."  
  
"You are drunk." Remus knelt next to his old friend and examined the fresh bruises that decorated the side of his face. "And you got into a fight."  
  
"I got into a fight? Of course, I got into a fight." Sirius asked incredulously. "I thought you were there.Now that I think of it, I don't remember much."  
  
Remus nodded knowingly. "You were drunk. You got into a fight. You passed out on the sidewalk. You haven't done this in a while, Siri."  
  
"Sidewalk?"  
  
"What do you think you're lying on?"  
  
Sirius propped himself up on his elbows, and, indeed, he was laying flat on his back on a Muggle sidewalk. In the middle of a city. In the dead of night. In a Muggle city. Suddenly he remembered why this was a bad thing - his name was yet to be cleared!  
  
"Moony!" he yelped. "Get me out of here! Fast! How close are we to home?"  
  
'Why does he keep calling me Moony?' Remus thought as he looked down on his best friend. 'That has to be one of the strangest names I've ever heard. Why on earth is he panicking like that?' Out loud he only said, "Calm down, Sirius, we're only a couple blocks from your flat. Lily just sent me out looking for you."  
  
He pulled himself to his feet and instinctively slid into the shadows. "My flat? Lily? Are you feeling like yourself, Remus?"  
  
Remus stared at his old friend oddly for a moment. "Sheesh. And I thought it was only dogs that got like this at the full moon," he said as he reached for Sirius' arm.  
  
Sirius' pale haunted eyes widened and he jerked himself away from the fair- haired man. "What did you say?"  
  
"Don't take offense, Sirius. I just said that only dogs get like this at the full moon." He gestured to the golden moon that was rising above the city.  
  
Sirius tried to run away, he really made a valiant effort, but all he could manage were a few stumbling steps before he fell to his knees. He muttered many things under his breath, all too quickly for Remus to form any full sentences. He did hear: "Deatheater. Harry. full moon.. Peter. Harry.bastards.kill.Harry.Deatheater."  
  
"Boy, you are drunk," Remus said, hoisting his friend up from behind. "Now we're going to get you home. Lily is already having kittens that you stormed out last night. Reminds her of -" Remus suddenly shut up, remembering that Sirius didn't want to be told that.  
  
"No, I'm not drunk," Sirius protested. "Let go of me. Lily is dead. James is dead. By the rights, I should be dead, too. Now, let go of me. I know you're a Deatheater. How did you get Remus Lupin's hair? Capture and torture? Imperius? Even I know at this point that he would not betray us. Not like some friends I've had."  
  
Remus nearly dropped his friend. "Betray you? Oh, Siri, is that what you think happened? Never. You know you're my best friend. Now you're drunk and Lily's worried. Let's get back to the flat and we can work things out when you're sober."  
  
Sirius feebly tried to wrench himself from his friend's firm grasp, but there was no having it. Remus was stronger than he was. Another reason to suspect Polyjuice potion, as if Remus walking as a man under the full moon was not enough. Did the Deatheater and Lord Voldy Pants really think he was that stupid? Sure, he had spent the last couple months drinking himself into a permanent stupor, but, if he was sober, he had his wits about him.  
  
"Here we are," Remus said, holding Sirius in front of a door that said 3B. "Lily," the man called through the door. "Lily! You'll never believe the tramp I found over on Church Street!"  
  
The door opened and there stood Lily Evans. Her hair was pulled back and there were more lines on her face than Sirius remembered, but this was definitely Lily Evans. Relief spilled across the woman's face as she pulled Sirius into a warm bear hug. "Oh, Sirius, Sirius, Sirius!" she whispered into his shoulder. "I thought - oh, I thought you weren't going to come back again!"  
  
When Sirius could pull himself out of his one-time friend's embrace he walked into the apartment. It was purely Muggle. A television, a couch, a table, a full kitchen with all the Muggle gadgets. Sirius couldn't imagine any of them living there. Then he saw Harry, curled up in the corner of a chair, reading a rather large book. His glasses were perched on the end of his nose and he hadn't seen Sirius walk in the door. 'If only things could stay this way,' Sirius thought. Then he smiled.  
  
"Harry!"  
  
Harry jumped in his chair, his green eyes wide and startled. He closed his book and took off for his room. Sirius took a step forward, but Remus grabbed him by the shoulder. "Siri, you're drunk. Don't talk to him now. Calm down first."  
  
Sirius looked at his friend, utterly confused, as Lily puttered about the kitchen making tea. "What are you on about, Moony? I'm not drunk and I don't need to calm down. I just need to see Harry."  
  
Remus bit his lip and exchanged a look with Lily, but let Sirius go. It seemed like the best idea at the moment, but he had the sinking feeling he would be regretting that decision in a minute. Sirius - especially drunk Sirius - was never nice to Harry Potter, his stepson. He physically cringed when he heard Sirius open the door to Harry's bedroom and whisper the words everyone had come to dread: "You look so much like your father."  
  
Sirius opened the door he had seen Harry close only a moment before. It was a nondescript door, painted a flat white, and held no sign of what lay beyond. He wondered why he felt so nervous about opening a single door. Perhaps it was that look on Harry's face when he saw his godfather. If Lily's face had been washed with relief, Harry's had been clouded with fear. But why would he be afraid if Sirius had come back? Had he been scared that Sirius would never come back? He should know by now that if his godfather would face Azkaban for him, a little battle in the Ministry should not be a problem.  
  
He leaned on the doorframe and saw Harry sitting on his bed, the large book open once more. "You look just like your father," Sirius breathed, remembering the number of times he had stumbled down to the Common Room in the middle of the night to find James still awake and studying.  
  
Harry slammed his book shut and scuttled to the other side of the room. He did not look relieved, or happy, or pleased, or even slightly amused by the sudden appearance of his godfather. If anything, Sirius thought, the boy looked rather frightened. Merlin, why would he be afraid? Sirius gave a mental shrug and assumed that he was projecting his own nervousness onto the poor boy.  
  
Sirius moved to sit on the edge of the bed and tried to give Harry a warm smile. Perhaps he had thought that Sirius had died during the battle? Maybe that was why the woman who looked like Lily was looking for him. He could understand Harry's pain, if that were the case. The pain of losing Lily and James - and the ultimate betrayal of Peter - would be forever etched into his mind. "Hello, Harry."  
  
There was a nervous twitch in Harry cheek that the boy tried to hide. "H- hello, Sirius. How are you?"  
  
"As well as can be expected after what I went through. Happy to see me again?"  
  
From the look on Harry's face, his godson was terrified to see him again, but Harry only said, "Of course. Mum was quite worried."  
  
Sirius frowned. Did Harry think that the Lily impersonator was really his mother?  
  
"I missed you, too!" Harry hurried to add, obviously misinterpreting Sirius' expression. "Mum was just worried that - " Harry broke off his sentence half way through, just as Remus had when he found Sirius on the sidewalk.  
  
"What? Lily was worried that what, Harry?"  
  
"Y-you don't like us to talk about it."  
  
Sirius' heart broke. Did his beloved godson think that all parents were just like the Dursleys? He silently cursed himself for not finding Harry sooner. How could he have abandoned the child like that? Hoping to make up for lost time and comfort Harry at the same time, Sirius reached for his godson, hoping to pull him into a hug.  
  
Harry quickly pulled his body away from Sirius' hand and let out a muffled whimper. His green eyes grew large and wet.  
  
Insulted, Sirius yelped, "What the hell was that for?"  
  
Suddenly he heard the door open and then slam behind him. Then Remus stood between Harry and Sirius. Sirius stared at the man in shock for a moment. Moony had never tried to do anything like this before. If anything, since learning of Sirius' innocence, his lover had encouraged more interaction between Padfoot and Prongs, Jr., as they affectionately called him in private. Sirius merely stood up and tried to walk past Remus so that he could start talking to Harry again.  
  
"No, Siri," Remus said firmly, pinning Sirius gently by the shoulders.  
  
"What do you mean, "no"?"  
  
"Not this time. You're drunk and you don't know what you're doing. We are going to leave Harry alone and you are going to sleep off your drinking."  
  
"I'm not drunk, Moony, and I'm not going to leave Harry alone." Sirius stared coldly into Remus' amber eyes.  
  
"No."  
  
"Harry is my godson and I refuse to let him be after this. I have a responsibility. Surely you know what responsibility is."  
  
"Sirius! You can see to you so-called responsibilities later, when you're sober. And who is this Moony you keep referring to?"  
  
"Ceridwen preserve us all, if you don't remember what Moony means!" Sirius replied menacingly. "Or did Peter not tell you about Moony, Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail? I will see to my godson. Now. You will leave."  
  
"No. There had been enough problems tonight. You do not need to add to them."  
  
"Do not force me to make you move, old friend. It will not be pleasant. If you leave now, you can save your sorry hide."  
  
Then Sirius heard Harry make a small, frightened squeak. He looked at his godson for a moment, his heart breaking, before he shoved Remus out the door.  
  
Harry looked down at his feet and sighed. Sirius grabbed him by the shoulders; Harry twitched at that, but did not say anything. "What's wrong?"  
  
The green-eyed boy looked up at his guardian, perplexed. "Pardon?"  
  
"What's wrong, Harry?"  
  
"What's wrong with me?"  
  
Harry blinked. This was not the Sirius he knew. "Are you sure you're drunk?"  
  
"I'm most definitely not drunk," Sirius sighed. "In fact, I am more sober than I have been in a very long time."  
  
"Sure," Harry replied warily.  
  
"Now are you going to tell me what's wrong?"  
  
"I do not have anything to complain about," the raven-haired boy said quickly, as if reciting a line from a play.  
  
"Don't lie to me, Harry."  
  
"I'm not lying, Sirius. I do not have anything to complain about."  
  
"Harry," Sirius said. "I know that you don't like to complain and you want to prove that you don't need to rely on others. I even understand that you don't want people to get close to you. But you have to talk to someone, and I'm here for you."  
  
"Did Uncle Remus tell you to say that?"  
  
"Why yes - wait, since when did you call Moony 'uncle'?"  
  
"Ah, Sirius, he's always been Uncle Remus. Ever since - since -" Harry cut his sentence short.  
  
Sirius shot Harry a very dirty, unamused look. "Do you want to finish that sentence?"  
  
"No?" Harry squeaked.  
  
"I think you should finish that sentence."  
  
Harry tried to plead with Sirius with his eyes, but Sirius would have none of that. He wanted to know what was going on and he wanted to know now. "Finish. That. Sentence."  
  
Harry looked at his feet and mumbled something unintelligible.  
  
"What?"  
  
He mumbled something again.  
  
"Harry, it doesn't count as an answer if I can't hear you. Oh, sweet Circe, I sound like a professor. Now answer me."  
  
"He's been Uncle Remus ever since Dad left," the boy whispered.  
  
Sirius furrowed his brow. "Are you doing something you're not supposed to be doing, Harry? If you are, you know you can always talk to me about it, right?"  
  
Harry pulled himself further away from Sirius, if that were possible. "Why are you doing this to me?" he cried.  
  
Slightly affronted by this sudden turn of events, Sirius blinked. "Harry, I'm trying to help you, you know, be compassionate and whatnot. I'm sorry if I don't have much experience, but I only want to help you."  
  
"No, you don't! You're just baiting me, like you always do! Trying to make me say the wrong thing so you can prove to everyone that I'm just like James!" Harry's hands flew to his mouth when he said those words.  
  
"You are just like James," Sirius said evenly.  
  
"How can you say that?" Harry looked incredibly wounded.  
  
"I'm not sure we're on the same page. You always liked it when I compared you to James. You said it made you feel closer to him." Sirius eyed his godson warily.  
  
Harry stared at Sirius as if he had six heads and a scaled tail. "I don't want to be any closer to that man than I already am. You and Mum know that. I wasn't running away to find him the other night."  
  
"Harry, your parents - both of them - are quite dead," Sirius whispered painfully. "I saw the bodies myself. No one ever thought you were running away - even Snape knew about those visions. You have every right to be closer to your father than you are now - he was a great man and a loyal defender of the Light. We need to get back home to Grimmauld Place, and soon."  
  
"Sirius, you are drunk. Or you're mad. James left Mum when I was only a baby. You hate him. You won't let us say his name. We live in this flat and Uncle Remus is my History professor. You're married to Mum. You love her. You hate me. Uncle Remus and Uncle Peter are your best friends. I don't have any visions. I'm home because I tried to run away from school. Do you understand all of that?"  
  
Sirius swore creatively in English, Italian, and Welsh. He called upon the great wizards of the past. "I fell through the fucking Veil didn't I? That bitch." 


	2. Test of Gold

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Test of Gold  
  
Fire is the test of gold, adversity of strong men. - Seneca  
  
Wide-eyed, Harry stared at his godfather, his stepfather, his disciplinarian. Sirius had always made a point of not swearing or using foul language in front of him - said it would be a bad influence on an already corrupted person. Harry was not supposed to know about that last part, but the flat's walls were thin and Sirius' voice was loud.  
  
"Are there any other possibilities? Other than a. woman pushing you through a veil, I mean," Harry asked quietly.  
  
"A woman, Harry?" Sirius shook his head. "She doesn't deserve that title. And if she did not push me through the Veil of Mystery, there is only one other option and I do not want to think about it."  
  
"What's the other option?" Harry silently prayed that his stepfather wasn't off his rocker. His life was harsh enough as it was.  
  
Sirius fixed Harry with a piercing stare and then looked up, toward an invisible point in the distance. "The other option, Harry, is that I no longer have a soul." He shuddered, remembering his time in Azkaban and then how close he came to receiving the Dementor's Kiss.  
  
"Sirius? Sirius? Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!" Harry watched his stepfather staring into the distance, a mask of fear and pain sliding over his face. He had never seen Sirius look like that before and it scared him. He may not have liked the man, but he had a healthy respect for his strong and vivacious godfather.  
  
"Oh, oh. I'm sorry, Harry," Sirius replied, but his voice was distant.  
  
"May I ask a question?"  
  
"Of course, you can. I don't know how relevant the answer will be though."  
  
"What - what were you think about just then?"  
  
The tall man sighed. Would this Harry understand what a Dementor was? These people seemed to live like Muggles. "I was thinking about my time in Azkaban. And how I escaped," he said curtly.  
  
Harry was used to that tone from his stepfather and therefore ignored it. "What's Azkaban? Why would you need to escape? Was it horrible?"  
  
Sirius glared at his godson, displeased at this turn of events. "Azkaban is a prison. I was a prisoner. It was Hell on Earth. When in Azkaban, you can feel nothing good - the guards suck joy from the people around them the way we breathe air. I was heavily guarded and could only ponder the worst things that ever happened in my life. I went mad for a while, some people think I still am."  
  
There was silence for a moment. Harry was shocked by the cold detachment in Sirius' voice; he had never heard the like. His stepfather was always very passionate - yelling at him for being like James, teasing his mother about her cooking, joking with Remus and Peter. He never, ever distanced himself from a painful situation - he would call it cowardice. What on Earth would do this to him?  
  
"S-Sirius? Why were you in prison like that?" he whispered meekly.  
  
"The murder of your parents, Lily and James Potter," Sirius replied, his voice cracking on the names.  
  
Before Sirius could even see Harry's reaction, Lily barged into the room, followed by a very angry Remus. Lily slapped Sirius across the face.  
  
"How dare you?" she roared. "I agree that he should be punished, but this! This! This is low even for you, Sirius Black! You will leave Harry - and me - alone for the night!"  
  
Sirius just stared at the redhead in amazement. He had forgotten about Lily's legendary temper - thank Merlin Harry had not inherited it.  
  
*  
  
That night Sirius was told by Lily to sleep on the couch, after Remus left to go to his own flat. Sirius did not particularly have a problem with this arrangement and was not looking forward to the night he would share a bed with Lily. While she was a beautiful woman, he had never felt any attraction to her and that fact might pose more than a few problems in the future, were he to stay here.  
  
Partway through the night, Sirius fell off the couch after having another nightmare about the Dementors. In this particular dream, he was back at Hogwarts during Harry's third year and Peter, once again, had escaped. He relived the Dementors' attack, over and over again. Unfortunately, this was not unusual for him, so when he awoke after hitting the floor, he knew what to do. He turned into Padfoot. Sirius felt safety as a dog, even when he was still trapped in Azkaban, that he never felt anywhere else.  
  
Then he heard the gasp and the shattering of glass as Harry, standing barefoot in the kitchenette, saw him turn into a dog. The boy froze and paled, once again reinforcing the fact that this was not "his" Harry who would have run over and encased him in a bear hug. Yet, Harry, odd as the child was, was his only ally in this strange world and Sirius transformed back into himself, as painful as it was to have the old fear rush back into him.  
  
"Harry?"  
  
Harry just stared at his stepfather, his green eyes wide.  
  
"Harry, are you okay?"  
  
Harry swallowed. "What - how did you do that?"  
  
"Come sit down." He patted the sofa next to him.  
  
"How did you do that?" Harry asked again in a shaky voice.  
  
"Magic."  
  
"No. You and Mum told me magic isn't real. The people at school agree."  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Maybe it isn't real here, but, in my world, magic is quite real. Witches and wizards use it all the time."  
  
"No such thing," Harry protested.  
  
"Harry," Sirius replied sharply. "I just turned into a dog. If I did not do it with magic, how else would I do it?"  
  
Harry just shook his head.  
  
Sirius stood up and turned back into Padfoot. Harry made a small squeaking noise, but did not run away, to Sirius' delight. He had not been able to do this since he showed Moony how he had become an Animagus. As a dog, he padded over to Harry, sniffed him briefly, smelled fear, and then licked his face. Turning back into a man, Sirius enveloped his godson in a hug.  
  
"Its just magic, Harry."  
  
Harry only nodded.  
  
*  
  
A sleepy Harry waked Sirius from his makeshift bed on the couch.  
  
"C'mon, Sirius, we got to get going," he mumbled.  
  
Sirius jumped out of the nest of blankets he had been resting in, fully alert and ready to face whatever danger lay ahead. The life of a convicted fugitive did not do well in this household because Harry jumped away from his stepfather, highly alarmed.  
  
Then Sirius saw Harry standing in front of him and the events of the previous night flooded back into his foggy brain. "Oh, Harry, calm down. You just startled me, that's all. Why'd you get me up? I thought today was Saturday?"  
  
Harry nodded guiltily and scuffed the flat's floor with his foot. "It is. I just - we need to go to school and talk to the Headmaster and my counselor. Third time I tried to run away this year and all."  
  
Sirius stopped surveying the room like a caged animal. "Third time?!?" he exploded.  
  
"Erm, yeah," he replied, seeming to shrink into himself.  
  
"Why. Would. You. Run. Away. From. Hogwarts."  
  
Again, Harry refused to meet his stepfather's eyes. He sat on the edge of the easy chair, his face still intent on the intricacies of the floor. This time he did not bother to mumble something incoherent. He just pulled his knees together and prayed that the floor would swallow him whole. Sirius never liked him - he had accepted that. Yet, if this was a "new" Sirius (and his stepfather had not just gone off the deep end or taken some funny drugs), Harry had hoped that this Sirius would at least pity him. Sadly, this would probably erase any possibility of that.  
  
Sirius got down on his knees and lifted Harry's chin with his hand. "Harry, you can tell me anything. Now, why did you try to run away from Hogwarts?"  
  
Harry was embarrassed to find a tear streaming down his cheek. "Nobody likes me."  
  
"I'm sure that's not true," Sirius said with a smile.  
  
"No, no. Nobody likes me. Except the teachers. And only a couple of the teachers like me."  
  
"Harry, have you tried making friends?"  
  
"Yeah," the teenager replied with a sniff. "But they always call me Scarface and go off to play football."  
  
"Do you play football?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Does everyone play football?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not be friends with the people who don't play football?"  
  
"They're nerds!" Harry exclaimed vehemently.  
  
"Just because they don't play football?"  
  
Sirius could not believe he was doing this. This was not his job. He was supposed to be the fun loving uncle-type. Prongs - or Lily - or Moony - or Arabella - was supposed to do this. But, responded the strong cynical side of his mind, since when does anything go according to plan? He remembered the family fights before his sixth year - when he ended up running away to live with the Potters, the bickering over who was the traitor and who could be the Secret Keeper, the pain of losing the couple he loved best, the torture of Azkaban. No, nothing went as it was supposed to. But he would make things right for Harry - even if this were not "his" Harry.  
  
"Well, I like football. But I'm not much good at it," Harry admitted softly.  
  
"Then practice. And make other friends. Aren't Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley in your year?"  
  
Harry nodded. "The Weasel is a prat."  
  
"What about Hermione?"  
  
"She's a nerd."  
  
"Don't be so judgmental. The girl is bloody brilliant. And she has wonderful taste in pets, if she's anything like the Hermione Granger I know."  
  
"Well, her demon-possessed cat likes me, anyway."  
  
"See? You have a friend right there," Sirius beamed.  
  
"Sirius? We're talking about a miniature manic tiger, not a human being."  
  
Sirius ruffled his godson's hair affectionately. "Well, it's a start anyway."  
  
"Whatever. I made you some toast. You can eat it in the train on the way to school."  
  
"Train?"  
  
"Yeah, you know we have to get there and all."  
  
"Ok." Sirius grabbed the food from Harry's hands and shoved it into his mouth. "Hmmph arg urg theters?" he asked around the toast.  
  
"What?"  
  
Sirius swallowed and gulped down some of the tea Harry handed him. "Who are your teachers?"  
  
"Oh, we won't be meeting all my professors today, just my counselor and the professors of the two classes I skipped."  
  
Sirius shook his head and sighed. "I ran away from home when I was your age. Did you know that?"  
  
Harry shook his head.  
  
"Yeah, ran to your dad's house. My family, the most ancient and noble House of Black, was an absolute terror. They practiced the Darkest of magic. I'm not sure you would understand that. My family was cruel and allied themselves to the wrong side. I, on the other hand, lived and breathed for the Light. Needless to say, I did not get on well with my family. So I ran away, took off to your father's house. The Potters let me stay with them until I could get a flat of my own. I cut all ties to my family, at least those that stayed loyal to the Dark. They responded in kind and wouldn't speak of me. I was burned off the family tree."  
  
"That. It sounds hard."  
  
"It was. Living on your own isn't just having freedom to do what you want when you want, Harry. Independence means finding a living and working hard. I don't think you could do that before you finished your education." Inwardly, Sirius winced again. This was not supposed to be his job! Yet, no one else seemed to be doing it - and it most definitely had to be done if Harry was trying to run away from Hogwarts.  
  
"I didn't think of that," Harry admitted slowly.  
  
"I didn't, either, when I first ran away. It was your grandparents who told me that, in no uncertain terms. I could live with them for the summer, but then I needed to find my own place." Sirius smiled wickedly at Harry. "Now who are the professors I'm meeting today, eh?"  
  
Harry looked up at his godfather through his curtain of bangs. "Well, I know my counselor and Social Justice professors want to see you. I think my English teacher will see us, too."  
  
"And do these people have names?"  
  
The teenager nodded.  
  
Sirius waited a moment. "What are their names, Harry?"  
  
"My English teacher is Professor Flitwick; he's really nice so he might not talk to us today. He'll probably just talk to me privately after class sometime. Professor Lucius teaches Social Justice. I just know he'll be seeing us today. But I like him a lot, but he'll be pretty nice about it. Of course, my counselor will talk to you about our 'home situation' and stuff - Severus Snape is always asking about that kind of thing - nicely, though."  
  
Sirius blinked down at his godson. "Severus Snape is your counselor? And Lucius Malfoy teaches Social Justice?" he breathed. "What does he do, show you how to cover your tracks when you go on a homicidal rampage?"  
  
"Err, no. Lucius - he likes us to call him by his first name - is great. He's a vegan and into animal rights and - well, you get into lots of fights with him at family get-togethers because he's so anti-violence."  
  
"Right. And Snape?"  
  
Harry's face brightened considerably. "Oh, he's great. He's your age and he likes me so I can talk to him any time I want. He's got degrees in Chemistry and Psychology! And-"  
  
Sirius held up a hand for Harry to stop talking. "I think I need to see this for myself, Harry. As nice as that sounds, I can't believe it."  
  
*  
  
Thanks to NO NAME, lol and My Lil' Angel for reviewing, its highly appreciated.  
  
NO NAME, lol - This isn't going to be finished any time soon. So far, I have written more three chapters - and the end is not in sight. (Yes, I know what I'm doing, I have a plot this time.) 


	3. Melons

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Melons  
  
Men and melons are hard to know. - Benjamin Franklin  
  
Severus Snape rose gracefully, like a panther, from behind his desk to greet Harry Potter and Sirius Black. "Harry," he said with a smile and, "Mr. Black," with a sneer.  
  
Sirius could almost pretend he was back at home when he saw the sneer. He could almost imagine that h! e was back to his old rivalry and that Harry was being tortured once more in Potions - but, this time, Sirius could save him. Almost. Sirius could taste the comfort, it was that close. But as soon as he saw more than the sneer, that hope was crushed. Yes, Snape wore black - black trousers with a lovely sea foam cardigan. Yes, they were at Hogwarts - in a nicely appointed office decorated with motivational posters and painted a cheery yellow. Yes, Snape sneered at him - but kept a warm and forgiving, almost fatherly, smile for Harry. Yes, Snape had greasy hair - pulled back in a ponytail with a gold and enamel clip. No, this could never be the Hogwarts Sirius knew.  
  
"Would you sit down?" Snape asked, motioning to the two identical padded chairs that sat in front of his desk.  
  
Harry and Sirius sat down, silently. Harry shot Sirius a quiet, confused look. Sirius supposed that he was not acting as the Sirius of "this" world did. Screw that. From he had heard, Sirius did n! ot like his counterpart in the least.  
  
"Mr. Black," Snape began, startling Sirius. He had never been 'Mr. Black' to Snape, always Black, Griffindor scum, or, more recently, 'that mangy mutt.' "I assume that you are aware of the incidents of last Friday?"  
  
"That Harry tried to run away from school? Yes. He told me that he had been having trouble with his classmates." He would be damned if let this Snape hurt Harry like the one in his world had.  
  
Snape blinked, as if taken aback by Sirius' comments. "Of course," he hurried on. "Do you have any comments on this so far?"  
  
"I spoke with Harry this morning about the consequences of such a plan and I plan to speak with him later on other topics, once I have all the information."  
  
Harry eyed his stepfather nervously, but he did not say anything.  
  
Snape turned his obsidian eyes from Sirius to Harry. "Would you like to tell us why you tried to leave the school, Harry?"  
  
"It's like I told Sirius this morning, sir. I don't have any friends - and it's hard to be at school and not have anyone like you."  
  
"Harry, you needn't call me 'sir' unless your stepfather wishes you to do so. This is not a military institution. I am quite sure that you do have some friends at this school."  
  
Sirius tensed at Snape's familiar sarcasm. He refrained from saying anything, though. This Snape seemed to like Harry and Sirius would keep it that way if he could.  
  
Harry blushed at his counselor's comment. "Of course, I do, sir. But Draco - he's gone until the end of term. The other boys were mocking me."  
  
Snape sighed. "What did I tell you about the term 'sir,' Harry? And I know what its like to be picked on by other students," the greasy-haired man shot a look at Sirius before continuing, "And that is no reason to run away from school."  
  
Sirius merely looked at the counselor and tapped the side of his nose to let the man know that Sirius remembered him trying to run away from school more than once. Or, 'his' Snape did. Sirius shuddered and tried to banish that particular thought.  
  
"Yes, Dr. Snape."  
  
"Good, Harry. We will talk more at length later. I believe Professor Malfoy is waiting for you and your stepfather. Why don't you go on ahead while I have a conversation with him?"  
  
Harry nodded with a smile bespeaking familiarity and left.  
  
Snape sighed again. This Snape seemed to sigh almost as much as the other Snape sneered. "Mr. Black, we meet again."  
  
"Dr. Snape."  
  
"I know you do not care for young Harry and you believe him to be a willfully evil individual bent on wrecking havoc upon the world at large, but, please, please, do not lay all the blame at his feet this time. Do you remember the pranks you and your friends would play on me back in our school days? That is nothing compared to what the Weasley twins did to Harry last week."  
  
Sirius stared Snape square in his obsidian eyes. "I will do anything in my power to help Harry. I do not care what it is: Harry is worth it. If there is anything I can do, tell me. I do not pretend to understand why Harry is doing this, but it needs to stop."  
  
Snape just blinked at his old classmate.  
  
"Is there anything I can do?" Sirius asked again.  
  
"Are you feeling ill, Mr. Black?"  
  
"No. Now, what can I do for Harry?"  
  
Snape scrutinized Sirius for a moment, measuring his school-day enemy with his eyes. "There are many things you can do, Mr. Black, but I have my doubts that you would actually do any of them."  
  
Sirius felt his old anger bubbling beneath the surface. He would control himself now, though, for Harry's sake. He had learned his lessons the hard way, being cooped up in his mother's house for nearly a year. "I do not believe we see eye to eye on that particular comment. I will do everything I can for Harry."  
  
"You want to help Harry, Mr. Black? Indeed, this is quite the turn of events. If you are sincere! in your desire, then I have one piece of advice for you."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Stay as far away from your stepson as you can."  
  
"Excuse me?" Sirius' voice was dangerously low. Unconsciously, his right hand was straying to his wand, which he had brought with him in his coat pocket.  
  
"Stay away from Harry. It is the best thing you can do for the boy."  
  
Sirius clutched his wand with a death grip, silently telling himself not to use magic. "No, Snape, it isn't. I will not stay away from Harry. He needs someone to trust right now - something he has never had before. I'm going to be that someone. Good day," Sirius replied shortly. It took all of his self-restraint not to curse Snape into oblivion. He was so focused on finding Harry that he did not notice the flabbergasted look on Dr. Snape's face when he left the office.  
  
"Sirius?" Harry asked nervously when he saw his stepfather in the hall.  
  
Sirius wrapped his arm protectively around Harry's shoulder. St! ay away from Harry, indeed! "Yeah?"  
  
"Did you fight with Dr. Snape again?"  
  
"Again? Do I fight with Snape a lot here?"  
  
"Err. Yeah. And he's Dr. Snape," Harry said, emphasizing the Doctor part. "You two never liked each other. He's only trying to protect me, you know. He's really nice. He teaches my Chemistry class in addition to being my counselor."  
  
"You mean, you actually like the grease ball?"  
  
Harry froze. "Have you been lying this whole time, Sirius? Is this some big joke?"  
  
"Oh, Circe, Harry, no. This isn't a joke. It's just - where I come from, Snape and I have had a rivalry since the day we met. Where I come from, he takes great delight in torturing you. It's something of a surprise to see the two of you acting like this, ok?"  
  
Harry did not look convinced. "Ok."  
  
"Why don't we go see Lucius Malfoy, eh? If traitorous Snape can be like that, I can't imagine what Malfoy looks like!"  
  
Harry flinched at his godfather's description of his beloved Chemistry professor, but led Sirius to Malfoy's classroom. Social Justice had been an elective class and was considered more than easy, but most of the students loved their teacher. Sure, the man was more than a bit odd, but he was nicer in Social Justice than he was when he taught them Level One and Two English. Harry prayed that Sirius would not start another argument with Lucius about his appearance.  
  
"Harry Potter! You're here early. I assumed that Severus would keep you later."  
  
"He and I had something of an altercation," Sirius said softly. Harry did not like the slightly manic glint in his eyes.  
  
Lucius, of course, did not seem to notice. "Of course, you did, cousin. Why don't both of you join me in your office?"  
  
Harry need not have worried about the manic glint in Sirius' eyes. The Lucius Malfoy of Sirius' world might have, though. It was all Sirius could do not to burst into peals of laughter when he saw Lucius. Sirius had seen the man many times in his world - at Hogwarts during their school days, at Grimmauld Place when he was courting Narcissa, at his and Narcissa's wedding, in the paper as Deatheater - but never like this. The man was obviously still as vain as ever. His hair still hung to his shoulders with a silver sheen but was held back with a suede band. He wore a loose cotton, button-down plaid shirt with a pair of obscenely tight jeans. His neck bore two necklaces, but the only other piece of jewelry he wore was a simple wedding ring. Sirius snorted. This was so funny - even in his Marauder days he had never thought of this: Lucius Malfoy, the gay lumberjack.  
  
"Sirius?" Lucius asked questioningly. "Is there something wrong with my office or would you take a seat?"  
  
Sirius gave the man a lopsided grin. "The silver and green is killing me."  
  
Lucius gave him an odd look, but, for the most part, ignored the comment. Lucius had become quite skilled in ignoring Sirius Black.  
  
"You wanted to see us, sir?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yes. I am aware that you tried to leave school the other day, Harry."  
  
Harry only blushed and mumbled something unintelligible.  
  
"Harry, Harry, Harry." Lucius began to talk to Harry, but Sirius ignored him. He was reminded of the stories he had heard of Lockhart from the Trio when they had all stayed at Grimmauld Place.  
  
Sirius began musing on his old memories of the Golden Trio, so like the Marauders and yet so different. They did not have the recklessness and humor that the Marauders had had. Every time the Trio went and did something stupid, they did it for the greater good - to rid the world of a snake-faced megalomaniac, to save their best friend (and an innocent convict in the process), to save an innocent, or to protect a loved one. The Marauders had done stupid things for fun, becoming Animagi being an exception. To them, life had been one big adventure - not one long, unending battle. A battle he had only fought as an adult, a little voice in the back of his head whispered.  
  
He shuddered and wondered just how long the battle with Voldemort had been going on. Would the outcome have been different if the Marauders had turned their gifts to the greater good rather than the torture of a few choice enemies? Would Peter have stayed with the Light? Would James and Lily still be alive? Would Harry have had the chance at a normal life? Would he have been able to avoid Azkaban? Sirius sighed. This thinking was not going to get him anywhere. What he really needed was a way to find a way back home.  
  
"Sirius Black!" Lucius yelled, looking slightly worried.  
  
Sirius looked up at Narcissa's husband. "What?"  
  
"You were dazed for while there and didn't respond to our questions," Lucius quietly explained. "Are you okay? Lily called Narcissa last night saying you were gone. Bella said she saw you heavy in your cups earlier. Are you two having problems?"  
  
"Me and Lily?" Sirius sure hoped they were not having problems, not with Lily's temper. "I don't think so. I'm just having an off day."  
  
"Mum and Sirius are just fine," Harry said quickly.  
  
"Harry," Lucius responded in a warning tone. "We're all family here, and we all know that nothing said in this room leaves this room."  
  
Sirius stared at the sorry excuse for a professor. Was family loyalty more important than Harry's emotional welfare? What a Malfoy, what a Black thing to say! "Lily and I are fine," he growled in a low voice.  
  
Lucius seemed to realize he was treading on dangerous grounds. "Sorry, Sirius, just trying to help. You know Narcissa and I are always here for you, right?"  
  
"Of course, you are."  
  
"Good."  
  
Then there was a knock on the door and Sirius heard someone step inside the small office.  
  
"Severus," Lucius greeted as he rose from his chair.  
  
Snape nodded. "I would like to have a few words with Misters Black and Potter."  
  
Lucius smiled. "Of course, old friend. They were just leaving now."  
  
Sirius and Harry left their respective chairs, nodded their good-byes to the Social Justice professor, and left the office with Snape.  
  
As soon as they were alone in the hall and out of earshot of anyone else, Snape spun around with the same grace he had had in Sirius' world. If he had been wearing robes, they would have billowed.  
  
"Just what do you think you are doing, Sirius Black?" the black eyed man hissed.  
  
*****  
  
Ok, I know these are long. I'm probably going to update weekly after this. So check on Wednesdays and Thursdays if you're interested. I can't have what resembles a life and long chapters at the same time, so once a week it is.  
  
Thanks to:  
  
NO NAME, lol: This will be updated regularly and I think it might be really long. I don't know. I do plan to finish this one (for once).  
  
LassyD: Sorry, no men in white coats for Sirius Black. He might wish for them, though.  
  
Lily Skylo: Of course Sirius is alive. They never found a body, did they?  
  
SP-in-Sirius-Denial: Yes, Sirius' counterpart is/was an ass. You will learn more about that later because it's important. He hates Harry because he reminds him of James. Sirius love Lily, but James married Lily. He still loved Lily. Then James left Lily. So Sirius hates James for hurting the woman he loved. Harry looks like James. Sirius hates Harry. Does that make sense? 


	4. Speaking Softly

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Speaking Softly  
  
Speak softly and carry a big stick. - Theodore Roosevelt  
  
"Excuse me?" Sirius asked, honestly confused. He had never seen Snape act like this before.  
  
"Just what do you think you are doing? What game are you playing?"  
  
"I'm afraid I have no idea what you are talking about."  
  
"I think you do," the professor hissed. "You've never acted this way before - not in school, not with your family, never. I want to know what's going on. Don't pretend that you actually care for James Potter's son."  
  
"You. Arrogant. Bastard. I should curse you from here to the end of time." Sirius gripped his wand, intent on making Snape rue the day he was born.  
  
Harry obviously thought that his stepfather was going to hit his professor because he latched onto Sirius' arm and begged him to stop. "No, Sirius, no! He doesn't understand! He doesn't know!"  
  
Sirius stared at his godson in shock. "Did you hear what he just said, Harry? He said that I don't care."  
  
"But he doesn't know. He thinks you're still Sirius. Even though I know you're not."  
  
While this obviously made perfect sense to Sirius and Harry, Snape was quite plainly confused.  
  
"Harry, do you care to explain that last statement?"  
  
Harry stared at his professor innocently. Snape wondered, again, how Harry could be so naïve and trusting after all he had been through. "You see, professor, Sirius really isn't Sirius. Well, he is Sirius, but he isn't."  
  
Snape thought, how can Sirius not be Sirius but still be Sirius?  
  
"He doesn't need to know all of this," Sirius growled.  
  
"But he can help you!" Harry insisted. "He's really nice and -and you can keep an eye on him while he helps us. How about that?"  
  
The convict eyed his old enemy warily. "Fine, but only if he agrees to it. It should be worth the sacrifice."  
  
Snape stared at Harry and Sirius in surprise. Normally, if Harry tried to convince Sirius with anything remotely resembling an argument, Sirius would fly into a rage. Yet, here was Sirius Black agreeing to an argument presented by Harry Potter. The world had gone mad.  
  
Sirius glanced out the window. "Well, it seems to be around noon. Is there anywhere around here we could have a luncheon and discuss this at the same time? I'm rather hungry."  
  
"Its 11:30, Sirius," Harry responded, looking at his godfather's watch.  
  
Snape froze. Harry should know better than to talk to his stepfather like that. Yet the expected retribution never came. "Is that what that thing is for, to tell time?" Sirius asked in amusement.  
  
"Yeah, how else would you know the time?"  
  
Sirius only shrugged. "There are many ways to do many things. And I usually choose a more unusual one."  
  
Snape proceeded to lead the man who claimed to be Sirius Black and young Harry Potter out of the castle and into the village of Hogsmeade. The whole time Sirius muttered strange exclamations along the lines of: "So that's where Sir Cadogan went," and "I wonder what happened to the statue of the one-eyed witch - do they even have the statue of the one-eyed witch?"  
  
"What's this place?"  
  
"This must be some story to tell," Snape's voice dripped with pure, undiluted sarcasm, "if Sirius Black doesn't remember going to the Lion's Pride every Hogsmeade weekend from third year on."  
  
Snape just growled at him and stalked into the restaurant. It comforted Sirius somewhat that certain things never changed, no matter what universe he was in. He would always hate Snape and Snape would always hate him. He paused to reflect on the pure pessimism of that thought, but Harry was all but dragging him into the restaurant.  
  
Their delightful companion had reserved a private room in the back for them, so that Harry and Black could tell him their story uninterrupted. For the life of him, Snape could not figure out why Harry was so trusting of Black. He knew what their home life was like - only God knew how many times Harry had come into his office in tears because of something Black had said or done. Snape wondered what lies Black had told his stepson. He could not believe that a human being could torture a child like that. He doubted that Harry could weather the storm when he realized that his godfather had been lying - again.  
  
After a quick luncheon, Snape ordered some tea for the three of them and told Black to tell his story.  
  
For once the man had the decency to look sheepish. "I'm not quite sure where to begin, really."  
  
"Why not the beginning? That's where stories usually start," Snape retorted bitterly.  
  
If looks could kill, Snape would have been a pile of smoldering ash. "First and foremost, I am a wizard known as Sirius Orion Black."  
  
Not quite what Snape had been expecting, but he kept his poker face. He shot a worried look to Harry who was staring at Sirius happily.  
  
"For various reasons I really don't want to discuss, I was part of a major battle in my world and my cousin, Bellatrix, knocked me through an archway. The archway has mystical qualities. When I recovered from her stunning spell, Moony woke me on the sidewalk near the flat."  
  
"Moony?"  
  
"Remus Lupin."  
  
"Odd name to call him, don't you think?"  
  
"His nickname is none of your business."  
  
"Let me get this straight," Snape replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "You want me to believe that you are a wizard from another universe who happened to pop into this one during the middle of a battle? Delightful. I suppose you'll be turning me into a toad if I misbehave?"  
  
Sirius took several deep breaths and tried to remember all the times Moony, and later Prongs, told him that violence and hexes were not the answers to life's problems. He tried to forget that Snape was unarmed and he could hex him into oblivion. "Yes."  
  
Again, the conversation had taken a surprising turn. "I want more than that."  
  
"He can turn into a dog."  
  
Both men turned to stare at Harry. "Excuse me?" Snape queried, finding his tongue before Sirius did.  
  
"He can turn into a dog. I saw him do it last night."  
  
Snape glanced at Sirius with a raised eyebrow.  
  
The blue-eyed wizard just shrugged. "I can do that, but I don't like to transfigure myself too often; it gets tiring. If we went somewhere where no one could see us, I might show you."  
  
"Harry saw you last time," Snape pointed out.  
  
"That - that was different. I had to do it," Sirius sputtered.  
  
"You had to do it? Who forced you? It certainly wasn't Harry."  
  
"No one forced me, you greasy git! I had to do it. If I couldn't."  
  
"If you couldn't what?"  
  
Trembling slightly, Sirius looked the counselor in the eye. "If I couldn't turn into a dog, if I wasn't an Animagus, I wouldn't be here today. If I were lucky, I would be a nutcase in prison, muttering to himself about his misdeeds. That's if I were lucky. If I wasn't lucky, I would have committed suicide some time ago or be an empty body without a soul. Harry and my Animagus skill are all that kept me alive."  
  
Snape was shocked at Sirius' fearful passion. "That's still not good enough. Why would you be in a prison in the first place?"  
  
Sirius was shocked at Snape's curiosity. Could he have another potential ally - this time in a sworn enemy? "I went to prison for murder."  
  
"Really?" Snape replied easily. "You finally killed someone in a violent rage and then decided to face the consequences, did you?"  
  
"No. I was sent to prison for murder in cold blood. I went to Azkaban for the murder of fifteen people, all of them innocents. I was also accused and sentenced for high treason. I had a life sentence."  
  
Harry started to edge toward his teacher, grateful that Sirius sat across from him at the table, rather than next to him. Snape's expression did not change.  
  
"I see. Who did you kill?"  
  
"I never said I killed anyone," Sirius snapped. "I was wrongfully imprisoned, sent to jail without a trial - not even a mockery of one."  
  
"Fine, who were you accused of murdering?"  
  
Sirius sent a pitying glance to Harry and silently begged Snape to take back his last question. He had no such luck.  
  
"Black, who were you accused of murdering?"  
  
He could not believe he had allowed Snape to corner him like this. It was humiliating. Staring at the tablecloth, he replied, "They said I betrayed Lily and James Potter, leading them to their murder. As their murderer had been destroyed, they shifted the blame to me. Then I was found guilty of blowing up an entire street full of shoppers after killing Peter Pettrigrew. They claimed I was mad."  
  
Snape took a moment to process this new information as well as the look of pure horror that was sweeping across Harry's face. "Why?"  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"Why did they say you were mad?"  
  
"I laughed when they arrested me. I laughed in my cell at the Ministry. I laughed all the way to Azkaban."  
  
"I take it you laughed in prison as well?"  
  
Sirius' face took on the cold, guarded expression Harry had been so frightened by the previous night. "No," he said coldly. "There is no laughter in Azkaban. In Azkaban, there is no love, no joy, no laughter, no hope, no happiness, no humor, no reminiscing about the good old days. In Azkaban, there is madness, despair, suicide, pain, and horror."  
  
Recoiling from Sirius' sudden mood swing, Snape thought, My god! What did they do to him? This is not the Sirius Black I know! And then logic kicked in. "You said you had a life sentence. Yet, you sit in front of us and claim to have fought in a battle."  
  
"I escaped."  
  
Again, Snape raised his eyebrow.  
  
"I had to get Peter away from Harry. It became an obsession."  
  
"I thought Peter was dead."  
  
"No, he faked his death and took on a life as Ron Weasley's pet rat."  
  
Snape blinked. "Pet rat?"  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes in frustration - Snape was usually annoying, but never stupid! "Peter can turn into a rat in the same way that I can turn into a dog. So he remained as a pet rat for twelve years."  
  
"Uh-huh. And Harry was in danger because?"  
  
Sirius felt like growling at the man, but refrained. He probably would have frightened Harry, anyway. "Peter was the traitor. Peter was the murderer. Peter framed me. If it hadn't been for that mangy little sewer rat."  
  
"Delightful to know," Snape muttered. "Now, tell me again why I should believe you this time, Black? It isn't as if you haven't tried this sort of stunt before. I distinctly remember you trying to convince me that Remus Lupin was a werewolf while we were still in school. I have absolutely no reason to believe these ludicrous lies and every reason in the world to do everything in my power to keep Harry away from you. You obviously not in your right mind."  
  
Harry, clearly trusting his teacher more than his stepfather, watched Sirius with fearful eyes and inched even closer to Snape.  
  
"How dare you!" Sirius roared in anger, forgetting that they were in a restaurant, even if it was a private room. He whipped out his wand. "Silencio!"  
  
Snape tried to retort, but no sound came out of his mouth. In fear, he clutched at his throat and stared at Sirius. Harry had tears sliding out of his eyes as he shook his professor's shoulder, vainly trying to make him speak. He turned to face his stepfather, looking pained and betrayed at the same time.  
  
With his wand still held levelly at Snape's throat, Sirius calmly asked, "If I remove the spell, will you refrain from insulting me, my sanity, and my godson? So help me, if you say anything like that again - or try to take Harry away - I will not be responsible for my actions.  
  
Snape nodded quickly, his face a lesson in fear.  
  
"Sonorus," Sirius murmured.  
  
"What in all hell was that that?" Snape spat.  
  
"That was a first year charm. It is quite simple - but also useful if you can take your enemy by surprise. It is often the simple things that the enemy doesn't expect. Moody taught me when I apprenticed myself to him."  
  
Snape snorted.  
  
"Do you believe in magic now?" Sirius taunted.  
  
"I am not stupid, Black."  
  
"Could have fooled me."  
  
"Stop it! Both of you!"  
  
Again, Sirius and Snape stared at Harry in utter and complete shock: Snape because he was defending Sirius and Sirius because he was defending Snape. Would wonders never cease?  
  
"Sir, do you believe us now?" Harry asked politely.  
  
Snape glanced from Sirius to Harry. "I might."  
  
"You might? You might?!" Sirius breathed. "I just removed your ability to talk, and you might think I'm a wizard?"  
  
Unconsciously, Harry took a step closer to Snape, just as Snape moved to put himself between Sirius and Harry. "I might," he repeated. "I've seen enough that I'm curious, but not enough to trust you."  
  
Still glaring at his rival, Sirius conceded, "Understandable."  
  
"Show him how you can turn into a dog," Harry suggested.  
  
"Not in a public place."  
  
"Why doesn't he come back to the flat with us, then? Mum will be with the Headmaster all day, anyway. You can show us some magic at home."  
  
As much as Sirius did not want to bring Snape into his home - whatever his home might be - Harry had a point. "Fine. Will you come?"  
  
Snape merely raised an eyebrow sardonically and nodded.  
  
* Thank you to everyone who I forced to read this before it was finished.  
  
SP-in-Sirius-Denial : I'm happy you understand it know and I have no intentions of quitting this story. It grows on you. kind of like a fungus.  
  
Lily Skylo : Thanks! I love Lucius. He will be appearing in later chapters. Yes, Harry is friends with Draco. (Lucius is Draco's father. You've seen Lucius. Lucius is a teacher. Can you imagine the Hell the other kids make of his life? I figure misfits stick together.) And I believe Harry said the very words - "Weasel is a prat." (Sorry to Weasley fans out there.) 


	5. Never Had a Foe

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Never Had A Foe  
  
He makes no friends who never had a foe. - Alfred, Lord Tennyson  
  
Sirius Black opened the door to his apartment and ushered in his stepson, Harry Potter, and his unlikely and unwilling ally, Severus Snape. The flat did not feel like it belonged to him, no surprise there, as he'd only lived in it for a day. Yet, the oddest part was welcoming Snape. Never would have believed that this would happen. If someone had told him two days before that he would welcome Snape into his home with open arms, Sirius would have sent them straight to St. Mungo's. Perhaps 'open arms' is a bit extreme, he thought quietly. But they could not expect him to be friends with the prat - could they?  
  
"Well," Snape said, impatiently.  
  
Sirius jerked his head up. "What?"  
  
Snape stared at him as if he were an idiot of the lowest caliber, not an unusual thing. "Are you going to show us some more magic?"  
  
With a glare, Sirius replied, "What do you want to see?" Then he wickedly grinned and offered, "I can show you Capelli Dentellare. James and I created it ourselves, while we were still at school."  
  
Snape did not like the look in the other man's eye - nor did Harry for that matter - but nodded his agreement anyway. Foolish man.  
  
Sirius, still grinning ferally, brandished his wand and pointed his wand square between Snape's eyes. Snape began to blink nervously. "Capelli Dentellare!"  
  
A pale rose light shot out of Sirius' wand and encompassed Snape for an instant before disappearing. Harry began to snigger. Snape's hair was an interesting shade of pink. Actually, it was interesting shades of pink. It was mostly a rich magenta, with highlights of rose, blush, and coral. His eyebrows, eyelashes, and five-o'clock shadow were a delicate shade of fuchsia. The visible hair on his arms was a rich salmon.  
  
"Well, aren't you going to do something? That light was pretty, but not magic."  
  
"That cardigan contrasts nicely with your hair," Sirius snorted.  
  
Snape noticed that Harry was trying not to double over with laughter.  
  
"What did you do?" Snape snarled, with a note of panic in his voice.  
  
"Look in the mirror." He pointed the way to the bathroom.  
  
Snape ran to the bathroom and let out a screech. "What did you do!"  
  
"Do you normally have pink hair?" Sirius catcalled. "I must admit, it looks lovely on you, warms up your pale skin. That black hair does nothing for you."  
  
Running back to the living room/dining room, Snape demanded, "Turn it back this instant! I look absurd!"  
  
"Do you believe me yet, or should I put you in a tutu?"  
  
"You wouldn't dare!"  
  
"Ballo Viola!"  
  
With another flash of light, Snape stood before them wearing a beautiful purple ball gown, complete with styled hair, jewelry, make-up and high heels. The gown was in the style of the 18th century, complete with corset and parasol. Snape was livid. So livid, in fact, that his face nearly matched his hair.  
  
"Nice legs."  
  
Harry was a very pale white. "Change him back, Sirius. That wasn't very nice."  
  
Sirius laughed. "Hold on. I'm enjoying myself here. I haven't been able to do that in fourteen years."  
  
Snape looked as if he were about to explode, or at least leap at the man and snap his neck.  
  
"Sirius, please change him back," Harry quietly begged. "I don't think he likes looking like that."  
  
Sirius looked at his godson, who seemed to be very upset. "Finite Incantum."  
  
When Snape realized that he was back in his own clothing - a sea foam cardigan, black slacks, and black, greasy hair - he looked back at Sirius with mistrust in his eyes. "I believe that you are a wizard now, Mr. Black. Yet, I have no reason to believe that you can take care of Harry. In fact, you seem to have the maturity level of an eight-year-old."  
  
"I ended the spell, didn't I?" Sirius retorted. "You agreed to the pink hair - and you were just asking for the purple dress. When Harry asked that I remove the spell, I did."  
  
"You gave me pink hair and a purple dress!"  
  
"It took Prongs and me six months to perfect that spell! Do you know how hard it is to give a person highlights when they aren't there to begin with? Given, the purple dress is an old stand-by for girls who can't find formal robes."  
  
"People use those things?"  
  
Sirius gave Snape a withering look. "Of course, people use spells. What else do they exist for? James and I taught the girls in our year that hair spell. It isn't that hard to change the color." He pointed the wand at his own head. "Capelli Di Rame."  
  
A soft copper light encased Sirius and, when it was gone, Sirius stood in front of them with rich, red hair. In fact, it looked a lot like Lily's. Then he murmured, "Finite Incantum."  
  
Snape glared at Sirius, but he could not deny that his school day rival and destroyed his argument in an instant - with a few garbled words Snape did not even pretend to understand. That was more embarrassing than the purple dress. He looked to Harry, to see what his favorite pupil had to say on the subject.  
  
"Sirius?" Harry implored softly, sensing that the argument between his guardian and his teacher had died, for the moment at least. "Would you turn into a dog again? I really liked it when you did last night."  
  
Sirius smiled at Harry and nodded. Snape was shocked to see genuine joy light up Sirius' face when his godson asked him to perform some more magic. He grabbed Sirius by the shoulder before he could transform.  
  
"What kind of dog do you turn into, Mr. Black?"  
  
"A black lab," Harry answered at the same time Sirius responded, "A Grim."  
  
"What's a Grim?"  
  
Sirius looked at Harry, obviously startled by the question. "You don't know what a Grim is?" He glanced at Snape. "Do you?"  
  
Snape shook his head. "A wizard dog of some kind, I suppose? Did you keep one as pet or something?"  
  
Sirius snorted, but his face remained sober. "No, it isn't really a dog at all. A Grim - it looks like a dog, something like a cross between a lab and a wolf, but - well, no one knows what it really is. I suppose I could be some kind of canine, but everyone assumes I'm a Grim, so I do think I am one."  
  
"Why don't people know what Grims are?" Harry's green eyes were innocent, belying his hard fifteen years. "Are they hard to catch?"  
  
"No. Well, yes, I suppose they are hard to catch. No one has actually caught a Grim before. The Grim foretells death - seeing a Grim lets you know that you'll die soon. Its really rare for more than one person to see a Grim at the same time."  
  
"Then why on Earth do you choose to turn into one? Do you like frightening people?" Snape snapped.  
  
Another cold look was shot in Snape's direction. "I don't choose. Every Animagi has but one animal form. Mine is the Grim. Prongs - James and Remus always claimed it was because I was one of the best Aurors." Sirius shrugged. "I don't know."  
  
"What's an Auror?"  
  
Sirius furrowed his brow. "Oh, what did Arthur call them. please men?"  
  
"Policemen?"  
  
"That's it! I was something like a policeman."  
  
"But you killed people?"  
  
"Death Eaters," Sirius clarified. "We were having a war and everyone had to fight. If you didn't join either side, you could be almost sure that one would kill you. In those days, you didn't set your foot near the Dark unless you wanted to be sentenced to Azkaban."  
  
Harry shivered. He did not like it when Sirius used that cold voice, the one that Sirius always used when he talked about that prison, Azkaban. Azkaban must be a terrible place to make Sirius act like that. His Sirius - his stepfather - never closed himself off to the world the way this man did, no matter how upset or angry he became. And Harry would know, he made his stepfather angry quite often.  
  
Snape, unnerved again by Sirius' comments on his own universe, stepped back and let the man perform his magic. With a slight popping noise, Sirius transformed into a dog. Harry was right in saying that the Grim looked like a black lab. He had short, soft-looking black fur and the long ears of a hound, but Sirius was too large to be a commonly domesticated dog and his eyes remained a haunted blue. Snape could understand why people would be afraid of the Grim.  
  
Yet, Sirius, who could never remain serious for long (unless he was in or discussing Azkaban), had no intention of playing any more tricks on either Snape or Harry that day. It had been nice to humiliate Snape again, but when he was a dog, very little mattered. Harry always mattered, of course, but in a more distant way. He quietly sniffed at Snape and Harry before settling down in the corner, still as a dog.  
  
Snape and Harry sat on the couch and began to discuss the new possibilities opened by magic - and alternate dimensions. Harry was a bit nervous to let his new stepfather go, even if it was to return him to his rightful universe. He known Sirius for less than a day now, but preferred him over the old Sirius Black more by the minute. This man, if distant and immature and slightly disturbed, obviously cared a great deal for him and Harry reveled in the new found attention. Sirius told him he could make new friends - not that he did not deserve them. Sirius took him out to lunch and tried to understand his problems. Yes, Sirius had yelled at him, but Harry was used to that by now and Sirius had not used cutting, hard words. All in all, Harry voted that they forget about magic, alternate dimensions, mystical arches, and pink hair.  
  
Snape could understand his pupil's feelings - God knew he would feel the same way if he were in Harry's situation. As much as Snape wanted to forget pink hair and purple corsets, magic seemed to come as second nature to this new Sirius Black; the man appeared to take comfort in his abilities. The last time he had seen Black laugh like that was while they were in school, before James and Lily started dating. If magic could bring a man happiness, far be it from Dr. Severus Snape to deny him. Sirius Black seemed to have enough trouble in his life - fighting a war, suffering a life term in prison, enduring betrayal, and watching the death of his closet friends. Snape had thought his life had been hard, but perhaps it was easier to have few friends to begin with rather than being torn from lifelong bonds.  
  
For a long time, Harry and his teacher sat in the living room in silence. Not realizing that he had been dozing slightly, Snape woke with a start.  
  
"Harry, did you see your stepfather spend a great deal of time in his dog form last night?"  
  
Harry jerked his head out of the mythology book he had been reading. "I'm not sure. I only saw him like that for maybe ten minutes. He could have slept most of the night as a dog, I wouldn't know."  
  
Snape thought for a moment. "But he wouldn't do that. Lily would know what was going on and he didn't say anything about her," Snape mused aloud.  
  
"No," Harry shook his head, "Sirius slept out here last night. Mum said he over-punished me."  
  
Snape immediately rounded on Harry, fear and concern evident in his eyes. "He over-punished you? What did he do? Are you okay?"  
  
Harry smiled quietly, something that happened less and less frequently over the years. "He didn't do anything bad. He just told me about Mum and James' death - back in his world. Mum just overheard us talking and thought Sirius was trying to scare me. That's all."  
  
Snape visibly relaxed. He cared more for Harry than he was willing to admit. "I think we should wake Mr. Black, in any case. Your mother should be coming home any minute now."  
  
Agreeing, Harry swiftly woke his godfather, who popped back into his human form.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Sirius asked immediately, his body tense for flight. "What happened?"  
  
Shocked, Snape motioned for the wizard to sit down. "Nothing is wrong and nothing happened, nothing cataclysmic anyway. Lily should be coming home soon and probably would be less than pleased to see her husband as a Labrador hiding in the corner."  
  
"I'm not a Labrador; I'm a Grim."  
  
"We covered that after the dress incident. I thought over your situation and am willing to help you find a way back home," Snape replied in a business-like manner.  
  
Sirius eyed his old rival suspiciously, but offered his hand. "Peace?"  
  
"Peace," said Snape as he shook Sirius' hand.  
  
At that moment, Lily, Remus, and Peter decided to walk into the flat. Lily did not really look at the two men in the living room, only counted heads to see how many people for whom to cook. Peter and Remus, however, stopped dead in the doorway to stare at Sirius Black and Severus Snape sitting on a sofa together, shaking hands.  
  
"Sirius?" Remus asked nervously, remembering the previous night.  
  
Sirius grinned brightly at his lover's counterpart. "Hello, Remus. I trust you remember Severus Snape?"  
  
Snape tapped Sirius lightly on the shoulder. "Remus and I work together, remember?"  
  
Sirius blinked. "Oh yeah. Totally slipped my mind."  
  
Remus noticed that neither Harry nor Snape seemed to care that Sirius had forgotten where Remus, his best friend, had worked for the past 13 years. Harry had his nose in a book. Sirius was brooding. Snape was staring at the potted fern as if it might be planning an impromptu attack. Something was not right with this picture.  
  
Peter leaned over Remus' shoulder and whispered in his ear, "What's going on? Since when does Sirius spend any time with Snape? And I thought he hated it when Harry read so much. Am I losing my mind?"  
  
Remus turned around and looked Peter in the eye. "I have no idea," he responded softy. "But if you're going mad, so am I."  
  
*  
  
Thanks to my reviewers..  
  
NO NAME, lol : Well, yes, Lucius looks like a gay lumberjack and yes, I will be keeping up this story. Yes, there is a plan to finish this - and maybe even a sequel. I'm happy you think its funny.  
  
Lily Skylo : I'm happy you like my characterizations. the first couple chapters are kind of introductions to the new world. Nothing special is going to happen. or not. But Remus and Peter have a hand in the next couple chapters, as does Lily. Sev is something of a stabilizer (he's similar to the canon character) and a red herring.  
  
Prongs1 : Thanks. 


	6. With Soup

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
With Soup  
  
Worries go down better with soup than without. - Jewish Proverb  
  
Remus and Peter had spent the better part of two hours watching Harry, Severus, and Sirius do absolutely nothing. And it scared them. At one point Severus had taken to wandering about the room, poking various objects, but he desisted when Sirius started chortling. Peter thought he heard the words "purple corset," but Remus insisted that Sirius had said no such thing. Sirius spent his time brooding and staring out the window, onto the street, as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. Harry had his head buried in a book; Remus was worried at one point that his glasses might fall off the edge of his nose. This was not unusual behavior for Harry - he was the archetypical bookworm - but it was unusual for Sirius, who rarely let him read for so long if there was company.  
  
They began to feel uncomfortable, watching the dark-haired men, after a time. Remus tried to initiate some basic chitchat, but Harry and Sirius did not notice and, as always, Snape responded coolly. He exchanged a glance with Peter that said 'Something is definitely wrong here - but what?'  
  
The growing tension was immediately relieved when Lily called them together for dinner. She had been watching her husband and stepson, cautiously, from the kitchenette, almost dropping the butcher knife when she heard Sirius introduce Severus. She remembered him from school. He had been in the same year as the rest of them, but, because he was bookish and sour, had never been their friend. In fact, James and Sirius had gone out of their way on more than one occasion to torture the man. Lily saw what Peter and Remus missed. Severus was shooting quiet glances at Sirius and touching his hair. She thought that it was a bit odd; did Severus have a crush on her husband? No, no, that could not be it. Sirius was known for his intolerance for homosexuality, even when they had been in school. There had to be a logical reason for why Severus was doing that, even if she did not know what.  
  
"Dinner," she called musically. Remus and Peter sat at their normal places. The poor dears, Lily thought. They shared a flat a few streets down (not that Remus spent much time there) and the two of them could burn water without trying, so Lily and Sirius always had them stay for Saturday night dinner. Lily just wanted them to get at least one decent meal a week. No one noticed that Harry had to point his stepfather to his seat at the head of the table. Severus discreetly sat himself down next to Harry, who had thankfully left his book on the coffee table.  
  
Lily set out the salad and served everyone their meals, some sort of meat with a potato and carrots on every plate before sitting down herself. Sirius stared at the plate hungrily. He had not had this much food in one day since the night Lily and James had died. He felt a pang in his heart, but his mouth still watered.  
  
Lily turned her emerald eyes to her husband. "Grace, dear?"  
  
Sirius blinked at her. Oh shit. He remembered that some particularly religious Muggles would say a prayer before eating. And he did not know any prayers. His family, the evil scum that they were, had not been very big on God or religion. "Why doesn't Harry say grace, then?"  
  
Lowering his eyes and putting his hands together, Harry murmured, "Bless us, oh Lord, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Jesus Christ, our Lord, amen."  
  
Sirius raised a sardonic eyebrow at his godson before digging into his meat. It was delicious: he had not had food like this since before Harry was born. Remus could not cook for the life of him and had never allowed Sirius anywhere near the kitchen. Lily had always been good at Muggle style cooking, but never had the time to do anything fancy after she had the baby.  
  
Across the table, Lily smiled at her husband. He seemed to have gotten over whatever was wrong with him the night before. Perhaps he had just been drunk. No matter, he was happy and sober tonight.  
  
Pausing to catch his breath, Sirius looked at Lily with a grin that took her breath away. "This is delicious! What is it?"  
  
Lily giggled. He had not looked at her like that in years. "Its your favorite, dear. Venison."  
  
Sirius froze and dropped the fork he had raised to his mouth. The rest of the table had stopped eating to stare at the Black patriarch. "Venison?"  
  
Lily nodded silently.  
  
"Siri," Peter said from his place next to him, "its your favorite. You love venison. Lily made it especially for you.  
  
Sirius turned a peculiar shade of green and bolted to the bathroom. Severus looked at the various confused-looking people sitting at the table, rose, and headed to the bathroom to see what was wrong with the wizard.  
  
There seemed to be a number of things wrong with the wizard. At the moment he was crouched on the floor in front of the toilet, having vomited his dinner only seconds earlier, and muttering to himself. He was also shaking and ringing his hands.  
  
Wondering if this was normal behavior for a wizard, Severus asked, "What's wrong?"  
  
Sirius stared at the dark haired man. "Venison! I ate venison!"  
  
"Is it against custom for you to eat venison? Or religion?"  
  
"Have mercy on me, I ate venison!"  
  
"What's wrong with eating it? Its really something of a delicacy."  
  
"I haven't eaten it since before fifth year. Since."  
  
"Since what?"  
  
Sirius sighed. "You saw how I can turn into a Grim and I told you Peter can Transfigure himself into a rat. Well, we became Animagi because Remus is a werewolf. If we were animals he couldn't pass his curse to us the way he can if we're human. James was an Animagi, too. He was a stag. A stag! He was a stag!" Sirius wailed.  
  
With a cautious eye to the bathroom door, Severus shushed Sirius. "Shh. You didn't know."  
  
A single tear ran down Sirius' cheek. "We made a pact that we would never eat the meat of the Animagus shape of a Marauder. It's the ultimate betrayal."  
  
"Well, that's not particularly hard. Don't eat dog meat. Don't eat rats. James was the only hard one."  
  
Sirius blushed.  
  
"You've eaten dog?" Severus blanched.  
  
"Rat."  
  
Severus thought he would be ill.  
  
"It was after Peter betrayed us all. And only so I could look after Harry," Sirius defended. "And I was a wanted convict, couldn't exactly go to the market for bread and eggs, now could I?"  
  
Severus raised his hands in defeat. "Far be it from me to comment on your taste in foods."  
  
Sirius stood and walked to the sink to brush his teeth. He could still taste the venison.  
  
After about five minutes, Severus sat down on the heater. "You're going to tear your gums to shreds if you keep that up."  
  
Sirius put the toothbrush down and Severus almost felt bad when he saw the pained look in the other man's eyes. "I can still taste the venison," Sirius whispered.  
  
Not really knowing how to comfort a man who had once made his life a living Hell, Severus only said, "We need to get back to the table. The others will wonder what's going on. What are you going to tell them? You can't very well give them the explanation you gave me."  
  
Sirius spat five times into the sink. "I'll tell them that my lunch didn't sit well with me."  
  
Severus shrugged. He did not think that would go over well, not with the fuss Sirius had made over the meat, but he did not have any Earth- shattering ideas, either.  
  
When the two men returned to the outer rooms of the flat, everyone stopped what they were doing to look at them. Sirius inwardly cringed at the hurt that was evident on Lily's face, but the strange, suspicious looks Peter and Remus bore were more heart wrenching. He could not do this. He could not sit and have a pleasant desert with the scum that killed so many people. He could not look at his best friend's dead wife as if she were his. He could not ask his lover to pass the teapot as if nothing had ever happened between them. He could not live with his only ally being Severus Snape. He could not see the fear in Harry's eye and pretend he did not notice. He could not live without magic. He could not pretend that his life did not happen.  
  
Severus tensed when he saw Sirius take a step back. He gave the man a gentle shove forward. Sirius tottered slightly, as if he were not used to standing on two legs, and gave the people at the table a weak smile. "Hullo. Sorry 'bout that. Food didn't agree with me."  
  
"So it would seem," Remus murmured. Then the man flinched under the glare Severus shot him. What was going on?  
  
"I don't think I'll be eating anything more tonight," Sirius continued, ignoring Remus' comments.  
  
"Honey," Lily began, "I'm not sure that's healthy. You need to eat. I'll make you some toast."  
  
"No."  
  
"Really, Siri, you need to eat something. You ate lunch hours ago," Remus said coaxingly.  
  
"No, I don't think I could stomach anything more tonight." Sirius shrugged. "I've gone on less, anyway."  
  
Peter and Remus only exchanged looks that Sirius could not read and Lily puttered around the kitchenette. Harry was already curled up on the couch, again, with his book in hand. His heart saddened when he did not understand the look Remus gave Peter. Only yesterday Remus was an open-book to him, and vice-versa. He was not sure he liked this dimension-hopping game.  
  
Sirius spent the rest of the evening playing a game called "Trouble" with his friends and his 'new' family. At first he did not understand the confusing board game at all, but after a few subtle hints from Harry and Severus, he understood. By the end of the night, he won the game. Sirius was quite proud of himself.  
  
As Severus rose to leave, Sirius insisted on walking the man to the train station. That got him a few strange looks, but no one said anything. It seemed that they were almost afraid of him.  
  
It may have been spring, but the night air was chilly. Severus turned up the collar of his coat against the slight wind. Sirius, having forgotten a jacket entirely, enjoyed the freedom of the night. "Why are you here?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Why are you walking me to the train station?"  
  
"So I can pump you for information."  
  
"Delightful."  
  
"Quite. What do I do for a living? As far as I can tell, Lily doesn't have a job, so I must work somewhere."  
  
"Why would Lily have a job?" Severus asked incredulously.  
  
Sirius stared at the man. "Why wouldn't she?"  
  
"You don't let her have a job. At least, that's what Lucius says. You think her place is as a housewife."  
  
Sirius snorted. "I don't really like my counterpart that much, I don't think. Anyway, what do I do for work?"  
  
"You work at Black Funeral Home. It's an old family business. It was started by your great-grandfather, Marius Black. Or, that's what the sign says by the door. Anyway, you co-own it with Regulus. Inherited it, more like. The way you lorded it over us at school."  
  
"Co-own?"  
  
"You cover the clerical half of the business - keeping track of the money, keeping track of the bodies, keeping track of family members. Basically, you compute data all day. Or so Remus and Lucius say."  
  
"Right. you feel like telling the resident wizard what that means?"  
  
Severus tried to explain computers, money, and everything else to a very confused Sirius, but only confounded the wizard even more. He ended up promising Sirius he would come back to the flat the next day and show him how to use a computer. Sirius returned home reciting the word "computer" and the names of the software he used.  
  
As he walked into the flat, Remus and Peter were just putting their coats on.  
  
"Oh, Siri, you're back," Remus greeted. "This was a lovely evening. I hope your stomach is feeling better."  
  
Sirius turned a lovely shade of green, remembered the incident at supper.  
  
"We'd best be leaving," Peter said, patting his tall friend on the back. "Oh, and, Lily, we'll be seeing you at church tomorrow?"  
  
"Church?" Sirius asked, perking up. He'd always wanted to see a real Muggle church. Never in his life had he been inside one during a real religious service. "We'll see you then!"  
  
Casting more strange glances at their friend, Remus and Peter left.  
  
Lily was finishing cleaning the kitchen. "You want to come to church with us tomorrow?"  
  
"Of course I do," Sirius replied, flipping through Harry's mythology book.  
  
Lily stared at her husband for a moment. He was acting stranger by the minute. Between Severus Snape, Harry, the venison, and now church, he could have been an absolute stranger. Except, he was Sirius Black and Sirius Black was her husband. "Come on, then. We'd best be getting to bed if we want to get up in time for church tomorrow."  
  
Bed? Sirius thought. We?  
  
*  
  
Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Its great motivation to know that people out there actually read and appreciate my writing.  
  
NO NAME, lol : Well, I'll take that as a compliment.  
  
Blueberrie : I update every Wednesday/Thursday. And I will for a long time (I'm generally writing chapters a month or so ahead of time).  
  
chevalier Ryu : Aha! Someone finally noticed my major plot hole. Our Sirius kind of took over this Sirius' body. Does that make sense? And you get extra points for writing an English review when it isn't your first language.  
  
Lily Skylo : They are suspicious and getting more so. Wait until you see Sirius at church (and his anger management issues).  
  
unzum : Thank you! And I'm not telling you anything about Remus/Peter/Lily/anyone finding out about Sirius' secret until it happens. Where would I find suspense if I did that? And, yes, it is odd that our minds work in similar, yet inverse, ways.  
  
Beseeched by Locomotives : I'm touched. Your review was wonderful. Thank you for the compliments on my characters (keeping them IC is very hard when they aren't themselves). Yes, Sirius is in a lose-lose situation and he isn't God or Satan, but merely a human suffering from a short temper and various untreated psychological issues. Yes, Remus and Sirius were an item in the regular HP world and you may get your wish for some romance (I'm not saying who, though). Reviews never make me suffer (unless they're crudely written flamers that don't use proper grammar/punctuation/spelling and make no sense).  
  
If you like what you've read (and if you've read this far and don't like it, I feel really bad for you) please tell me. If you want something to happen, please tell me, although I make no guarantees and I've already written the next four chapters so you'd need to think in the long-term (like BBL did). So, in conclusion, please review because my ego feeds off them and is, at the moment, frighteningly small. 


	7. The Only Animal

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
The Only Animal  
  
Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature. - Samuel Butler  
  
Sirius stared blankly at his wife as she left the kitchenette, heading for the bedroom. This was not a good thing. He hoped - oh sweet Circe, save me! No, this was not going to happen. He would not let it happen. Lily belonged to James, not him. Not that that fact should really present a problem as Sirius felt only friendship for the attractive redhead. But Lily undoubtedly had other plans. He had seen that same smirk play on those lips before, but then the smirk, the mischief, the seduction had been for an all- too-willing James. Lily should not look at him like that.  
  
Moony should look at him like that, not his best friend's dead wife. Sirius decided that he definitely disliked the Veil and, when he got back home, Bellatrix would pay dearly for her crimes. No, he was not going to have sex with Lily. Even if she was his wife. Oh, no. That would never happen, not in a million years. Never. No. But where would he sleep if she kicked him out of bed? The couch was uncomfortable even for one night. Maybe he could sleep as a dog. no, then someone would see him and his secret would be in the open.  
  
"Sirius," Lily called softly from the bedroom.  
  
Sirius silently swore. He briefly wondered what Harry would think about all of this. He wondered what he thought of all of this. This was not Hell - that was a title reserved for Azkaban alone - but it was stretching his sanity in ways the past fourteen years had never done. At least people had expected him to grieve and go mad back then. Here, he was a normal man who 'punched numbers,' whatever that meant. He was sane. He was married. He was happy. He had a family. He could not deal with this.  
  
After shaking himself like a wet dog, the wizard walked purposefully into the bedroom. Lily was standing in front of a vanity mirror, taking down her hair. She smiled brightly when she saw her husband enter the room.  
  
"Erm." Sirius began intelligently.  
  
Lily spun around and removed her bathrobe, revealing a thin, pink, semitransparent nightgown. She smiled shyly at her husband.  
  
Sirius took a quick step back toward the door. He did not like where this was going.  
  
Lily, in her heart, knew something was wrong, but decided to ignore that nagging little voice named intuition. This was only Sirius Black, her husband, her lover, her protector. But, for the life of her, she could not figure out why he was acting like a caged animal. She reached out to grab his arm and he flinched as if it burned.  
  
Gods above, Lily, do you know what you're doing to me? Sirius was ashamed at his reaction to being touched. In fifteen years only Moony and Harry felt safe enough to do anything more than shake hands with him. When Moony had embraced him in the Shrieking Shack, he could have wept. That was how starving he was for human contact. And, now, when a beautiful woman tried to seduce him, he did not know what to do. When he was in school - or even afterward - he could have made a joke about it. Here, though, here it felt wrong. Maybe it was because she belonged to James. Maybe it was because he felt responsible for her death. Maybe it was because he did not like women. It could have been for a hundred different reasons, and he was shamed that such a little thing could upset him.  
  
"Sirius?" Lily asked tentatively, all playfulness gone as if it had never been.  
  
The dark haired man just looked down at his wife, unable to do or say anything.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
Sirius only shook his head. She could not know what was wrong. It was bad enough that Snape and Harry knew. Lily could never know. Never.  
  
Lily pulled her husband into her arms, no small feat for someone as small and slightly built as the redhead, and pulled him onto the bed beside her. Sirius had tensed when she first laid her arms around him, but forced himself to relax. He did not lean into Lily, the way her husband before they were married and grieving over James. He did not whisper his secret into her ear like he did when they courted. He did not yell at her as he did when he was angry. This silent, frozen, and very distant man seemed to be only a shell of her husband. And she did not know why.  
  
"Honey," Lily murmured into his ear. "What's wrong? Did something happen at Hogwarts today? Is that why you invited Snape for dinner?"  
  
Registering her voice, Sirius looked sadly on the beauty who sat beside him. "I'm only feeling ill." Well, that wasn't quite a lie. I am feeling ill, he thought to himself, just not in the way she thinks I am.  
  
Lily knew her husband was lying. Ill or no, he had never not come to bed before. Yet, she knew better than to mention it. She knew that as soon as she said it, both of them would regret it. With a small sigh, nearly inaudible, she slipped herself into bed and Sirius followed suit. She, having had a hard day arguing with the Headmistress, felt asleep nearly immediately. Sirius, on the other hand, lay awake almost the whole night; overly conscious that James' wife lay beside him. It was not right that Lily was warming his bed. With a mental shrug, he dismissed that particular thought. Nothing in this strange new world, it seemed, was right. When he finally fell into Morpheus' loving grip, his head was full of nightmares of a furious James, a frightened Harry, and a suspicious Remus, three things he never wanted to see.  
  
*  
  
Lily awoke early that morning and made breakfast for her small family. She nearly had a heart attack when Sirius groggily sat down at the table in his sleep-clothes. That was something he had never even let Harry do! When she rose to get his breakfast, though, he waved her off, explaining that he could get the eggs by himself. Oddity of oddities.  
  
When Harry finally came to the table, his emerald eyes widened for a moment, but then he remembered that this really was not his stepfather. At that thought, he smiled. This Sirius seemed to be nice - and very casual - but he would not to anything to make him angry. An angry Sirius - nice or not - was not a pleasant person to be around.  
  
By the time they reached the church, a cathedral named St. Mungo's, Sirius was fully awake and he stared in awe at the building. He had not known that Muggles could create anything like this. (A/N: There really was a St. Mungo and he does have churches named after him.) When he had lived with James as a teenager, he had seen the church in the village near Godric's Hollow, but that white clapboard building was nothing compared with this. St. Mungo's looked like it belonged at Hogwarts - his Hogwarts, mind, not the red brick one in this world. Lily had to pull on Sirius' hand to get him to stop staring at the architecture.  
  
"You'd think you'd never seen a church!" she muttered.  
  
Sirius did not say anything. He only followed Lily to their pew and watched the people around him. When he had taken Muggle Studies (mostly to enrage his family, not because he had been particularly interested in non-magical life) there had been pictures of churches and choirs in the textbook. He had written more rolls of parchment on Christian persecution of witches and wizards than he really wanted to think about. The Potters' funeral had been in the church at Godric's Hollow, but he had only seen the pictures in the Daily Prophet. None of that had prepared him for St. Mungo's.  
  
They had a full choir and the building was larger than the Great Hall at Hogwarts. The sun was shining through the stained glass on the eastern side of the church, creating multicolored patterns on the floor. A simple black cross decorated the altar. But what interested him most was the people. People of all ages were here - old, young, teenagers, babies, parents, young couples. At any semi-religious event in the magical world, people were segregated by gender, age, and purity of blood. Apparently they had none of that here.  
  
After a few minutes, Remus joined them in the pew, explaining that Peter was sitting with his girlfriend somewhere else. Sirius only smiled when the man sat next to him. Remus was quite glad that he played poker. The shock of seeing Sirius Black in a church, when it was not for a wedding or funeral, was tremendous. The last time Sirius had come to St. Mungo's was for his marriage to Lily. Yet, here he sat, oblivious to the strange looks he was receiving, apparently fascinated by the stained glass window of St. Columba to his left.  
  
Then the service began. Remus almost laughed when he saw the enraptured look on his friend's face. One would think that his parents had never taken him to this very church every Sunday until he was 17! One thing that remained normal, though, was Sirius' horrible singing voice. He sounded like an injured bull moose. Well, Remus amended, usually injured bull moose were not quite that enthusiastic about singing. Sirius was acting like a kid in a candy store, something that amused Remus and Lily more than it should have and frightened Harry far more.  
  
After the service ended, the Black family and Remus rose to greet the minister before leaving to go to the Black flat with Peter. Still grinning - he had finally been in a church and it was something like a museum - Sirius followed Lily and Harry to the wide, carved doors of the sanctuary. Remus had slipped off somewhere to find Peter.  
  
"Mister Black!" the minister cried with a smile. "It is so good to see you here."  
  
Sirius took a slow step back; never in his life had anyone greeted him with such an open smile and kindly surprised words, with the exception of the day he ran away to live with James.  
  
The minister, a fair-haired and dark-eyed man with a kind face, only offered Sirius his hand, not commenting on the look of fear in the man's eyes.  
  
"Er.. Call me Sirius, okay?"  
  
"Sirius it is then! Did you enjoy the service?" The minister, with the twinkle in his eye, reminded Sirius of Dumbledore.  
  
"Yes," Sirius replied with a small smile. "The church is quite beautiful.The stained glass. Amazing."  
  
"Well, you haven't been here for a while," the dark-eyed man excused him. "It is good to see one of the original Blacks back at St. Mungo's. We haven't seen the whole brood of you since. oh, since the seventies! I can't believe it's been that long!"  
  
"Er.yeah."  
  
"How is your mother doing? Is she still running her sister's farm?"  
  
"Er.." Sirius was at a loss. His mother ran a farm? Surely not.  
  
Before he had to answer, the minister turned to help one of the elderly parishioners down the steps of the church. Between her over-sized knitting bag, walker, and long skirt, the woman was having trouble. The minister slowly helped her out, with the aid of a young man not much older than Harry.  
  
"Have a nice talk with Reverend Perkins, Sirius?" Peter asked, popping up mysteriously beside him.  
  
Sirius blinked and tried to avoid looking at the traitor's counterpart. "Yeah. nice man, Reverend Perkins."  
  
Peter scrutinized his friend with his small watery eyes. "Nice man? I suppose he's changed since you married Lily then?"  
  
"Er." Sirius was at a loss. He tried to remind himself of why he came to church and create a good reason not to strangle Peter with his bare hands.  
  
"I mean, you nearly killed him when he said your marriage to Lily wasn't right."  
  
"Oh, yeah. He said that, didn't he?" Man had a good point, Sirius thought. Why didn't he stick to it?  
  
"Yep. And then he told you you should let Harry take your name, or at least let him participate in the ceremony?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"And you nearly killed him," Peter reiterated.  
  
"I know that."  
  
"He said he'd only marry you because you were a Black and Lily was an Evans."  
  
"Stupid reason," Sirius replied through gritted teeth. At least in his universe, the rat had known when to shut up.  
  
"But now he's a nice man?"  
  
"Of course, he is! What's with all the questions, Peter?" Sirius snapped.  
  
Peter shrugged. "Lily left with Remus and Harry. She said to expect brunch when we get home."  
  
"What? Why'd she leave without me?" Sirius asked, wondering how to get home.  
  
"She was quite pleased to see you talking to Perkins. Said she thought you two might patch things up. You know the reverend's daughter, Sally Ann, used to go to school with Harry?"  
  
"Used to?" Sirius followed Peter down the winding streets of the city, hopefully heading back to the flat.  
  
Peter nodded, watching his old friend out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah, don't you remember how he sent Sally-Ann to that French school, Beauxbatons?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Peter spent the remainder of their walk chattering aimlessly about this and that, asked how was Harry doing with school, how was he feeling after that nasty cold he had last week, and, oh, by the way, was he really as drunk as Remus said on Friday night? Sirius answered monosyllabically and tried to refrain from cursing, killing, maiming, or otherwise mortally wounding his friend. He was really quite proud of himself when they reached the door to the flat and Peter did not bear a mark of violence on his person.  
  
"Sirius!" Lily cried, enveloping her husband in a hug.  
  
The three other men - Peter, Remus, and Harry - standing in the room were shocked. Sirius usually despised open affection, especially in front of other people, and waited for him to yell at Lily, or, at the very least, to put her down sharply.  
  
In the end, Sirius only mumbled, "Nice to see you, too. Lily," as his body stiffened and he winced when Lily pressed against his shoulder where a Death Eater's curse had hit it, only two nights prior.  
  
When they sat down to eat their Sunday brunch, only Harry saw that Sirius had a smaller appetite than he usually did. Only Peter and Remus noticed the downcast look on Lily's face, one that was worse than any insult Sirius could have given her. And only Sirius saw that everyone was suspicious. He was eerily reminded of meals not so many years ago, when the Marauders and Lily sat around a similar table in Godric's Hollow, wondering and fearing who the traitor might be. Since there did not seem to be a war occurring now, subvert or overt, he could not guess why these people, these friends, might be suspicious of one another  
  
Then there was a light knock on the door, interrupting the dying conversation.  
  
"I wonder who that could be?" Lily asked lightly.  
  
Oh shit.  
  
"I'll get it," Sirius said quickly.  
  
"Very well," Lily demurred.  
  
"Why does he always have to be the man of the house?" Remus muttered to Peter, intending the comment to be too low for Sirius to hear, but Sirius was used to straining his ears for the slightest sound of an attacker and heard the insult. He also saw Peter's benign shrug.  
  
"Hello, Sirius," Severus greeted when Sirius opened the door. "I hope I am not interrupting anything?"  
  
"Nothing important, Snape," Remus replied. "Only a meal and quality time."  
  
Sirius was shocked. His Moony was always almost nice to Snape, had always been a kind and forgiving soul. Perhaps his lycanthropy had actually given him something nice. "We were just finishing brunch. Severus. Perhaps you would like to join us for tea?" It strained him to be nice to Severus and Peter at the same time, but at least Severus was being nice to him, too. That made it easier than it had ever been back at Grimmauld Place.  
  
"I would not impose."  
  
Lily graciously rose and took another teacup from the cabinet. "It's no imposition, really, Dr. Snape. Harry tells us so much about you."  
  
"No. I would not like some tea," Severus replied. "Sirius, you wanted to show me something with the computer?"  
  
"Com-pu-ter?" Sirius was perplexed for a moment. "Oh, the computer! Of course! Come on."  
  
Remus watched the two men disappear into the bedroom/study and Harry retreat into his own room, probably to bury himself in another book. He then turned to Peter and Lily. "So, what do you think is really going on?"  
  
His two companions only looked at each other and shook their heads. Sirius Orion Black would always be a mystery. Now, he was even more so. And dear Dr. Severus Snape was involved.  
  
*  
  
Beseeched By Locomotives : I'm not promising anything on the romance front; only that it won't be necessary to the plotline. The plotline is mostly Sirius/Harry bonding and whatnot.  
  
Mariner : Why, thank you.  
  
Lily Skylo : Here's the chapter. And, as always, I post once a week, no more and no less.  
  
Blueberrie : Thank you.  
  
NO NAME, lol : I'm happy you like the story. I live to please. (Actually, I don't, but I'm happy you like it anyway.) 


	8. Loneliness

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Loneliness  
  
The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. - Mark Twain  
  
Snape leaned back in his chair and sighed.  
  
Click. Clickety click. Click.  
  
"What did I do?" Sirius yelped.  
  
"You turned it off."  
  
"I turned it off? How did I do that?"  
  
"With the mouse."  
  
"I know that," the 'you idiot' was merely implied at this point. "But how did I get the mouse to turn it off? And, have I mention that this thing doesn't look anything like a mouse?"  
  
"Only forty times in the past hour," Snape replied, exasperated. He turned on the computer - again - and demonstrated to Sirius what he had just done. "Look, you clicked onto the menu, then you selected this, selected that, and clicked here. That's how you turned it off."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Sirius was obviously still puzzled by the computer, but he was no longer the ignorant heathen he had been that morning. When Severus had started showing him what to do with a computer, he was completely confused. Severus practically had a conniption when Sirius exclaimed, 'So that's what the funny-looking box does!" He quickly explained that high levels of magic interfere with electronic devices and, therefore, there was never a working computer in a magical household. Severus had given him an odd look and began to explain the basics of electronics and computers to him.  
  
Severus buried his head in his hands as he watched Sirius eagerly play around on the computer, acting for all the world like an excited five-year- old with a new toy. Severus had never before seen someone so completely and utterly oblivious to the world of technology. At first he had not believe Sirius when he said he had never used an electronic device outside of the electric torch from Auror training and a radio James had given him as a gag gift one year. Then he sat Sirius in front of the computer and realized that the wizard had been telling the truth. He did not even know how to turn the contraption on! So began a long, slow afternoon of teaching Sirius to type and access various programs and the Internet. If Sirius had not been so excited to use the machine and eager to learn, Severus would have bashed his head against the wall in frustration. As it was, he was a hair away from doing it anyway.  
  
At the kitchen table, Lily poured some more tea for Remus and Peter. They both accepted with small smiles and Remus took a biscuit from the offered plate.  
  
"So, Lily, what do you think is going on?" Peter asked.  
  
"For the last time, I don't think it's any of our business."  
  
"Come on," Remus responded genially. "Its not every day Sirius goes off and does something crazy like this."  
  
"Crazy?" Lily raised an auburn eyebrow.  
  
"He invited Dr. Severus Snape to the flat, Lils. If that isn't crazy, I don't know what is. Do you remember how much we all used to pick on the greasy git at school? Sirius was always the worst. So why would he treat Snape like a friend? For that matter, why would Snape treat Sirius like a friend? By the rights, they should be at each others throats like the always are," Peter explained.  
  
Remus nodded in agreement. "The last time Sirius had to come up to the school because of Harry, it nearly came to blows between them. They've been like oil and water since they met at school. Something fishy is going on."  
  
Lily stared at the two men. "Really, the two of you!"  
  
Peter dismissed Lily's protest out of hand. "We were talking about it last night and we couldn't come up with a real reason they'd spend time together. We thought maybe dinner was a fluke and we'd never see old Snivellus again - but here he shows up today and we don't see hide or hair of either of them!"  
  
Remus smirked. "I wonder what they're doing in there."  
  
"Remus Lupin!" Lily exclaimed softly. "That's my husband you're talking about!"  
  
Remus shrugged, "I just know that if I were in his position-"  
  
"Not here!" Lily hissed. "I know you two are friends and always will be, but saying that isn't the best idea."  
  
"I don't see where he gets his high-and-mighty ideas," Peter snorted. "Regulus certainly doesn't act like that."  
  
"Neither do Narcissa or Bellatrix," Lily conceded. "But do you remember how Andromeda got after she married that Tonks fellow?"  
  
"And ran away to elope in America, only to return acting like a queen?" Peter finished sarcastically. "Yes, I remember her. Before she met that husband of hers, she was fine, though. Maybe a bit uppity, but still nice."  
  
Remus only sipped his tea. "He's been acting odd the past few days."  
  
"That's the hundredth time you've said that since Sirius went to work on the computer."  
  
"I know. And I wonder what's so fascinating about a 'computer.' But it's odd."  
  
"Don't start with the innuendos about my husband," Lily warned. "But I will admit that he's acting odd. He doesn't like people to come near him or to touch him."  
  
Peter frowned. "Doesn't like people to come near him? That doesn't sound like Sirius!"  
  
"Yeah," Remus agreed. "And I saw him hugging Harry when he was drunk and then again at school." Then he realized what Lily meant when she said Sirius did not want to be touched and had the good grace to blush.  
  
Peter coughed politely and changed the topic of conversation. "So, Sirius came to church this morning."  
  
Lily nodded, the blush slowly fading from her normally pale face. "I'm so happy. After that fight he had with Reverend Perkins, I thought he'd never come back."  
  
"Didn't he say that you and Sirius shouldn't marry - not that I could disagree more - and then Sirius threw a chalice at his head?" Remus asked quietly.  
  
"Bernard had no right to say that!" Lily cried, louder than the hushed tones they had been using, shocking the two men sitting with her.  
  
"Lily, Lily," Peter whispered. "We aren't saying he did. We're just saying that, well, Sirius also vowed not to set foot in the church after his wedding."  
  
Before the enraged Lily could reply to Peter, Sirius padded into the room. "Lily, you yelled. Is something wrong?"  
  
Lily shook her head quietly and waited for his anger.  
  
Sirius just sighed and poured himself some tea. As he sat at the table, his three friends seemed to be holding their collective breath. He looked from Remus' nondescript brown eyes, to Peter's watery ones, to the emerald orbs Harry and Lily shared. Obviously they were waiting for him to say something.  
  
"So, who's this Bernard fellow and what did he say?"  
  
Remus dropped his teacup. It broke on the floor and the tea spilled on the linoleum. The sudden crash seemed to launch everyone out of the shock into which Sirius's words had sent them. Lily and Peter bumped into each other in their hurry to clean the staining tea and avoid looking at Sirius. Remus just looked sadly at his friend.  
  
"Sirius, are you feeling well?"  
  
"Of course, I'm fine," Sirius replied, quite confused. He thought over all of the people he had met in his life - it seemed to be parallel to the life Sirius had led in this world - and, for the life of him, he could not remember meeting someone named Bernard. Was Bernard his boss? Wait, he owned his own business - with Regulus of all people! Was Bernard some relative of Lily's then?  
  
At that point, Snape decided to make his glowering presence known. It was amazing, but the man could look intimidating in a yellow sweater vest and argyle socks - which comprised his outfit, along with another pair of black slacks. Sirius briefly wondered if Severus purposely dressed stupidly so he would not frighten his students. But that had nothing to do with the matter at hand - namely, who was Bernard? Sirius thought that maybe Lily was having an affair, but quickly realized that a, Lily would never do anything like that and b, if last night was any kind of indicator, Lily Evans Black was quite in love with Sirius Orion Black. Merlin help them all.  
  
"What seems to be the matter?" Severus asked silkily.  
  
"Nothing that involves you," Remus snarled.  
  
Sirius visibly flinched. His lover never reacted like that - not when he was human.  
  
Severus rested his hand briefly on Sirius' shoulder, wondering why the man had reacted like that. It was not as if Remus were acting oddly. "Well, I am in the apartment and I heard a yell and the breaking of glass. It is only suitable for me to be curious as to the cause of all this commotion."  
  
Peter looked up at Severus, from his crouching position on the floor. "Sirius just shocked us with a question and Remus dropped his teacup."  
  
"Oh? And what was this oh-so-shocking question?" Severus' query was a thinly veiled mockery and everyone in the room knew it. Lily busied herself throwing the broken shards of pottery into the garbage.  
  
"I asked who Bernard was." Sirius was proud that his voice was confident and steady. It was still hard not to become overly emotional when he was around people.  
  
Severus furrowed his brow. "Bernard Perkins?"  
  
"Reverend Perkins?" Sirius exclaimed aloud. "He's Bernard?"  
  
Everyone in the room nodded slowly, as if Sirius had just realized that Remus was also Remus Lupin.  
  
"Sorry about scaring you like that," Sirius laughed, sounding like his old self. "I guess I just didn't think of Reverend Perkins as having a first name."  
  
Remus, Peter, and Lily visibly relaxed. "I guess that's what happens when you always call the priest by his title," Peter mumbled.  
  
"Yeah, I guess," Remus quietly agreed. Sirius still did not seem right.  
  
He could not put his finger on it, but something about his best friend seemed off. Maybe it was the way he watched everyone in a room, as if preparing to be attacked, or the way he reacted when Remus insulted Snape, or maybe it was the way he seemed to almost be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. The Sirius he knew and loved - and sometimes feared - never showed fear. He never had. He never would. That was the way it was. And now the bastion of unchanging strength was faltering.  
  
Lily smiled, somewhat coldly at Severus. "Perhaps it is time for you to leave, Dr. Snape. We have to get ready for dinner at my mother-in-law's and we don't want to be late." Sirius had not been acting oddly until he spent time with Dr. Snape; perhaps the good doctor was behind the problem.  
  
Severus smiled and gave Lily a mocking bow before grabbing his jacket. "Of course, Mrs. Black. I wouldn't want to keep you. Sirius, if you have any trouble, feel free to call me. Good-bye." As he swiftly left the Black flat he wondered again about Sirius.  
  
The mysterious wizard who had taken the domineering Sirius Black's place appeared to be only the shaking shadow of a man. Having been given but the briefest outline of an obviously hard life, Severus could make only broad assumptions about what was wrong. He had mentioned two wars, battles, prison, betrayal, and the death of close friends, enforced isolation, and separation from people even after escaping one Hell of a prison.  
  
"What were you talking about, never thinking of Perkins as having a first name?"  
  
Sirius thought quickly. He had always hated lying, but after living with his family as long as he had, and being a part of the Order, he had learned to lie well on his feet. He shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, after the blow-up we had before the wedding, I tried not to think of him - at all. So, now, when I do, its not like he's really a person - more like a figurehead or something. He is his job. Calling him Bernard - that makes me think of-"  
  
Before he could come up with a plausible end to that sentence, Lily enveloped him in a huge hug. And managed to pull on his shoulders which were aching from being hunched over the computer all afternoon.  
  
"Ow! Lily, stop it!" he exclaimed, immediately turning red. He did not realize that he could not have said something better to make them think he really was fine.  
  
Lily immediately dropped her arms and began to clean up the tea things. Remus sniggered behind one hand and Peter only shook his head. Their Sirius Black was back. They were relieved.  
  
Sirius, on the other hand, was slightly panicked. They acted like that was normal! Then he thought of the events of the night he had arrived. How they reacted when he wanted to talk to Harry. How Harry had reacted - and still reacted - to him. How Lily had reacted when he did not respond to her the previous night. He closed his eyes briefly. He really, really did not like his alternate self. If perchance he had not possessed his alternate self's body when he passed through the Veil, Sirius decided he would like to beat Sirius Black. Hard. Because he remembered reacting like that to his family. And he remembered Harry reacting like that sometimes to human touch like that, too, sometimes, because of the Dursleys. And no one deserved that.  
  
"Sear?" Peter asked hesitantly. "You ok?"  
  
Sirius opened his eyes to see that both Remus and Peter had their coats on and were at the door, ready to leave. Remus was even wearing an absurd tartan cap; similar to the one he had jokingly worn to annoy McGonagal when they had been seventh years. "I'm fine. Just a little tired."  
  
"Well, good-bye. We'll see you next weekend."  
  
"Bye," Sirius replied weakly.  
  
Lily smiled at him after their friends had left. "Come on, dear. We have to get ready."  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"Sunday dinner at your mother's, dear. I wasn't lying to Dr. Snape. Look, you just pick out something nice to wear and I'll get Harry."  
  
* Author's Note: Sorry to everyone. This was only supposed to be half a chapter, but it went wild. No Black family dinner. that's next chapter. Blame the creativity demon that has its hold on me. Tell me if there was too much angst/suspicion. And, yes, I'm still getting you guys used to the OOC characters.  
  
Doneril  
  
*  
  
Tabbycat2000, almususa, Pam Briggs, Lily Skylo : Thank you!  
  
NO NAME, lol : www.stmungo.org\stmungo.html (with the slash reversed) This site can give you some information on St. Mungo - his churches and his life.  
  
Ariana Dumbledore : I can't tell you that! It's called suspense!  
  
Sea Ghost : Thanks for the criticism - but I already have a plan for those issues. You see, I abide by Murphy's law - if something bad can happen to my characters, it probably will. And at the worst possible time. Although the alcohol poisoning idea is different. Have you ever read "Oscillating Wildly" on FictionAlley? I think you would love it. Once again, check every Wednesday or Thursday and you'll have a new chapter.  
  
Marz1 : I hope the following chapters cleared up that confusion but if not (and to anyone else who's wondering) - Hogwarts of this universe is not magical because there is no magic native to this universal (or so I tell you). Yes, Sirius has his wand - hence Snape in pink hair. 


	9. Call It a Tribe

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Call It a Tribe  
  
Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. – Jane Howard  
  
Sirius feared the worst when he entered his mother's house. Indeed, the priest had been right – Mrs. Black did live on a farm. She had inherited it after her late sister's untimely demise and was now happily retired and raising llamas. A maid took his jacket and he followed Harry and Lily into the formal dining room.  
  
Only Mother could create a formal dining room out of a three-century old kitchen, Sirius thought silently to himself. The room was nicely appointed, robin's egg blue walls, a fine wood table, taper candles, and, of course, family portraits proclaiming the ancient House of Black. The portraits did not move, and, surprisingly, many of them held frozen smirks or even smiles. It made Sirius shudder. To be frozen for eternity in a Muggle painting was not the most pleasant way to live. Before he could wonder whether or not Muggle pictures housed sentient occupants like wizard pictures did, Harry interrupted his train of thought.  
  
"Sirius?" Harry asked, tugging lightly on his stepfather's sleeve. "We need to find everyone else – the room isn't that fascinating."  
  
Sirius nodded. "Where would they be?"  
  
"Don't you know the Cold Brook Farm? Or do they not have one in your world?"  
  
"My parents are dead. My brother is dead. I told you, I cut ties to my family, Harry, though, it would be interesting to see Mother and Father working a farm." Sirius smirked wickedly at the thought. It was not payment for his childhood, but it was a step in the right direction.  
  
"Oh," said Harry. "Well, they'll probably be on the porch because of the warmer weather, or they might be in the old sitting room."  
  
"Where's that?"  
  
"Come on, I'll show you." Harry seemed to be pleased that he could lead Sirius around, giving him a grand tour of his step-grandmother's house.  
  
After Harry pointed Sirius in the direction of the now full sitting room, Sirius asked his godson to join him. Almost as a coach or mentor, less like a son or godson. Harry only shook his head and said he would spend the evening with Draco and Thebe. Sirius had no idea who Thebe was, but Harry was not acting unusual, so perhaps the adults separated themselves from their children before eating.  
  
So, Sirius stepped into the room, seeing Narcissa and Lucius conversing quietly by the fireplace and – of all things unholy – Lily and Bellatrix having an apparently genial conversation with Rudolphus, Bellatrix's husband, and Regulus, Sirius' brother. Sirius felt a pointless cut of betrayal when he saw Lily laugh at something his cousin said. She was the reason he was not in his world; she was the reason he could not be happy – or pretend to be happy – with Remus and Harry; she was the one who had exiled him to this inverted magic-less world. And his wife was laughing at her joke.  
  
"Sirius, dear, how nice of you to finally join us," called a sarcastic voice with just a hint of an Irish lilt to it.  
  
Regulus offered him a snifter of brandy. "Ignore Sasha, brother, she's feeling bitter today."  
  
A dark-haired woman with hazel eyes whom Sirius assumed was Sasha slapped Regulus lightly. "That's a nice thing to say about your wife! And I'm not bitter, just preoccupied." Her hand instinctively slid to her stomach.  
  
"Oh, honey, I was just teasing Sirius," Regulus muttered, gathering his wife in a protective hug. "I know you're worried."  
  
Sirius really did not know what to say. The Regulus in his world had died before his parents found him a suitable wife, so he knew nothing of Sasha. There was even a chance that Sasha did not exist in his world. Regulus, the man he had called a brother, would never have pulled a woman, lovingly, into his arms in a public place, either. Then again, in his world, Narcissa and Lucius never dressed in matching silk shirts, either, so go figure.  
  
Sirius joined his wife and relatives in their conversation, everyone but Sasha sipping wine or brandy. He listened to Rudolphus drone on about his work in London and Glasgow, but that it was good to get away to the countryside sometimes, until Bellatrix told him in no uncertain terms to shut up.  
  
"So, Sirius," Bellatrix began, startling Sirius out of the slight stupor her husband had forced on him. "What happened on Friday?"  
  
Sirius was quite tempted to tell her about the battle and swiftly hex her to Hell and back, but bit his lip.  
  
"Friday?" Regulus asked, surprised. "Something happened and you didn't tell me? Sirius, we're brothers! What ever happened to familial love and all of that rot?"  
  
Before Sirius could open his mouth, Bellatrix answered Regulus' question. "He got out and out plastered. Remus called me later and informed me that my dear cousin got in a common barroom brawl and passed out on the sidewalk."  
  
"Hey," Sirius defended, knowing that he could hold his liquor but that it was quite the possibility that Sirius Black – of any universe – could get into a barroom brawl. And a fight would be a good story to cover the cuts and bruises left over from the battle.  
  
"I didn't pass out," he lied, "I only fell over! Making up stories about me!" This was a very new feeling and one Sirius was not sure he liked – verbally sparring with family members. The last time he tried this, Regulus hexed him. When his parents found out about it, they hexed him again. It was no wonder he did not do this often. At least now, he thought to himself pessimistically, they will not hex me.  
  
Rudolphus laughed. "But, cousin! What else would we do with our spare time but create slanderous rumors about our relatives? It is an art, and one we have perfected!"  
  
Sasha grinned at her brother-in-law. "Anyway, she's just getting back at you for that story you tell everyone about when she was five and-"  
  
To silence Sasha, Bellatrix had placed her hand across her mouth. "And that's a story we won't be hearing tonight."  
  
Everyone laughed at that, drawing the attention of the Malfoys.  
  
"Is Sirius telling that ridiculous story about Bella, the dollhouse, and Andromeda's television set?" Lucius asked.  
  
"No," Bellatrix whined. "We are not telling that story again! Every Sunday for the past five years I have had to endure one of the idiot twins telling everyone about how I humiliated myself! I was five for God's sake!"  
  
Regulus grinned at his brother. "Whose turn is it this week?"  
  
"I think it's your turn."  
  
"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure I told it last Sunday."  
  
Shit. "No, it's your turn, you tell it."  
  
Regulus shrugged and flew into a rendition of an obviously embroidered story about Andromeda, Bellatrix, something called a Barbie Doll®, a television set, and Aunt Galatea (their late mother) misinterpreting lyrics to a rock-and-roll song. Or, perhaps, as Regulus so delicately put it, Aunt Galatea did not misinterpret the lyrics and Andromeda and Bellatrix had. By the end of the story, everyone – including Sirius – was laughing. Bellatrix had buried her face in her hands, but Sirius could hear her giggling. He had not heard his cousin giggle since they were toddlers.  
  
Just then, venerable Mrs. Black of evil portrait fame entered the sitting room. She hardly looked as Sirius remembered. She was certainly as well dressed as her offspring and their cousins, but somehow seemed more casual. Maybe it came from running the farm. Sirius did not know. But he certainly knew that his mother, the one from his world, would not be caught dead in a red and white checked skirt, even if it did look like cashmere.  
  
"Are you torturing poor Bellatrix again?" she asked, her arms akimbo.  
  
"No, Aunt Patera," Narcissa excused her cousins with a small smile. "We were just keeping up family traditions."  
  
Sirius' mother, Patera Black, laughed, not an evil laugh, but a soft chuckle. Sirius could not remember hearing that particular sound ever coming from his mother's mouth. "I'll take that as a 'yes' then. Now dinner's ready."  
  
As Patera vanished through the door, the rest of the Black family followed, taking their brandy and wine with them. The tapers in the dining room shone brightly as they settled themselves around the table, with Patera Black at the head in the place of her late husband, Proteus. Sirius found himself sitting between his brother and his wife, while Harry sat at the end of the table with Draco Malfoy and a dark-haired girl a few years younger than the two boys, perhaps eleven or twelve years old. He assumed that the girl was Thebe and, judging from the resemblance, she was Sasha and Regulus' daughter.  
  
After saying a quick blessing, Patera minced no words about dinnertime conversation. "After last weeks debacle," she glared at Lucius and Sirius, "I have decided that if you will act like two-year-olds you will have rules like two-year-olds. There are only three rules: no discussion of politics, no discussion of religion, and, as there are children at the table, no discussion of sex. Is that clear?" The entire table nodded silently. "Very well. Let's eat."  
  
Sirius helped himself to the potatoes and green beans and the roast, after verifying its origin with Regulus who gave him an odd look. The food was delicious. Actually, for Sirius, all food that did not involve gruel, rats, or hippogriff feathers qualified as delicious, but he did not want to think about that right now. Lily smiled at him, saying that she was pleased his appetite was back after the previous night's incident. The dinner conversation was nearly nonexistent; apparently all his family talked about was sex, politics, and religion – not particularly different from the Blacks in his world.  
  
Patera coughed lightly. "I did not forbid all conversation!"  
  
Narcissa smirked at her aunt's sarcasm.  
  
"What do you expect us to discuss, Aunt Patera, if we can't talk about our favorite subjects?" Rudolphus asked with a laugh.  
  
Regulus' eyes sparkled. "She told you not to flog a dead horse and not to be rude. It's hardly her fault those are our two favorite hobbies, Rudy!"  
  
Rudolphus turned an interesting shade of crimson as his family laughed, even Draco, Harry, and Thebe.  
  
"I'm sure we can think of something appropriate to talk about," Bellatrix replied.  
  
"Is that a challenge, Bella?"  
  
"I didn't realize you were that dim, sister of mine. Would you prefer an engraved invitation?"  
  
Lucius grinned. "She's just distracted by my-"  
  
Patera shook a serving spoon in the blonde's direction. "None of that at the table, young man."  
  
"Appropriate dinner conversation?" Lily mused. "Well, we can always discuss Lucius' 'delightful' goings-on at school."  
  
Narcissa buried her face in her hands. "Not again, Lily. There has to be something other than Hogwarts to talk about! We've been talking about that damned school since before we got our acceptance letters!"  
  
"Hey! I worked at 'that damned school'! It's a rather nice work environment – better than working with dead people anyway."  
  
"Don't go there, Lucius," Regulus warned. "You know what happens when you insult the family business."  
  
"Just because-"  
  
"Lucius! Again!" This time Patera was wielding the carving knife and looking rather intimidating. "Everyone else is complying by the rules; why can't you?"  
  
"Ah, yes, Aunt. Follow Sirius. Follow Regulus."  
  
"There you go again."  
  
The entire table turned to face Sirius, who had not really spoken since the meal began.  
  
"What on Earth are you talking about?" breathed his mother.  
  
"Lucius is talking politics again – family politics," Sirius replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
Everyone at the table, with the exceptions of Lucius and Sirius, burst into peals of laughter.  
  
Regulus clapped his brother on the back. "Always keeping up the family pride!"  
  
No one noticed how Sirius paled at Regulus' praise; Bellatrix was trying to tell a crude joke without being crude, much to the amusement of everyone. It took Sirius a moment to realize that he had downed his entire snifter of brandy in one gulp. On one hand, it explained why his stomach was complaining; on the other hand, he was falling into his old habit of drinking when his life got rough. Mentally distancing himself from conversation and family, he reached for his water glass, hoping to appease his stomach and the hangover gods in one fell swoop.  
  
"Traitors! You disgrace my home!"  
  
Before he could think or realize that Patera was only teasing Lucius and Bellatrix, Sirius murmured the words to the incantation he and Moony had found in the old Black library. It was the incantation that could burn his mother's portrait – but it would not harm the surrounding walls or furnishings. "Feuerfalle."  
  
No one heard Sirius over their resounding laughter and, if they had, the thought of a cousin whispering was shut out of their minds when the dining walls were engulfed in red and purple fire.  
  
Yet, as soon as the flames appeared, they vanished. The only sign that the room had been set fire was that every portrait was missing and small piles of ash lay scattered about the room.  
  
"What in the nine Hells was that?" gasped Sasha, who was clutching her husband protectively.  
  
Patera crossed herself. "I'm not sure we really want to know the answer to that question, my dear."  
  
Bellatrix touched one of the walls, lightly, fearfully. "It isn't even warm to the touch!"  
  
"But the paintings are gone!"  
  
"No, no. The fire burned the paintings – look!" Narcissa pointed the ashes that lay beneath were the portraits once rested.  
  
"My word," whispered Lucius. "What kind of fire can do that?"  
  
"If I may repeat Aunt Patera's words: I'm not sure we really want to know the answer to that question," Rudolphus replied, tapped some ashes lightly with his finger. "They're cold."  
  
"Cold? They can't be cold! They just burned!"  
  
"I know that!" he snapped. "But they're cold all the same."  
  
"It's absurd..."  
  
Patera shivered. "Well, we can all thank God that only the paintings burned, and not us."  
  
The family slowly nodded. Sirius noted that Harry and Draco had protectively thrown Thebe farther toward the center of the room. Not that it could really have helped the girl escape the fire, but it was nice to see that the two boys obviously cared for their cousin and could work together.  
  
Sirius coughed to get everyone's attention. "If we seem to be out of immediate danger, I suggest we finish our meal, if we can, and then try to find the source of this mystery. No sense in crime solving when you're hungry."  
  
Rudolphus laughed. "Good old Sirius! Always thinking with his stomach!"  
  
The rest of the meal was finished in silence, with everyone cautiously eying the walls for red and purple flames that never appeared. Harry tried to catch his stepfather's attention several times without being overt, but failed. Sirius, once he realized that he was not suspect for the crimes, slipped into what Prongs had once called "family mode." It was the only time when Sirius acted according to his upbringing – aristocratic manners and all – and there was a striking difference between the normal Sirius and the family Sirius.  
  
After dinner, the entire family searched the house for a source of the flames, but none were apparent. The animals outside were acting normally so obviously the fire was contained within the house, but no other room seemed to be affected. It was absurd to assume that fire would encompass one room for the sole purpose of burning portraits and disappear, Lily pointed out.  
  
Sirius was silent when they returned home and Lily did not bother attempting to entice him in bed.  
  
* Author's Note(s):  
  
I was tempted to end the chapter at "...the dining walls were engulfed in red and purple fire." You could have wondered for a week whether or not they would all die, but I was nice and decided to finish the chapter.  
  
Since FF.net destroyed my disclaimer:  
  
I do not own Harry Potter. He, his universe, and the characters therein belong to Rowling and various publishing/multimedia companies. I do own Sasha Black, Thebe Black, and some of Patera Black. I own their reverse characters and Snape's argyle socks.  
  
Thank you.  
  
Almususa, Pam Briggs, Cat Riddle, and Lassy D: Thank you.  
  
chevalier Ryu: Alas you have discovered my plan. Or at least one of my plans. I usually have several plans in use at any given point in time. But yes. You have the general idea.  
  
Beseeched by Locomotives: Its not just any farm – it's a llama farm! (For the significance of this fact, you must read my other fic, One Stream of Consciousness.) Sadly, no more Harry/Siri bonding for some time yet. Harry has to go back to school.... Eventually, though, there will be bonding. So, what did you think of the family?  
  
Jessie Luna: Yes, I am writing under the assumption that Remus' lycanthropy made him a kinder, gentler person (when he was human). And, like Ryu, you have discovered a plan. Not my most devious plan, I admit, but a plan nonetheless. 


	10. Long Ears

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Long Ears  
  
A wise man has long ears and a short tongue. – German Proverb  
  
"Wake up, sleepy head." A kiss.  
  
"G'way, Moony...need sleep."  
  
Laughter. "You've got to wake up, honey, or you'll be late for work."  
  
"Don' have work, silly." Wait. That was the voice of a woman. A woman! A woman was in his bed!  
  
Sirius sat straight up, immediately awake and attempting to take control of the situation.  
  
Lily laughed again and kissed him again. "Maybe this is a good way to wake you up in the morning."  
  
Sirius did not say anything in reply, only silently clawed at the bed sheets, trying to remind himself that Lily really was his wife. That Moony was not here. That he was married. That his marriage meant he could help Harry.  
  
"I have your breakfast ready," Lily continued. "Remus stopped by and took Harry back to school already."  
  
Sirius nodded dumbly, watching his wife leave the room and, he assumed, make his breakfast. No one had made him breakfast since his school days at Hogwarts. Not even Moony had, before Azkaban, claiming that Sirius needed to look after himself. At which point Sirius would always argue that he had looked after himself since he was fifteen, and was it too much to ask for help in not burning down the building? Then Moony would laugh, grab him in an impromptu hug, and then they would proceed to mutilate and destroy a bowl of pancake batter together. A single tear slid down his cheek before he wiped it hurriedly away.  
  
"I will see him again," he whispered. "We were just getting things right again. I will see him. He will wait for me. If he could wait while I was in Azkaban, he can wait now. He knows more about the Veil and the Archway than anyone else."  
  
"Honey," Lily called from the kitchen. "I know you're tired, but you need to eat breakfast before you leave. Oh! What's this?"  
  
Sirius, his responses tuned from both war and prison, bolted to the kitchenette to see what was wrong. Of course, as the flat was neither war zone nor a place where nightmares lived, he quickly saw that nothing was particularly wrong with Lily, or the kitchen. There was no out of control fire, his Dark relatives had not decided to drop by for a visit, and there were not any corpses clashing with the pastel apartment walls.  
  
"Oh, Siri, look," his wife whispered. "Harry wrote you a letter."  
  
Indeed, Sirius saw, Lily was holding a folded piece of paper that read, in Harry's handwriting, 'To Sirius" and, in smaller but equally bold lettering, 'For Sirius' eyes only.'  
  
"He hasn't written letters like these since – well, I can't remember when," she continued.  
  
Sirius took the note from Lily and she returned to frying the eggs while he read his letter.  
  
Sirius, (the note read)  
Uncle Remus came to pick me up early today, as I am sure you noticed. I'm sorry you couldn't take me to school, but I need to get there in time for breakfast, especially after I tried to run away. I'm really sorry about that.  
Then I remembered that you probably don't know how to get to the funeral home today. I'm really really sorry I forgot to show you the way over the weekend. I should have. I heard you and Dr. Snape working on the computer yesterday, so I'll just draw you a map because you know how to do most of your work now. Harry  
  
Below his name, Harry had drawn a crude map showing Sirius how to find the Black Funeral Home. Apparently it was on Main Street, while the flat was on Crabapple Road. Sirius smiled when he saw that his place of employment was within walking distance of his new home. He would not have to learn to use one of those Muggle contraptions, what were they called, automobiles. He had loved his flying motorbike, but magical motorbikes and normal automobiles were two very different things.  
  
"Here you go," Lily said cheerfully as she placed a plate of fried eggs and a cup of black coffee in front of her husband.  
  
Sirius felt slightly queasy as he ate his breakfast. He had hated eggs since he was a child, the mere smell of them cooking could turn his stomach, and he had never bothered to develop a taste for coffee, unless it was filled with sugar. Yet, he dutifully ate the meal, a habit left over from childhood and Azkaban: if he did not eat this meal, he would not get another. It never occurred to him to ask Lily to make him something new, and the closest he could come to cooking was pouring himself a bowl of cereal or making a pot of tea. Yes, he thought, I can make a mean cup of tea.  
  
"Sirius, come on, you're going to be late," Lily complained, pulling Sirius out of his seat and practically shoving him out the door. "You're meeting with my sister in fifteen minutes; the least you could do is show up."  
  
Lily watched her husband leave the apartment building, mildly concerned. Sirius was usually awake and gone by the time she awoke in the morning. Yet, today of all days, he had not only decided to have a lie in, but then act as if it were nothing unusual. Yes, Peter and Remus were right. There was something decidedly different about her husband – but what? People did not change like this overnight. Had something been going on for a long time, but no one bothered to notice?  
  
Sirius was greeted at the door to the funeral home with a smile and a hug from his brother. He stiffened in his brother's arm, never having hugged Regulus before. Regulus either was oblivious or decided not to notice. Sirius had never been much for hugs, anyway. He thought they were girlish or some similar rubbish.  
  
"I have grand news," Regulus announced with a grin.  
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Sasha's having twins! I'm going to have twins, Sirius! Twins! Thebe is so excited about having baby brothers or sisters!"  
  
"Well, it's going to be a lot to handle," Sirius replied. Regulus – in charge of small children! If this Regulus was like his brother, allowing him to mold the minds of the next generation was dangerous, very dangerous indeed.  
  
Regulus frowned at his brother. "I know you aren't a big fan of children, brother, but you could bother to be happy for me."  
  
Sirius' pale eyes met his brother's identical orbs. Regulus was hurt that he was not overjoyed about the good news, Sirius realized. In this world he and his brother were not enemies; they did not spend their hours and days plotting the downfall and demise of the other. Regulus had wanted to share his happiness with Sirius and Sirius had pushed him away, just as 'his' Regulus had done countless times when they were children.  
  
"I'm sorry, Regulus," he said, wincing that he was apologizing to his brother. "I really do think it's wonderful that Sasha is having twins, I'm just feeling a little distracted today." Perhaps Sasha had taken the mean streak out of Regulus, or maybe this Regulus did not have it. He fervently hoped so.  
  
Regulus smiled. Sirius was always distracted after Harry did something stupid. At least this time Harry had not seemed the worse for wear. He knew that deep down Sirius did care for Harry – the son of his true love and his best friend – but his brother did not know how to keep Harry from becoming another James. So he took the strictest approach possible, trying to make sure Harry had the order in his life that James had never had. Regulus hoped that Harry did not turn out like James, if only for Harry's sake, but he doubted that would ever happen. He had seen Harry and Draco protecting his daughter, Thebe, from everything from moving cars to school yard bullies and was sure that Harry had a sense of responsibility that James never did.  
  
"Come on in then. We can waited in the parlor for Petunia and Vernon."  
  
Sirius' ears perked at the mention of his in-laws. They were the scum with whom 'his' Harry lived.  
  
"I still can't believe that that woman is related to your Lily," Regulus continued, offering his brother some hard candy from a dish. "I mean, they're mirror opposites. I sometimes think Petunia is half horse!"  
  
Sirius laughed half-heartedly. "Why are they coming here again?"  
  
"To pick out a casket for one of Vernon's relatives, I think. Died of a heart attack. Can't imagine why someone in the Dursley family would have high cholesterol," Regulus snorted.  
  
Sirius remembered Harry and the Weasley's stories about the monstrosity Harry called a cousin and his equally large father. It felt good to join his brother's laughter. Merlin knew he had not laughed at anything for a long time.  
  
"What's so funny?" Vernon asked, suddenly appearing at the door, his beady eyes flickering between the brothers.  
  
"Just a family joke, Mr. Dursley, just a family joke," Regulus reassured him, not bothering to mention the fact that he was the joke.  
  
"Very well," Vernon replied, not looking particularly convinced. "Where are the coffins?"  
  
"Caskets, my dear man, caskets," Regulus chided. "Coffins sound like vampires and the nineteenth century. We carry caskets."  
  
Vernon obviously could not see the difference between the two words and merely shrugged. "Lead on, then, man. I don't have all day."  
  
Regulus gestured for the portly man to follow him, shooting Sirius a grimace before disappearing around the corner.  
  
Sirius wandered about the funeral home for some time, acclimating himself to this new environment. In the end, he learned that it had a similar floor plan to 12 Grimmauld Place and that the 'office area' was where the kitchen should have been. Poor Regulus had been stuck in the backrooms with Vernon, whom Sirius could hear all the way from his office.  
  
"That's ridiculous!" Vernon roared. Sirius privately hoped that the man was quieter at home and Sirius was then suddenly seized by a vindictive desire to return to his world to save his Harry from his oversized uncle.  
  
Regulus said something, but Sirius could not catch the exact words, as his brother seemed to be speaking rationally to their customer.  
  
"Petunia and I are practically family, you ingrate!" the walrus who posed as a human screamed. "Don't you have discounts for that sort of thing?!"  
  
Sirius winced and closed the door to his office. He did not want to consider Vernon Dursley family (and not just because that meant calling Lily Potter his wife) and he certainly did not want to give the man a discount price on a casket. If anything, he wanted to charge him exorbitantly high fees for absurdly cheap materials. Sirius had not felt this malicious toward anyone other than Peter in a long time.  
  
Bring!  
  
Sirius jumped and stared at the plastic object that had let out the startling noise. Then he remembered Lily using it back at the flat and Severus telling him that it was a telephone, that you talked into the top part of it. Cautiously, he picked up the telephone.  
  
"Hello?" he asked.  
  
"Is this Black Funeral Home?"  
  
"Er... yes."  
  
Slowly, very slowly, Sirius began to find himself at ease with his work. Regulus worked with him in the office and they spent most of the day answering telephones. He managed to cover most of his major blunders and, when Regulus was with the others who worked in the funeral home, Sirius tried to read most of the informational books and pamphlets that were lying around the room. One advertised vacations in Wales, so Sirius dismissed that out of hand, but most were quite useful – instructions about computer software or the latest innovations in the business.  
  
He laughed quietly to himself as he plugged information into the computer. If Moony and Harry could see him now, working like a regular Muggle, getting along with his family! But the very thought that had given him laughter immediately sobered him when he realized that he might never see Moony and Harry again. He could not imagine them not trying to find him, but the war took precedence over missing persons.  
  
Maybe Severus would know what to do. Yes, Severus understood this world – for Circe's sake, he was from this world – and he still seemed to be similar to the Snape that Sirius once knew. Sure, this new man had a backbone and did not have the same taste for grudges and vengeance, but he had the same sarcastic bite, the same apparent lack of hygiene, and the vile feelings toward the Marauders that old Snivellus had. And, a voice in Sirius' head quietly added, he is your only friend here.  
  
"Siri, are you okay?" Regulus asked, brows furrowed, as he hung up the telephone.  
  
Sirius shook himself like a dog, as if he could shake off his loneliness. "Yeah, I'm fine, just thinking about some things."  
  
"Well, would you think about them later?"  
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "And why would I want to think about them later?"  
  
"Because," Regulus clapped his hand to Sirius' shoulder, "we are going out to dinner tonight!"  
  
"B-but Lily-" Sirius began. Could he really spend a whole day and a whole night with Regulus without remembering what 'his' Regulus had done? He had destroyed the dining room portraits last night because of a joke his mother told! Surely he could not go to a public restaurant!  
  
"That was Sasha on the phone," Regulus explained. "She called Lily and they'll be waiting for us at the restaurant."  
  
Sirius bit his lip. How could he avoid going out to dinner with his brother – and his brother's wife – and his wife – without looking like he was doing just that? "Where are we going?"  
  
"La Patisserie. It's an Italian place." Then Regulus laughed. "What am I saying? You and Lily go there all the time."  
  
Sirius nodded dumbly. There was no way to get out of this. He only prayed to the merciful powers above that he did not do something phenomenally stupid again.  
  
"Come on, we don't want to be late," Regulus called as he pulled on his jacket.  
  
Sirius only silently followed his brother, his face, for once, quite serious.  
  
*  
  
Beseeched By Locomotives: Thank you greatly for the praise. And you haven't seen half of what I'm putting Sirius through... or the depth of his suspicious nature. The Blacks are a wonderfully sweet, tight-knit family. They don't have magic to give them unjust prejudices and hatred.  
  
C. M. Aeris Queen of Insanity, Pam Briggs, almususa, NO NAME lol, Samara- Morgan-101: Thank you.  
  
gatesy, Sara*Magic: Thank you for reviewing and speaking your mind, most people would just give up on my fic. Now, first of all, there will be references to Sirius' former relationship (to compare Remus' habits with Lily's), but I won't be referring to it in a sexual manner. It will mostly be part of background information and I probably won't be constantly pointing out that they're lovers, if that's what makes you uncomfortable. Also, I made it slash for several reasons: I read subtext in canon, but mostly because I needed to give Sirius a reason to be utterly not attracted to Lily. As in never have sex with her. Ever. Even if he's out of his mind drunk. But don't worry – the slash references will be few and far between. I do hope you keep reading. 


	11. The Same Dough

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
The Same Dough  
  
Everyone is kneaded out of the same dough, but not baked in the same oven – Yiddish Proverb  
  
"At last, we meet again," Regulus whispered in a falsetto stage voice.  
  
Sasha laughed and kissed his lips chastely before kissing her brother-in- law's stubbly cheek. "I'm so glad you could make it, Sirius. Lily told me you haven't been feeling well lately."  
  
Sirius wondered if "lately" meant since his fall through the Veil or if he generally enjoyed declining health in this world. He quickly decided that the answer did not matter –Madame Pomfrey had told him more than once that his pessimistic attitude since escaping Azkaban was doing a number on his health. So, in the end, it did not particularly matter, as he had not been strictly "healthy" since before the Potters went into hiding. Sirius mentally reeled from the shock – it had been nearly sixteen years since he had been able to relax and have fun. No wonder he was not healthy!  
  
Reminiscing about his poor health and isolation from the world, Sirius did not notice his companions' worried looks or the fact that Lily led him along to their table by his elbow. He did not see Sasha's eyes grow wide, nor did he hear whatever it was that Regulus whispered to Lily. If he had, he might have been worried. If he had, he would not have known what to do. So, perhaps, in the end, it was best that he did not see what his family was doing.  
  
They sat at the restaurant table, making small talk. Regulus and Sirius informed their wives of what happened at the funeral home that day. Regulus regaled everyone with a humorous imitation of Vernon Dursley. Of course, Sirius quickly added, some of the effect was missing because Regulus did not have any rhinoceros blood in him. Everyone laughed at that. Apparently Sirius often made similar comments about his brother-in-law. Sirius was not quite sure what to make of this – should he be pleased that his counterpart shared his humor or should he be upset that his counterpart would delight in mocking family?  
  
When the waitress arrived to take their drink orders, Lily and Regulus were quite shocked when Sirius refrained from ordering an alcoholic beverage. Sirius did not care. He partially blamed the magical incident at his mother's farm on alcohol. If he had not drunk the brandy he had been given, perhaps the portraits of the Blacks would still be hanging on the dining room walls. And Moony had been after him for months to stop drinking as much, that even Harry and Hermione had noticed his developing habits and that drinking oneself into oblivion was not a healthy way to deal with Azkaban. They had never discussed the fact that there was not any healthy way to deal with the side effects of a long-term stay in Azkaban.  
  
Ten minutes later, when Lily was sipping her white wine and Regulus his beer, Sirius and Sasha shared a small pot of tea. Sasha was quite excited about having twins and did not dare go near alcohol for fear of hurting him, but even she shot him odd looks now and again. To be sure, they were confused looks, rather than the suspicious ones everyone else had worn, but Sirius still found them disconcerting.  
  
By the time their meals came, Sirius and Regulus had run out of office stories (Sirius was shocked that there were that many stories to tell in the first place) so the women took charge of the conversation. For the most part, Sirius concentrated on getting his food into his stomach and did not pay attention to the conversation. When he did pay attention, though, he made no effort to take part in it.  
  
Sasha patted her abdomen and laughed at a joke Sirius had not heard.  
  
Lily was smiling at her sister-in-law in such a way that made Sirius wonder if his wife wanted more children than just Harry. Circe preserve him, he hoped that Sasha's new pregnancy would not give her such a desire. It was one thing to lay in bed chastely with his best friend's wife, it was another thing altogether (and one thing he did not want to think about) to impregnate her.  
  
His green-eyed wife sighed. "Twins! I still can't believe it."  
  
"You can't believe it?! I can't! I didn't think we'd have any children after Thebe, but here I am pregnant again. I'm rather worried about her reaction, actually. I mean, she's only fourteen – just getting into those moody teen years – and now she's going to have younger brothers or sisters to boot."  
  
"Brothers or sisters?"  
  
"We've decided not to test for gender," Regulus genially explained. "It'll be something of a surprise."  
  
Lily shook her head. "I wouldn't have the patience; I would want to pick out the names and decorate the nursery." She shot Sirius a nervous look that he did not see. "That's what James and I did."  
  
Everyone expected a curt comment from Sirius that never came. Sasha quickly hurried the conversation along. "Well, we did that with Thebe, but we want a more relaxed approach with these two. We didn't kill Thebe, so we probably won't kill the twins."  
  
Regulus laughed. "But we've had Harry and Draco looking after her since they realized she was their cousin. We won't have that luxury this time around." He winked at his brother.  
  
Sirius inwardly winced. No, he thought, definitely no.  
  
Sasha missed the fraternal interchange. "Well, we'll just have to work harder then. And they can look after each other."  
  
After this, the conversation moved onto more mundane topics about which Sirius knew nothing: local politics, national and international trade, a terrorist bombing that made the news headlines last week, and Draco's invitation to a local two-week writers' conference. When the waitress finally came with the bill – which Regulus insisted on paying – Sirius almost breathed a sigh of relief. It was hard to sit there and not know what to say, even when a question was directed plainly at him. Oddly, it was Sasha more often than not who saved him.  
  
He and Lily quietly walked home together. Sirius watched the stars, smiling at his namesakes – Sirius and Orion. Ever since he was a child, he had made a habit of finding the stars, planets, and nebulae after which he and his relatives were named. Some he had never seen until he took astronomy at Hogwarts, but even his cell in Azkaban had a small, barred window. He knew the stars as a dog as well as he knew the stars as a man.  
  
"What are you looking at?" Lily asked suddenly, breaking him from his musings.  
  
"The stars," he answered softly.  
  
"The stars?" Lily repeated, unbelievingly.  
  
Sirius nodded. "Sirius and Orion, for me," he pointed out the celestial bodies as he named them, "Ursa, for my grandmother, and I believe Andromeda and Bellatrix would be over there."  
  
Lily nodded, but said nothing until they reached their flat.  
  
After she locked the door behind them, though, was an entirely different story.  
  
"What in all Hell was that?"  
  
Sirius, who had been busy trying to remember what fun he had had with the Marauders, gaped at his fiery haired wife. He realized he probably looked something like a black, hairy codfish, but did not have the presence of mind to do anything about it. Half of his mind was trying to recollect what the Dementors stole from him and the other half was working over time to figure out what Lily asked him.  
  
"Well?"  
  
Sirius blinked at her. "I don't know what you're talking about?"  
  
"What the Hell was that? No wine, no beer, no jokes, no talking?"  
  
He tried to wrap his mind around Lily saying 'Hell.' When he knew her, she always yelled at James when he used foul language. No, he thought, now is not the time to ponder the enigma that is Lily Evans. Now is the time to face her. "I was tired," he explained by way of excuse.  
  
"Tired my left foot!" Lily yelled. "You're quiet as a widow at a funeral and then on the way home you want to talk about the stars! You don't know anything about the stars!"  
  
"Of course, I do," Sirius replied, confused and hurt by her anger. "Astronomy – the study of the night sky."  
  
"I know what astronomy is!"  
  
Sirius nodded, as if the answer were self-explanatory, and began to walk to their bedroom. Maybe if Lily were really angry she would forget about Regulus' comment about the twins needing a playmate.  
  
"You will not leave this room in the middle of an argument, Sirius Black!"  
  
Sirius stared at his wife mournfully. It made Lily shiver and fueled her anger at the same time. Why in God's name was he doing this? What was wrong?  
  
"Why, Siri? Why?" A tear slid out of the corner of an emerald eye.  
  
"Why what? Lily, what am I doing that upsets you so much?"  
  
"You've always been able to tell me everything – even when you were in love with your best friends' wife. What on Earth are you hiding from me?"  
  
Sirius shivered at the thought of being enamoured with a married woman – well, any woman – and thought for a moment before answering. "I'm not hiding anything," he lied. "You know I would tell you."  
  
Lily just watched her husband and shook her head.  
  
Bloody hell, he thought, she does not believe me. She knows I am lying. "Look, what are you worried about?"  
  
"I don't know, and that's what scares me. I don't know what's wrong. And I can't help you." Lily collapsed into the armchair. "Since Friday night you've been acting odd. Maybe I'm overreacting. I mean, nothing could change you that much in three days, could it?"  
  
Sirius could not help but let loose a barking laugh. "I suppose not. I mean, what life altering, cataclysmic catastrophe could have happened to me on Friday night?"  
  
"See? That's exactly what I'm talking about!"  
  
He shrugged. "I have nothing to hide."  
  
"Then I suppose this conversation is over?"  
  
Sirius nodded and poured himself a glass of water while Lily checked the messages on the telephone machine. As he sipped his water, he watched her intently, wondering what the mechanism was for. He could tell that it probably had something to do with the telephone, hence the name, but a telephone was already a machine. Why would one machine need another machine? Needless to say, he was slightly surprised when he realized that it was used to record telephone messages.  
  
The first two messages were for Lily, one regarding a book club to which she belonged and the other a message from Arabella Figg, asking if Lily would mind cat sitting the next weekend so that Arabella could visit her granddaughter in York. In Sirius' world, young Grace Figg had been killed in the Death Eater massacre of December 1979, but apparently she was alive and well in this Voldemort-free world. The third and final message was from Remus.  
  
"Hey, guys. I guess you're out. Just wanted to know how you were doing and let you know that Harry is readjusting to school life. I made sure he went to all of his classes today, and he shocked me by going to the library, apparently to see Miss Hermione Granger. He said you'd know something about that, Sirius. It was a pretty normal day, but I knew you would want an update. And, Sirius, Snivellus told me to tell you that if you have any problems, feel free to call him. I have no idea what he's talking about, but feel free to use to the number to verbally abuse him to your heart's content. That fellow must be going soft in the head." Remus' voice gave them a telephone number, which Sirius promptly wrote on a pad of paper by the machine, and then clicked off.  
  
Lily glanced apprehensively at her husband before going to the bedroom.  
  
Sirius was sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed only in some old plaid pants, watching Lily brush out her long auburn hair, when the telephone rang. When it became obvious that Sirius was not going to answer it, Lily picked up the extension in their room.  
  
"Hello?" she asked into the receiver, as Sirius watched curiously. "Yes, yes, of course. Well, yes, it is getting late. Yes, I will tell him. Of course. Good bye."  
  
When the simple one-sided conversation ended, Lily perched herself on one end of the bed, studying her husband. Sirius, uncomfortable with the scrutiny, sighed. "Who was that?"  
  
"That was Sasha. She was acting very curiously."  
  
"Really?" asked Sirius, not really knowing what to do. Moony had never been like this; either he would say something or he would not. Maybe it had something to do with being female.  
  
"Yes, in fact, she sounded rather like Dr. Snape."  
  
Sirius silently tried to reconcile the images of Sasha and Severus and did not journey very far. They were rather opposites, in personality, at least. And Sasha did not have greasy hair. "What?"  
  
"Remus told us," Lily replied, slowly and deliberately, "that Dr. Snape said that if anything was wrong, you could call him."  
  
"Well, yes. But what does that have to do with Sasha?"  
  
"Sasha said the same thing. To tell you that if anything was wrong, feel free to call her, anytime."  
  
Sirius just stared at his wife. He did not even know Sasha! Why would she do that? Unless she thought he was mad, the way many in the Order had.  
  
"Sirius, what is going on? Why are these people offering you their support? Will you please tell me what's going on?"  
  
Maybe it was time to mix some truth in with his lies. Prongs had always said that was the best way to make them believable. "I have no idea why Sasha said what she did. You know we aren't close. Severus is, well, he's not a friend, but he's something kind of like that... He's a confidant. That's it. So we talk. It's not that important, Lils. Really, it isn't."  
  
Lily nodded and began to brush out her hair. Sirius found he liked to watch her do that, since he had nothing else to do. They did not speak to each other, each lost in his or her own maelstroms of thought. For once, their thought patterns were similar: what did Sasha and Severus want?  
  
As she climbed into bed, though, Lily said one thing that kept Sirius cold and awake for hours. "Sasha asked me to tell you something, if you felt uncomfortable talking to her. I don't understand it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"She says she knows Askavan."  
  
Sirius froze. "Azkaban?"  
  
"That's it."  
  
Sirius swore silently to himself. Why would Sasha know about Azkaban?  
  
"Is Azkaban some Middle Easterner or something?" Lily asked innocently.  
  
"No."  
  
"Who is it then?"  
  
"Nothing. It's nothing," Sirius replied silently defaming his former abode with an anger and fervor that Lily could never understand.  
  
And though Lily fell asleep with relative ease in their warm bed, Sirius lay silently awake, wondering what he had gotten himself into when he fell through that Veil.  
  
* This chapter is dedicated to NO NAME, lol who is my most devoted reviewer. He's been there since the beginning. Thank you!  
  
Author's Note: Sorry about updating on Friday, but I haven't been able to access my account for the past two days. Blame the server, not the author.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101, deb-sampson, sara*magic: I take both of those as ultimate compliments.  
  
Pam Briggs: Thank you. There will be more Regulus-Sirius interaction ensuing so I'm happy you enjoy it. We will learn, though, that there is more to Sirius' family than meets the eye.  
  
Beseeched by Locomotives: There will be more "Sirius bashing" ahead. I'm trying to keep everyone human. And insane. But that's slightly beside the point. And thank you for the compliment on my other story; there will be more mention of llamas later.  
  
C. M. Aeris Queen of Insanity: I'm not saying anything about that. It's called suspense. But I will request that no one sends me death threats after the last chapter. (The final chapter, not this one, that is.)  
  
NO NAME, lol: Well, I dedicated the chapter to you so I think that says everything.  
  
Thank you to everyone who said that they don't mind slash. It makes me feel good that you care enough to say that. It will be mild, but slash references will be there. Don't be afraid, though, if you don't like slash: just gloss over them. There's subtext for everyone else. 


	12. Custom

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Custom  
  
It is time I learned the custom of my husband's people. – Robert Aspirin  
  
That week, his first week in this strange, inverted world, Sirius began to fall into a pattern. Lily would wake him in the morning with a kiss. As much as he hated romantic contact with the woman he still saw as his best friend's wife, it was better than other amorous interaction of which he could think. He would eat his breakfast, always-damnable eggs, as quickly as he could and then head off for work at the Black Family Funeral Home. Everyday he quietly thanked the powers that be for placing the mortuary close to his flat so Muggle money, trains, buses, or automobiles would not confuse him. Sirius shuddered at the thought of his regrettable attempts to drive a Muggle automobile. He would then spend his full day at work. Severus would be proud, he reflected on Wednesday, as he worked skillfully at the computer. Well, a critical voice at the back of his mind amended, more skillfully than his original Sunday endeavor. After work, though he would always work later than Regulus, he would return straight home. Lily often tried to amuse him with her television and videos, but they confused him and he felt that he should understand them.  
  
Sirius was trying his best to acclimate himself. He really was. On Tuesday morning, though, Lily caught him crying in the shower. Regulus often asked him why he was working long hours, were he and Lily having problems. Once he got lost on his way home, taking Benson Road instead of Saxon Lane. When Peter visited, to return Lily's Tupperware, Sirius hid himself in the bedroom for an hour, not trusting himself to act properly around the traitor's counterpart. The worst thing was that he could see the suspicion and confusion in Lily's eyes, the same confusion that marred them back in 1980. But this time he could not have James soothe away her fears, explain that Sirius was not the traitor. Because this time, Sirius did not know what she feared.  
  
He dutifully avoided Sasha, his brother's wife, after she told Lily she knew about Azkaban. There were several possibilities that lay in that direction. One was that Severus told Sasha about Sirius. He doubted that the greasy-haired doctor would do so, and he really did not want to think of his ally and friend as a person who would so easily betray his trust. Uneasy thoughts also came as to why Severus would tell Sasha such a thing. A second possibility was that Sasha had come through the Veil, herself. That would make his sister-in-law a traitor of the highest order – but not a murderer. It would make sense, though, that such a woman would attach herself to the House of Black in this new world she called home. Sirius did not remember any traitors by the name of Sasha, but he did not know her maiden name, and, in any case, she could easily have changed her name after passing through the Veil. The third case was that Sasha was simply mad and came up with the name out of thin air. In short, that it was a coincidence. Sirius had had a great deal of experience with madness and coincidences and this smelled of neither. The final chance, in Sirius' mind, was that Sasha had somehow met a traitor who had been pushed through the Veil.  
  
Sirius tried to remember the men and women who had been pushed through the Veil in the '70's. For the Archway and Veil, as the newspapers had so pompously called it, were a favored form of 'execution' for traitors during Voldemort's first rise to power. Remus, who had studied the Veil until werewolves and other nonhumans were removed from Ministry payroll, claimed that the Veil did not kill its victims. Yes, he had agreed that he never saw the traitors again, but there was no evidence for their supposed deaths. Shortly after voicing his opinions, Remus had been fired. If a man or woman openly or secretly betrayed the Light, but had not cast an Unforgivable, they had been pushed through the Veil. Sirius recalled the names that had been listed in the Daily Prophet, some while he had still been at school. David O'Brien, whose entire family had been killed in a battle, was pushed through during their sixth year. Elizabeth Jamison was condemned after a Ministry official found a Dark Mark on her arm. She had been in Sirius' year at Hogwarts. Dana Lawrence had gone half-mad and told everyone the details of initiation into Death Eater ranks. Wolfgang Sullivan had been like Peter, betraying a family he had formally sworn to protect. Remus had personally executed, with two team members, Patrick Finnegan, cousin to the Finnegan boy in Harry's class. The only other person who had shared their fate was Gita Chatterjee, an Indian immigrant found nursing known Death Eaters after a major battle.  
  
He shivered, despite the warm air in the apartment, realizing that the only people who understood his troubles were crazed, Pureblood manic Dark witches and wizards. It was not a comfortable spot to be in and suddenly his book on a detective by the name of Sherlock Holmes did seem so interesting.  
  
"Oh, there you are, Sirius!" Lily cried as she bustled into the apartment, coming in from whatever charity group she had been working with that day.  
  
Sirius smiled weakly, still thinking about the fallen Death Eaters. "Yep, right where I always am, eh?"  
  
Lily nodded. "And what book are you reading today, dear?"  
  
"Er," Sirius quickly looked to the spine of his thin book. "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes...Sir Arthur Conan Doyle."  
  
"One of Harry's books? Why on Earth are you reading that?"  
  
"Well, it looked interesting."  
  
Lily shook her head. "What about that one on Winston Churchill you were reading the other night? You've been raving about it for weeks. I can't imagine you've finished it already."  
  
Sirius shrugged and did not try to argue with her. He remembered the first time she 'caught' him reading one of Harry's books.  
  
Sirius lay back, relaxed in bed, with a book he had found in Harry's room resting on his lap. It was a companion to the mythology book Harry had been reading on Saturday night and Sirius, having been utterly confused by the mythology itself, was reading it in the hopes of understanding any of it. Lily was in the living room, watching a favorite television program.  
  
"Siri, I thought you would be asleep by now," Lily said as she walked into the room, her auburn hair swinging behind her.  
  
Sirius glanced at the digital clock next to the bed. "I guess I lost track of the time."  
  
"Is your book really that engrossing?" Lily teased. "There's only so much of dead statesmen and century-old wars a person can take."  
  
His brows creased. "What?"  
  
"Well, you're reading one of your books, aren't you?"  
  
"One of my – Oh, no. I found this one in Harry's room." He lifted the book so that Lily could read the cover.  
  
Lily frowned. "Why are you reading that?"  
  
"I tried to read one of Harry's mythology books yesterday, but I didn't understand any of it so I figured that this might help. Can't hurt, in any case."  
  
His wife only pursed her lips and pulled her hair into a loose braid. Then she quietly climbed into bed next to him, without trying to seduce him or even give a standard 'goodnight.'  
  
Somehow, for Sirius, the silence was worse than an argument. He had never seen Lily, in his world, not make a comment on something that was bothering her. In their seventh year, James-Lily fights in the Gryffindor common room were legendary. If either of them were seen angry with the other, the entire common room emptied out, the other students heading to the library, the Quidditch pitch, or other places to talk and study. What on Earth had happened to Lily's fiery temper?  
  
Since that particular incident, Sirius had made a point of reading Harry's books, as a way to provoke Lily's temper. He really found some of the books to be ridiculous; Harry seemed to be enamored with a genre known as "fantasy" and the authors were continually wrong about magic and magical beings. For Merlin's sake, he had even read a story about a friendly Basilisk! Yet any of these fairy-tale type novels were better than the books that lined the shelves in his bedroom. He had tried to read them, but the authors would make allusions to stories of which he had never even heard and required a basic understanding of modern British politics. Sirius knew the goings-on in the Ministry of Magic from the past four centuries, but was hard-pressed to name the monarch that currently ruled over him.  
  
"Sirius?" Lily asked nervously, poking at her beef nervously.  
  
Her husband, who still had not gotten over his time as a starving convict, psychologically, at least, swallowed his mouthful of potato. "Yes?"  
  
"Well..." she trailed off, taking a sudden interest in pouring herself a glass of wine.  
  
Sirius only raised his eyebrows and shoved some more beef into his mouth.  
  
"It's just that I promised Sasha that the four of us would go out to dinner tomorrow night."  
  
He sighed inwardly, having made a point to avoid human contact, if possible, for the week, but he had known, in the back of his mind, that he would have to face the music, so to speak, by Sunday, at the latest. "I don't see why that would be a problem." So that Lily would not see the lie in his eyes, he concentrated on forcing as much food into his mouth as was possible.  
  
"It's just that..." Lily did not finish her sentence, but her emerald eyes silently pleaded with her husband; if only Sirius knew what she wanted.  
  
"What?" Sirius asked, still not meeting his wife's gaze.  
  
"Well, you've been acting odd all week, dear," she replied, almost wincing as she did.  
  
Sirius snorted and sipped his wine. He would try his best to win this particular battle. He only hoped that Sasha had not said anything important to Lily.  
  
"You have," Lily repeated, more firmly this time. "Regulus has noticed it, too."  
  
"And Sasha, has Sasha noticed?"  
  
Lily bit her lip. "If she has, she hasn't mentioned it. In fact, she pointedly avoids you as a topic of conversation, after that call on Monday night."  
  
"Have you considered that it might all be in your imagination?" Sirius held his breath. This argument had worked for Remus when he was hiding his lycanthropy and it had covered the goings-on of the Black family for centuries, but he was not sure if it would work with Lily.  
  
He immediately knew it did not when she slammed her wine glass down on the table. "It is not our imagination, Sirius! We've both noticed it! Remus and Peter did, too!"  
  
Why did I want her to have her temper? Sirius thought desperately. An angry Lily was a dangerous Lily.  
  
"I want to know what's going on in my husband's life! Who is Azkavan and what does Sasha know? What does Snape have to do with all of this?"  
  
"Azkaban, Lily. The word is Azkaban."  
  
"I don't care! Who is she? Are you having an affair?"  
  
Sirius frowned at his wife. He sure hoped he was not having an affair; his life was complicated enough without adding a mistress to the mix.  
  
"Don't look at me like that, Sirius. After what James did, I have to know. Are you having an affair with Azkaban?"  
  
It may have been inappropriate, but Sirius burst out laughing. From the look on Lily's face, she did not see what was so amusing about her question, but Sirius found it hilarious. If you looked at it from one perspective, he thought, he really had had an affair with Azkaban, a twelve- year long grueling affair. And Azkaban was not a mistress who let her lovers go free.  
  
"I'll take that as a 'yes,' then," Lily growled.  
  
Shit.  
  
"No, Lily, please," he begged. "I'm not having an affair. It's only... well, your question was rather amusing."  
  
She lifted one auburn eyebrow. Sirius wished he could do that. Whenever he tried to raise only one eyebrow, though, both went up.  
  
"Azkaban is a place... honey." Sirius really did not want to give her such a term of endearment, but perhaps it would help to calm her down.  
  
"I've never heard of it."  
  
"It's an island, a very small island."  
  
"Where?" Lily obviously did not believe him.  
  
Sirius tried to remember. He had never actually looked for it on a map. "It's in the North Sea, off the coast of Scotland. It isn't really anything more than windswept rock; cold, miserable, and uninviting all around."  
  
"Then why did Sasha say she knows it?"  
  
Shrugging, Sirius honestly replied, "I'm not sure. Really, I don't know what she meant by it."  
  
"Very well," Lily sighed, gathering the dishes together.  
  
"Lily," he whispered softly, wondering why she had such a broken spirit.  
  
"Remus and Peter will be over for in the afternoon tomorrow, since we'll be out with your brother for dinner."  
  
Sirius blinked at the rapid change of subject. "Sounds wonderful," he said slowly. "I'll invite Severus to come as well?"  
  
Lily visibly bristled at the sound of the man's name, but calmly answered, "Very well. Tell him we'll be having some soup for luncheon."  
  
While his wife cleaned the dishes, Sirius made the telephone call to Severus. He only reached the man's answering machine and simply left a message asking him to the flat. Sirius desperately wanted to talk to him about the situation with Sasha. Thoughts had been bouncing around his head for almost a week now and he was no closer to a solution than he had been on Monday night. Perhaps Severus knew Sasha or knew what she meant when she said she knew about Azkaban.  
  
That night, as he and his wife settled into bed, not even the gripping tale entitled, "A Study in Scarlet" could wrench his mind from the upcoming meeting with a potential Death Eater. When he was sure that Lily was asleep, Sirius checked to see that his wand was securely in the drawer of his bedside table, ready to be used in an instant. Even with that reassurance, it took him hours to fall asleep.  
  
Dedication: Beseeched by Locomotives: For the long reviews that forced my ego to move out of the thimble it once called home.  
  
Author's Note: Yes, its Thursday (not Wednesday) but my computer had to be resurrected from the dead, so bear with me.  
  
I finally found a Beta and we've been going through most of my posted chapters this week, so there will be small changes in them (mostly grammatical structure and word choice). My future chapters (hopefully starting with chapter thirteen) will be betaed before I post them.  
  
Beseeched by Locomotives: You know by now that I won't be giving any of the plot away, but I will admit that Sasha has a part to play. And I won't tell you what part (it will become obvious in a chapter or two).  
  
Pam Briggs: Haha, the suspicions. You've got your focus in the right place, but I'm not saying anything about Sasha.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101, chevalier Ryu: I can't tell you that – it's called keeping the audience in suspense.  
  
Fox of Midnight, saramagic: Thank you.  
  
Mariner: Thank you, thank you. And with the Dursleys... Here is my theory on how the characters of my world (and their personalities) are governed: In Harry's world, the Blacks were evil because of their power to do magic. Do you know the expression, power corrupts? I'm using that idea. The Blacks were Dark (no pun intended) because they believed their magic made them superior to Muggles, as seen in their tendencies to enjoy Muggle hunting. Stripped of their power, they might form other prejudices, but they would not take the same joy in others' pain. Andromeda and Sirius joined the Light almost as a reaction to their family. If their family was "Light" then they might still have a rebellion, but it would go the other way. Not all wizards are power-hungry, so they may not have changed. The Dursleys have not changed because magic did not corrupt them (according to my line of thought). Remus' lycanthropy made him more aware of the pain of others, so he does not have the same sympathy in my world as he does in Harry's. Does that make sense?  
  
Touya: Things will happen as they happen. Harry is still at school and Draco is away at a conference of some kind, on politics, I believe. They will arrive in due time. And who ever said that Sirius was going to get back to his Moony?  
  
Always Rosalind: Thank you. I can't say I've ever read Outlander, so I have no idea what you are talking about or whose idea I stole (er... appropriated), but thank you anyway. Maybe I'll have to read those just to find out just who shares my thoughts.  
  
Author's Note: Don't kill me for my response to Touya. Everything will be explained in due time... 


	13. Swimming Against the Stream

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Swimming Against the Stream  
  
The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it. – Woodrow Wilson  
  
"Bloody Genghis Khan."  
  
"What?" Severus asked, peering at Sirius over his glass of ice water. He had noticed that Sirius was not acting like himself. Lily, Remus, and Peter were constantly watching him. But he did not understand what a dead Mongolian had to do with anything. "Lily."  
  
"I thought you said Genghis Khan."  
  
"I did."  
  
"Lily is Genghis Khan?" Severus looked worriedly at his newfound friend. He might have been a wizard, but wizards could be crazy just like any other human being. Or so Severus thought. Sirius nodded. "I suppose he existed in this world, too?"  
  
"Yes. He was a powerful Mongolian war leader."  
  
"As he was in my world. But in my world he was a powerful wizard as well, one of the last great necromancers of the modern era. The family library had three biographies on him; I had to read them all before I attended Hogwarts. He was an ideal."  
  
Severus winced at the thought of a necromancer being an ideal. "So why is dear Lily Genghis Khan?"  
  
"Well, she has green eyes, red hair, paranoia to rival a Dark Lord, and one Hell of a temper, if you hit her at the right moment."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"She thinks I'm cheating on her."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Sasha, my brother's wife, knows something." Sirius saw Severus narrow his eyes, making calculations on his mental stability. "No, she called here Monday night, saying she knew about Azkaban. Lily took that to mean that I was having an affair with someone named Azkaban."  
  
"That's not good."  
  
"No. And she said something that confused me. She said that after James she just had to know."  
  
Severus nodded. "Am I to assume that this did not happen in your world?"  
  
"They died in 1981. Before that, they were the perfect, loving couple. I can't imagine what she's talking about."  
  
"Oh. I'm assuming also that James was a dear friend?"  
  
"Closer than brothers." Then Sirius caught onto where Severus was leading him. "What did he do? Look, I understand that the people in this world are not the people in my world. We're too different. I don't even like my counterpart."  
  
Severus shrugged. "I just don't want to be on the wrong end of the infamous Black temper. Promise me that you won't become upset with me because of something James Potter did years ago. You two were attached at the hip while we were still at school, chasing after the same girls, playing on the house cricket team, taking the same classes." It was awkward to speak to Sirius like this, like he was a student, but he instinctively knew that Sirius would not respond to sarcasm today in the same way he had the previous week. "Very well, whatever James did, it will not be blamed on you."  
  
The dark-eyed counselor hesitated for a moment. "When Harry was only a year or two old, you... well, according to rumor – and I cannot verify this – you caught Potter, Sr. behaving rather inappropriately with a young woman of dubious virtue."  
  
Sirius pondered this explanation for a moment. "Severus, I'm not some silly student who doesn't know about sex yet. Would you care to put that in layman's terms? That was pretty vague."  
  
"You aren't going to like it."  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"Fine," Severus snapped. "You walked in on your friend when he was shagging an underage whore."  
  
"What?!"  
  
Lily, Peter, and Remus looked up from their teatime discussion to stare at the two raven-haired men sitting on the couch. "Keep your voice down," Severus hissed. "You're supposed to know that already!"  
  
Sirius took a few deep, calming breaths, the ones Poppy taught him to use when he was angry with Snape. "What happened after that?"  
  
"You threw the girl out of the room and proceeded to having an embarrassingly loud argument with Potter, or so the story goes. In the end, he left Lily and Harry to run off with the girl. You helped to support Lily after that and eventually proposed."  
  
"Why would I propose?"  
  
"You'd only been chasing her for five years. It seemed to be natural progression."  
  
Sirius shook his head. "Unbelievable."  
  
His ally merely shrugged and sipped his water. "I assume you invited me over for a reason other than be glared at by the thugs you call friends."  
  
Suddenly, the teapot sitting on the kitchen table, a centerpiece in front of the remaining Marauders, burst. Shards of ceramic and near boiling tea played havoc with the table, the kitchenette, and everything else in the general vicinity. When Sirius saw what he had done, he buried his face in his hands. Peter gave a cry as a piece of the teapot, still coated in the hot liquid, cut into the top of his hand. Remus had had enough sense to dive under the table and Lily had leapt away from the explosion, being hit with less shrapnel than Peter. "What the Hell was that?"  
  
"I – I don't know."  
  
"What could make the teapot do that?"  
  
"Do you know if stress placed on ceramic could make a bomb?"  
  
"Yes, Peter. I was just researching that for my history class. How are we supposed to know?"  
  
Sirius gave a long, slow sigh of relief when no one associated the minor explosion with him. "I suppose that you have something to do with that?" Severus asked archly. Sirius nodded shamefully. "Wandless magic. When a witch or wizard experience strong emotions, we have the tendency to make things explode."  
  
"Remind not to induce strong emotions."  
  
The wizard shrugged as if to say, "You wouldn't do that anyway."  
  
The two men sat on the couch in uncomfortable silence for a time. Peter and Remus were examining the porcelain while Lily cleaned the table with a washcloth. Sirius watched the scene of quiet domesticity while Severus flipped through a magazine he found on the end table. "Well?"  
  
Sirius blinked. "Well what?"  
  
"Before you decided to show off, I asked you if there were a specific reason you requested my company today."  
  
"Oh. Well, yes. And it's nice to have someone to talk to." Severus raised a brow, but let Sirius to continue. "Are you familiar with Sasha Black?"  
  
"Your brother's wife? I've seen her socially. She was three years behind us at school."  
  
"Was she, now? Do you know her maiden name?"  
  
Severus thought for a moment. "Something Irish... Oh, yes, Sullivan! Sasha Sullivan."  
  
The blood slowly drained from Sirius' face. "Sullivan?"  
  
"Does it have specific significance to you? Were you enemies of some sort?"  
  
"Circe, no. I'd never met the girl before coming here. Does she have any siblings?"  
  
"I'm not an expert on family trees, Sirius."  
  
"Please," Sirius begged. "I have to know. Does she have a brother named Wolfgang?" Severus blinked. "Yes... he's been in a psychiatric ward since the end of our sixth year, though."  
  
"Shit."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Wolfgang Sullivan was supposed to be executed for high treason, accessory to murder, and Muggle-hunting."  
  
"Muggle-hunting?"  
  
"Some of the Darker Pureblood families like to hunt non-magical people for sport."  
  
"But this man was in your world, he could be entirely different here," Severus pointed out logically. "You don't understand. The way the Ministry executed traitors was by pushing them through the Veil. Only six people were sentenced to that fate. Everyone else was left to rot in Azkaban."  
  
"The same Veil you fell through?"  
  
Sirius nodded. "I suppose you could almost call this place a penal colony."  
  
"But why are you worried? Sasha knows her brother is insane, even if he could recognize you after so many years."  
  
"You don't understand. She said she knows about Azkaban. She knows something, Severus, but I don't know what it is. If Sullivan has been feeding her lies, especially any about me, I have a powerful enemy."  
  
"Why would he talk to her about you?"  
  
"He and I were polar opposites. We were, are, both blood traitors. I come from a Dark, Slytherin family, but was a Gryffindor Auror. Sullivan was Ravenclaw and led his own family to their deaths. In any Dark circles, I was routinely criticized for not taking my role as heir to the House of Black. Anything Sasha knows about me will be twisted into something else."  
  
Severus seemed to be taken aback by this sudden information. "Well, we have until Sunday to do something about it then."  
  
"No, no. It couldn't be that simple. Lily and Regulus arranged a double dinner date for the four of us tonight. That's why Remus and Peter are here now. Apparently they normally come over for supper, but we won't be here come evening."  
  
His brows furrowed, Severus thought a moment. "We don't know what Sasha knows, correct?"  
  
"Correct."  
  
"Just pretend you don't know what she's talking about. Surely she'll just think she made a mistake."  
  
"Again, I already thought of that. Everyone else has noticed that I'm not acting myself lately. I have different interests, different favorite foods, and a different attitude. The others think I'm cheating on Lily, but Sasha realized the truth. She probably saw how her brother acted after he fell through the Veil and I'm exhibiting the same characteristics."  
  
"You seem to be closing the doors to every opportunity. Besides, if you're going to a restaurant, she can't very well announce that she thinks you're from another universe, now can she?"  
  
"I suppose not. But it's unnerving. It's flat-out wretched."  
  
Severus shrugged. "It's your choice, but I'd play dumb."  
  
"How Slytherin of you," Sirius commented bitterly. "What do you mean, how Slytherin of me? And before, you said you were a blood traitor because you weren't in Slytherin. What do you have against the House?"  
  
"You're too dark, cunning, and power-obsessed. You don't seem to be like that here, but that's what being a Slytherin means."  
  
"What?" Severus blinked. "You know, when you get Sorted. You're sent to what ever House matches your personality."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Is it different here, then?"  
  
"Students are sorted by a computer generated program, placing them into each House entirely randomly."  
  
"Odd."  
  
Severus shrugged benignly and sipped his ice water. "Whatever happens with Sasha, I would like to know. I've given you something of blind faith at the moment and I want to know everything I can about this situation."  
  
"Very well. But if it's bad news I want to be able to break it to Harry myself. Sweet Circe, I hope I don't do something stupid tonight."  
  
"Are you planning on something in particular?" Severus asked dryly. Sirius laughed bitterly. "No, but I seem to make a habit of it."  
  
Severus retained his unreadable expression and opened his magazine, signaling an end to their conversation. * * * *  
  
Author's Note: This is here with many thanks to my BETA, Toasterlicious, who can beta faster than most people (myself included) can analytically read.  
  
Snuffles2: Thank you. Although with your wording, I'm picturing someone making an apple pie: add a teaspoon of cinnamon, a quarter teaspoon of nutmeg, and a dash of homosexuality. It amused me for a bit, thinking of it.  
  
Silveredice, I like angst, gaul1, Samara-Morgan-101, Jazzylady, rebel brat: Why, thank you.  
  
Beseeched by Locomotives: See? It's here on Wednesday even though I had to borrow someone else's computer (mine keeps rejecting Word). Feel special all you like; that's what dedications are for. And don't worry overly much – I'm a romantic as well and if it isn't a happy ending – well, it isn't over yet. Remember that.  
  
NO NAME, lol: Well, I won't give any of the plot away but... This is not a romance driven story by any stretch of the imagination, so fear not. But that also includes Sirius falling for another woman. And, shame on you, he's married! But, no, the S/R undertones will remain that – undertones.  
  
C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity: Severus? He's at work! He isn't rich enough to slack off on that – and those poor children need him. My characters must continue with their daily lives, despite whatever angst I throw their way.  
  
Pam Briggs: You just wait until you see Lily's reaction. You just wait.  
  
Arianna: Two reviews! Anyway, slashy undertones are just undertones... for now. But there will be warnings, etc. for those who don't like slash. But that won't be for a while yet – and he does miss his Remus.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: Muhahahaha. My attempts to whore off my fic have worked! Actually... which links didn't work? Thank you. And we may or may not see James, I'm not saying anything. I just hope you don't like James. Especially if you just read this chapter.  
  
Lil Miss Potter: Your wish is my command. Actually, we're just thinking on the same wavelength, but you'll get what you want in any case. 


	14. Bad Judgment

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Bad Judgment  
  
I have noted that persons with bad judgment are most insistent that we do what they think best. – Lionel Abel  
  
Sirius nervously tapped the side of his wine glass with his forefinger and exchanged a Look with Sasha over the crimson tablecloth. His sister-in- law's hazel eyes seemed sympathetic as she watched Sirius, but she was just as nervous as he was.   
  
The ambiance of the restaurant was stunning. Sirius knew he did not have much to which to compare the restaurant, but he still thought it was beautiful. It had some sort of French name that Sirius could not remember and he therefore assumed that either it had not existed in his world or that it had been a Muggle eatery. Even though he had been great friends with Muggle-borns and so-called half-breeds, he had always felt uncomfortable in Muggle places. It was safer to remain in magical areas anyway.  
  
Yet, even the soft, golden candlelight and the crimson and silver color scheme could not distract Sirius from the dreadful tableau that was his table. All the beauty of the restaurant could do was soften the suspicious tension of the Blacks. Sirius doubted that even magic could dispel these hostilities, not that he wanted to pull his wand from his coat pocket in the first place.  
  
The evening, needless to say, had not gone as planned. Actually, Sirius thought, that would be the understatement of the year.  
  
Sasha had planned the night so that she could see who Sirius really was. Sirius had thought to endure being with his family as long as he could without going mad; or, at least, madder than he already was. Regulus had come to dinner for the romance and camaraderie he so often found with his family. Lily spent the evening in the restaurant because that was the good, loving thing to do.  
  
Now, Sasha and Sirius had become unwitting allies in an emotional minefield that would have made Salazar himself green with envy. Sasha only knew that Sirius was acting increasingly like Wolfgang had before Wolfgang had been committed. She knew that could not be a good thing. Her brother always said he acted the way he did because of a place called Azkaban. Sirius knew that Sasha knew something about his life and that she did not think he was having an illicit affair. That was enough, unfortunately, to make him trust her, if only for the night.  
  
Apparently, Regulus had called Lily, to reaffirm their plans for the night, while Sirius walked Peter, Remus, and Severus to the train. As she was alone in the apartment, without fear of reproach from Sirius, Lily had confessed her suspicions to her husband's brother. By the time Sirius returned to the flat, the conversation had ended and Lily was in the bathroom fixing her make-up. But Sirius knew, as soon as he saw Regulus at the table, that Lily had told him.  
  
Normally, Sirius would not have had a problem with Lily talking to his brother. In fact, at the moment, he was probably more stable than Sirius and therefore a better person upon whom to rely. But not in this case. In this case, he and Sasha knew that an affair was possibly the furthest thing from his mind. But Lily had convinced Regulus that he was having an affair. And Regulus was less than pleased with his brother. Regulus loved Lily like a sister and since he thought Sirius had broken her, hurting her even more than James had, Regulus seemed ready to rend Sirius emotional limb from emotional limb. Indeed, Severus had not been lying when he said the Black temper was infamous.  
  
Outwardly, as was true in Sirius' world, everything seemed to be normal, close to perfect even, while those who belonged to the family knew that suspicion had replaced trust, and fear had taken the place of faith. Lily, with her scarlet coif and silk dress, looked just as stunning with Sirius as the dark-haired Sasha, glowing with the first stages of her pregnancy, did with Regulus. The restaurant workers knew the Blacks quite well and sat them at their favorite table, not noticing anything new between the two couples.  
  
The mind games, the emotional battle, had begun before the couples had even ordered their dinners. Regulus had insisted that he sit next to Lily. Lily had looked at him questioningly, but sat down in the chair he pulled out for her. To the casual observer, Regulus was only being polite to his sister-in-law. But Sirius was no casual observer and caught the look Regulus gave him. He was quite well acquainted with the signature you-will- die-a-painful-and-gruesome-death-at-my-hands look all of the Black had patented by the age of eight. After all, he had been on the receiving end of that look all his life.  
  
When Sasha saw the interchange, she had looked to Sirius, startled, her doe- like eyes questioning him. She quietly sat next to him, and subtly hinted that he should have the lobster bisque rather than the filet mingnon. Sirius gave her an odd look, before remembering that he was acting in a manner that reminded her of her lunatic brother. She probably did not want him to be near any particularly sharp cutlery. So, he quietly complied.  
  
While they sipped their wine (and Sasha drank her sparkling water), Regulus began with the verbal barbs. Sirius had years of experience in deflecting such insults, but it hurt him to see that each time he evaded that question Lily looked more and more hurt. The only problem Sirius had was that he did not know the answers to the questions, did not know how to respond to the attacks. He was swept up in the windstorm of someone else's life, a stranger's choices.  
  
By the time the pretty, young waitress brought him his bisque, Sirius was ready to scream. Lily was almost as angry as Regulus. Apparently when pushed to her breaking point, the red head resorted to fury rather than tears. Yes, Sirius thought with melancholy, she is indeed a second Genghis Khan. At least she does not have an army of the dead waiting at her beck and call. It would be a dark day in Hell, indeed, when Lily chose to use the power of necromancy against him. At the moment, he was sure that if she had magic, she would undoubtedly be hexing him six ways to Sunday.  
  
Making Sirius feel like he was back in History of Magic with Binns, Sasha gave him a napkin saying, "It will all be ok." Sirius hoped the chestnut- haired woman was right, but he had learned long ago not to lean on hope. It had the depressing tendency to let him down at the last minute. In response to the childish note, he only glanced at Sasha and sighed.  
  
And then he nearly spewed his bisque onto Lily at Regulus' next comment.  
  
"I hear you've been spending a great deal of time with Severus Snape. Perhaps he's a bit more up your alley?"  
  
Sirius was very nearly ready to respond in the positive and then give him the gory details of his relationship with Remus, but the pained look on Lily's face stopped him. And the thought that this Remus was not his Moony and such comments could isolate him from the few friends he had in this world.  
  
"Just what do you think you are implying, brother?" Sirius asked, trying to infuse the question with enough anger and self-righteous outrage.  
  
From the look in his brother's eyes, Sirius realized that the words he spoke had too much venom. Regulus' pale eyes glittered like ice chips on a January morning, but he inclined his head in apology. "I am implying nothing, merely suggesting you spend more time at home."  
  
"He spends every waking hour either at home or at work, Regulus."  
  
Every head turned to stare at Sasha. Normally Regulus' wife was not quite so outspoken and usually sided with her husband in family arguments, as Lily did with Sirius. Yet, the pale woman did not seem to regret her course of action.  
  
"What?" Regulus finally managed to ask.  
  
"You've told me every day this week that Sirius has been working overtime. Lily says that he returns home every night barely in time for supper. It would seem to me that Sirius would need more time outside of the family, than otherwise."  
  
"Sasha!" Lily berated.  
  
Her hazel eyes flicked from Regulus to Lily and back again. "Do you deny the truth in the fact that Sirius spends his time at your flat or at the funeral home?"  
  
Both offended parties shook their heads. They knew where Sirius had been all week. That did not mean, though, that he could not be having an affair.  
  
"Sasha," Sirius said quietly. "I think you should stay out of this. This is something between Lily and me. I understand that you and Regulus want to help, but this is a private disagreement."  
  
Lily's eyebrows shot up and Sasha snorted.  
  
"A private disagreement?" Regulus repeated. "A private disagreement?"  
  
"Then a misunderstanding, if you will."  
  
"You make it sound so small and trivial, brother."  
  
"It is! You are both mistaken."  
  
"They are both mistaken about what, Sirius?" Sasha asked. "What is going on between you three? You've been at each others' throats since we sat down."  
  
"Sasha, really," Lily replied. "You're the one who told us about it."  
  
Her hazel eyes widened. "Azkaban?"  
  
"See," Lily pointed out to Regulus. "She knows."  
  
"I know what?"  
  
"That my dear brother is carrying on with someone."  
  
"Oh, Jesus," the woman swore. "That's not what I meant."  
  
"Then what did you mean?" Lily asked with narrow eyes.  
  
Sasha thought frantically, trying to mix fact with fiction. She did not want Sirius to end up with the same fate as her brother, but if she told the truth that is exactly what would happen.  
  
"I don't think that's anyone's business," Sirius responded briskly. "Now that we've clarified the fact that I'm not having an affair with anyone..."  
  
"No, Sirius, I'll explain." Sasha ignored her brother-in-law's wild-eyed stare. "I merely called to ask if your husband knew anything about Azkaban. I visited Wolfgang last weekend and he was more lucid that usual. He said that Sirius would be able to explain Azkaban."  
  
Regulus frowned. "Isn't that what he would go on and on about when we were younger?"  
  
His wife nodded. "He said that Sirius could explain it, would understand. I didn't know what he meant, but I had to try, at least."  
  
"Oh, Sasha," Lily murmured.  
  
She bit her lower lip and played her last card. If she had made a mistake, well, she did not want to think of the damage she may have caused by such a mistake. "Sirius, do you know anything about Azkaban?"  
  
He wanted to tell her that he had never heard of such a place. He wanted to play the game he and Severus had discussed over ice water and Muggle magazines. But he saw Sasha's eyes and remembered why he was a Gryffindor and not a Slytherin. When a woman's hope was resting in the balance, he would sacrifice himself rather than let her fall. "Yes, I know something about Azkaban. Perhaps more than even your brother does."  
  
"Azkaban is real?" Regulus breathed. "I always thought it was just some creation of Wolfgang's."  
  
Sirius shook his head. "It's real. It is quite real. But it is not appropriate dinnertime conversation."  
  
Regulus looked disappointed, the fire of curiosity in his eyes dimming.  
  
"Why wouldn't it be dinnertime conversation?" Lily snapped.  
  
Sirius bit his lip. How could he say this properly? "Technically speaking, I would not consider it appropriate anytime conversation. As for dinnertime, it would undoubtedly make you desire to vomit, or, at the very least, not see food for several hours."  
  
"Really, brother, you make it sound absolutely dreadful!"  
  
Sirius gave Regulus a level stare.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Sasha intervened. "Perhaps, Sirius, you could discuss Azkaban with me after dinner and we might be able to arrange seeing Wolfgang sometime soon. The doctors say he's been talking about you all week."  
  
The wizard exhaled, hissing softly. If the Death Eater knew who he was – what he was, Sirius was in it deep. Very deep. He did not want to end up like Wolfgang Sullivan, locked in a private psychiatric hospital for the rest of his life. He glanced from Lily to Regulus. "I'd be happy to talk to you, Sasha, but it is a bit of a private thing, as I am sure Wolfgang told you."  
  
Regulus frowned. "He used to blather on about it, saying that was the reason he went mad."  
  
Suddenly Sirius did not feel like finishing his dinner. "That's an interesting way to put it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I always thought the man was mad before Azkaban, but you can never tell with that sort, I suppose."  
  
It may not have been the most Gryffindor thing to say, but the harsh comment did its duty. Lily looked scandalized. Sasha's face was a study in shock, as if her brother-in-law had just hit her across the face. Regulus was watching Sirius, measuring his brother. Sirius did not know to what standard he was being compared, but it unnerved him nonetheless.  
  
"Would anyone like to order some dessert?" The curly haired waitress had returned, unknowingly breaking the tension that had settled over the table.  
  
"No," Regulus replied, with a deft shake of his head. "We would not. If you would bring the check, please?"  
  
The young woman bobbed her head and disappeared back into the crowded room, presumably to find the money the Blacks owed for dinner.  
  
"Where shall we go for dessert, then?" Regulus asked Sasha and Sirius.  
  
Sirius frowned. "What?"   
  
"Well, if we need to discuss Azkaban, and you and Sasha seem to insist that we do, why can we not do it over some coffee and chocolate?"  
  
"I think Sirius and I need to discuss it privately," Sasha told her husband, her lips pursed in thought. "Am I right, Sirius?"  
  
He nodded. "I think that would be best. Azkaban is something of a private matter."  
  
"Really, now?" Lily asked sharply.  
  
"Yes," Sirius responded softly, looking at Lily, but remembering finding her body at Godric's Hollow. Memories haunted him at the oddest time.  
  
"Siri," Regulus inquired hesitantly, "Are you feeling well?"  
  
Sirius blinked, pushing the sight of Lily and James' glazed eyes to the back of his mind. "Of course. Why do you ask?"  
  
"You seemed out of it for a minute there, brother."  
  
Lily nodded in agreement. "You were sick last weekend, too. Do you think you're coming down with something?"  
  
While Sirius worked to convince them that nothing was wrong, Sasha bit her lower lip worriedly. She remembered when Wolfgang looked at her like that. Sometimes he still did. It was as if she was not there, or that something else, someone else, was there with her, when she was alone. It was a glazed look, but a glaze that hinted at fear; as if Sirius and Wolfgang had seen things no mortal should see. She shook her head, berating herself for being melodramatic. She was simply worried because they never did find out what was wrong with her brother and she did not want sweet Sirius to be sentenced to the same fate.  
  
Really, she thought, what is the worst that could have happened to them?  
  
"Look, I really don't see what you have to tell my wife that you can't tell us!" Regulus retorted to Sirius, obviously in response to a comment Sasha had missed.  
  
Sirius turned to Sasha, his icy blue eyes pleading with her silently, begging for help in the conversation. She was against reminded clearly of her brother's haunted eyes.  
  
"Reggie," she began, knowing that only she could use her husband's childhood nickname. "It's just something between me and Wolfgang. Sirius knows something about it and he wants to help me. I don't see what could be wrong with that."  
  
"And I don't see why he can't tell us," Lily replied.  
  
"No," Sasha shook her head. "This is between the three of us... It's just that the doctors say he's getting worse. I want to do anything I can to help. Anything. And Sirius offered."  
  
Regulus grumbled something under his breath.  
  
"Don't look at her like that," Sirius admonished, shocking Sasha. "She just wants to help her brother. Would you help me if we were in that situation?"  
  
Sasha thought there was more to that comment than met the eye. Did he share her worries?  
  
"Of course, I would!"  
  
"Then allow her a little privacy. If she wants to keep it quiet, if she doesn't know if it will work, then I think that's her choice." Sirius prayed that he was not making a mistake in defending Sasha, but he knew he had a better chance at convincing her alone than convincing her with Regulus and Lily.  
  
Sasha nodded quickly in agreement, hoping that Sirius was not violently insane. At least he had taken her hints and not used a knife through the whole course of the meal.  
  
The waitress returned with the check, which Sirius insisted on paying. He protested that Regulus had paid for their dinner on Monday; it was only fair that he pay for their weekend meal. He thanked Hecate and Tyr that he knew how to use a Muggle credit card, having paid attention when Regulus paid at the Italian restaurant. Merlin, he was lucky he was a quick learner.  
  
Regulus rose, obviously still somewhat affronted that his brother and wife were withholding secrets. "Well, I suppose I'll bring Lily home."  
  
"Regulus, I'm sure I'll be fine on my own."  
  
"Lily, I didn't mean it like that and you know it."  
  
"Very well. I'll wait up for you, Sirius."  
  
Sirius toyed with his wallet as he and Sasha waited for the waitress to return.  
  
"Where do you want to go?" the hazel eyed woman asked abruptly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Where to you want to go? To talk, I mean."  
  
Sirius shrugged, not particularly wanting to have that conversation.  
  
"It's a bit cold to go anywhere outside, I suppose. Do you want to go to a bakery or café?"  
  
"I'll leave the choice in your capable hands."  
  
"No. You choose where we go."  
  
"Godammit," Sirius hissed. "You know as well as I do that I can't very well choose where we go. I don't even know what the options are, and don't you pretend you don't know that."  
  
Sasha nodded sagely. "Just like Wolfgang."  
  
"No," Sirius said fiercely. "Not just like Wolfgang. I am not like that bastard. We suffered the same fate, but beyond that. Never. Compare. Me. To. A. Traitor. Like. That."  
  
Sasha blinked, slightly shocked.  
  
"Sir? I have your receipt. If you would sign here please..."  
  
The waitress showed Sirius what to do and within matter of moments, Sirius and Sasha were walking down the street looking for a quiet place to have dessert and a very important conversation.  
  
*  
  
I received a lot of reviews for the last chapter, so forgive me if I don't get to you – just tell me in your review, and I will make a point to respond.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: You know I don't reveal future plot developments. And Draco will still probably be like canon. As much as is possible, that is.  
  
NO NAME, lol: They exist in something like limbo. Floaty, white, time isn't exactly important. You get the idea.  
  
Macbeth W. Cauldrina: Well, I won't say I'm sorry that I kept you up; in fact, I'm quite pleased with myself. And Severus has always had a bad fashion sense, he just erred on the 'if I intimidate them, maybe they'll go away' side of fashion. Now he dresses a bit more like Mr. Rogers. Frightening, no? And I'm a fan of Sirius/anyone, actually. The man needs some love.  
  
Krylancelo: Thank you. And this story has a plan. Harry is NOT a book worm. He just happens to think that reading would be a better idea than, say, television when he doesn't know the emotional temperature of the room. We'll see more of Harry soon and you'll realize what I mean.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101, Pam Briggs, C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity, Lily Skylo, Rhanna: Thank you.  
  
Molly Morrison: Why thank you... And, really, this is only half an AU because Sirius is real. As for the magic bit... well, you'll find out soon.  
  
Snuffles2: Are you particularly opposed to violence? And, yes, pie is good.  
  
Lucianna: La Patisserie? Really? It's the name of an Italian restaurant near me, so that's where it came from. Odd... Thank you.  
  
dragonbat: Hmmm, took up my fic did you? I hope it wasn't too long. Thank you. And I'm not saying anything about future plot developments/characters.  
  
Aeryn Alexander: Wow. You reviewed each chapter. I think you deserve a round of applause. Now, I'll try to address everything that hasn't been mentioned so far. I never said Remus was straight. Nope. Never typed those words. Yes, I did manage to make Snape cute didn't I? My muse (Snape, himself) may leave me now...I make veiled references to everything, don't worry. The Bellatrix-as-a-child bit was just to show that they are something like a normal family. Bellatrix ended up singing some rather rude song lyrics while playing with her Barbie dolls... and it was interpreted badly by her mother. Bad Bellatrix. Dudley isn't dead, just an unnamed family member. Yes, the comments on Sirius and Lily having children were meant to squick. Thank you, I do like the exploding kettle myself. I am very happy with myself now that I've kept several people up long past their bedtimes.  
  
A/N: I think I fixed the formatting difficulty... if not... well, place your blame with FF.net, I've reformatted it twice. 


	15. Naked

Three O'clock in the Morning   
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Naked  
  
  
  
Song, let them take it, for there's more enterprise in walking naked. – W. B. Yeats  
  
Sirius and Sasha found a small café on a side street that Sasha claimed was quite good. Never having heard of the place, Sirius had to take her word for it. All he cared was that no one would bother them or eavesdrop on their conversation. He still did not know how much he should tell his sister-in-law and was currently cursing himself for not taking Severus' advice and avoiding all mention of Azkaban at dinner.   
  
After they both ordered their coffee, Sirius began their conversation. At least, he thought, I've already done this once with Severus. Speaking to a dead woman can't be as hard as confessing your life story to your arch- nemesis. "What do you know?"  
  
Sasha cocked her head to the side. "What do I know about what?"  
  
"Azkaban, your brother, me, and what we're doing here. What do you know about all of this? How much do you believe?"  
  
"Why don't you just tell me what's going on?"  
  
"No," Sirius replied, shaking his head. "I want to know how much I need to explain."  
  
"You mean you want to know how much you can avoid telling me."  
  
Sirius shrugged as if there was no difference.  
  
"I know that Regulus and Lily and your friends are worried about you, that you've been acting oddly all week. It's rather absurd that Lily and Reg jumped to the conclusion that you were cheating on her and I'm sorry I gave that impression. Your new attitude is worrying me."  
  
"Worrying you?"  
  
"You're acting like Wolfgang did; like you don't know anything or anyone. You look at people like they aren't there or you're seeing someone else in their place. Sometimes you look at Lily like Wolfgang looks at me, as if we frighten you just by being here. You act too much like my brother for my liking."  
  
Sirius slammed his hand on the table. "I told you that I'm nothing like that traitor!" he whispered. "Remember that!"  
  
"You do that, too: qualifying everyone as ally or enemy, loyal or treacherous. We aren't fighting a war! There's no need for intrigue."  
  
Sirius bit his lip. He could not let this woman formulate ideas on her own, comparing him to a certified psychotic. "You may not be fighting a war, Sasha, but your brother and I are."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I assume he called me a traitor when you talked to him?"  
  
Sasha nodded. "He used to call you a traitor whenever I talked about you, but when I saw him on Monday morning he said you finally showed your true colors. He said you saw the light and then laughed, as if it were a joke."  
  
"It was a joke. If I were here for the reason he thinks I am, I would have seen the Dark, not the Light."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
Sirius' heart went out to her, remembering when Remus had not understood why he cried in the dorms when he was sorted into Gryffindor. Again, he was from a different world with different expectations, expected to blend and conform to a place he did not understand. And, again, he would do his best to try. "Has Wolfgang ever tried to explain to you that he isn't from here?"   
  
"Well, yes. But he always claims he's a powerful wizard, and those without magical powers are dust under his feet, too. Are you saying you believe him?"   
  
"Well, not the dust under his feet part, but I do believe the rest of it."   
  
"What?!" she squawked, drawing attention from the other tables.   
  
"Be quiet! Look, I know it's hard for you to believe, but its true...Look, let's talk about something else..." Sirius was more uncertain than ever and was feeling a strange desire to have Harry or Severus with him while he was talking to Sasha. He decided that the wine from dinner had gone to his head.  
  
"I'll want an explanation on that later."  
  
"Yes, yes, of course. It's not something I'd feel comfortable explaining in a public café, anyway. What else do you want to know? I'll try to tell it to you in way you would understand."  
  
Sasha glared at him, thinking that he had just insulted her intelligence rather than try to bridge the culture gap she did not realize existed. "Very well. What does he mean when he talks about Azkaban? You said that he was mad before he went there."  
  
"Well, he was certainly mad when he left. Sometimes I think I've gone mad from my time spent there. No one can live in that place and not be affected."  
  
"But what is it?!"  
  
"Azkaban is a prison. Your brother lived there for three months before the ensuing trial and execution."  
  
As a word in her favor, Sasha did not blink an eye when he mentioned her brother's death. "Why was he there?"  
  
"He was a blood traitor in our war. He betrayed his family and the Light for the power promised to him by the Dark Lord. Luckily, he was caught and tried before he managed to kill anyone."  
  
"And you, why were you there?"  
  
Sirius rubbed the bridge of his nose. He really needed to find a better way to explain his wrongful imprisonment. "I was sentenced for life in Azkaban for murder."  
  
"Murder?" the woman reeled.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"But... what? Who-- how?"  
  
"Who? Thirteen people. And the Potters. What? Homicide, insanity, treason. How? I wouldn't know because I didn't do it."  
  
"If you didn't do it, why would you be imprisoned for it?"  
  
Sirius did not miss the fact that Sasha had scooted her chair as far away from him as possible without leaving the table. "I was never given a trial. I was framed and they needed to flay someone's hide, so why not Black, he's got the background for it. They came up with the most amazing reasons for me to go on a homicidal rampage. They said I was in love with Lily and went mad with desire, thinking I needed to kill James. They said I had finally returned to my roots in the Dark Arts and my price for returning to the fold was the Potters' blood. They said I was insane and neither side could trust me, that I was fighting both the Light and the Dark. Their all time favorite, though, was that I had been a spy for years and showed my true colors when I thought my 'Master' was strong enough to protect me."   
  
Sasha frowned. "Your 'Master?' A spy? I'm afraid I don't understand."   
  
"We were fighting a war, and we still are. When I was still in school, a deranged, but commanding man began to rise to power. He was violent and obsessed with the purity of blood. Who was that Lily compared him to?" Sirius thought for a moment, trying to put a magical war into Muggle terms. "Ah, yes. Some man by the name of Hitler did a similar thing in Muggle – that's non-magical – society. He would kill people who did not believe in his regime or weren't what he considered pure. His followers called him their master or their lord.  
  
My family was known for their obsession with purity as well. I can only assume that the Blacks here don't feel the same way. I was something of the white sheep in my family. I wasn't interested in the torture or death of innocents and ended up finding my chosen career as something of a police man and something of a soldier. When I supposedly showed my colors, people assumed that I wasn't a sport, and had merely been a good actor for years.   
  
When the Potters, James and Lily, died, though, Harry lived. James and Lily were the only people who knew for a fact that I hadn't betrayed them, other than myself and the traitor. And this Dark Lord, Lord Voldemort, fell. So I was imprisoned."  
  
"But that doesn't explain what you are doing here or why you say my brother was executed."  
  
"We called it execution, the people believed it was execution, but it wasn't really. You see, we don't have the death penalty. It is considered the ultimate sacrilege to take human life. A single murder will keep you in Azkaban for life, without a chance of being set free. But when the war began, we had too many prisoners and not enough cells. We created new places for them. Blood traitors, those who betrayed the Light for the Dark, who had not killed or tortured yet, were pushed through a mystical Archway and Veil. Since their bodies disappeared and never returned it was called 'execution,' but no one knew what actually happened to the victims. Your brother was found Marked by his Master, but he had not participated in an attack yet. So he was pushed through the Veil and ended up here."  
  
"But you said you were imprisoned for murder," Sasha pointed out cautiously. "Why would you be here if the Archway is only for the traitors?"  
  
"It was an accident. I escaped my prison two years ago. Last Friday I was fighting in a battle in which I should never have participated, and my dear cousin managed to knock me through the damn Archway. I'm here by mistake, not by execution. The Ministry decided that execution was too good for me."   
  
"Too good for you? What can be worse than execution?"   
  
"As I said, we cannot take a life, by law, unless it is in battle. But the Ministry is allowed to destroy the soul. It's something of a loophole in the law. When I escaped, they put a price on my head and ordered that, when I was found, my soul was to be destroyed. In the end, my body would have wasted away to nothing. Those without souls can't do anything on their own and no one would have bothered to feed me or give me water. I would have died in a matter of weeks and they knew it."  
  
Sasha paled, marking the contrast between her hair and skin. "Destroy your soul?"  
  
Sirius stirred his coffee. "That's why I wasn't supposed to be the battle, you know. I wasn't to leave the safe house and the battle was in a public area. If I had been injured and the others couldn't get me out in time, there's a good chance I would have lost my soul. I didn't think about it at the time. All I knew was that Harry had rushed headfirst into a potentially fatal battle and I had to help him. I didn't listen to them... I should have stayed home. Maybe I could be with Harry today if I had..."  
  
"Well, that's not like Wolfgang anyway."  
  
Sirius snapped his head up. "What?"   
  
"Wolfgang never mentions his regrets, not to anyone. He'll look at us like there are things he wants to tell us, but he never does. The way you look at Lily – will you tell her?"  
  
"No, I can't do that to her. She is too intertwined in what happened to me. It would be like telling Remus or Peter. They were too involved in my life back home... It makes sense that Wolfgang watches you the way I watch Lily...I didn't realize... I'd forgotten..."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Before he turned, Sasha, you have to understand that Wolfgang was the only Sullivan left. In my fifth year, over the Christmas Holiday, you were all killed in a battle near your home. It was one of the most violent battles of the entire war and no one knew which side killed whom. Wolfgang was spending the week with friends and he turned traitor not long after. He was the one who had to identify your bodies. They said that's when he went mad. I was the first one to find the Potters' bodies. For twelve years I was haunted by that image and I can't see Lily now without seeing her corpse in my mind. I think it's probably the same for your brother. Every time he sees you, he also sees your dead body."  
  
"A few minutes ago, you said you never wanted to be compared to him. Now you sympathize with Wolfgang?!"  
  
Sirius shook his head. "I don't sympathize with him at all. We all make our choices. I just know something of what he is experiencing. We are both haunted by the dead and were uprooted from everything we ever knew. Even when I was in Azkaban, I understood what was going on."  
  
"You can't actually expect me to believe that!"  
  
"Yes, actually I can."  
  
"But it's absurd!"  
  
"Your brother apparently talks about it all the time. I can't see why it isn't absurd when he talks but it is when I do."  
  
"Sirius, my brother is in a private psychiatric hospital. You're supposed to be a normal man with a family to take care of and a business to run. You aren't supposed to be talking about wars that never happened, executions that don't kill, and prison sentences you never served."  
  
"If I made you uncomfortable, it is your own fault, Sasha. I wasn't the one who suggested we talk about it. If I had my way, I wouldn't have fought in a war, been executed or imprisoned. If I had my way, I would be relaxing at home with my friends telling wild stories to our children."  
  
"You do realize that I have no reason to believe you, correct?"  
  
"You sound just like Severus, you know. He said the same thing after he confronted me about my 'new' attitude."  
  
"Dr. Snape knows?"  
  
Sirius nodded. "Yes, he knows, but he didn't believe me at first, either. He's something of a stubborn git, if you remember him at all from school."  
  
"I don't remember him; remember, I was a few years behind you. I had better things to do than pay attention to older boys I wasn't interested in. According to Thebe, though, he's skeptical of everything unless he had proof."  
  
"Is this your way of asking me how I got him to believe my story?"  
  
Sasha shrugged benignly, not admitting to anything.  
  
"It was a rather simple strategy, actually. I brought him home to the flat, gave him pink hair and a purple gown and turned into a dog. After that, it was quite easy to get him to put faith into my crazy story."  
  
"I still don't believe you."  
  
"Do you want pink hair, too?"  
  
"If you can do that, why can't my brother? I'm sure that if he had that capability, he would have used it by now."  
  
"Not necessarily. Before executions, prisoners' wands were snapped. It's quite hard to do wandless magic, especially if you aren't used to it. Have strange things happened to inanimate objects around him, though? Exploding glassware? Heavy objects found in different places in the morning? Has he ever managed to evade danger without a rational explanation?"  
  
"Sometimes his soup will implode on itself if he doesn't want to eat it. They've always assumed that it was a heating malfunction, though."  
  
"That's wandless magic right there. It's harder to control when you don't have a wand. When I pranked Severus, I had my wand so I could control which spells I used."  
  
"You're either an incredibly convincing madman or a lost soul with a silver tongue."  
  
"Couldn't I be an incredibly convincing soul with a silver tongue?" Sirius asked cheekily.  
  
"I never said I believed you."  
  
"What could I do to convince you then?"  
  
"I'm not sure. I believe that's your job, not mine."  
  
Sirius thought for a moment as they finished their coffees. "Would you like to talk to Severus about it?"  
  
"That might help."  
  
"Harry told me Severus is a psychologist. I didn't know what that meant, so I looked it up in his dictionary. Wouldn't Severus know whether I was insane or not? Could he put your fears to rest, even if I can't?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"I'll ask him to come over to the apartment tomorrow, then."  
  
Sasha nodded slowly. "I'll come around mid-afternoon. We'll continue this discussion then."  
  
Sirius agreed and paid for their coffees. As he walked Sasha home, he tried to think of what Severus would tell his sister-in-law. He hoped that his new ally would not lie to the woman, just to spite him over an old rivalry. Sirius knew that if the positions were reversed, he might do just that. But Severus, this Severus, seemed to be of a kinder and more forgiving temperament. Sirius hoped it was not all an act.  
  
*  
  
Author's Note:  
  
First, to thank my beta, who edited this faster than I ever expected – even though I was half a week late in sending it. You're a life saver!  
  
Also, for those of you who sent me reviews by e-mail, I will write an e- mail back, answering any questions etc. that you might have. Those who review through Fanfiction.net will, as always, find their answers (or non- answers as the case may be) in my notes, every Wednesday.  
  
And, without further ado, my reviewers:  
  
NO NAME, lol: Thank you and I am working on proper formatting. I uploaded the last chapter three times before FF had it formatted the same way it was formatted as a Word document.  
  
Pam Briggs, Wytil, Lois Lane, sara*magic, Trisha: Thank you!  
  
LittleGreenPerson: Yes, I have issues with technology (what can I say? When I was younger I read real books). Ah, yes, Sasha and Wolfgang, the wonderful Sullivan family. It will all be in good time, all in good time. What was it that C. S. Lewis wrote? "For Aslan, all times are soon."  
  
Sage; the Dark Dryad: I have distracted another person from their livelihood. Perhaps my repressed plans for taking over the world will work after all...I just need to write everyone into an addiction.... Thank you. That is the highest compliment you could give me.  
  
Chevalier Ryu: I'm not going to say anything about Sirius and Wolfgang. As for the hair... if you're trying to run from people you assume are homicidal maniacs, would you really wonder about your hair? By the time he sat down and could think that his hair was short, he had realized he was in a different world.  
  
kateydidnt: While I appreciate your view of male (and your fine grammar/spelling), I would disagree. If Sirius was straight and raving drunk and Lily tried to 'seduce' him (because she thought he was her husband) AND Sirius was straight, I do believe that they would have sex. I'm sure he could control his hormones on an average day but... well, you'll see the situations he gets himself into. And I really don't want Sirius and Lily to have sex; it just makes me queasy. Lily should be with James and Sirius... well, Sirius can be with anyone else (except, maybe, Albus or Minerva). As to Dumbledore, he's dead (Muggles don't live to see 130). Voldemort... well, you'll see.  
  
Lily Skylo: Sorry for the cliffhanger, that's just how the chapter ended. It was the dinner sequence. This was the dessert/long talk sequence.  
  
Aeryn Alexander: Well, the Blacks are hardly perfect. They can be rude and suspicious without being overtly evil. And, yes, Remus is not straight. Doesn't that make you happy? (I can't deal with that much changing sexuality. One character is enough.)  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: All in good time, all in good time.  
  
Beseeched by Locomotives: Why, thank you. And I hope you had a nice hiatus. Yes, Sasha is more important that anyone thought she would be...Very important, indeed. As for Severus and Harry... Severus will be showing up on and off, as his work permits. Harry will show up when Hogwarts lets out for the holiday (quite shortly).  
  
Snuffles2: Psychological issues leading to violence? I think this should be right up your alley, then. I hope you liked the conversation. 


	16. That Just Ain't So

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
That Just Ain't So  
  
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. – Mark Twain  
  
"Is he even coming at all?" Sasha asked peevishly, throwing her chestnut hair over her shoulder.  
  
Sirius emitted a low growl. "I told you he wasn't expecting to have to show up here today. He has a busy schedule. He'll be here in fifteen minutes. If you want something to do, turn the television on or read a book."  
  
Sasha bit her lip. She was annoyed with Sirius's attitude. It was better than when he acted paranoid and slightly mad, but it seemed that, at the moment, he was more frustrated with her and the entire situation than he cared to admit. In short, Sasha felt that her brother-in-law was acting absolutely arrogant and superior. Normally, she would not have hesitated a moment to put him in his place, but now she did not know if she had a psychotic on her hands or not. Perhaps it would be best to wait for Dr. Snape to arrive, she thought.  
  
Nervously she leafed through a magazine on the table, one that held no interest for her, and, though she read the articles, not one word stayed in her mind. If asked half an hour later, she would not have even been able to tell the inquirer the name of the magazine.   
  
Sirius was in no better shape. He was a ball of wild nerves. Severus had not been pleased that he had made arrangements for Severus and Sasha to meet and had not hesitated to tell Sirius so. Sirius, personally knowing what spite could drive Snape (or himself, for that matter) to do, hoped and prayed that Severus would not feed Sasha's belief that Sirius was mad. He knew that he was walking a dangerous line, telling his sister-in-law about magic and about his world. A dangerous line, indeed, but he desperately needed someone in the family on his side. Sirius doubted that he would be able to get through Sunday dinner without someone's help and he certainly could not invite Severus to his mother's house.  
  
So he read Harry's mythology book, the one his stepson had been reading last Friday, when everything went to Hell. He understood even less of it now than he had when he first read it, but Sirius did not care. It gave his hands something to do and reading made him appear less nervous to the adversary, in this case, Sasha Sullivan Black. He knew it was foolish, but he still thought of everyone in terms of Light and Dark, enemy and ally. Sirius consoled himself by claiming that it had barely been a week and he could not be expected to change his thought processes in so short a time.  
  
There was a sharp knocking at the door. Only Severus could make both his impatience and utter distaste evident through banging on a piece of wood. Some things would never change.  
  
When Sirius opened the door, Severus scowled at him. "Agreeing on a truce, Black, did not mean that I am at your beck and call, whenever and wherever you may need me."  
  
Sirius' pale eyes flashed with an anger that had always and would always be reserved for Severus Snape. "I do not 'need' you, as you so delicately put it. My sister-in-law is in need of explanation and will not take my word. I was hoping you could help."  
  
"Well, then," Severus spat. "Lead on."  
  
Sasha quietly put down her magazine and smiled at the two men, obviously not the right thing to do. "That's a start, at least."  
  
The raven-haired males stopped glaring at each other to stare at the woman in disbelief.  
  
"What?" Sirius managed to ask.  
  
"Lily said that you two were thick as thieves. That conversation alone tells me she was exaggerating, maybe as much as my husband. I would almost think I didn't need to be here."  
  
"Almost?" asked Severus.  
  
"If I had not had a certain conversation with Sirius last night, I would think that Lily and Regulus were merely overreacting to some changes in Sirius' personality. But that conversation..."  
  
"What about that conversation, Mrs. Black?"  
  
Sasha shook her head derisively. "Don't call me Mrs. Black here. Here I'm Sirius' sister-in-law, Sasha, not Thebe's mother."  
  
Severus nodded. "Very well." Sirius noted that he did not invite Sasha to call him by his given name. "What is it about this conversation that disturbs you?"  
  
"Magic. Sirius said he believes in magic, that he's a magician of some sort. I'm sorry if you believe him, but magic? Never."  
  
Severus glared at Sirius over the top of Sasha's head. You will pay dearly for this, the look said. Sirius shrugged helplessly.  
  
"He said he gave you pink hair," Sasha added helpfully.  
  
"No," Severus replied hastily. "Not again. I do not want pink hair again." Unconsciously, he began rubbing his greasy, black hair as if to ensure its safety from the power of Sirius' wand.  
  
Sasha raised her eyebrows, obviously concerned with the good doctor's behavior. She certainly did not believe in magic, but apparently her daughter's counselor did.  
  
Sirius paused for a moment in thought. "Would you like to see my wand?"  
  
Sasha looked appalled and Severus shocked before Sirius realized the innuendo. He had the good grace to blush. "Not like that," he immediately explained. "My magic wand..."  
  
The trio blushed again.  
  
"Oh, for Circe's sweet sake," Sirius muttered. "Are we all teenagers again?"  
  
He swiftly padded off to the bedroom and retrieved his wand. It was not actually his wand; his wand had been snapped in two when he had been given his sentence. It was symbolic of his isolation from the magical world, saying all too clearly: 'Even if you can escape, we will never accept you again. Never.' Sirius shuddered. It had been hard, at first, to do magic with his borrowed wand.  
  
Sirius suspected that Ollivander knew for whom this wand – thirteen inches, silver birch, and dragon heartstring – was meant. The old man was almost as bad as Albus when it came to being omniscient, simply with wands in this case, rather than a school. Nevertheless, Sirius was grateful to have his wand; even if he had not picked it out himself it was reasonably suited to his abilities. Not perfect – but what in this world was perfect?  
  
Once he returned to the living room/dining room, he hesitantly handed his wand to his sister-in-law. "Here," Sirius said awkwardly.  
  
Sasha looked at it for moment and poked it; she tapped the couch. "Abra Cadabra."  
  
Sirius jumped and looked murderous. He snatched it out of her hands. "Don't you dare!"  
  
"What?" Her hazel eyes were wide with shock.  
  
Severus frowned at his companion. What on Earth was going on? "Sirius, do you care explaining that?"  
  
The pale man, who was an inch from hyperventilating, stared at his ally with his ice colored, haunted eyes. "She-she-"  
  
"She said 'Abra Cadabra,' Sirius."  
  
Sirius nodded fervently, as if that explained everything.  
  
Severus felt that the man may indeed have been a case for a psychiatric hospital.  
  
"What's so terrible, Siri?" Sasha asked quietly.  
  
He dropped his wand and fell into his favorite armchair. "Abra Cadabra," he whispered, looking severely pained.  
  
"What's wrong with those words?"  
  
Sirius bit his lower lip. "Do you know what a curse is? Angry appeals for misfortune, my instructors used to call them. Aveda Kedavra. The destruction of life. It's the Killing Curse."  
  
"Words can kill? If you say them with a wand, I mean?" His sister-in-law seemed worried.  
  
"You couldn't do it... No, it isn't just words. You need the power, the magic, and the hate, all of it behind the words. You need to want your victim to die. But you need the words. Without the words, all you have is hatred and that gets you nowhere."  
  
The trio sat in silence for a short while. Severus examined the wand as if it were a very rare and very poisonous spider, the wand's silver wood catching the light of the afternoon sun. Sasha stared at Sirius and Sirius stared out the window.  
  
"D-did my brother..." Sasha trailed off. "Do you believe that my brother killed someone like that? Is that why he was executed?"  
  
"No," Sirius replied, his lips a thin line. "He didn't get the chance to... I told you last night that he went mad after all of you died. He was given custody of a family going into hiding. Everyone assumed that he would be loyal to the Light after the massacre. He wasn't. Sullivan betrayed the family. If he hadn't been caught, he would have been given my fate: life in prison. It was considered a gift to put him here. You should be happy Dumbledore caught him."  
  
"Dumbledore?" Severus asked. "I know that name from somewhere."  
  
Sirius frowned at the greasy haired man. "Albus Dumbledore, he's the Headmaster of Hogwarts?"  
  
Sasha shook her head. "No, Minvera McGonagal is the Headmistress of the school. She's getting ready to retire a few years, though. She's rather old for the job."  
  
"McGonagal? Old for the job?" Sirius blinked. "She's only in her early sixties! I mean, Albus is at least one hundred and fifty and he's doing just fine!"  
  
His sister-in-law and friend gaped at him.  
  
He frowned. "Is that unusual?"  
  
Severus finally found his tongue. "Sirius, people don't live that long. It's impossible."  
  
"No, it's not. I suppose magic might have something to do with it, though."  
  
"What do you mean 'might'?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "I've never spent much time with Muggles. Hell, I'd never met a non-magical person until James introduced us all to Lily's parents. For all I know, most people in my world live that long. I wouldn't know." He paused, frowning again. "Damn, I wish I paid more attention in Muggle studies."  
  
Sasha looked understandably upset. Was he insane? Or was he telling the truth, that there was another world out there, one with magic? One where her family had been caught in the deadly crossfire of a mystical war?  
  
"Why don't you show us something," Severus suggested, trying to understand the woman's plight.  
  
"I suppose pink hair and purple corsets would be a bit inappropriate for the occasion?"  
  
Severus nodded sharply. Sirius took his wand from Severus' hand.  
  
"Flagrate," he said confidently. Sirius swiftly swung the silver rod into a swirl pattern, leaving traces of orange flame in its wake. It made a pretty pattern, the flame casting odd, jumping shadows across their faces. "Obblitero." The fire vanished as quickly as it appeared; making the room somehow suddenly colder and darker than it had been before the flames.  
  
Sirius did not like the look on his sister-in-law's face. Obviously, she was remembering the incident at their last Sunday dinner. He smiled at her disarmingly, bowed, and proffered his wand. "Orchideous."  
  
Sasha was shocked when the spray of bluebells and lupin appeared in Sirius hand, but she took them hesitantly.  
  
"Don't worry, they won't bite."  
  
She sniffed at them curiously, as if she expected poison. "Magic flowers, Sirius?"  
  
"Only the best for you, madam."  
  
Sasha smiled at Sirius with tears in her eyes. This new discovery brought her hope for her brother and his failing health.  
  
"Now that the Black family has repaired itself, I assume it has no need for me?" Severus asked cuttingly.  
  
"Actually, Dr. Snape," Sasha began. "I would like to ask a favor of you. Of you and Sirius, really."  
  
The men turned to face the quiet woman whose voice sounded so desperate.  
  
"Wolfgang – he's my brother, Severus, the one we were talking about – has been asking to see Sirius all week. He says he needs to see another comrade, to hear news from home. The doctors say that it might be best if we bring Sirius in."  
  
"No," the wizard growled. "I won't see him. Not that traitor."   
  
"Please, Siri. Please? He means so much to me, you don't understand. If it makes him better to see you..."  
  
"No! He's a damned blood traitor! He betrayed us all and nearly gotten his charges killed! I don't care!"  
  
Severus put a calming hand on Sirius' shoulder. "Why do you want me to go with you, Mrs. Black? Surely your brother does not pretend to know me."  
  
Sasha shook her head. "No, but I was hoping you could calm Sirius down. You seem to have that effect on him."  
  
The two men blinked at each other blankly before Sirius returned to his protests.  
  
"Do you understand what it would mean for me to visit him, Sasha?" he asked. "It would be giving him my seal of approval, that he's good enough for me to visit him. I can't do that!"  
  
"I never thought I'd say this, but you think too much, Sirius," Severus commented. "Not every action is so infused with meaning. At the moment, you are acting as moral support for your sister-in-law, not appreciating the traitorous actions of a virtually imprisoned miscreant."  
  
Sirius shook his shaggy head again, but this time in defeat. "Very well. I will go – but only with both of you and my wand."  
  
*  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
First I would like to thank my wonderful beta, Hillary (Toasterlicious), for helping me slog through everything and picking up after my grammar mistakes.  
  
To my faithful reviewers:  
  
Trisha: Thank you. And I don't give away plot surprises (Sirius' fate being a surprise to everyone but my beta and me). I will tell you, though, that nothing of the sort (Sirius returning home) will happen soon.  
  
Pam Briggs: I prefer the term experimental penal colony, but you are correct. This is something of a landfill, simply with criminals rather than trash.  
  
NO NAME, lol: Yes, FF.net does undoubtedly hate me. And it's telling you that I've updated a chapter ahead because on this website, not so long ago, I had another chapter annexed to the prologue. It was my disclaimer and warning, but FF.net deleted it. Yet, it sometimes thinks it's still there. When I update, I update a chapter ahead of where I'm supposed to be.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: Yes, as you can clearly see from this chapter, Sirius has his wand. I think it's very important for him to have it... well, you will see why later.  
  
LT, gaul1: Thank you.  
  
Aeryn Alexander: Thank you. I hoped that the chapter would not be completely boring, as I mostly repeated what we already know. And the comment on the death penalty actually came from Vernon, in POA. He claims, when Sirius appears on television, that people like Sirius should be hanged. Why wasn't he? There is no wizarding death penalty.  
  
Snuffles2: Thank you. And I specialize in character angst. Just wait and see what I have up my sleeve for these poor people.  
  
Lil Miss Potter: Thank you for the amazing review. James may appear later, but only as a cameo appearance. He did cheat on Lily, though. That is fact in this world. I don't know much about James (none of us do), but I get the feeling that his magic, like Remus' lycanthropy, was a major part of his character. If he did not feel obligated not to abuse such power, he might have been a different person. And he is.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: Harry's at school. You'll see him soon enough. These people still have their lives to live, despite whatever chaos and havoc Sirius is wrecking.  
  
C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity: Ah, the attacks of the muses. Mine (Severus) nearly left me after I gave him the argyle socks, but stayed because I make him bitter here, too.  
  
I've only done this once before for this fic, but I will do it again: Please review! I honestly want to know what you think of this, even if it won't really affect much of the story. Even if you want to tell me what a boring pig I am because no one's had sex/been murdered, tell me. If more people want to see James, by the way, do tell me. I can construct an extra chapter about him – I have just the place for it.  
  
E-mail me (OysterCracker@elfwood.zzn.com) if the format is wrong again. That's the fastest way to reach me and I do want my writing to be legible. 


	17. None But Madmen Know

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
None But Madmen Know  
  
There is a pleasure sure / In being mad, which none but madmen know – John Dryden   
  
Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his seat, feeling sympathetic for Severus, who was crammed into the backseat of Sasha's small automobile. Sasha had warned them that they would be cramped, but now, an hour or so into the ride, Sirius realized he had not known into what he was getting himself. They had watched the sparse scenery of Scotland roll by and Sirius got over his excitement of riding in a car, and one driven by an experienced, licensed driver, at that. Soon his legs began to ache slightly from being kept in one position and he wished he could sleep, but there was no way his instincts would allow him to nod off in a moving vehicle with a person of unknown allegiances.  
  
It had a little less than a week since Sasha had agreed to speak with Sirius and Severus about the possibility of a magical world, a world from which both her brother and brother-in-law had been exiled. Sirius insisted that they visit Wolfgang Sullivan, blood traitor to the Light, this Saturday rather than next, because Harry was coming home from Hogwarts on Wednesday and Sirius wanted to be with his godson as much as possible. Severus agreed to come with them, a stipulation Sasha had insisted upon.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, Sasha pulled the car into a driveway marked "Greenwood Psychiatric Home." It turned out that Greenwood was more than just a 'home;' it was an entire complex of buildings, all quite modern and up-to-date. There were finely manicured lawns with a few flowerbeds of buttercups and daisies. A few of the patients, obviously more sound ones, walked on flagstone pathways with visitors, most likely their devoted family and friends. Some of the patients looked dazed, as if drugged, while others carried on animated conversations with their companions.  
  
"In here," Sasha instructed, pointing at a stone building, as they left the car. "We have to sign in with the doctors and then find him. He's usually on the third floor."  
  
As they walked into the building, Sirius wondered why on Earth he had agreed to come meet the crazed Death Eater. Surely they did not expect the two men to get along. Sirius remembered raging in the common room the day after Wolfgang had been captured, understanding that a member of the Light had turned traitor and not knowing how a man could betray everything he hoped for and believed. He had sworn to Prongs and Moony that the man deserved more than the Archway and Veil for punishment. Moony had tried to soothe him, telling him that he had not been hurt by the betrayal. But Moony did not understand that Sirius had given everything he could for the Light and to think of someone hurting his cause was an abomination.  
  
Sirius was slightly shocked when the doctors insisted that they be searched before entering the hospital wing in which Wolfgang lived. He was infinitely grateful that Severus had insisted that he cast a Muggle- repelling charm on his wand at home, fear of Death Eaters be damned. It seemed that the men at the building entrance wanted to know everything that the trio had on their bodies – whether it seemed to be relevant to being in a psychiatric hospital or not. Sirius was forced to hand over the nail file he kept in his pocket, but otherwise the three mismatched companions were well prepared for their visit.  
  
Sasha led them through the double doors and into an interesting mechanism called an elevator, while Sirius tried to remember all that he could about Wolfgang Sullivan. Truth be told, all he could recollect were the man's crimes and his names. The crimes of the blood traitors – to both the Dark and the Light – seemed to be indelibly etched into his mind. The betrayers of the Light, those pushed through the Veil and those who kept him company in Azkaban, haunted him for twelve long years. When he was not having nightmares about James and Lily or Peter or the time he nearly murdered Severus, Sirius remembered the people who betrayed his cause, for he had adopted the Light as his own when his mother disinherited him. He assumed that Wolfgang would look something like Sasha, but it was not uncommon in Pureblood families for two siblings to look quite different. Narcissa with her pale, icy beauty contrasted with her sister Bellatrix's nearly Mediterranean charm.  
  
Sasha found a white, metal door like so many others that lined the hallway, and ushered them into the room. It was not as sterilized as Sirius had expected, coming from the security guards and the simply painted corridor. The room was small, with two beds, covered in pastel blankets, and two hard plastic chairs, which would have looked better at a Muggle beach resort, settled around a small metal table. Everything in the room had blunt edges and the walls were painted a particularly horrible shade of pastel amber. The furniture was upholstered in varying shades of mint and gold.   
  
Two men were in the room when Sasha, Severus, and Sirius arrived. One was obviously the patient, Wolfgang, with his simple green and blue clothing. The Death Eater's fair hair was cut short in a way no Pureblood would ever have wanted, but his eyes, so much darker than his sister's, still held the glint of intelligence and magic. The other man was dressed in a nurse's white uniform and was trying to convince Wolfgang to visit the day room and participate in some social activities with the other patients. Sirius pitied the poor man; there was no way he could out-stubborn the Irish- German Pureblood, especially when it was to make a Death Eater interact with common Muggles.  
  
The nurse rose when he saw them enter Wolfgang's room. "Sasha," he greeted. "It's good to see you; we weren't expecting you until tomorrow!"  
  
Sasha smiled a half-smile, not showing her teeth. "Wolfgang has been asking after Sirius and this is one of the few times he could make it." She motioned to Sirius and Severus in turn. "This is my brother-in-law, Sirius Black, and his friend, Dr. Severus Snape."  
  
The nurse shook their hands. "Nice to meet the both of you. I'll be in room 304 if you have any problems."  
  
Wolfgang stretched luxuriously in his pale plastic chair, eying the newcomers curiously. "So, here is Sirius Black," the man drawled, his lilt matching Sasha's. "You finally realized that your family was right all along, did you?"  
  
Sirius' hands were balled into fists. "Hardly," he spat at the mental patient.  
  
"Really?" Wolfgang asked, obviously not believing the animagus' answer. "I don't suppose that you've deigned to tell your little friends why you and I are here?"  
  
"Actually, he has."  
  
Wolfgang's dark eyes flickered for a moment, resting on Severus' face. "Severus Snape?"  
  
"That is my name."  
  
"Forgive me if I claim disbelief," the Dark wizard replied. "My esteemed colleague here has a mean streak a mile wide and a highly specific hatred for you. The whole of Hogwarts knew that, even down to the caretaker and ickle first years. So, I doubt he told you the truth." Wolfgang's eyes flashed with amusement and not a little madness.   
  
Severus eyed Sirius warily, the mental patient having planted seeds of doubt in his mind. "I have seen no reason to deny the veracity of Sirius' statements, yet."  
  
Ignoring Severus' comments, as if beneath him, Wolfgang turned to Sasha. "And you, dear sister, what did young Black say to you?"  
  
"He told me the same thing he told Dr. Snape. I... have been given reason to believe that Sirius is telling me the truth."  
  
Wolfgang smiled conspiratorially at Sirius. "Given reason? My, my, have you been sneaky, Black? Taken a wand without permission?"  
  
Sirius only snarled at him. Severus grabbed hold of his right arm, his wand arm, to prevent any physical damage.  
  
"What? Are you mad at me, Black?"  
  
"Blood-traitor!" Sirius managed to spit.  
  
"Ah, yes, I suppose I am... But no one cares about that sort of thing, here. Only back home would I be reviled. Here... Here I am free," Wolfgang explained, spreading his arms wide.  
  
"Free?" Sirius laughed bitterly. "You're mad!"  
  
Anger replaced the amusement that had lain in Wolfgang's eyes as he watched his fellow wizard. "What?"  
  
"You are mad. Look at this place. No self-respecting Muggle would live here – never mind a decent witch or wizard! This is nothing. Nothing!"  
  
"You will take back your words, Black!" Wolfgang growled. The plastic cup of orange juice that sat on the table exploded in a splash of orange liquid.  
  
Sirius' pale eyes fairly danced at having found old Sullivan's weakness. Baiting this wandless Death Eater was a good as baiting Snivellus. No, said a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Moony, this is different. This man deserves it. "No. My words are true. You're mad and you deserve to be in this madhouse."  
  
Wolfgang glared fiercely at Sirius.  
  
"Can't control your magic anymore?" Sirius mocked.  
  
"And you can?"  
  
Sirius removed his wand from his pocket and twirled it between his fingers. "Chosen by Ollivander himself," he whispered, enjoying the way Wolfgang's eyes followed the wand, like a starving man watching a suckling pig. "Ollivander and Dumbledore chose this one for me – silver birch and dragon heartstring."  
  
"Why didn't you choose it?" Wolfgang breathed, an addict waiting for his narcotic.  
  
Sirius put the wand back into his pocket, breaking the brief spell of quiet tension. "That is not any of your business."  
  
Then the Death Eater let out a long, low laugh that seemed to fill the small room with reverberating sound. "You are not as innocent as you would have my sister believe, then, are you, Black?"  
  
If looks could kill, Wolfgang would have joined the portraits of the Blacks as a pile of small, cold ash. "They know my story well enough."  
  
"Why don't you tell me your story, then? I wouldn't want anything to happen to my dear sister, now would I?"  
  
"Your dear sister?" Sirius spat, angrily. "If you truly cared for Sasha, you wouldn't be here, still babbling that idiocy about purity of blood and power! You would have given it up."  
  
"Given it up?" Wolfgang echoed incredulously. "Given it up? Black, you can't just give up magic! You know as well as I do that no wizard, however trained, can just give it up! It isn't a book or money – it's our lives!"  
  
Sirius rolled his eyes unceremoniously.  
  
"I haven't touched a wand in nearly two decades, and I still accidentally blow things up periodically. Look at that!" Wolfgang pointed to the shards of plastic that were floating in a puddle of orange juice. "I blew that up my juice because of a random emotion. Without wands, we are as helpless as children. We need to go back home, you and I. What about striking a deal? Whoever finds the Archway and Veil in this world takes the other with him?"  
  
Sirius shook his head. "You should have thought about that before you betrayed the Wentworths. You sealed your own fate."  
  
"And what about you, my innocent Black?" Wolfgang asked, his eyes dancing.  
  
"I should have thought of it a long time ago," he replied evenly. "Before I refused the Potters, before I tried to kill my best friend, before I escaped Azkaban, before I went headlong into a battle in which I did not belong."  
  
He's thought about this for a long time, Severus thought worriedly  
  
Wolfgang laughed again. His laugh had the hint of madness, typical of a man who spent time in Azkaban, but not of one receiving treatment. "No one can escape Azkaban, fool!"  
  
Sirius grinned wolfishly. "But I did."  
  
Wolfgang shook his head pityingly. "And they call me mad. Really, you're a prime candidate to be my roommate, Black. I'm in need of one, you know."  
  
Sirius' eyes flashed dangerously. Yet, before Sirius could do anything to Sasha's brother, the nurse returned to the room, his white uniform as clean and starched as before he left.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Black, Mr. Black, Dr. Snape. Visiting hours are over," the young man apologized. "Maybe you can come back tomorrow?"  
  
Sasha was glaring daggers at her brother. "Maybe," she answered noncommittally.  
  
Her brother burst out into wild cackles. "Just watch out for wild Sirius Black, eh, sister of mine? He's more dangerous than I've ever been. He'd feed you to the werewolves if you put your toe out of line!"  
  
Severus and Sasha exchanged glances while Sirius silently counted to ten. Would his past crimes forever haunt him? He longed to hex the Death Eater into oblivion, but he could not, not with the nurse in the room. And it would probably be considered the height of rudeness to attack an unarmed lunatic from behind.  
  
The nurse smiled grimly at them. "I'm sorry you came to visit on one of his bad days. He's usually not this bad. He hasn't talked about werewolves in months."  
  
Sirius smiled back at the poor man and poured on the Black charm. "I'm afraid I might have riled him up a bit. He's been babbling about magic and stuff since we got here. Maybe I'm a bad influence on him."  
  
The nurse shrugged and ushered them out of the room.  
  
On the car ride back home, Sirius leaned against the glass of the window and watched the bleak countryside, now being pelted with rain. He thought darkly of his meeting with the strange, altogether foreign Death Eater. He could not understand the man's choices back in the seventies and he could not understand them now. He ruminated on the conversation they had.  
  
"That's it!"  
  
Sasha nearly swerved off the road and into an inconveniently place barn. "What is it, Sirius?"  
  
"The Archway and the Veil! All I need to do is find it in this world!"  
  
"Somehow," Snape said darkly, "I don't think it will be that easy."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Someone surely would have heard of a mystical portal that can carry you between worlds. Maybe it doesn't exist here."  
  
"No," Sirius replied stubbornly. "It has to exist here. Or I wouldn't be here. It has to be a doorway of some kind. I just need to walk through it again. And then I can go home. And help Harry."  
  
*  
  
Author's Note: Many thanks to Hillary (Toasterlicious), my beta, for chasing my grammar.  
  
For my many reviewers, thank you. Those who e-mail me will receive a response in e-mail and apologies if I miss your name.  
  
Gaul1 – I think this chapter speaks for itself.  
  
NO NAME, lol, LittleGreenPerson, Sage; the Dark Dryad, I Like Angst, Snuffles2: Thank you and you will see James, though you may not like him.  
  
TwinEnigma – Thank you. You're supposed to like these Blacks. Family is family is family.  
  
Siripiritus – I don't give away future plots, you know that. Thank you.  
  
BookMouse – It seemed in character.  
  
Pen D. Fox, Pam Briggs, Xanadrine: Thank you.  
  
Chevalier Ryu – Why must you always know what I'm thinking? And stop apologizing for your grammar, I would not have the guts to try to read a foreign fic.  
  
Beseeched By Locomotives: I'm blushing. Actually, I'm not, but thank you for the stellar review. I will say nothing on the Sirius/Severus Sirius/Remus front. But remember – just because this isn't romance-driven, I never said there would be no romance.  
  
ultrasoul: Thanks. I already know what will happen (and I don't doubt I will get death threats for it) but good idea. I love it when you guys theorize what will happen next. Makes my day that much brighter. 


	18. Being With Children

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Being With Children  
  
The soul is healed by being with children. -- Fyodor Dostoyevski  
  
Three days had passed since Sirius had visited Wolfgang. Sunday, he counted silently, Monday, Tuesday. Today was Wednesday. He and Regulus had closed the funeral home early so that they could take Thebe and Harry home from Hogwarts. They did not usually have many customers on Wednesdays; it seemed to be an unpopular day to die.  
  
Sirius felt awkward standing on the train platform. First of all, people surrounded him, most of whom he still felt would turn him over to the Aurors who would, in turn, hand him to the Dementors without a second thought. Second, this was no hidden Platform 9 ¾; they stood on a public, concrete hall rubbing shoulders with anyone and everyone catching a train. He reminded himself, again, that, even were this his world, the Dementors had defected to Lord Voldemort and could not come near him to administer the Kiss.  
  
Regulus punched his brother's shoulder amiably. "Come on, brother, don't look so dour. No funerals today!"  
  
The wizard winced at the bad joke. Trans-dimensional travel obviously did not improve the Black sense of humor. "When is the train arriving?" Sirius wanted to get out of this station as soon as possible.  
  
His dark-haired brother checked his wristwatch. "Anytime now, actually. We're the first stop. I pity the poor children who have to ride all the way to London, through Edinburgh and then through Wales before they reach their stop."  
  
Sirius did not bother answering his brother. He wondered why all of the Scottish students in his world had to ride the Hogwarts Express all the way to London only to Floo back to Scotland within the hour. It was uneconomical, but he had never realized that there was another way. Perhaps it was just harder for Muggles to transport their children all around the country.  
  
Then the train pulled into the station, but it took Sirius a moment to realize that it was the Hogwarts train. It was not the scarlet locomotive he has become so accustomed to seeing. It was, well, a train. Just a train. The students were only students. The parents were merely humans living their busy lives. And no one, with the possible exception of the first year students, dreamt of using magic in daily life. Simply standing here, on a steel and concrete platform, amongst a crowd, made Sirius feel more isolated and alone than he had since he left Azkaban.  
  
Then he caught sight of Harry leaving the train. He appeared to be chatting amiably with a familiar brunette. Thebe, all dark hair and bright eyes, stumbled down the steps behind them. Harry turned around and helped his step-cousin carry her trunk out of the train. If Harry had always been small for his age, Thebe was even more delicate. She would be beautiful later in life, but she seemed to love and care for her cousin as a brother, almost in the way Ginny Weasley relied upon the twins to make her laugh.  
  
After seeing to it that his cousin could handle her trunk, Harry resumed his conversation with Hermione. Periodically the girl would look away or say something to a passing student, but Harry did not seem to mind. Sirius felt that he should mind, that his stepson deserved to carry her whole attention, but he was not about to get into the middle of an adolescent friendship. Having been an adolescent himself, he knew that was a bad idea.  
  
Sirius was unduly shocked, though, when Harry dragged his newfound companion over to meet Regulus and himself.  
  
"Er... hello, Harry." Sirius was unsure whether or not he knew Hermione.  
  
Harry smiled uncertainly at his stepfather, obviously hoping this was still the same man who had so kindly reprimanded him for running away from school. "Hello, Sirius. This is Hermione Granger... A friend of mine."  
  
Apparently he did not know the girl. "Hello, Miss Granger, it's a pleasure to meet you."  
  
Hermione, though, did not smile. She shook his hand warmly enough, but she did not smile. Sirius thought this a bit odd, but smiled at her nonetheless. "It is good to meet you as well, Mr. Black. And please call me Hermione."  
  
Harry grinned happily at his friend and godfather. Regulus watched the little group with something akin to amusement, pleased that Harry wanted to bring Sirius into his life, however misguided the effort may be.  
  
"Well, there are my parents," Hermione pointed to a middle-aged couple, older than Sirius and Regulus. The woman had the same bushy hair as her daughter and the man her eyes.  
  
Still smiling, Sirius said, "Let me help you with your trunk. You already have another bag to carry and the younger students have all taken the trolleys already."  
  
Hermione looked slightly disconcerted. "Er... thank you, Mr. Black."  
  
Sirius lifted the admittedly heavy trunk and stumbled over to where the Grangers stood. Obviously the girl's love of hardbound books carried over dimensions and magic. And, sadly, there was no Featherweight or Shrinking Charm to be put upon these tomes. Very sadly. Sirius arms were slightly sore when he braced the trunk against the trolley Dr. Granger had found.  
  
Dr. Granger, Hermione's father, took the heavy trunk from Sirius with a mild grunt. "Thank you."  
  
Sirius brushed the palms of his hands on his knees. "No problem." Once the other man adjusted the trunk so that it would not topple the trolley, Sirius offered him his hand. "Sirius Black."  
  
"Luke Granger. It's a pleasure to meet you. This is my wife, Diana Granger."  
  
Sirius kissed Diana's cheek. "My godson, Harry, here just introduced me to your lovely daughter."  
  
"Godson?" Hermione asked. "Harry told me your were his stepfather."  
  
Sirius nodded. "And so I am."  
  
Jeremiah frowned slightly and Sirius realized that it must be unusual in the Muggle world for such a practice to occur. It was generally expected in the magical world for a friend of the spouse to step in once he or she was widowed. Obviously most friends did not replace the fallen spouses, but, then, the Black family always had been a bit odd.  
  
"I married his mother when he was a baby." Sirius suddenly wished he knew more about his marriage: what drove James to do what he did, why he had been chasing his best friend's wife, when he had proposed, what year he had married, perhaps something about the wedding itself. Ah, he reminded himself, I do know something: I tried to kill the priest with that holy goblet of his.  
  
"Oh," Diana nodded as if that explained everything, though she was eying him just as suspiciously as her husband and daughter.  
  
Damn them for being so intelligent, Sirius silently swore. Clearly his family traditions deviated from the norm. Or, perhaps, he had not continued in a family tradition at all, but had broken all social custom in order to be with Lily. Somehow that explanation made more sense than any of the others.  
  
Harry smiled, shyly, once more at Hermione. "Well... I guess I'll call you sometime... you know, just as friends."  
  
With a quick glance at Sirius, Hermione nodded in agreement. "Sure thing, Harry. We'll get together and go over our summer work sometime."  
  
Harry looked up at Sirius after the Grangers left to catch another train, his emerald eyes sparkling. "Thank you," he whispered.  
  
"What?" Sirius asked, startled.  
  
Harry shook his head. "Nothing."  
  
That kid is strange even when he doesn't have a megalomaniac out for his blood, Sirius decided. He and Harry went over to where Thebe and Regulus were waiting for them, Thebe looking far younger than her years.  
  
"You've got a new girlfriend, eh?" Regulus amiably ribbed Harry as they meandered out of the train station and onto the streets.  
  
Harry blushed an amazing shade of crimson. "Er... we aren't dating or anything, Uncle Regulus. She helps me out with my homework sometimes..."  
  
Regulus grinned at his nephew's embarrassment. "And what do you help her with?"  
  
Either Harry did not pick up on the innuendo or chose to ignore it and preserve Hermione's virtue. "I teach her about football. See, she's always wanted to play, but everyone always told her to just stick to her books, 'cause that's what she's good at. But I know football so sometimes we play a pick up game."  
  
Sirius smiled at Harry, pleased that his godson was in better spirits than he had been when he entered this world. Perhaps he could be something like a responsible adult. "That's wonderful. How did your tests go?"  
  
Harry shrugged. "I'm not really sure. I did my best, though," he quickly added, a note of nervousness in his voice.  
  
The family parted way at the intersection of Main Street and Devon Street. Sirius hoisted the trunk onto his shoulder, watching Regulus and Thebe continue on their way. Slowly, he headed back to his flat with his godson. They did not talk, but they did not need to talk. Somehow they both felt that attempting inane conversation would only smother Harry's newfound trust and Sirius' newfound maturity.  
  
When they finally made their way to the door to the flat, Lily and the scent of delicious cooking greeted them. Sirius was pleased to smell the inviting odor of beef stew. His wife had ceased to make any attempts at venison after a repeat of the Saturday night incident. She had asked him if he had perhaps somehow formed a sudden allergy to the meat. Sirius had not answered her question.  
  
When Harry began to ramble on about school, his marks, and his friends, Sirius could almost pretend that this was home. He could try to believe that Lily was Moony and that Harry was talking about Charms instead of English, and Divination instead of Mathematics. But then Harry started to talk about how well Draco and Hermione would get along, and Sirius world of pretend burst like a soap bubble in the sun.  
  
Harry smiled warmly at his mother. "Hermione spends most of her time reading books, but I'm sure Draco and I can change that over the summer. She's been telling me how she wants to play football."  
  
"I'm not sure that a girl her age should be out playing football with the boys, Harry," Lily warned. "She might want to spend time doing girl things."  
  
Sirius laughed. Hermione wanting to do girl things, indeed! The girl always seemed to speak her mind - even if it would get her killed. "If Hermione says she wants to play football, Lily, I'm sure that's what she wants to do. It isn't as if she would be speaking in code to Harry, where playing football really means trying out some new make-up."  
  
Lily's eyes widened, almost imperceptibly. "Of course, dear."  
  
There it was again! Lily calmly backing down, whenever she even appeared to disagree with her husband. Could she really be that different from the Lily he had known, and loved as a sister?  
  
"When will Draco be back? Perhaps we can arrange something for the three of you to get together," Sirius suggested. For some reason, yet unknown to him, the youngest Malfoy had been missing since his first Sunday dinner. As no one seemed particularly worried, he assumed that Draco's absence was a planned one.  
  
"He'll be back in a week. He was so excited to be allowed to go to that conference. Only one student was allowed to attend!" Harry explained excitedly, obviously pleased with his cousin's honor. "He thinks that's what he wants to do as a profession, even though Lucius really doesn't like politics."  
  
Sirius spent the rest of the meal trying to wrap his mind around the idea of a Malfoy who did not enjoy political intrigue, but failed rather miserably. Lily and Harry, though, were content to carry on conversation amongst themselves, planning for Hermione to come and visit that Saturday.  
  
Lily left at seven, to go to her book club meeting. Sirius thought it a bit odd for such a club to meet on Wednesday nights; one in his world would understand that evenings, especially those in summer, were to be devoted to family and friends. These times were meant for children to learn family traditions, taught basic magic theory, for friends to celebrate their lives, and for people to generally enjoy themselves.  
  
Harry claimed exhaustion and Sirius followed his godson into his bedroom, wanting to make sure that Harry's first night back home was a good one. Harry's room was decorated in an eye-watering pattern of silver, red, and yellow. Sirius had only been in there to nab a book or two and then leave, barring his first night in this new world, when his attention had been on his godson, not on Harry's decorative tastes. Sirius could not believe that he was wishing Harry had the fashion sense of Severus. But, then, this world seemed intent upon turning his world and ideas on their collective ears.  
  
Harry puttered about his room for a bit, showing Sirius this bit of memorabilia from when his team won a sporting match, or the toy Sirius had given him when his godfather married his mother, or the poster of his favorite team. Sirius was tempted to poke the poster, especially since Harry knew his secret, but refrained, having realized sometime last week that the pictures in this house would never move.  
  
When Harry finally settled himself into bed (under a duvet with an atrocious design that seemed made to hurt Sirius' eyes), he smiled at his godfather. Sirius tucked him in, forgetting that the boy was fifteen, only remembering when he babysat baby Harry for Lily and James.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"For what?" Sirius furrowed his brow unconsciously. Why on Earth was Harry thanking him, for being polite to the Grangers? That was only common decency. For suggesting that he play football with his friends? That was only common sense. For redirecting the conversation at dinner? That was self-preservation; he did not want anyone to know why he knew a young girl far better than he ought.  
  
"You told me to talk to Hermione," Harry explained softly. "You said she could be my friend."  
  
Sirius shrugged. "It's not a big deal, Harry. I'm sure you would have become friends eventually."  
  
"No." Harry shook his head vehemently. "I wouldn't. We wouldn't. Neither of us would have, you know, talked to each other." He stretched, kicking at his silver duvet. "Did we really get along in your world?"  
  
Chuckling softly, Sirius sat on the edge of his stepson's bed. "Of course, you did. By the time I came around, the three of you were inseparable."  
  
"The three of us?"  
  
Sirius nodded. "We privately called you the Golden Trio: you, Hermione, and Ron Weasley."  
  
"Ron Weasley? That prat?" Harry exclaimed in shock.  
  
A wolfish grin appeared on Sirius' face. "You wouldn't have called him that. The three of you were something of a terror for the teachers. No matter what, if you got it into your heads that something had to be done; well, the rules be damned, you three would find a way to do it."  
  
"Really?" Harry sounded a bit sleepy. "I can't imagine that... Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley. Who'd have ever thought of that? What about Draco, would he join us on our escapades?"  
  
"No... you two didn't get along at all. Something like the way you feel about Ron, here. In my world, the Houses have a fierce rivalry and you two are on separate sides of it."  
  
"Really? That's too bad. Sometimes Draco needs someone to tell him to shut up."  
  
Sirius gave a barking laugh. "I think Hermione once said that about Ron, last summer."  
  
Harry grinned up at his godfather and Sirius was pleased to see that this young man did not have the dark shadows in his eyes the world had become accustomed to seeing in his Harry's. "How did me and Hermione and Ron get to be friends, anyway? I mean, if we don't like each other here... There had to be something."  
  
"Well, I've only heard this story – and only once, because I asked Remus about it."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"According to local legend and the lore of the publicists, you and Ron met at King's Cross on your first day of school-"  
  
"In London?!"  
  
"Do you want to hear this story or not?"  
  
Harry nodded.  
  
"Yes, in London. Anyway, you two hit it off pretty well, sharing foods, games, and generally becoming friends. You were Sorted into the same House, took the same classes, and slept in the same dormitory. By the end of September, McGonagal claims that you two were pretty much attached at the waist."  
  
Harry realized that "Sorted" was capitalized and wondered why the Headmistress would be talking to Sirius, especially about him, and where Hermione came into all of this but he wanted to hear the story and kept his mouth shut.  
  
Sirius continued, "You two got along splendidly, but Hermione didn't really have any friends. She's too smart for her own good, that one. Anyway, that rather isolated her from her Housemates because she was always better than they were in classes. But one day Ron pushed her too far by pointing this fact out to her. She ran to the bathroom, crying, and missed the Hallowe'en Feast."  
  
"You know, this doesn't really sound like the cheery, let's-all-be-friends story I was expecting."  
  
"Oh, hush," Sirius said, but he smiled. "We're just getting to the good part. While you and Ron and the rest of the school were having a high old time pigging out on the annual Hallowe'en Feast, Hermione was in the girls' room crying. But then Quirrel – he was one of your professors – let a troll into the castle!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I know, but he was being possessed by the demonic spirit of Lord Voldemort at the time. Everyone was rushed from the Great Hall to their dormitories, but you and Ron realized that Hermione was probably still in the bathroom. So you disobeyed school rules, not for the first time, I might add, and ran to the girls' room. You locked the door, only to lock Hermione in with the troll. Then you three managed to knock the troll out with his own club, using a spell you had learned just that day in Charms class!"  
  
"Did I do it?"  
  
Sirius looked slightly abashed. "According to my sources, you had your wand up the troll's nose at the time, so I doubt it."  
  
Harry made a face. "Ew. But Ron and I went into the girls' bathroom? Isn't that against the rules or something?"  
  
"Well, it wasn't the last time you did something stupid and against the rules in a girls' bathroom..."  
  
When Lily came home that night, she was shocked that Sirius did not greet her at the door as he had for the past couple weeks. She was even more shocked to walk by Harry's room and hear her husband telling her son a wild story about a boy named Harry who flew on a broomstick and fought a fire- breathing dragon. Lily smiled to herself. She could not remember the last time Sirius had told Harry a bedtime story, and was sure that he had never do so quite this enthusiastically. Despite what happened the last time Harry was home, perhaps the relationship between her husband and her son was improving.  
  
*  
  
Author's Note: I needed a bit of fluff and many people wanted to see Harry, so I combined the two.  
  
Reviewers: Note: All e-mail reviews will be responded to with another e-mail because that makes my life easier with everything in its place.  
  
SP-in-Sirius-denial: Yes, Harry would be very sad indeed should our Sirius choose to return to his own world. Rather a lose-lose situation, don't you think?  
  
Nimair Black: Thank you.  
  
Beak: I aim to please. And I am utterly amazed that someone found me funny, but so be it. I hope the other sixteen chapters amused you as well.  
  
gaul1: You are thinking! This is good... except when you get too close to my actual plotline and then I just get nervous.  
  
NO NAME, lol: As long as you don't care whether or not you like James, he will appear. I have him penciled into an upcoming chapter...Gads, even I don't like him and I created him.  
  
beth: Well, I am known to be evil, sadistic even, when it comes to my characters. And I update regularly because I like to read fics that are updated regularly. The worst thing in the world is when your favorite fiction is updated sporadically, sometimes once every six months and sometimes twice a week. I aim to please.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: You know I don't give away plotlines like that. But, no, there are no wizards in this world. Sadly.  
  
Lil Miss Potter: Bonding? Well, I hope this chapter fulfilled some good Harry-Sirius bonding needs.  
  
Pam Briggs: I am quite flattered. And I like being flattered. Yes, Sirius is doing the smart thing and trying to blend with the Muggles. Wolfgang was a Purist, though, and would have died before letting his magical abilities fall latent.  
  
Sara Reeves: Their nonmagical counterparts (Wolfgang, Sirius, etc.) are currently in a sort of timeless limbo. They are not dead and not alive. They are just there, waiting. Not a pleasant thought, eh?  
  
PadfootBlackPaws: Two reviews! And you are so kind to my stories. The world probably won't know about the Dursleys.... Or so you think.... I won't say anything more.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: I have another thinker! Keep on guessing, although some of those were close enough to make me nervious....  
  
sarah-bear: Thank you!  
  
Aeryn Alexander: Wolfgang is insane, his belief in magic aside. He was thrown into Azkaban when he was guilty of his crimes and he had none of Sirius' coping mechanisms. Add his grief to that and you have one nasty mix. So, he really does belong in Greenwood.  
  
Now, for, I believe, the third time in eighteen chapters, please review. I honestly want to know what you think of this (although I must insist on proper grammar) even if you hate it. And I live on reviews. 


	19. No Friend

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
No Friend  
  
Have no friend not equal to yourself. – Confucius  
  
Sirius puttered about the flat excitedly. His godson had invited Hermione over today and he could not be happier. In the back of his mind, Sirius knew he was overreacting, but it was something of a godsend that he could treat Harry like a son now. Sure, he had the Golden Trio at his house all summer, but it had not been the same. Yes, he had owned the house, but they were there for the protection of the Order, not because they particularly wanted to be there or because Sirius had offered to host them. This time the entire thing was completely voluntary. And he was pleased.  
  
"Sirius, what are you doing?" Harry exclaimed loudly. Over the past week, he had gotten over most of his initial shyness around his stepfather, realizing that he would not be punished for voicing his opinions or accidentally slipping his toe out of line.  
  
Sirius stared at his godson, pained. "I'm making sure everything's ready for when Hermione arrives."  
  
Being the teenager he was, Harry only rolled his eyes in disgust.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We're going to the park, not spending the day here! She won't see anything, but the living room and even that only for a minute."  
  
Before Sirius could react to Harry's point of view, there was a firm knocking at the door. He opened it to reveal Diana and Hermione Granger, both looking at him nervously and with slightly damp, bushy brown hair.  
  
"Are we early, Mr. Black?" Diana Granger asked.  
  
"Call me Sirius." Sirius grinned wildly at Diana. "And, no, you aren't early, you're right on time."  
  
Both women smiled quietly, possibly wondering why the man was grinning like a lunatic, and stepped into the apartment. Hermione quickly slipped from her mother's side and began to engage in a conversation with Harry. From the way Harry's eyes sparked when the girl began to talk, Sirius knew that he had done the right thing in encouraging Harry to befriend Hermione.  
  
When the four left the flat to visit the nearby park and zoo, Diana and Sirius fell comfortably behind their respective children, happy to merely watch the two teenagers discuss whatever teenagers discuss and gawk at the squirrels, pigeons, and other exotic beasts of the land. For a time, neither adult spoke (although Hermione and Harry did do a great deal of talking themselves).  
  
For once, the Scottish sun was shining, though not particularly brightly, and there was no sign of rain or fog on the horizon. The park was a flat green-brown plain, with hand planted copses of various 'native' trees and was overrun with various rodents and small children. The small children seemed to be fascinated by the rodents, but the rodents had enough sense to stay in the trees, away from the children's grabbing fists. The zoo, though a small one, was connected to the park. It did not house many exotic creatures and was mostly a petting zoo to distract the rodent-interested small children, but there were some exhibits that might appeal to Harry and Hermione, such as the traveling group of water snakes or the penguins. All in all, Sirius decided, it was quite nice to be free and to be able to walk in the morning sun.  
  
"I think it's sweet, those two," Diana said lightly, as way of making conversation.  
  
Sirius, who had been distracted by a chattering squirrel, looked confused. "Eh?" he asked intelligently.  
  
"Those two," she repeated, gesturing to her daughter and his stepson.  
  
He smiled. "Oh, yes. Good of them to find each other."  
  
Diana smiled back. "It is good for Hermione to find someone to interact with, as she usually buries herself in her studies."  
  
Sirius could imagine that quite easily. He had often wondered how studious Hermione, a very lost Harry, and a very determined and willful Ron ever managed to seal such a strong friendship, leading to the troll-Quirrel discussion with Remus two summers previous. "Yes, Harry was quite similar."  
  
Diana frowned. "He loses himself in his work?"  
  
"No, no," Sirius replied with a shake of his head. "He becomes lost in himself."  
  
It was not unusual for that to occur in the magical world, especially when the person in question was a powerful witch or had a Destiny. Harry, having both, was doubly susceptible to this problem. Well, Remus had always thought of it as a problem, but everyone else felt that it was Harry's way of learning to deal with his powers and to learn what he need to do with his life. Snape had said, quite sourly, that the boy did not have any grand powers at all, but was merely sulking because people were not paying attention to him. The rest of the Order, as well as most of the magical world, had wholeheartedly ignored him on that score. Actually, that Rita Skeeter woman had fed off that theory rather well, but most sound people ignored it, Sirius rationalized.  
  
"Oh," Diana replied thoughtfully. She did not seem to have much more to say.  
  
They spent their afternoon with Harry and Hermione, buying a quick lunch at the small zoo restaurant. Harry was rather repulsed by the water snake exhibit, something that shocked Sirius, who was accustomed to thinking of Harry as a Parselmouth and reacting as such. He had thought that Harry would enjoy the exhibit. He knew that if he had been a Parselmouth at that age, he would have taken advantage of every situation he could find to talk to snakes. And then Sirius realized that Parseltongue was probably a magical trait, and, even if it were not, Harry had not been marked by Lord Voldemort in this world and therefore would not be able to speak to snakes in any case.  
  
"What a strange world we live in," he remarked aloud, as they left the reptile building to visit the aviary.  
  
Diana and Harry looked at him as if he had grown another head, but Hermione smiled at him.  
  
"I must agree, Mr. Black. It is a strange world."  
  
If her voice had not been so smooth, so logical, or so rational, Sirius would have taken her for one of the infamous Oracles that were scattered about the world. But Hermione sounded as if she were merely agreeing with a known fact, as if she had said 'the sky is blue' or 'grass grows under the sun.' Sirius had to wonder sometimes about this place.  
  
When they visited the aviary and Sirius wanted to see the owls, Harry looked at him askance. But seeing owls reminded Sirius of home, of being in hiding with Remus, of receiving letters from Hedwig when he was out on the Canary Islands, of correspondence with Dumbledore. Once he saw the snowy owls perched near the foreign screech owls, Sirius needed to leave. If he stayed much longer he would burst into tears and he doubted his stepson would appreciate that. Or so he told himself.  
  
~~  
  
As the sun began to slowly set behind the hills that stretched beyond the edge of the park, Diana admitted that she needed to hurry back to the dental practice. Sirius assured her that it would be no inconvenience to have Hermione eat with the Blacks that night and that he and Harry would personally see her daughter home. With a smile and a wave, the dentist disappeared into the crowds exiting the park, leaving her daughter, Harry, and Sirius, looking slightly stranded, three unmoving people in a sea of rushing humanity.  
  
Sirius grinned at the two teenagers as he led them home. He was not sure if Regulus' assumption of Harry finding a lucky girl was correct, but they seemed a bit more secretive and quiet here than they had in his world. Perhaps it was because here he was a strong parental figure, whereas at home he had the flexibility of being an escaped convict. Perhaps it was because Ron was not there to make them laugh (or hit him over the head, as the case may be). Perhaps it was that they were forming a friendship at fifteen-almost-sixteen rather than eleven. Perhaps they had been like this at the earlier stages of their troll-induced friendship, but Sirius just had not been there to bear witness to it. Perhaps it was a hundred different things and perhaps it was none of them.  
  
When they arrived at the flat, Lily had dinner ready, having anticipated that Hermione would stay for dinner. Despite his new oddities, she knew that her husband was a generous host and would not turn away a guest. She was slightly disappointed to gather that neither Diana nor Luke would be there for dinner, but pleased to learn more about Hermione, her son's new friend. She, too, did not know what to make of the blossoming relationship, but Lily did not particularly care. Harry had always been a shy boy and it was an important event if he should invite a school friend over without Draco or Thebe's encouragement.  
  
Throughout dinner – an interesting Thai dish that Lily had been aching to try out – Hermione chattered with Sirius' family about this, that, and the other thing. She seemed to be making a conscious effort not to sound like a know-it-all and it was not in vain. Of course, when Harry mistook one of his science summer assignments, she immediately corrected him, but if she was as socially deprived as Harry was, Sirius could only assume that this was acceptable. If he could help only these two children during his stay here, that might be enough to give him confidence when he returned to his world.  
  
Sirius had decided, sometime after seeing the snakes and owls, that he needed to go home, as soon as possible. If he could become emotional at a zoo exhibit, who knew what his reactions to other parts of his life would be. And he was quite sure, as Wolfgang had told him that if the Archway and Veil had deposited him in this world, then there must be way to reverse the process. Maybe he could convince Severus and Harry to help him research the Internet to see if any Muggle had discovered a similar Archway and Veil in this world. If his shot home were not through such a device...well, Sirius would cross that bridge when he came to it.  
  
The night seemed long to Sirius, as he joined his new family and Hermione in a board game at which Hermione excelled. It was called "Scrabble" and Sirius always misspelled the words, losing the game miserably. In the end, he elected to sit back and watch the others play; it was embarrassing to lose so badly to two teenagers.  
  
He liked the way Harry smiled and laughed when Hermione teased him about not knowing as many words as she did. Sirius realized that he had never seen his godson this relaxed and quiet. In his world, Harry had been looking over his shoulder for an evil Dark Lord since he was eleven. For most of the time he had known Harry, the boy had been surrounded by death, dismay, and, lately, kept from sleep by visions of torture. Perhaps they had been wrong about Harry. Maybe there he should not have sunk into himself the way he had; maybe Remus was right. It might be that something in his life caused him to do that. Or it could merely be the lack of magic in this world that allowed Harry to be so carefree. It was a subject that deserved speculation, Sirius decided abruptly.  
  
Lily laughed with the two children as she made them some hot chocolate. Apparently, while Sirius was lost in his musings, they had decided to watch something on the television before Sirius and Harry walked Hermione home. He liked it when Lily was happy, even if it was disconcerting to being living with your dead companion's dead wife. It made Sirius realize that there was good out in the world, that life did go on, even if this was not his place and this Lily had never actually faced down the threat of death by Dark Lord.  
  
He felt guilty somehow, for enjoying his time here. Sirius liked sitting with a family in front of the television, to take his godson to the park, to hold a steady job, to live in a normal apartment. He loved living life. And somehow, someway, he felt that it was wrong. His Moony was not here; he had abandoned the war. He had lost his Harry, his home, and most of his chances to perform magic. There were still many times when he wanted to openly weep for all that he had lost in that terrible battle. Luckily, neither Lily nor Regulus had caught him sobbing lately, but it still happened. Yet, then there were other times, times like this, when he could not imagine living another life.  
  
No, that was wrong. At these times, Sirius did not want to live another life. He was growing comfortable with Lily, now that she finally realized that they would not being having sex anytime soon (though she still woke him with an ever-so-slightly disturbing kiss each morning). Since Harry had returned from school, Sirius liked seeing him after work. For Merlin's sake, he was starting to enjoy the Black family dinners! Of course, he still despised his cousin Bellatrix with a passion, but he found conversing with his other family members to be entertaining.  
  
These were traitorous thoughts and Sirius knew it. Magic, especially old magic as was present in the Archway and Veil, depended greatly upon belief and desire. If he did not desire to leave this place, it was unlikely that he would find the Veil. Such items could be used without magic or belief, but one could only find them with both. When Remus studied it, he had called it an anomally. Sadly for him and unfortunately for Sirius, Remus was never given a chance to study that line of thought in the Department of Mysteries. He had only recently realized the strangeness of that occurrence when the Ministry fired him. Sometimes they had wondered if Remus had been removed from the Ministry payroll as much for his innate curiousity as for being a lycanthrope.  
  
Despite his misthoughts and moral meanderings, Sirius found a great deal of comfort in sitting on the couch next to Lily while Harry and Hermione threw small pieces of food at each other from their respective arm chairs. As his sipped on his own hot chocolate (and almost spit out the whipping cream he had not noticed), he wondered what everyone back home would think of this. He missed them desperately and hoped that they were working hard to bring him back home. Sirius wondered if their heartfelt desire to have him back in their lives would make up for his doubts about the importance of returning. If that were true, it would make his life infinitely easier.  
  
When it finally came time for Hermione to go home, it was well after dark and Sirius could see the stars beyond the haze of the city lights. The half- moon was a warm golden white and he was pleased to merely walk with the teenagers and watch the sky.  
  
"Do you know astronomy?" Hermione asked him suddenly.  
  
Sirius, startled out of his reverie, smiled at her. "Of course, I do. I assume you know it, as well?"  
  
She smiled back at him and nodded. "You were watching the sky and I just wondered."  
  
"My favorite constellation is Orion," he told her, pointing to that set of stars. "I was named for that star, right there. It's the brightest star in the sky."  
  
"Wasn't Aunt Bella named after one of them?" Harry asked, curious.  
  
"Yep, see that one right over there, a little above mine?" Sirius directed their eyes to a softly glowing star, not as bright as Canis Major Alpha. "It's called Bellatrix: the female warrior."  
  
The entire long, long walk home, Sirius pointed out all of the major constellations in the sky to the two teenagers. During his long days on the run, he had long enjoyed the night sky and it gave him a sense of satisfaction to share his knowledge with others. He spoke briefly with Luke and Diana at the Granger household. On the way home, he talked to Harry about the meanings of the planets and constellations in the sky.  
  
*  
  
Author's Note: I am relieved to inform everyone that my muse has not left me, though I have been grappling with one chapter (not this one) for roughly two weeks and Sirius basically threatened to walk out on the story. Eventually I gave into my character's whims and you will have your story, but with more fluff than I originally thought possible.  
  
Also, for those who pay close attention to this story, I did indeed change the names of the Grangers. They are Luke and Diana now, rather than Jeremiah and Atlanta. If you want an in depth explanation as to why, contact me through e-mail or leave your e-mail address in your review.  
  
Reviewers: I will respond to those who review in an e-mail in an e-mail.  
  
NO NAME, lol: That would be amusing, now wouldn't it?  
  
Xanadrine: More? Here. And there will be more fluff on the way... As well as a great deal more pain and angst.  
  
SP-in-Sirius-Denial: Why is it lose-lose? I suppose because I am a cruel author. You will see that, in the end, he may not lose entirely. But I couldn't throw him into a horrible world, not after what his life was like in his own. The slash probably won't show up in this story because, well, Sirius is married and I don't like people who break their marriage vows.  
  
chevalier Ryu: You will meet James and decide for yourself. I don't want to give anyone any ideas just yet. Will Lily discover the truth? Perhaps. Perhaps. You will just have to wait. And you get cookies for continuing to read this absurdly long English fiction.  
  
Pam Briggs: Aw, thanks. And yes, Harry does want to get close to Sirius. Remember that.  
  
Hecate Aiwe: I'm clever and original? I hate to tell you... I stole this idea from another R/S shipper. Of course, hers was only five chapters long and involved Sirius hitting his head, but I stole the idea of the world from her. Of course, she probably wouldn't recognize her brainchild now. And she says I have humor, too. Flattery will get you everywhere, Hecate. Aesop was right.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: When I refer to football I am talking about American soccer. Sorry for the mix up but soccer is a strange word. Ah, yes, the bonding and the fluff. I'm happy you appreciate it because the muse warns me that there will be more of it.  
  
Eizoku: The Sirius-Remus situation? Just remember- you asked for the story. When they left Hogwarts, Sirius and Remus were lovers. The war and misplaced suspicions (they each thought the other was the traitor) broke them apart. Neither stopped loving the other, but they thought their lover betrayed them. After Azkaban, both knew that neither was the traitor, but it was hard to patch up their relationship. They had had many fights and painful words exchanged and it took time to heal from those. At Grimmauld Place, they were slowly learning to interact with the other again, and, while they planned to continue their relationship, at the moment they were just a little more than friends. Sirius doesn't spend time with the Remus of this world because he knows he cannot be with the man he loves and that would be torture. I hope that clears everything up.  
  
C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity, Lil Miss Potter, Joslin: Thank you.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: Remus wanted to know more about James' son and asked for stories about him. Also, the staff can use it as an anecdotal story at Hallowe'en.  
  
Aeryn Alexander: Yes, Sirius has been here for a while, but not as long as it seems. After all, the first nine chapters covered only two days. Sirius has been in this world for maybe three weeks at this point. Not that long, if you think about it.  
  
beth: The Sirius of this world is hanging out in a timeless limbo. He's just kind of there.  
  
sara*magic: I don't give away plotlines. Thanks.  
  
My addendum: I told Eizoku that I appropriated some of my fic from another writer. This other writer is Majokai Yukiku and her story is Second Reality, archived on this site. Read it for yourself, it's a truly wonderful and redeeming story, and then figure out just how much I stole. 


	20. Billiards

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Billiards  
  
To play billiards well is a sign of misspent youth. - Herbert Spencer  
  
Click.  
  
Swish.  
  
Thump.  
  
"YEOW!"  
  
Severus stared at Sirius disdainfully. "What was that?"  
  
Sirius rubbed his sore rib cage and glared at his greasy-haired friend. "You make it look easy."  
  
"Are you whining?"  
  
"Who came up with this idiotic game, anyway? Quidditch is the only game that should involve hitting balls with sticks and we have the good sense to hit them broadside."  
  
Severus scowled. Somehow it lost its affect, though, when paired with his forest green sweater vest and matching hat. "It isn't idiotic," he replied in using the tone of a mother monkey protecting her hairless offspring from ridicule. "It has a long and glorious history."  
  
"Well, it does injure its participants."  
  
The scowl deepened. Sirius shivered. Even the sweater vest could not combat it now. "That was not what I meant and you know it."  
  
Sirius raised an eyebrow and then, realizing that he was obviously spending far too much time with Severus and Lily, immediately dropped it.  
  
"Billiards," Severus continued in a voice of false glory, "is a most dignified game. It requires strategy and skill. It-"  
  
"Requires a padded torso," Sirius finished.  
  
"No, it requires a brain, something you seem to be sorely lacking."  
  
The wizard shrugged. "I'm sure I don't have a brain. That's why you're hitting painted balls with wooden sticks and I'm pondering the purpose of life and how I can evade it as long as possible."  
  
"Idiot dunderhead of a..." Severus muttered under his breath, forfeiting the table to a group of young men who had been loitering by the door.  
  
Sirius eyed the men warily, before shoving his cue into a sandy-haired man's hands. The man took a step backward from the force. "Have fun," Sirius said with a wicked grin.  
  
"Must you frighten the natives?" Severus asked dryly, as Sirius joined him at the bar.  
  
Ordering a whisky, the blue-eyed man laughed. "It is called sarcasm, Severus. I was under the impression that you were well acquainted it."  
  
Severus glared at him. "If I didn't need a good drink to talk to you, I'd pour it on your head for that comment, Black."  
  
"Oh, we're back to last names are we?" Sirius teased, needing to release his stress from home and work. "Whatever happened to calling me 'Mr. Black'? Show some respect!"  
  
"You are a miserable mongrel, Sirius. I shall never call you Mr. Black again, so long as I shall live."  
  
Sirius only laughed and tried to ignore the blonde who winked at him from one of the nearby booths.  
  
Noticing the blonde, Severus snorted. "As if she can't see your wedding ring from here."  
  
He had a point, Sirius realized. The wedding ring was quite light, he had not noticed it when he first arrived here, but the diamond in the middle caught the light like anything. Smiling, he adjusted his hold on his whiskey so that he could make a pattern on the ceiling with reflected light. "Not as if I'd be interested anyway."  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow.  
  
"It's hard enough here," Sirius explained hurriedly, not wanting to discuss his sexuality with Severus, friend or no. "I mean, I have so much – I have a family, a job, friends, even a place in the world. But it isn't home. I don't want anything else to tie me here."  
  
His companion sipped his beer.  
  
Not able to resist, Sirius grinned. "And I really don't want to imagine what my so-called family would do to me if they caught me making eyes at another woman. It was bad enough when they mistook Sasha's message."  
  
Severus did not rise to the bait. "You talk like you don't have any of that at home."  
  
"Is that why you wanted to go to the bar? To get inside my head? You didn't want to just spend time with me? I'm hurt, Severus; I'm really hurt."  
  
The teacher only rolled his eyes.  
  
"Fine," Sirius tilted his stool backward, bracing himself against the bar for support. "So, what do you want to know? I've already told Harry a lot of this."  
  
Severus pondered it for a moment before replying. "Family."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't you have family at home? Unless I'm quite mistaken, you weren't shocked to hear Lucius call you cousin and Harry told me that you spoke of Bellatrix the day before we met."  
  
"Sevviekins," his companion winced visibly, "there's family and then there's family."  
  
"Do you have the former or the latter?"  
  
"Does the fact that I'm a blood traitor suggest an answer?"  
  
Severus scowled at him.  
  
"Alright. I have the latter. Both of my parents are dead. Father died during the War and Mother while I was in prison. Regulus was executed when he refused to obey his Master's orders. Narcissa married Lucius, who was a Death Eater. She never became one herself, but for all intents and purposes she may as well have. Bellatrix and Rudolphus were both Death Eaters of the highest order. Andromeda joined me on the side of the Light, but she went into hiding due to her traitorous tendencies."  
  
"Was she threatened by the family?"  
  
Sirius nodded.  
  
"Why weren't you?"  
  
Sirius let loose a barking laugh. "I'm only a blood traitor, Severus. When I shame the name of Black, I do it privately. She defied them by marrying a Muggle, the worst thing she could have done in the eyes of the family. She and her husband raised Nymphadora nearly like Muggles."  
  
"So Nymphadora exists in your world?"  
  
"Yeah... sweet kid, Tonks. I haven't seen someone so devoted to the Light since James and Lily were alive."  
  
"What about Sasha?"  
  
"I told you, she died."  
  
"You don't seem to be too upset about that."  
  
"I don't know the girl, Severus! I never did! She died when I was, what, sixteen? She was younger than me and in a different House. I would have no reason to know her."  
  
"She's your brother's wife."  
  
"No," Sirius replied with an adamant shake of his head. "No. Here there is Sasha and Regulus Black. There, there was Sasha Sullivan, martyr; and Regulus Black, murdered demon. They are two very separate worlds."  
  
Severus just stared at him.  
  
"You have to understand how different our worlds are. You have this," Sirius waved his left arm, encompassing the barroom in his gesture, but probably meaning something a bit more symbolic. Then he noticed his companion's look of utter confusion. "Would you like me to make a comparison?"  
  
Scowling again, Severus nodded.  
  
"Here there are people drinking themselves into stupors. At home, there are people drinking themselves into stupors. The difference is why they are doing so. Here, people probably just like getting drunk. There, people want to forget that the Second War has begun and we all may very well die in a year if a fifteen-year-old can't find it in him to become a murderer."  
  
Severus paled. "What the Hell are you talking about?"  
  
Sirius finished his whiskey. "I talked to Sasha about this last night; maybe she can explain it better."  
  
"No. Explain it to me."  
  
"I'm not quite sure how relevant this is to my situation, nor your concern for me, Harry, and the general existential existence of humanity."  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow.  
  
Sirius threw up his arms in frustration and grinned. "I had to try, didn't I? Moony always said that to me when I started droning on about 'the good ole days' when I was drunk."  
  
The eyebrow just went higher.  
  
"Well, you see, a Second War has begun. It's really more of a Second Wave, than a Second War, per se. You see, we never had a definitive victory over Voldemort, and therefore-"  
  
Severus held up a hand. "Obviously you will babble all night about inane and purposeless wars and lords and waves and whatever other misinformation clutters up your brain. I want to know about this fifteen-year-old."  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"No, the one who has to become a murderer," the man explained in a pained voice.  
  
"Yeah," Sirius nodded. "Harry."  
  
The counselor frowned. "Harry needs to become a murderer?"  
  
"If the world as we know it is to survive," Sirius said, and motioned to the bartender to order another whisky. "The bastards."  
  
Severus drank some of his beer and scowled at the amount of sheer alcohol his friend was consuming. "I really don't see why the world would depend upon that."  
  
"You wouldn't, would you?"  
  
"And what is that supposed to mean?"  
  
Already feeling a bit tipsy, Sirius explained. "Before Harry was even born, when Lily was only just pregnant, there was a prophecy. Now before you ask, I don't know everything about it, not even Lily and James did. All I know is that a boy born in July would be marked as Voldemort's equal and he would kill Voldemort. Or Voldemort would kill him, and thus gain immortality."  
  
Severus raised his eyebrow again. That simple black curve annoyed Sirius more than he was willing to accept. "A prophecy?"  
  
"I don't normally believe in them, not really, but this one seems to be pointing at Harry quite clearly. Dumbledore told us about it."  
  
"Are you sure this Dumbledore person is to be trusted?" Severus asked. "I've barely heard of him before, but he was a bit odd in his own day."  
  
"Oh, the man's a bit mad," Sirius said, dismissing Severus' worries without a thought. "But he knows what he's doing when it comes down to the war. This is his third Dark War, you know. I can't imagine fighting it without him."  
  
"Third war?"  
  
Sirius drank another shot of whisky and Severus realized he was well and truly on his way to becoming plastered. "Yep, three wars. He was the one to kill Grindelwald, the Dark Lord of the forties. Before Harry, back in the First War, Voldemort was only afraid of Dumbledore, no one else. Still is, I think. Of course, now he has to fight both of them."  
  
"I think we should be getting you home now," was Severus' only answer.  
  
"Humph," Sirius muttered into his empty glass. "That's just the problem. I'm not so sure I want to go home anymore."  
  
"What? Is something wrong at home?"  
  
Sirius frowned at him. "Not that home, you ass. My home, my world, I don't know if I want to return."  
  
"What?" Severus spit out some of his beer. All evidence before this date had shown that Sirius wanted to get back to his Harry and his Remus and his magic more than anything else in the world.  
  
"I mean it. It's so nice here..." Sirius dropped his glass onto the bar. "I've got Harry and you and Sasha and a job... No one wants to kill me."  
  
"We are taking you home right now," Severus decided. "You are too drunk to think straight and Lily will have my head. She'll have you sleeping on the couch tonight."  
  
"I don't want Lily's bed," Sirius slurred. "I want Moony's."  
  
Trying not to think of Remus and Sirius in bed together, Severus took Sirius by the shoulders and began directing him home. Lily would be invariably upset with him; sometimes it seemed that Sirius drank himself silly every time they went out together. Otherwise, he never drank. Lily liked to blame it all on him. Severus did not know how to take that particular accusation.  
  
*  
  
Author's Note:  
  
Ooh. Swishy. Joslin is my 200th reviewer. Three cheers for Joslin. I'm going to keep my notes short because I'm doing this on Tuesday and it's late because I do have a life, despite evidence to the contrary, and it's late and I can't do this tomorrow. This fiction will have around 40 chapters. Originally I planned for roughly 12 chapters, but we can all see where that went. So, you'll have at least 40 chapters before the ending. And, as I have said before, there will be a sequel. I'm trying to embed that in your brains now so as to avoid hateful reviews in the end. Also, I am not a nice person. This means angst and pain will accompany fluffiness and love. Remember that, please, if you choose to continue with this story.  
  
Many thanks to Hillary (Toasterlicious) my unfailing, untiring, unpaid beta who never gives up on me (even when I say I sent her my chapter and really forgot to add the attachment). She's amazing and I'm lucky I caught her.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: I'm happy I caught you. As for the Astronomy, many people of know and love astronomy. I am not one of them. Luckily, I have a dear friend who is obsessive about the night sky and I learn through osmosis. Bellatrix is the female warrior, sometimes called the Amazon. Sirius is Canis Major, the hound of Orion. Regulus is the prince, of the Leo constellation. Narcissi is also, I believe a star of Leo. Draconis is also a star. They're all astronomical names. I tried to keep the theme with Patera and Thebe.  
  
NO NAME, lol, Jazzylady, LalaithaoftheBruinen, PadFootBlackPaws, monev, Joslin: Thanks.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: Eh? You know my rules by now. No secrets told. You'll see soon enough... Er, sometime within the next month and a half, anyway.  
  
eruve tinwen, gaul1: Yes, if Sirius returns to his world, the Sirius of this one will be back. Rather nasty pay-off, really. Sometimes I wonder about myself.  
  
Summerwing: Sirius/Remus – Well, obviously there won't be much S/R action here. Sirius is married and I have issues with extramarital affairs, as seen with one James Potter. In any case, you'll like the sequels more because there will be S/R there. Or, at least, flash backs to it. In any case, some action. Thank you for trying this and feel free to e-mail me about those plot holes. Maybe I can edit them out before posting this on other sites.  
  
Pam Briggs: Thank you and aren't I rather cruel? I give Sirius this lovely life, but it isn't his. Well, he'll come to grips with it soon enough.  
  
Hecate Aiwe: Conflict, conflict, conflict. It's an addiction. As for the chapter update problem, once upon a time I had a warning up as a first chapter, but FF.net took it down because it wasn't strictly fanfiction. Sadly, the site never realized that and counts every chapter as one ahead of what it really is. Before you get mad about me stealing ideas, read Majokai Yukiku's Second Reality, on this site. This is the idea I stole. Then choose for yourself what you think. Actually, read it and tell me what you think in a review, I'd like to know how similar our ideas are.  
  
Eizoku – Sirius will have some memory issues later on in the story, due to Azkaban, I will warn you. He remembers certain things, usually not pleasant ones, because they were key to his obsession with Peter. As long as they are associated with fighting Voldemort, he has a good grasp on them. Other than that, he sometimes has mental blocks, as would be expected from such a traumatic experience. I'm happy I cleared things up. I have a back-story for everything, so feel free to ask any questions if I haven't explained things thoroughly.  
  
Lil Miss Potter: I'm a favorite? I'm quite flattered. As for the title, it's referring to the fact that Harry's friends are his equals, that Hermione is no better and no worse than he is. Perhaps I read too much Confucius and should have explained the context a little more. Yes, Harry- Sirius fluffiness will occur in good time and I have a plan for James, although he won't be showing up until the end of June, at the earliest.  
  
InsertRandomInsanityHere: I like your name. And this is fanfiction, so nothing has to be proven in the books. I just think they make a nice pairing and this story called for it.  
  
Nowrah B.: Heh, you're getting an e-mail. I have no problems updating people when I post. I'm happy you like my story so much, a lot of people seem to have the tendency to read all of the chapters at once. I'm not sure I can stare at a computer screen that long, but good for you if you can. My eyesight begins to fail if I even think about it. As I told Summerwing, you'll see more R/S, at least in flashbacks, in the sequels, but Sirius will be replaying some of his clearer memories later on in this one. Cheers for FA, from where half my readers hail.  
  
beth: I don't try to be mean to my characters, but they live rough lives. I promise no crazy axe murders. That's a plus, right? I don't say people can't destroy their own lives, though.  
  
C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity: This is exciting? You people keep telling me that and I keep thinking – nothing is happening. Literally. I have, what twenty chapters now, and he's gone out to dinner, talked to his family, and made a new friend? And I only took 140 pages to do it... I swear, something will happen by the end of June. A plotline will emerge. We have begun the beginning of the middle. 


	21. Give Up the Fiction

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Give Up the Fiction  
  
We might as well give up the fiction / that we can argue any view / for what in me is pure Conviction / is simple Prejudice in you. - Phyllis McGinley  
  
The days passed quickly in the summer, for Sirius, at least. He had a pattern and he stuck to it. During the week he would go to the funeral home every morning and come home for dinner with Lily and Harry every evening. Harry would chatter about his day, about Draco, about Hermione, about Thebe, and anything else that came to his mind at the dinner table. After supper, the small family would usually watch the television, play a board game, or read until it was time to sleep. If Peter or Remus visited, as they often did, Harry would retreat to his room and the adults played card games and talked. Sirius was still fighting the urge to tear Peter limb from traitorous limb, but he learned about his new world when they spoke, so he repressed his homicidal urges.  
  
Often now, Lily would not say much of anything. At first, his wife's uncharacteristic silence unnerved him more than her previous half-hearted fighting, but then he noticed the look in her eye and found joy in knowing that she was not broken. At supper, one night, when Harry was eagerly explaining a new football strategy he and Draco were teaching Hermione, Sirius saw Lily's verdant eyes shimmer with unshed tears. He thought that she was upset, for a moment, before realizing, from the grin on her face, that Lily's tears were tears of joy. He had not seen anyone so happy in a long time. When he asked her about it in the bedroom that night, as he pulled on his decidedly unattractive flannel pants, she explained her reasons.  
  
"Lily," Sirius had asked cautiously. "Did something upset you at dinner? When I was talking to Harry you looked as if you were going to burst into tears."  
  
Lily sniffed, but smiled at her husband. "Oh, no, I wasn't upset at all. It's just..."  
  
Sirius turned to face her, not understanding her explanation.  
  
"You and Harry seem to be getting along now," she cried, embracing her shocked husband.  
  
Sirius blinked slowly and patted her on the back, trying to soothe the highly emotional redhead. "It's ok... It's ok," he murmured.  
  
Lily sniffed again. "I know, I know. It's just that for so long, the two of you always seemed to be at odds with each other, especially after he started running away. And now both of my men are happy and you talk to each other... And you told him bedtime stories..."  
  
Bedtime stories? Sirius wondered, not realizing that he had voiced his thoughts.  
  
She nodded against his broad shoulder. "The night he came home from school, I heard you telling him stories in his room. You were telling him about a boy named Harry who flew a racing broomstick and fought a dragon. You said the boy was a special wizard and could do powerful magic that even some adults couldn't do. I'd never seen you like that before. It was like you wanted him to know that he could do anything he set his mind to."  
  
That night Sirius woke shortly after one a.m., full of fear from his old nightmares of Azkaban. Normally he would have used his Animagus skills and checked on everything in the flat, as he had done many times this summer, but this night he could not. This night he awoke to find himself wrapped tightly in his wife's ivory arms, with her face snuffling against the back of his neck. The position made him feel incredibly uncomfortable, not to mention fearful and trapped, but he did not want to wake his sleeping wife. Whether he woke her or not, he could not turn into a dog for she would surely notice and being Padfoot was the only way in which he could comfort himself after such a vivid nightmare.  
  
He had fallen into a fitful sleep and when morning came, he needed more than his usual coffee to wake him for the day. Regulus had commented that he looked rather peaked, but Sirius had snarled at him and stalked to his office. He slowly began to learn to function without Padfoot because Lily had taken up the habit of wrapping him in her arms while they slept. He learned to feel less trapped and wary when he woke in his wife's arms and started to sleep off his nightmares, but Sirius would have much preferred to have been able to become Padfoot, if only to rescue him from his own memories.  
  
It was Sunday night. They were once more gathered at Cold Brook Farm, on Patera's patio, to be exact. Sirius still had trouble coming to grips with the fact that his mother had a patio.  
  
It was a nice patio, Lily called it lovely, but Sirius had little experience with patios on llama farms. He knew that the ground was brickwork and there were hedges of holly and lilac all around, protecting them from both the view and the smell of the llamas. It was decorated with white painted chairs and a few small tables. Undoubtedly, they would eat in the dining room, still without portraits, despite the warm, green breeze that flowed around the family outside.  
  
He had finally memorized the absurd story about Bellatrix and Andromeda, though he sometimes wondered where Andromeda was. The rest of the family always came to Sunday dinner, sometimes even Rudolphus' brother, Rabastan LeStrange, would join them, but neither hide nor hair of the Andromeda, Ted, or Nymphadora was to be seen. It was odd to become attached to Narcissa and Bellatrix: he knew them to be Death Eaters, women of tainted hearts, but they seemed to be nothing but kind-hearted, dry-witted women of social stature. No one spoke of Andromeda and her family, ever. It held about it the tempting aura of the forbidden, but Sirius was not willing to risk his place in his family, not when he had a family. They were a bit odd, sure, but several steps up from the demons he had known among the Blacks.  
  
Sirius poured himself some water from the pitcher by the lilac bushes. When he realized just how much he was telling Snape when he had been drinking, Sirius decided to cut back on in alcohol intake. Surely it was not good for his liver. Sasha joined him with her own glass, a hand resting on her already bulging belly. It was not large, but Sirius could see the swelling if he looked for it.  
  
Sasha smiled at him, her hazel eyes glowing softly with warmth. "Sirius, have you thought on what we discussed on Wednesday?"  
  
He laughed. It felt good to laugh again. "A bit," he teased. "I can't get my mind off it, actually. It preoccupies me, but luckily your ignorant husband hasn't noticed."  
  
"He has," Sasha reprimanded, still smiling. "Reggie just doesn't want to say anything after the Azkaban incident. He feels it is one mark against him. You know, he still feels bad about suspecting you so easily."  
  
Sirius shrugged benignly. "It was rather insulting, but I don't know much about myself, so it could be accurate, for all I know."  
  
"No, no. It was entirely inaccurate. Whatever else you might have been, you were devoted heart and soul to Lily. She was- is lucky to have you."  
  
"Even if I treat her son like crap," Sirius bit off.  
  
Sasha paused, turning to watch Draco and Harry teaching Thebe to gamble at cards. They looked sweet together; all mirror images of their parents in their youth. "We forgave you that a long time ago. After everything James did, and Harry looking so much like his father, it was almost expected. You lived and breathed for Lily, even during school. When James stole her, he broke your heart. You would do anything for Lily, anything, and when he did what he did, I remember you were ready to kill him with your bare hands."  
  
"I loved him like a brother." Sirius put some ice in his water.  
  
"He betrayed you like Judas."  
  
"Why?" Sirius asked softly. "He loved Lily with all of his being. He loved her the day he met her, when we were all eleven. He loved Harry. When the war began, he wanted to do everything he could to protect Lily, even went into hiding because she was in danger. Why would he do that?"  
  
It was Sasha's turn to shrug. "I don't try to fathom his mind. James always acted immature, like a spoiled child. I assume he didn't like the fact that Lily didn't lavish every attention onto him, especially after Harry was born."  
  
"Impossible. They were separated for months at a time and still loved each other like infatuated teenagers."  
  
Sasha rested her hand on her brother-in-law's shoulder. "Your world is different from ours, Sirius. Perhaps something happened to James that didn't happen here. But aren't you glad you have Lily for a wife?"  
  
He could not bring himself to tell Sasha how painful it was to sleep in Lily's bed. He could not tell her whose bed he longed to share. He could not and it was that simple.  
  
"It will all work out for the best, Sirius. It always does."  
  
"No, it doesn't, Sasha. Perhaps here you can have the ideals, but at home... We face war and death and everything that comes with it. I lost twelve years to a prison sentence I never earned. Known murderers walk free. Life goes on."  
  
"Yes. Life goes on. But couldn't this be life working out for the best? You have a home, a family, and a life. You had none of that before."  
  
"I don't want to forget."  
  
Sasha smiled. "You have Wolfgang for that. You can always talk to him."  
  
Sirius' blue eyes flashed red for a moment. "I told you, I won't talk to him any more than is necessary."  
  
"I don't understand this prejudice of yours. Has he ever done anything against you? Not that I have ever heard you tell."  
  
"He betrayed the Light!" Sirius exclaimed softly, toying with a blooming lilac.  
  
"He did not betray you."  
  
"It is one in the same. I will not talk about it. You cannot understand."  
  
Sasha hated it when Sirius got into his moods. He would dig his heels in and refuse to discuss whatever was bothering him. Severus called it a defense mechanism, but Sasha called it simple bull-headedness. And Sirius never said a word about it.  
  
Sirius sniffed at the lilacs, breathing in their warm, clean scent. No one had lilacs back home. Perhaps they were a peace-loving plant. He almost laughed; perhaps everyone was right, maybe he was crazy. How could a plant love anything? Plants were... He remembered a Herbology lesson, from his second year, when he worked with a Tentacula and Mandrakes. Those plants certainly had minds of their own; Remus had been knocked unconscious by a screaming mandrake baby, despite his earmuffs. Perhaps it would not be so odd for lilacs to love peace. He was almost tempted to string a bloom in his hair, but everyone would undoubtedly laugh at him and wonder what was wrong.  
  
On an impulse, he took the lilac he had momentarily intended for his own hair and braided it into Sasha's dark locks. She laughed and smiled at him, as if to ask what he was doing.  
  
"A lilac for peace," he said with a smile. "Maybe it's a good thing you don't have our experiences of the War."  
  
Then, as the sun began to fall somewhere beyond the hedges and bleating llamas, the Blacks realized that it was high time for dinner. Regulus found his bride and wrapped his arm protectively around her waist, leading the family indoors.  
  
Dinner was a simple affair, or as simple as it ever was at Cold Brook Farm. Lucius and Narcissa, and by default Draco, were vegans. Sirius had never heard of a person not eating meat before he came to this world, unless he counted the time in fifth year when Prongs tried to give up meat, dairy, and fish because he was a stag. Needless to say, that had not gone well what with the food the elves prepared, and Prongs caved after a week. Yet, Bellatrix, Rudolphus, and apparently he always ate meat at the evening meal. Sasha did not want anything rich or heavy due to her hormones, but desired protein at the same time. Draco, Thebe, and Harry were all picky eaters. Thus, there were more dishes and side dishes than Sirius had seen since his last Leaving Feast.  
  
Patera had removed the "no sex, no politics, no religion" rule after both Regulus and Rudolphus had pleaded that no one talked at dinner anymore. It was, in fact, the truth. Patera and Narcissa had their hands full every Sunday interrupting or shushing Lucius and Bellatrix when they broke the 'rule' by making a bawdy joke or debating whether or not the trees in a distant nation should be saved. It was amusing, but tiring for the rest of the table to watch, so Patera agreed to remove the ban.  
  
She had laughed when she did, the sweet laugh of an old woman retired to run a farm, though Cold Brook was nothing like any Muggle farm Sirius had read of in his books. The stone house was old, though not as old as the ancient ancestral homes of the Purebloods. And Patera was nothing like his mother. To see an older woman, silver haired and blue eyed who smiled and laughed, to see a farm, albeit one with a fine home attached, to see them together, was a shock for Sirius. He had never seen Patera so pleasant. He had never been to a Muggle home that was so beautiful. As shocking as it was, Sirius loved it.  
  
Perhaps the farm and family, like the lilacs, could only exist in times of peace. His mind rested on these thoughts again, during dinner, staying away from the light banter and lively conversation. Peace, family, farms, and lilacs. Sounded like a bad Muggle song, Sirius thought. Lily had listened to them when they had been a Hogwarts together, before the First War – or the First Wave, as Sirius thought of it – before Voldemort had risen to his highest power.  
  
He liked it here. He enjoyed his work, to some extent, now that he knew what to do. He was happy to be surrounded by friends and family all of the time. He was overjoyed to be able to raise Harry, as he had sworn to do. He found Muggle life intriguing, finally understanding Arthur's fascination with Muggle Artifacts. The best part, though, was being able to go where he wanted, when he wanted. It had been nearly two decades since he had had the freedom to stretch his legs.  
  
Sirius was accepted here, and he knew it. He knew that Sasha and Harry wanted him to stay with them. He was unsure of Severus' feelings about the whole situation, but then he had never tried to understand the man before now. Despite his magic and his history, his godson and sister-in-law still wanted him. He had not felt like this since his Hogwarts days.  
  
Perhaps he could stay here after all. The grand search for the Archway and Veil was failing rapidly. No references could be found to such an object in any book. It was quite possible, he had realized, that in this magic-less world, magical artifacts might not exist, and the Archway and Veil certainly contained high levels of ancient magic. For all any of the researchers knew, the Archway and Veil could be in a museum or building, masquerading as a normal arch with no powerful mage to see the Veil.  
  
Sirius knew that Harry would be pleased if he chose to stay. The young man had grown close to him over the weeks and both Sirius and Harry had become quite attached to one another. Sasha wanted him to stay here, she had said as much on the patio earlier that evening. His sister-in-law was also more than willing to teach him what he needed to know about this world, should he choose to stay. He could only pray that Severus would agree with them and stop trying to find a way back to his world.  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Thank you to Hillary (Toasterlicious) my amazing beta, a beta among betas, who puts up with my insanity and desire to write out of my time period.  
  
Reviewers: If you have e-mailed me a review, I will e-mail you a response. If you have a question, please read previous author's notes. I am happy to answer most questions you have, but if I have already answered your question, I will wonder why I am doing it again (and again and again). Thank you.  
  
Pam Briggs: Thank you. I am quite flattered. It will be about 40 chapters total. I'm not sure I could drag this out to 60 chapters, but the sequels will probably be equally as long.  
  
Hecate Aiwe: Thank you. I do try to be unique, and I only received my idea from Majokai Yukiko (the idea of the Veil sending him into a magic-free existence). I came up with this story a few months after I'd been tossing that idea around. Thank you for calling it well-written and I am of the opinion that there are no original stories. People have been telling stories for thousands of years; we can't exactly be coming up with new things all the time. (Just my view, I don't expect most of you to agree with my theory.)  
  
Summerwing: I did not plan for Severus and Sirius to become such good friends (after all, I began them as enemies), but to give them a truce and each a confidant. Then they took off and wanted to be friends. Who am I to deny my characters? I can't tell you anything about him going home: that would ruin the suspense.  
  
InsertRandomInsanityHere: Thank you. I'm on another person's favorites! Before I wrote anything serious, that never happened. This is new for me, so I am quite pleased. And preening like a cat, but that's another story. Yes, this is quite AU.  
  
Lily Skylo: Yes, he does talk a lot when he is drunk, but he knows enough not to talk about that sort of thing around Lily. We won't see Lily's reaction to his drunkeness because it isn't integral to the plotline and I have enough chapters to write anyway. Maybe when I'm done I'll add a chapter between 20 and 21 that has Lily's reaction.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: Thank you and hold your horses. Lucius will come into his own soon enough. He is most integral to the plotline.  
  
Beth: Ah, a rapid slasher. Welcome to my universe. In any case, they will remain as undertones as long as Sirius is married. The sequels will be a bit more open about this, at least in Remus' case.  
  
C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity: There will be little to no killing and violence. This is a story about being. We see emotion and tension. We watch relationships rise and fall rather than civilizations or families. This is not about power and whatever else is on thrilling television shows (I don't know because I don't watch). I don't do that. This is about being in other people's heads as they live life.  
  
LalaithoftheBruinen, NO NAME, lol, TwinEnigma, AerynAlexander: Thank you!  
  
Lil Miss Potter: My plot in my own. I generally don't take my characters' feelings into consideration. But only time will tell what happens to our favored protagonist.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: For the past fourteen years, Sirius has effectively been imprisoned for two poor choices. He has had to live with agony, grief, and despair, often will little or no human contact. Suddenly he has a fresh new start and is surrounded by loving people. I think it is only probable that he would question whether he wants to return to his life that gave him so much pain.  
  
unzum: Snape knows Sirius is gay. Why else would Sirius want to sleep with another man? Rather, Sirius talks a lot when he is drunk and Severus tries to be understanding. My chapter titles are all quotations (as shown in the beginning of each chapter). The titles are really the quotes, but they would be too long to put in the chapter title space I'm given. I have a minor obsession with quotes.  
  
Eizoku: Eh, Remus refers to this world's Remus and Moony refers to the magic werewolf Remus. I was hoping to confuse everyone less. Obviously that didn't work. And I really don't care about Lily's reaction, we will be seeing that at a later date.  
  
Joslin: Yes, I can't believe I have more than 200 reviews. In any case: this is a SLASH STORY. Deal with it. But there won't be overt slash in this particular piece. I have said this before. If you choose to stop reading because of that, I won't try to stop you, but none of my work (and certainly not this) is based on romance, het or slash.  
  
PadfootBlackPaws: So you too are obsessed with Sirius? Good. The man is something of an enigma, which is why I like writing him. Snape is the same way. JKR leaves too much to the imagination not to explore them. Don't let your loved ones get in the way of a good, if slightly deranged, character.  
  
Kiku-San: I kept you up after 4 AM? I'm so proud of myself. But I really hope you didn't have anything important to do today that you needed sleep for. Thank you. And you caught onto it, didn't you? Yes, Sirius needs to want to find the Archway and Veil to find it. Or someone else has to really want him to find it. You can figure out for yourself which it is. 


	22. Know the Truth

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Know the Truth  
  
Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. - Gospel of John  
  
Sirius sighed and pulled at his chin, a bad habit he had developed during his school years. He was sitting in Severus' sitting room, on a Thursday night, wondering what on Earth he was doing. Mere months ago, he would not have touched Severus Snape with a ten foot pole and now he was voluntarily visiting the man. He slouched in his chair.  
  
Surprisingly, the sitting room, as well as the rest of the modest house, was well decorated. Judging from Severus himself, Sirius assumed the man had had someone else decorate the house, and with good reason. Nothing in the house, from the cozy, cream-colored kitchen to the brick fireplace in the sitting room to the oak-framed, hand-painted pictures hanging by the stairs, reflected anything the dark-eyed man would have bought for himself. While Severus seemed to fit with the house very well indeed, his home spoke of someone else.  
  
The armchair Sirius had claimed for his own was upholstered in a soft, mossy green fabric in which Sirius was privately delighted. Nothing in his flat was so comfortable. The rest of the room was a mix of similar greens and blues. Severus had told him, on his first visit, that the colors were calming. Sirius merely thanked his personal deity that the room was not only green. The room was comfortable and seemed to ease his nerves, hence why he liked to visit.  
  
He could hear Severus doing something in the kitchen, undoubtedly making tea or pouring them both drinks. Sirius had called him the previous day, on the telephone, from the funeral home. Severus had been surprised to receive the call, especially at ten o'clock in the morning, but listened to Sirius all the same. Sirius had actually said very little on the telephone, as he still did not trust the electronic device, and only asked to see Severus as soon as possible to discuss something important. Severus, accustomed to such cryptic messages from his friend, invited him to his house for Thursday evening, after supper. Sirius had eagerly agreed.  
  
When Sirius arrived, Severus had retreated to the kitchen after bidding his friend to make himself comfortable in the sitting room. He had slid into the comfortable, ancient armchair he had discovered the first time he visited Severus in his home. The chair smelled like dust and Muggle cleaning products and had obviously been reupholstered sometime in the 1970's, undoubtedly while he and Severus were still in school. The carved wood legs and arms recalled a time of their parents, perhaps their grandparents, in this strange, short-lived Muggle world. It comforted Sirius to have something that had existed before him and would probably exist after him, despite what might happen in the tumultuous interval.  
  
Severus returned to the room bearing two mugs of steaming tea and a box of biscuits tucked awkwardly under his right arm. Sirius had never seen the Severus of his world look so ungainly without hissing and scowling like a rapid squirrel and the change was surprisingly pleasant. It made Sirius comfortable to be uncomfortable and he was certainly uncomfortable in his current situation.  
  
Handing Sirius his mug of black tea and setting the biscuit bag on the table, Severus settled himself into a chair that matched Sirius's. "Sorry I took so long, but the biscuits were buried behind the soup cans."  
  
Sirius only raised an eyebrow and tentatively bit into a biscuit. Finding that the food was neither bitter nor stale, he eagerly swallowed it and gulped some tea. He nearly spat out the offending, scalding liquid, but managed to swallow it without grimacing too much.  
  
Severus drank his tea at a more leisurely pace. "What is so wrong that you needed to call me? I don't suppose you have found a way home?"  
  
Sirius shook his head in the negative. "No, I think I've come to terms with that. I don't think I'm going to find the Archway and Veil here. Wolfgang sent us on a wild goose chase; the man's mad and I should have known better."  
  
"Ah."  
  
This was why he had despised Severus when they were only children at school: the man's natural ability to not participate in and yet still have total control over a conversation. It was infuriating. "I think I'm here to stay."  
  
"Do you now?"  
  
"Yes. I talked to Sasha about it on Sunday at my mother's farm. She seems to approve of my decision."  
  
"And you want mine?" Severus sounded half amused at the prospect of Sirius needing his approval to make a choice.  
  
The wizard shook his head again. "No, I think I've made my decision. Or that my decision has been made for me, rather. I don't really have an option."  
  
Severus leaned forward, resting one hand on the edge of the table that sat between the two men. "If you really want to go home, we can keep looking for a way."  
  
"No. I'm content with my decision. In either case I would have lost something anyway. I still love everyone back home and I miss them, but I would miss you and Sasha and Harry and the Blacks if I returned to them."  
  
"What about Lily, Remus, and Peter?" Severus asked shrewdly.  
  
Sirius sighed and blew on his tea to cool it, sending wide ripples through the dark liquid. "I'm not sure. I've told you about me and Remus, right?" At this, Severus snorted and Sirius continued blithely onward. "So being with Lily is obviously awkward. I can't be a husband in every sense of the word, it won't happen. I love her like a sister. My friendship with Remus is strained for the same reason. I see the man as a lover, not a friend. I know he obviously doesn't see me that way, he's probably straight, anyway, but I can't help it. Peter betrayed me. He betrayed all of us. I was imprisoned for the little rat's crimes. It's all I can do to stay in the same room as him and not wring his sorry neck."  
  
The room fell silent as Severus munched thoughtfully on a broken biscuit. "If it makes you feel any better, Lupin is quite gay."  
  
This time, Sirius did spit out his tea, spraying it on himself, the table, the biscuits, Severus, and everything else within three or four feet of his mouth. "What?"  
  
"He's gay."  
  
"Why don't I know this?" Sirius was shocked. He thought he and Remus were close friends, but obviously they were not, if Remus was hiding his sexual orientation from Sirius. "He hasn't brought his boyfriend over or anything. Peter is always dragging poor Julia to dinner with us."  
  
Severus quietly mopped up the tea that had landed on his clothing. "Let's just say that your alternate was not... open to various lifestyles."  
  
"He's my evil twin, I swear," Sirius muttered, burying his face in his hands. "How did I end up with the bastard as my alternate self?"  
  
The dark-eyed schoolteacher shrugged. "At least you didn't choose him. I can only assume that you are open to Remus' choice?"  
  
"Yes, Severus, I'm a homophobic homosexual," Sirius snorted. "Of course I'm open to it, you idiot."  
  
Severus nodded. "Should Lily be worried?"  
  
Ever tactful, Sirius thought, ever tactful. "No. Despite my growing hatred for Sirius Black, I will respect his choice in that," Sirius said. "I won't abandon my wife or my child; they deserve better than that. And I doubt Remus would be open to any move on my part."  
  
"I dearly hope you did not invite yourself to my house to discuss your sordid sex life," Severus replied glibly. "As apathetic as I am to that, further discussion may make think twice about having another biscuit."  
  
"Actually, I just came here to talk about my life here," Sirius confessed. "I know we talk about it a lot, especially with Wolfgang and Sasha, but if I'm going to stay, and I am, I need to know about myself. For instance, I had no I idea I was homophobic. I can't afford to keep making mistakes."  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Keep making mistakes?"  
  
"I told Harry bedtime stories. I encouraged him to make friends. If you didn't warn me, I would have told Remus to bring his boyfriend over for dinner. I'll still do these things, I won't let my double run my life, but I need to be prepared for people's reactions."  
  
"You're going to tell Lupin to bring his boyfriend over for dinner?" Severus asked in disbelief.  
  
"I don't see why he's friends with me when I'm such a bigot," Sirius responded honestly.  
  
"You were friends before sexuality became a topic, I suppose. Of course, Peter and Lily know all about it; they did at school, anyway."  
  
Sirius shook his head. "Not only am I a bigot, I'm an idiot, to boot. Does this day get any better?"  
  
Severus only laughed at him.  
  
"See? I make mistakes. How am I going to hide the fact that I'm not Sirius Black?"  
  
"Two options," Severus explained, setting his tea on a coaster. "First option, you can hide and pretend to know what's going on, playing everything by ear. That's what you've been doing and we all know how well that works. Second option, you can explain everything to them just like you explained to Sasha, Wolfgang, and me."  
  
Sirius just stared at his friend.  
  
"Personally, I prefer the second option," Severus continued when he realized Sirius was not going to say anything. "If you want to stay married to Lily, I suppose that's your prerogative, but I think she deserves the truth. It is up to you if you want to tell Remus and Peter, they might be a bit upset by what you know about them. I doubt Peter really wants to hear that he's a traitorous homicidal maniac and Remus just would love to know that he allowed his innocent lover go to prison without a trial."  
  
Sirius shook his head violently. "I can't tell Lily."  
  
"Why ever not?"  
  
"First of all, she wouldn't believe me. Second of all, I don't want to end up like Wolfgang. She still thinks something is wrong and if I tell her I'm a wizard, I'll end up being Wolfgang's new roommate. Third, if she does believe me, she'll leave me and I'll lose Harry all over again."  
  
"'Truth is the only safe ground to stand on,'" Severus quoted. "Look at how hard your life is now, hiding yourself and make mistakes." Sirius nodded. "If you just show her some magic, as you did for the rest of us, she will have no problem believing you. She also won't think you mad because she will see the truth. You are a wizard, complete with a magic wand. I can't guarantee that she won't leave you. You may frighten her. If you tell her about Remus, she may feel obliged to allow you to pursue your own life. I'm sure, though, if you explain your attachment to Harry that she won't take him from you. Lily isn't vindictive like that."  
  
"My life just got back on track. I have a normal life for the first time in more than fifteen years, Severus," Sirius cried. "It's as simple as that. I don't want to lose this!"  
  
"Lily was my friend as well as yours, when we were in school. And there was nothing she hated more than being lied to. For her, it is the ultimate betrayal. I know she has changed since we were children, but I'm sure that that at least has remained the same."  
  
Sirius had nothing to say to that, running his forefinger around the rim of his mug. He looked thoughtful, although his pale eyes betrayed his emotions. He truly wanted to live peaceably with his wife. He did not want to spend the rest of his life keeping secrets from the people he was supposed to trust most. That would not be Hell, but it would certainly make his life quite miserable. He could only imagine how much better it would be to share his secret, to have Lily understand him and his strange idiosyncrasies.  
  
"Why are you so sure this will all end badly?" Severus asked.  
  
Sirius sighed and stretched his left leg, bracing it against the table. "I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just a natural pessimist." Severus snorted at this. "Well, I could be. It's just that everything else in my life - from before - was taken away from me without a second thought. In one day, I managed to lose my friends, my lover, my freedom, my job, my home, and my life. Imagine that. You have a life, it's hard and you need to work, but you have everything you need and most of what you want. And then, suddenly, it all comes crashing down around your ears. It would make anyone skittish."  
  
Severus sighed, loudly, as if making a point. Sirius did not understand and just stared at him blankly. "Its more than that," Severus elaborated. "Plenty of people have lost everything in their lives, but don't act like you."  
  
Sirius' eyes flashed dangerously. "And what in Hades is that supposed to mean?"  
  
Lifting his hands in a sign of peace, the teacher raised an eyebrow. "That. See? Your emotions are on a roller coaster. One minute you're near tears from your losses and the next, you're ready to kill me for suggesting that you're different from most of the population."  
  
"Azkaban," his companion replied shortly.  
  
"Prison, yes, it always comes back to prison."  
  
"Not prison," Sirius clarified. "Azkaban is Hell on Earth. There is nothing like it. Be thankful there are no Dementors here."  
  
Severus watched his friend's closed expression for a moment, realizing that, once again, Sirius would not discuss his imprisonment with him. It hurt a bit, knowing that he was keeping such large secrets, but Severus knew he could not force his new friend to talk. That was not friendship.  
  
He rose gracefully and gathered both his mug and Sirius's, disappearing into the kitchen once again.  
  
Sirius stared at the kitchen door for a tense moment. Shit, he thought. I royally fucked up this time. I cannot believe I just did that. This is Snape. And I just insulted him. And he's my only friend. Shit.  
  
He was not prepared for Severus returning to the room bearing mugs of steaming tea. "I thought you might be getting thirsty."  
  
The ex-convict accepted the tea silently, slightly shocked by Severus' abrupt turn in conversation.  
  
"Have you decided?"  
  
"Eh?" Sirius asked coherently.  
  
"Will you tell Lily? I'm more than willing to back you up, if necessary, and Sasha would probably do the same if you asked."  
  
Sirius blinked at him for a moment. "You aren't the Severus Snape from my world."  
  
"I thought we cleared that up when I didn't kill you for fitting me into that blasted corset."  
  
"Yeah, I guess we did," he responded, an open grin spreading across his face.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"I think I'll tell her. I want to see what Harry thinks of this all, first, you know. It's his life I could be messing up and I get the feeling my double did that enough. If he thinks its okay, then I'll go for it."  
  
"You concede I have a point?" Severus asked, pulling out the chess set. They always played chess when Sirius visited, if they were not trying to find the Archway and Veil.  
  
Sirius scowled. "Why do you always say that, like I'm the village idiot or something?"  
  
Severus only raised an eyebrow.  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Thanks to my beta, Hillary (Toasterlicious), who betaed this entire thing last night and does everything even when I'm being unmanageable.  
  
Pam Briggs: Oh, you hope he stays, do you? Ah, well, you shall see.   
  
InsertRandomInsanityHere: Hmmm. Perhaps you want Moony's bed... I try not to get involved with my characters (borrowed or created) like that...  
  
LittleGreenPerson: Who said Lucius was the original vegen? Couldn't Narcissa have insisted upon it? Okay, it was Lucius, but you never know.  
  
LalaithoftheBruinen: Yes, it is a lose-lose situation. Either this Harry loses his stepfather or our Harry loses his godfather. Sirius doesn't have an easy choice to make, and it won't be getting any easier.  
  
C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity: Nope. No senseless violence. Not here. Thank you for the review.  
  
HoshiHikari4ever: Did you call me god?  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: Black sheep of the black family? Haha. Bad pun of mine, I know. In one of the early chapters, I mentioned Andromeda eloping to America with 'that Tonks fellow.' She separated herself from the family. There will probably be more about her later.  
  
ervue tinwen: Sirius and James will meet. Trust me. As for the other Sirius, he's in something of a timeless purgatory. Have you ever seen the television show Quantum Leap? He's in a place kind of like the chamber the people are in when Sam inhabits their bodies.  
  
Eizoku: Feel free to use that scene. I assume that Remus, being a werewolf, would have sensitive hearing and that the earmuffs might not protect him as much as they would a regular human.  
  
Lil Miss Potter: But does Sirius deserve the harsh life he has in the magical world? Should he be chased for murders he did not commit? Doesn't he deserve some peace and quiet?  
  
beth: You gotta love slash. In any case, yes, there will be sequel, slashy sequels.  
  
Hekate101: Ah, not one for slash, are we? In any case, choosing his world is not easy for Sirius. I hope you understand that's why I'm devoting so many chapters to his choice. He's emotionally torn. 


	23. Dignity

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Dignity  
  
Where is there dignity unless there is honesty? – Cicero  
  
Sirius smiled at Hermione, Harry, and Draco as he walked the three to the train station after the three had been to the cinema together, seeing a film called "Independence Day." Apparently Draco and Harry enjoyed the film more than Hermione, but that was more than typical. Hermione infinitely preferred the park and books to the boys' joys of the cinema and board games. Sirius was only shocked that she had not yet been introduced to Thebe, with whom she would undoubtedly make friends.  
  
It had become pattern for Draco to walk Hermione home, as the Malfoys lived only a street over from the Grangers. Sometimes Harry joined his girlfriend and cousin, often staying with Lucius and Narcissa for a time before returning home. Sirius had not even realized that his godson was dating until Regulus teased him at a Black Sunday dinner and Draco had outright cackled. Then the entire Black tribe laughed at a poor, blushing Harry, and Bellatrix and Sasha questioned him about Hermione. It reminded Sirius of what he had always thought family life should be.  
  
His life was delightful and simple and almost everything he had wanted when he was still just a kid. He had a beautiful wife, a son, a loving family, and a steady, prestigious job. Sirius knew many men would give an arm and a leg to be in his position. His stepson was courteous and responsible. Lily was intelligent and faithful. His family cared for him, despite the fact that he seemed to make an idiot of himself regularly. He co-owned the funeral home with his brother. He had two very close friends in whom he could confide.  
  
On the surface it was perfect. Until you realized just who you were talking about. He was Sirius Black, escaped convict and certified wizard. His two friends were his sworn enemy and a girl who died roughly two decades before he met her. His stunning wife really belonged to his dead best friend. Sirius could not say anything against Harry or the extended Black family, though. Harry seemed quite similar to his Harry, if less vocal and more contemplative at times. And this new family of his was a cut above his previous one. So far, no one had attempted to maim, kill, or steal the inheritance of another family member. These past weeks beat out his old family on any given Saturday.  
  
Sirius was still torn between his two worlds. On one hand, this new place, this world beyond the Archway and Veil, held more peace and comfort than Sirius could remember his place ever having. Yes, there were times of great joy in Sirius' life, but there were always undertones of danger and darkness. One could not live one's life in an eternal war zone and not be affected. In this place, he was not hunted down like an animal and he was not imprisoned like the convict he was. On the other hand, he had lost everything he knew and loved. There were many things in his world that he loved – his magic, Moony, Andromeda and Nymphadora, and Dumbledore, to name a few – that were not here.  
  
This sudden epiphany hit home earlier that evening, while Harry and company were still at the cinema. Sirius and Lily had invited Remus and Peter over for their traditional Saturday night dinner and card game. Once Sirius had grown accustomed to being in the same room as Peter and not attempting to castrate and/or decapitate the man, these evenings had grown to be enjoyable. Sirius looking forward to Saturday night even more than Sunday. He liked being able to laugh with old friends over a bowl of soup, although sometimes his heart broke when Remus laughed openly and told jokes, something his Moony had never done. Peter, as always, was quieter and hung onto every word Remus and Sirius said, smiling kindly at Lily when he complimented her on the food.  
  
He could almost pretend he was home. Until, that is, Remus or Peter opened his mouth, or Lily demurely poured their tea. That was when his illusion shattered. Lily, the wildly opinionated redhead, was as quiet as a mouse in church. Remus, the sweet and forgiving Remus, sometimes made a crude joke or two, sometimes made rude comments about Severus, not caring for the rules or that he might hurt another's feelings in their absence. And Peter, the pudgy hanger-on who turned traitor, would reprimand Remus for his insults and talk of his success at the local advertising agency.  
  
Sirius had wondered that night, as he sipped his bitter tea, why everything was so different. Was magic so life altering? When his lover was a werewolf, outcast from society and ignored by those deemed important and knowledgeable, Remus was the kindest person Sirius ever met. Yet, here, where his life is easy in comparison and he is well liked by many in the community, the man is almost bitter, and, in the very least, quick to make conclusions about others. One would assume the opposite to be true.  
  
Peter seemed to thrive as a Muggle, something that did not shock Sirius in the least. As boys, Peter had been the most magically inept, despite his Pureblood background. Sirius remembered, if he tried quite hard, one time in their third year when Peter received a Howler from his father for nearly failing Charms. The pudgy boy had been ashamed to have his failure broadcast to the entire Great Hall, especially when it was known that his three best friends were all brilliant. Of course, that had also been the reason Sirius and James had chosen Peter to be the Secret Keeper, their final and fatal choice. Perhaps Peter would have been happier with a Muggle life.  
  
Sirius sighed and gently guided Harry through the park. Harry remained silent, not asking his dark-haired guardian any questions, a habit left over from when the other Sirius had been his stepfather. In those days, Harry was not allowed to ask questions. He could still recall the first time he asked about James. One would have thought he attempted to murder his mother and stepfather, if one judged by Sirius's reaction. After that, Harry kept almost all of his questions to himself.  
  
Harry sat down on the park bench to which Sirius led them; curling up on one end, his green eyes watching his godfather's every move. Sirius, on the other hand, collapsed on his end bonelessly, like a cat. The other walkers in the park do not notice the two dark men, who seem to blend with the shadows cast by the trees.  
  
"What's wrong?" Harry finally steeled himself to ask. Was Sirius going home? Would he be leaving forever?  
  
Sirius blinked at his godson as if he had forgotten he was there, which was, in fact, true. "Oh, nothing's wrong, Harry. Not wrong, per se."  
  
Harry frowned, furrowing his brow. The old Sirius was never like this, jumping around the question, beating around the bush. As much as he disliked his stepfather, Harry had to admit the man always got to the point, even if the point was usually Harry's many and varied failings. He had to remember that this man was not his stepfather. "If nothing is wrong, then why are we here, sitting on a park bench in the middle of the night, rather than going home and having some tea with Mum?"  
  
Sirius chuckled at Harry's line of thinking. He truly loved this boy, even if he were not the godson he had known. "I think I've come to a decision, but it will greatly affect your life. I ought to consult with you before I change your life so drastically." There, Sirius thought, that sounds responsible and parental of me.  
  
Harry's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach like a lead ball. Sirius had found the Archway and Veil at last, he thought. He would not keep his godfather from returning to his much beloved home, but he would sorely miss the man. He knew his mother, Sasha, Severus, and even Remus and Peter would miss Sirius. This kind-hearted convict would soon be replaced with his stepfather, Harry assumed with dread. "That's great, Sirius," he managed to squeak out.  
  
"What?" Sirius frowned at his stepson, who looked like he just lost his puppy. What was wrong? Had he just accidentally said something awful? "What's great?"  
  
"Well, you're going home, aren't you?" Harry asked, trying and failing to sound unaffected.  
  
Sirius shook his head, his long hair brushing against his shoulders and face. "No, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I've been working with Sasha and Severus to find the Archway and Veil, but we can't find anything on it. By this point, we probably would have found something if it's out there. I talked it over with both of them and we think it's best that I learn to acclimate myself to this world, here, with you."  
  
Harry smiled at Sirius, his green eyes shining. This was wonderful news. Not saying a word, Harry lunged forward and embraced his godfather, burying his face in his chest.  
  
A bit shocked at Harry's show of obvious approval, Sirius rubbed the teenager's back and smiled weakly at the other people in the park who had begun to stare at the two men. "Hey, Harry, it's okay," he whispered. "I'm right here."  
  
"I know," Harry replied, his words muffled by Sirius' body. "But I thought for a minute there that the other Sirius was going to be back."  
  
"Was he really that bad?"  
  
Harry released his godfather and returned to his end of the bench. "Yeah, pretty much. It was better when I got to Hogwarts, though. Wasn't around as much."  
  
Sirius frowned, wanting to hurt his counterpart for hurting Harry.  
  
"Not that you're anything like that," Harry hurried to explain, misinterpreting Sirius's expression.  
  
Sirius ruffled Harry's hair. "Hey, kid, I know what it's like growing up with rough parents, you don't have to explain it to me. And it doesn't look like I'll be going anywhere for a long while."  
  
Harry grinned at the wizard, pleased to have the man in his life even if he did not understand him half the time. "But what is it that you wanted to talk to me about? You sounded like it could be a problem."  
  
Sirius chuckled nervously. "Eh, yes. That bit about being life-changing caught your attention, did it? You know how I explained my – ah – situation to you, Sasha, and Severus?" he asked.  
  
Harry nodded, not seeing where the conversation was leading.  
  
"Well, I was thinking about explaining it to Lily, your mum, too. What do you think about that?"  
  
To put it bluntly, Harry was dumbstruck. His stepfather wanted to tell his mother the truth. He had no idea what to say to that. Harry had no idea as to how Lily would react to Sirius's story. He did not know anything about what his father, James, had said or done when he left, only that his mother always cried when Sirius was out too late or drinking too much, not that the latter happened often.  
  
"Harry?" Sirius asked with concern, resting his right hand on Harry's shoulder. "Are you okay with this?"  
  
The bespectacled boy nodded silently and then spoke. "I don't really know if you should tell her."  
  
Sirius raised a single black eyebrow.  
  
Harry looked at his hands, one of his nonconfrontational nervous habits. "I don't know how Mum would take it, you know. She's already real worried about you; I don't know why and she won't tell me."  
  
"Lil's worried about me?"  
  
He nodded seriously. "Yeah, when you don't come home on time, or you're out with Aunt Sasha or Dr. Snape, she's worried. She says she doesn't want anything to happen to you."  
  
Sirius ran a hand down his face, pulling at his jaw. "I really wish she wouldn't."  
  
Harry shrugged. "Well, now she doesn't have anything to worry about, right?"  
  
Letting out a barking laugh, Sirius embraced his godson with one arm. "If it's all the same to you, I think I'm going to tell your mum the whole story. I talked it over with Severus and he made some really good points. We'll be one happy family and I don't think I should be keeping secrets like this."  
  
"Do you really need to tell her?"  
  
Sirius smiled at Harry, who was making puppy eyes at him. "Yeah, Harry, I think I do. It wouldn't be right not to tell her."  
  
Harry sat back for a moment and watched the night sky, remembering all of the astronomy lessons his stepfather had recently given him. He liked to find the stars of the family; it made them seem closer than they really were. "Are you going to tell her tonight, then?"  
  
"No, I don't think so," the wizard replied with another loud, dog-like laugh. "We have enough on our plates as it is. I don't need Lily thinking I was out drinking myself mad before I looked after the innocent teenagers." At this Harry smiled. "No, I'll wait for a while. Maybe I'll do it this weekend. I'll get the two of us alone and we can work it out together."  
  
Harry silently agreed to his godfather's plan. He had learned long ago that when Sirius Black got an idea in his head, it was nigh near impossible to dislodge it. That was what made Sirius so intelligent yet so foolish. It was what won him Lily, but also what lost him James. And Harry knew better than to expect anything different.  
  
They both stood and walked out of the park, toward their apartment building.  
  
Author's Note:  
  
Let's all thank my beta, Hillary (Toasterlicious), who puts up with me. And deals with the fact that not even she knows what will happen next.  
  
My reviews: I received many reviews this chapter, so if I miss you, forgive this author's tired eyes. Also, those of you who reviewed by e-mail, you will receive a response by e-mail.  
  
Pam Briggs: Thank you, I do love writing Severus. I happen to be a great deal like him in real life, so he is almost as good as a self-insert.  
  
InsertRandomInsanityHere: Moony's bed on Ebay? Are you serious?  
  
Curse of Seducers: Amazing? Why, thank you!  
  
beth: I never said whether or not he would stay.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: In this world, Severus learned to deal with his problems and was protected by child protection laws. Now he wants to help others deal with their problems (hence Harry).  
  
C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity: The two uncles you never had? Well, I wouldn't want them as uncles...  
  
LalaithoftheBruinen: You hope he tells them? I can't tell you what their reaction will be to the news he spreads...  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: I explained this to Pam Briggs in the last chapter. Check out my answer there, it is probably more coherent than anything I can write right now.  
  
Kazaera: "Sirius the Bastard"? I like the term, but you make him sound like some kind of barbarian war leader. In any case, yes, Sirius the Bastard would take Sirius' place should he find a way home. Heh, Evil James....  
  
Chevalier Ryu: You're still reading it! You'll see everything in good time. Very few errors and quite understandable. I still can't believe you're still reading and English isn't your native tongue. You have my admiration.  
  
Hecate Aiwe: Hey, I like emotional ranting. It proves that you really do like my story.  
  
unzum: I'm not saying anything. You know as well as I do that the only thing I keep from you guys is the plot. And that's staying secret.  
  
JellyBellys: Well-written? Original? I'm flattered. Ah, and my work at FictionAlley has paid off! (Yes, I plugged most of those quotes.)  
  
Lil Miss Potter: Good point about Harry and Lupin, though I think they'll grow closer in the sixth book. In any case, Severus is my favorite character to write. You really want Sirius to go back home, don't you?  
  
Sailor Christian: Yes, Pumpkin Pie may safely sail in this fic. Harry and Hermione are dating (I believe I clarified that point in this chapter). The point of the story is to be torn between two worlds, so I'm happy I've succeeded.  
  
Snuffles2: No problem, though I do love your reviews. I made you slash Sirius/Remus? I'm happy you've joined the ship, it's a lovely place to be. Who ever said Sirius couldn't have been with James first, anyway?  
  
danica: Oh, we have a whole lot of chapters to go. My major plot event hasn't even occurred yet! How can you think of ending it here? No, no, their lives must become harder. Of course, Sirius doesn't 'act gay.' Most gays don't fit the stereotype society places upon them. I can't imagine Sirius 'acting gay;' the very idea is horrifying.  
  
eruve tinwen: Oh, they'll meet soon enough. Sooner than you may want, actually. In any case, Sirius the Bastard will get his desserts.  
  
Anno: The best fic you've ever read? I'm flattered. Yes, Padfoot and Moony do belong together, that's why they're lovers. The question is: Will they ever be together again?  
  
Imaginable: Very good question. I suppose you'll have to wait until the end to see what I do. Just remember: anything can happen.  
  
Cat Feral: The placement of Sirius the Bastard was explained in my Author's Notes in Chapter Twenty Two. Professor McGonagal is Headmistress of Hogwarts, but planning to retire soon.  
  
Twenty-one reviews for the last chapter: I'm very flattered. I do love reviews and I do take your input into account as this is a WIP. If you want something to happen, tell me and I might do it. Of course, I might ignore it completely, but if you never ask, you'll never know. 


	24. Not a Pleasant Condition

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Not a Pleasant Condition  
  
Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. – Voltaire  
  
"Lily!" Sirius exclaimed, rushing into the flat, leaving Harry to stand, confused, in the doorway.  
  
Lily just grabbed her husband and held on, as if for dear life, weeping and sobbing into his shoulder.  
  
"Mum?" Harry asked weakly, not remembering ever seeing his mother in such a state.  
  
"Lily, Lily, oh, Lily," Sirius murmured, holding his wife and rubbing her back in soothing circles. "Oh, Lily."  
  
Harry, more than a bit frustrated with his earlier conversation with Sirius and concerned over his mother, closed the door behind him and danced about for a bit before making some tea. Lily always made tea when one of her girl friends was upset about something or Harry was having trouble with school, so he assumed she would appreciate the gesture in return.  
  
As he set the teapot (new since the one Sirius accidentally exploded on Peter and Remus) on a coaster on the kitchen table, Harry watched his mother and stepfather. Sirius was holding Lily on his lap as she quietly sobbed into his shoulder. It was easy to believe that Sirius was a different man now. He could not imagine his stepfather holding Lily so gently, whispering so softly to his wife. Sirius was strong during the hard times, as when James first left Lily, but he was not in touch with his tender, emotional side, something that had sometimes hurt both Lily and Harry during the marriage.  
  
"Shhh... Shhh... It's going to be okay," Sirius murmured into Lily's hair, as she began to quiet down. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"  
  
Lily, a few tears still escaping her verdant eyes, silently shook her head.  
  
"Here, Mum," Harry said, handing Lily a cup of tea.  
  
The normally vibrant redhead sniffed as she sipped her tea appreciatively. "Thank you, Harry."  
  
Sirius, now worried about his wife, took Lily's free hand in his. He might not have loved Lily as a wife and lover, but he truly cared for her and loved her as a sister.  
  
He could not imagine what had her in such tears. The night had gone so well, especially with his important conversation with Harry. Their weekly dinner with Remus and Peter had gone well and then he had left to pick up Harry and company at the cinema. What in Merlin's name could have happened in the intervening time that would put his wife into hysterics?  
  
"Please, tell us what happened. Please, Lily-flower?" Sirius begged, using her old nickname.  
  
She sniffed again, wiping away a stray tear. "Harry, go to your room."  
  
Harry's eyes widened with surprise.  
  
"Go to your room, Harry," Lily repeated.  
  
Still shocked, Harry went to his room, but not without looking over his shoulder to watch Lily and Sirius still sitting on the couch again.  
  
Sirius turned back to Lily, his blue eyes shining with worry. "What in Mer- What on Earth happened here?"  
  
"J-James," Lily whispered.  
  
"James?" Sirius repeated with a frown. "James Potter?"  
  
His wife nodded quietly.  
  
"What was James Potter doing here?" he asked indignantly. He had certainly heard stories about James from Severus and was still having a bit of trouble thinking of his friend in the land of the living.  
  
"Just... just talking..."  
  
Sirius frowned again. Why would talking to James put Lily into such a state? And why would Lily want Harry out of the room for this?  
  
Lily looked up at her husband, green eyes meeting blue. "He said some things about you... Some things that I didn't like... Don't believe... But it hurt all the same, having him say them, even after all these years."  
  
Tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, Sirius smiled weakly at Lily. "What did he say that would affect you this much?"  
  
Lily only shook her head. The skin around her emerald eyes was a rough, puffy red and her cheeks were shiny with old tears. Sirius's heart broke that this woman was so hurt and broken by the first man in her life that Sirius believed she truly loved.  
  
"Come on, Lily-flower, you can tell me," he whispered, soothingly. "I'll only be angry with James, not you, never you."  
  
She pulled a lavender handkerchief out of her pocket and wiped at her eyes before trying to compose herself. "I went out for a walk, down to the store," Lily explained. "And I ran into him, rather literally. I didn't know it was J-James until he helped me pick up the milk carton I dropped." Her voice broke on James' name.  
  
Sirius pulled her into a warm embrace, remembering when Moony did this for her whenever she and James fought during their time at Hogwarts. He always comforted and lectured James, finding his best friend easier to understand.  
  
"He laughed when he saw me, asked if we were still married. I-I said of course we are and he laughed again. I got upset and asked him what was so funny. He-he said-" Lily broke off.  
  
"What did he say about us?" Sirius asked quietly into her auburn hair.  
  
"He said you didn't love me, that you never did," she whispered broken- heartedly. "He said you only picked up his cast-offs."  
  
Sirius saw red. James Potter might have been his best friend since he was eleven, but some things went beyond friendship. James had broken Lily before he left her. He had left her hurt and vulnerable and open to a rough relationship with Sirius Black. And no one hurt the people Sirius loved, not even his best friend.  
  
Lily laid her head against Sirius shoulder and held onto him, her ivory arms embracing his waist. Her crying had started up again, but they seemed to be dry sobs, as he noticed that his shoulder was not becoming wetter.  
  
He would kill James. No, he would find James and rip out his heart. Sirius knew Lily better than he had ever known her before, when she was alive, and he learned to love her. He learned not to have nightmares when she held him in their bed. It was for her sake and Harry's that he did not brutally murder Peter when he came to dinner on Saturday nights. He had learned to love her and wanted her to know the truth.  
  
But now he could not tell her the truth. Not after James told her that her husband did not love her. Sirius could not bring himself to tell his wife that he was truly in love with another man when she was despairing. She would not be able to understand that he did love her, but as a sister rather than a lover. This complicated things.  
  
Lily whimpered something into his shoulder.  
  
"What was that?"  
  
She murmured something again, once more incomprehensible.  
  
Sirius touched her cheek, brushing away a lone tear. "Lily-flower, you're going to have to speak up."  
  
Lily wiped her face with the handkerchief. "You do love me, right?" she whispered, not meeting his eyes.  
  
Sirius sighed. He did not want to lie to his wife, but nor could he bear hurting his wife any more tonight. "Of course I love you."  
  
"Really?" Lily sighed, finally looking at Sirius' face.  
  
"Really." 'As a sister, I do love you,' he added silently. "Why don't you go get ready for bed?"  
  
Lily nodded and began to gather the tea things together.  
  
"No, Lily," Sirius interrupted. "Let me do that. You've had a hard night. You just get ready for bed. I'll be there in a minute. I'll fix up the kitchen, and I want to talk to Harry about something, but I'll be in the bedroom soon."  
  
Lily smiled softly at her husband and made her way, quickly, to the bathroom. When Sirius was sure he could hear the shower running, he began rinsing the teapot and the mug Lily had used.  
  
He had never remembered James being like this. Sure, they had been reckless as kids, but they had grown up, matured. By sixth year, their torture of Severus had slowed and when seventh year rolled around, the Marauders had been more focused on the war effort than even schoolwork. James had been Head Boy and even stopped Sirius from being cruel to Severus. So what on Earth would make him this much of a bastard to his own wife, his own love?  
  
Shit. Magic did make a difference in their lives. Thinking back, he realized that James had really come into his own after the Death Eaters killed his parents in the First London Massacre. Then, when Lily's mum was murdered over the Easter holidays, he had comforted her and the younger students who had lost people. Moony had been hurt that he could not help more. Had the war really done them that much good? Sirius wondered what old Voldemort would say if he learned that he was the one who made the Golden Gryffindors golden.  
  
Sirius carefully wiped the inside of the teapot with a dishtowel, lost in his memories and meanderings. As he put the mug in the cupboard and the pot on the counter, he did not even hear Harry enter the room.  
  
"Sirius?" Harry asked nervously.  
  
Sirius jumped, surprised. "Merlin, Harry, you scared me."  
  
"What's going on? Why was Mum so upset?"  
  
"It was your dad, Harry," Sirius explained. "Lily ran into James while we were in the park and it upset her."  
  
Harry scrunched up his face. "Why does she still listen to him?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Apparently he said some pretty nasty things about why I married your Mum and she took it to heart. I told her she was wrong, and now she's just getting ready for bed. As you should be, too."  
  
Harry grinned. "I'm already in my pajamas, Sirius. I was just worried about Mum."  
  
"You and me both. I'm going to talk to Regulus about this in the morning. I don't want James to be upsetting Lily like this."  
  
"We'll see him at dinner," Harry suggested.  
  
"No, I think I'll call him and see if we can meet in the morning. You don't mind going to church with just your Mum, do you?"  
  
Harry shook his head. "It was always just the two of us before you came. One weekend won't make much of a difference."  
  
Sirius nodded. "I think you should be getting to bed then."  
  
The teenager sighed and went to his room, hopefully to sleep rather than read, as was his inclination.  
  
That night Sirius did not try to wriggle out of Lily's grasp, as was his nighttime habit. He knew that she needed something safe and solid onto which she could hold. For one night Sirius knew he could deal with his nightmares and painful dreams, for Lily's sake.  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
A big thanks to Hillary (Toasterlicious), my amazing Beta, for editing this in record time.  
  
Also, as a strange side note, I met someone who dresses like my Severus. It rather shocked me to meet a man who wore a green sweater vest, matching cap, and argyle socks. Thankfully he acted nothing like my Severus, but it was frightening nonetheless.  
  
Drusilla: Well, here it is.  
  
Sailor Christian: Yes, they do make a lovely couple, much better than Harry/Ginny, in my mind. Neville just isn't in this fic. Ron, and all the other Weasleys, are just jerks in this. Ron is a jock and Harry is terrible at football. Hermione doesn't like him either, because he's a jock and she's more into books, but would love to play football.  
  
InsertRandomInsanityHere: I wish we could buy Moony's bed on Ebay. I wish I wish I wish.  
  
beth: Sure you can be my fangirl. Hey! I have a fangirl!  
  
Eizoku: Well...I'm not sure if this was what you wanted, but this is what you're getting.  
  
Usaku3000: No, Sirius/Lily is not wrong, it's a perfectly viable ship. And, sorry, your vote contributes to nothing as that has already been decided.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: Peter was a Pureblood. Draco isn't making moves on Harry's girlfriend; he just lives near her.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: It doesn't look like he's going to get kicked out...  
  
chevalier Ryu: You mean, this actually has a purpose that helps people? Wow. That just made my day... And made me double check my grammar.  
  
Lil Miss Potter: Sorry, m'dear, but, like Usaku's vote, whether or not you want him to go home is irrelevant. Thanks for the review.  
  
Pam Briggs: I know this isn't what you were expecting, but James had to show up sometime. And of course Sirius has doubts – he wouldn't be Sirius if he didn't have doubts.  
  
Aeryn Alexander: Ah, yes, this world does seem almost idyllic, doesn't it? As for sleeping with Lily, he's married and it has to happen. At least they aren't having sex – yet. Of course, it's a bit cowardly to choose to stay, but he doesn't seem to have that many more options. Yes, Remus is gay and not-so-nice and not interested in Sirius, at all. Sadly.  
  
eruve tinwen: Oh, you'll see when Sirius the Bastard gets his justice. You'll see. And if you don't... well, it's easy to see in the end.  
  
AJ Lupin: Eh, the slash is an undercurrent in this story, not really integral. Thanks for the review.  
  
Padmez: You like it that much? I kept you up to 1:30? Well, I hope you didn't have anything important to do today... And that those people stop staring at you. 


	25. The Thing He Loves

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
The Thing He Loves  
  
Each man kills the thing he loves. – Oscar Wilde  
  
"I think you're overreacting," Regulus said from his chair.  
  
Sirius glared at his brother. "You didn't see her last night."  
  
Regulus was truly worried about Lily, whom he loved, but Sirius always became irrational at the mention of James. He was sure that James had said something to Lily and then Lily was hurt, but it probably was not as bad as Sirius was making it out to be. It never was.  
  
Regulus only offered him a glass of water. "How is Lily now?"  
  
Shrugging, Sirius refused the drink. "She's out at St. Mungo's with Harry. She was a little shaky this morning and seemed disappointed that I wasn't going with them."  
  
Regulus sat down in one of his rush-bottomed chair and leaned back. "Do you agree that this isn't as critical as you're making it out to be?"  
  
"Why won't you take me seriously?" Sirius exclaimed.  
  
Resisting the ever-living pun, Regulus mentally sighed. Every time James Potter had a run in with Lily, not that it happened all that often, mind, Sirius would throw a fit. Half the time, his brother frightened poor Lily and Harry as much as he scared James. This was the first time Sirius had come to him before doing something alternately crazy and stupid, so Regulus supposed this was a step in the right direction.  
  
In fact, now that Regulus thought about it, Sirius had been getting better recently. Perhaps Sirius had come to him in an effort not to do something crazy and stupid, a possibility that cheered Regulus considerably. Harry had certainly seemed happier when he and Draco had come to visit Thebe. Lily had gone out with Sasha a couple of times in the past few weeks and nothing had seemed wrong then. Sirius had been positively devoted to his family lately. He had actually helped Harry get along with Hermione, something Regulus would not have thought possible mere months ago.  
  
"Reg?" Sirius asked cautiously.  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"You still there?"  
  
Regulus smiled at his brother. "Oh yeah, I'm still on Earth. Just lost thinking about some stuff."  
  
"Well?"  
  
"I'm so proud of you!"  
  
Sirius was dumbfounded. Here he was, explaining that James had hurt Lily, and Regulus was proud of him? This could not be a custom with which he was unfamiliar, for Sirius had been in this world for months now and nothing of this sort had occurred previously. What in Circe's name was Regulus on about?  
  
"What?"  
  
Regulus smiled, bearing his pearly teeth. "You... have changed."  
  
Sirius blinked his pale eyes slowly. "What?"  
  
"Brother, you have changed, and I am proud."  
  
"I don't understand." Not even the Regulus of his world had ever been this cryptic at crucial points in time. Yes, the boy had been cruel and foolish, but he had never been like this.  
  
Still grinning like the fool, Regulus laughed. "Think back to say, four months ago, brother. What would you have done then?"  
  
Sirius frowned. He knew he did not know the answer to that question. He could not know the answer to that question; he had not been here four months ago. Sirius thought back to the stories Severus and Harry had told him.  
  
"Er... I would have done something like... I don't know... gone off and punched James." Sirius tried to sound confident. Of course, he would have very much liked to have 'gone off and punched James,' but for the minor fact that he no longer knew where James Potter lived.  
  
"Exactly," Regulus cried, sounding remarkably like an especially delighted Dumbledore. "But you didn't."  
  
"No," Sirius, still confused, replied slowly and as if to a particularly dim-witted child. "I didn't."  
  
"That's why I'm proud, Siri. You've changed. At first, we were a little confused." At this, Regulus chuckled nervously, obviously remembering the Azkaban incident. "I'll admit Lily and I even talked to Remus and Peter about what was going on; we were all quite worried about you. But now look at you!" Sirius wondered remotely if the Blacks were at all related to the Dumbledores, as Regulus was sounding more and more like Albus by the minute.  
  
"Look at me," Sirius repeated.  
  
"Look at Sirius?" Sasha asked, walking through the front door with a small bag of groceries and Thebe in tow.  
  
"Uncle Sirius!" Thebe cried, throwing herself at the dark-haired wizard. "I didn't know you were coming over!"  
  
As Sirius pulled his niece into his arms, Sasha watched the two men with a raised eyebrow. "Thebe, honey, why don't you put the groceries away while I talk to Dad and Uncle Sirius?"  
  
"Sure, Mum," Thebe replied, taking the bag from her mother and heading for the pantry.  
  
"What's going on?" Sasha asked as she collapsed into a rush-bottomed chair of her own.  
  
"Lily ran into James Potter last night," Regulus explained to his wife, keeping his eyes on his brother.  
  
"Ah," Sasha replied. "Sirius, what did you do?"  
  
"Nothing!" he exclaimed. "I don't know what to do. That's why I came here." Sirius hoped that made more sense to Sasha than it did to Regulus, who looked blatantly confused.  
  
Sasha's dark eyes twinkled in a manner that told Sirius she understood. "Well, what would you like to do?"  
  
"Knock his two front teeth out."  
  
"What?" Regulus exclaimed.  
  
"Well, I would," Sirius defended.  
  
"That's not what you said earlier."  
  
"I didn't say anything about what I'd like to do earlier. You didn't give me a chance to talk about it."  
  
Regulus hmmphed and Sasha grinned.  
  
"But I don't think that's a very good idea," Sirius continued. "As much as I'd like to hurt him for hurting Lily-" 'I doubt I could do it when I saw his face,' he thought, "-it might not be the best plan of action."  
  
Sasha raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"  
  
Regulus smiled at his wife. "See? He changed! He doesn't believe me."  
  
"He's changed," Sasha admitted. "In more ways than we know."  
  
"If we can stop discussing my life and whatnot, and get back to the matter at hand – Lily," Sirius intoned.  
  
"What happened, exactly? What did James do?"  
  
Before Sirius could answer his sister-in-law, Thebe burst back into the room. "Uncle Sirius," she cried, "Are you staying for lunch?"  
  
The dark-haired man smiled at his niece and ruffled her hair. "I don't know, sweetie. I might be."  
  
"Are Aunt Lily and Harry coming, too?" she asked.  
  
"I don't think so, Thebe. They're busy right now."  
  
"Honey," Regulus began, "Why don't you go upstairs and work on some of your summer homework?"  
  
Thebe's pale face creased into a frown; she knew that the adults were talking about something they did not want her to hear, but Thebe followed her father's orders dutifully.  
  
"Siri, what happened?" Sasha repeated.  
  
"Lily had a run-in, like I said," Regulus answered for his brother. "James apparently made some nasty and baseless accusations."  
  
"Accusations?"  
  
"James Potter had the nerve to tell Lily that I don't love her," Sirius broke off. "The bastard had her in tears when Harry and I got home last night."  
  
Sasha's hazel eyes hardened, not dissimilarly to her husband's. "He said that?!"  
  
"Yeah. Bastard." Sirius swiftly checked to make sure that Thebe was actually upstairs as she was supposed to be. "That- that-" Sasha stammered angrily.  
  
"Bastard?" Sirius readily supplied with a grim smile.  
  
"Yes. I don't really blame you for wanting to knock his teeth out now," Regulus replied with an angry snort. "I want to knock his teeth out, too. I can't believe you didn't actually do it!"  
  
Sirius shrugged helplessly. He could not tell his brother that did not, in fact, know where James lived, so beating his former best friend to a bloody pulp really was not a viable option. Perhaps they can tell me where he lives, though, Sirius thought. But how do ask without making an absolute fool of myself?  
  
"Well, I'm still proud of him for not doing it," Sasha murmured. "All the more proud if he actually said that."  
  
"Do you think my brother would make something like that up?" Regulus cried defensively.  
  
"No!" Sasha exclaimed. "It's just... we normally don't see his normal, rational side, that's all."  
  
"Okay, I'll give you that..."  
  
"I'm still in the room," Sirius said petulantly. "And could we please get back to the reason I'm here in the first place?"  
  
"What's that reason?"  
  
"I want to beat James Potter to a nasty, bloody pulp," Sirius explained calmly. "But I don't think that that would be a very good idea. I also doubt that law enforcement would forgive me for permanently damaging him just because he insulted my wife."  
  
"Logical," Regulus admitted.  
  
"So what should I do?!"  
  
The dark-eyed couple shrugged, completely at a loss.  
  
"You're not being helpful," the Animagus grumbled.  
  
"Perhaps you could verbally beat him to a pulp?" Regulus suggested without very much vigor.  
  
Sirius only groaned and buried his face in his hands.  
  
"Why don't you just go home and see how Lily's doing?"  
  
Regulus raised a black eyebrow at his wife.  
  
Sasha smiled at her husband. "Go get Thebe so she can say good-bye to Sirius, Reggie."  
  
Still looking rather mystified at his wife's odd behavior, Regulus retreated upstairs to fetch their daughter.  
  
"He lives at 13 Parish Hill, Sirius," Sasha murmured, keeping her eyes on the staircase.  
  
"What- oh!"  
  
Sasha laughed softly. "You didn't think I would want James to go unpunished for hurting my favorite sister-in-law, did you?"  
  
"Er... no..."  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Many thanks to Hillary (Toasterlicious) who helped to drag me through this chapter. You ought to thank her, too, as this chapter would never have happened if it weren't for her.  
  
I think I forgot to mention this last time, but if you review by e-mail, I will respond to you in e-mail as well, just so there isn't any confusion.  
  
Pam Briggs: Yeah, James is a really arse, putting Lily in that state. You'll be meeting him in the next chapter.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: Oh, yes, those two will have a grand old talk, come next chapter. I promised everyone James, after all.  
  
Krylancelo: It's okay not to be into slash, I know it isn't everyone's cup of tea. That's exactly why this isn't a romance (beside the fact that my romance writing is shite).  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: Yes, yes, it is.  
  
Padmez: It's addictive? Oh dear, I suppose I'll have to keep writing then...  
  
LalaithoftheBruinen, Sabrina Weasley: Thank you!  
  
Lily Skylo: You're back! James is a jerk and Sirius doesn't want anyone to be upset – after all, he spent the past 12 years being tortured by his most painful moments.  
  
C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity: I'm quite jealous. I never met anyone quite like Severus, though people tell me I am similar to him.  
  
eruve tinwen: Your review made me laugh. I was lucky I wasn't drinking anything or else I would have snorted it all over my keyboard. Yeah, James is a bastard.  
  
beth, my fangirl: How can you live without fanfiction? I don't know. I liken it to a drug addiction – before you try it, you don't know what you're missing, but as soon as you try it, you just can't stop. I hope you have fun in Germany – I always wanted to visit, but never found the time. And, yes, James is a jerk.  
  
Black Sheep: This is an AU (Alternate Universe) because I thought it would be interesting to explore Sirius in a different world. It would be interesting to see his reactions to a new life. If you don't like it, don't read it – I'm not guaranteeing that we'll ever see the 'real' HP universe.  
  
Aeryn Alexander: Thank you. I think that James matured because responsibility and maturity were thrust upon him – that he wasn't given much of a choice. In a normal world, without the threat of annihilation by Voldemort, he would have remained the same boy who took joy in torturing Severus.  
  
Sailor Christian: If I wrapped it up at chapter twenty-four, how on Earth would I make it to forty chapters? Even I'm not that good at saying nothing. McGonagal is in her sixties and readying to retire.  
  
Lady of Tears: I'm happy you like it – ignore the slash if you don't like it. It doesn't really affect the plot. Thank you. 


	26. Friendship Is Mutual Blackmail

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Friendship Is a Mutual Blackmail  
  
Friendship is mutual blackmail elevated to the level of love. – Robin Morgin  
  
"You fucking bastard!"  
  
"Aaiii!" James cried, clutching his now bleeding nose.  
  
Sirius took the time to politely close James' front door behind him before rounding on his former best friend again, catching him with another right hook. Luckily (or unluckily, depending upon one's view), James caught Sirius's fist before it collided with his face once more.  
  
"What the Hell?" the bespectacled man exclaimed while trying to ward off Sirius.  
  
"Why did you do it, James? Why?"  
  
James pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and held it to his nose. The white cloth quickly stained a dark, angry red. "I think you broke my nose!"  
  
"Did I?" Sirius asked, unconcerned. "It doesn't sound it. If I broke your nose, you wouldn't be able to speak so clearly."  
  
James huffed and searched his pockets for another handkerchief.  
  
"So, why? What was it to you?"  
  
"What? Why what, Sirius? I haven't seen you in, what, a year and a half? Maybe a little more than that... And last time you attacked me, too!"  
  
Sirius pulled back his fist again, slamming it into James. He had always been a very physical person, his every emotion showing through his body, and he was quite furious at the moment.  
  
James stumbled backwards, arse over teakettle as the saying goes, still with one hand in his pocket and one at his bleeding face. "Arrmph!" he cried as he landed, the right side of his face slamming into a table, undoubtedly further injuring his already damaged countenance.  
  
Sirius stood back, panting heavily from both anger and exertion. His former best friend took the interval to rise to his feet, clutching his stomach where Sirius had punched him.  
  
The wizard finally took a good, long look at his current rival, his one- time friend. James still looked remarkably similar to how he had appeared when he was 21, only slightly older. His hair, though still thick and wild, was now touched with gray. His nose was leaving a thick trail of blood across his lip and chin, speckling his shirt with small flecks of red. His glasses, the same horned-rimmed style James had always worn, hung from his left ear, the nosepiece bent and the lenses sprinkled lightly with blood. Within a few hours, the side of his face would be decorated with bruises from his unintentional collapse.  
  
Hmm, maybe a shiner would be nice to add to that, Sirius thought as he punched James again.  
  
James, being the bright lad he was, had the good sense to duck, only his ear boxed, rather than receiving a solid punch to the eye.  
  
"Jesus Christ, man!" James cried, lashing out with his fists and landing his left knuckles right into Sirius's chest.  
  
The wind knocked out of him, Sirius stumbled backward until his backside came in contact with James's front door. As he braced himself against the hollow metal door, James's fists slammed into his chest again.  
  
Grabbing James by the shoulders, Sirius knocked his left knee into James' abdomen, successfully catching James by surprise and cutting his air off his air supply. "You. Fucking. Bastard," Sirius repeated, his voice dripping with anger.  
  
"What the Hell are you on about?" James moaned when he could breathe comfortably again.  
  
Rubbing his bruising ribs, which were already quite sore, Sirius slumped against the door. "You, bastard. You told Lily that- that I didn't love her," the raven-haired wizard gasped.  
  
James snorted and then immediately groaned in pain, clutching at his nose and stomach at the same time. "Well, you don't, now do you?"  
  
Angry at the man's dancing blue eyes, Sirius punched him furiously in the shoulder. "You fucking imbecile, of course, I love her!"  
  
James muffled a whimper of pain. "No, you don't."  
  
"Of course I do!" Sirius shouted.  
  
James laughed out loud this time, despite the obvious pain the movement caused. "How could you ever love Lily?"  
  
"It's not that preposterous!" Sirius protested with as much energy as he could afford to muster.  
  
James only laughed again, as if the thought of Sirius loving Lily was the most absurd joke in the entire world.  
  
Sirius, pushed to the edge of his limit, pulled his wand out of his pocket, the silver wood shining in the dim light of the room. "Bastard," he repeated.  
  
James dancing eyes widened, almost as if he, as Muggle born and bred, understood the significance of Sirius brandishing his wand.  
  
"Conjunctiva!" Sirius exclaimed, the energy of his anger causing the spell to shoot from his wand white-hot.  
  
James let out another cry of pain, this time gripping his eyes, obviously not understanding that touch only enhancing the pain inherent to the spell.  
  
"Furnuncula!"  
  
James was now screaming, though whether it was from the blinding pain in his eyes or the sores and boils that now decorated his skin, Sirius did not know. James struggled to rise, despite his bruises, boils, and blindness.  
  
"Impedimenta! Locomotormortis!"  
  
Deciding that James was suitably busy for the moment, bound to the floor and full of pain, Sirius stood over his former best friend, gripping his wand in his hand like the weapon it was. "Do. Not. Tell. Me. Who. To. Love."  
  
James stared up at him, his pale eyes now of full of fear. He did not say anything, but his pale, bloodless countenance and bright, dilated eyes were enough to tell Sirius that James understood the message.  
  
Sirius kicked James out of the way and, still rubbing his sore abdomen, left James's house, closing the door ever so politely behind him.  
  
The raven-haired man who was walking briskly down the wooded lane, despite the drizzling rain and wind, shook his head, as if to dispel his thoughts. A stranger might have thought him a bit touched in the head, but his friends would have realized that Sirius Black was wrestling with a weighty decision.  
  
"Bloody weather," Sirius muttered to himself, wondering why on Earth it was so chilly in the middle of August. "I can't hex him.... I can't trust him with that sort of thing..."  
  
Thwack!  
  
"God damn it!" Sirius exclaimed, clutching his eyes where the tree branch had hit him.  
  
After he rubbed the rainwater and leaves out of his eyes and hair, respectively, Sirius looked about himself and realized he was quite lost. The street sign next to him read "Lockwood Avenue" and he knew that he had been walking along "North Terrace Lane," a very chic place to live, but, according the Blacks, anyway, also a place for the nouveau-riche. He had no idea where he was or where 12 Parish Hill was. What had he been thinking, taking off into the Scottish mist with no clear direction?  
  
Then, silently thanking Merlin and Circe, Sirius caught sight of a young woman in a blue rain poncho1 walking her dog, a large German shepherd, in the rain. "Ma'am!" he cried. "Excuse me, ma'am?"  
  
The person looked up, revealing a thin, but bearded young man.  
  
Sirius blushed at his obvious mistake. "Sorry, sir."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do you know the way to Parish Hill? I'm visiting... an old friend at 13 Parish Hill, but I seem to have gotten lost in the rain."  
  
"Aren't you Sirius Black?"  
  
"Well, yes," Sirius replied, flustered, wondering what his name had to do with finding Parish Hill.  
  
"And you don't know where Parish Hill is?"  
  
"I told you, I got lost in the rain."  
  
The bearded man with the dog raised an eyebrow as if to say 'Sure, you got lost in the rain. And I'm a goat, too,' but he did not verbalize his opinion.  
  
"Do you know the way to Parish Hill?" Sirius repeated, cursing himself for not asking Sasha or Regulus for directions.  
  
"Keep going straight down North Terrace Lane until you reach Beacon Street. At Beacon Street take a left. Follow that until you reach Cemetery Road. If you follow Cemetery Road for a quarter of a mile, Parish Hill will be on your right."  
  
"Left on Beacon Street, Cemetery Road, Parish Hill on my right," Sirius muttered, trying to remember everything the stranger said. "Thanks."  
  
"Anytime," the dog-walker replied, as if strangers appeared out of the mist everyday asking for directions.  
  
Sirius jogged to keep warm, as he had not brought a rain poncho or anything else waterproof and the Scottish rain was cold. He kept muttering the directions to himself, not realizing that he was drawing the attention of the few other people out and about on the streets. He moved more slowly when he reached Parish Hill, surprised to see what a nice section of town it was. It was not as nice as where he and Regulus and Remus lived, but it was certainly a step above where the Grangers lived. From the stories he had been told about James, this came as a slight shock.  
  
When he found number 13 Parish Hill, Sirius began to mentally chant, 'I will not punch James when I see him, I will not punch James when I see him...' Then he knocked on the door.  
  
"Hold on," a masculine voice called from within the house.  
  
And when James opened the door, Sirius burst into tears, much to the shock of both James and himself.  
  
Author's Notes  
  
1Originally 'rain slicker,' but I was informed that the word 'slicker' makes me sound dated and old. As I do not want to sound as such, I used 'rain poncho,' but am interested in feedback, as I'm not sure I trust the man who told me that.  
  
This was un-beta-ed, as my beta was on vacation this week and I'm certainly not going to make her beta while she should be relaxing in the sun (or doing whatever happens to amuse her best). Also, there is stronger language in this chapter, but I do not believe it warranted a rating change. [Note Change: I have updated this chapter and it has now been beta-ed by Hillary (Toasterlicious) my beta, since her holiday ended.]  
  
If you reviewed by e-mail, I still love you dearly and you should receive a return e-mail the Wednesday after you review.  
  
eruve tinwen: Well, we didn't really beat James, but close enough, eh?  
  
Pam Briggs: Sirius loves his family here. LOVES THEM. And they love him. Well, James doesn't, but that's a story for next chapter, isn't it?  
  
InsertRandomInsanityHere: Well, thank you for reviewing that chapter! And we all must thank Toasterlicious for her splendid work.  
  
Sailor Christian: Completely absolutely amazingly fabulous? I'm blushing. I really am.  
  
Drusilla: The first part of this chapter was written especially for people like you.  
  
lungrrl: You had wonderful grammar in that flame, so I'll respond. I'm sorry you think my plot 'sucks,' but I'm even sorrier you read roughly 182 pages before giving up on the fiction. My advice? Next time you dislike a story as much as you apparently disliked mine, stop reading when you don't like it.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: I tried to give James a broken nose, but then realized I can't write speech for someone with a broken nose. Do tears and pain suffice?  
  
Chevalier Ryu: I bet you were not expecting him to burst into tears.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: I can't answer any of your questions because they are integral to the plot. Thanks for reviewing (and coming up with tricky questions).  
  
alethia jade: Yeah, last chapter was something of a linking chapter. It's purpose was to show how much Sirius had changed, though I'm not sure everyone noticed that. Or did anyone notice?  
  
Krylancelo: James is very mean, very very mean. Wait until you see next chapter.  
  
C M Aeris, Queen of Insanity: Fifty is not old! And I believe you're referring to liver spots (not 'old people spots'). Severus will go gray one day.  
  
Pequenino: Thanks!  
  
Taci: I'm not much into mind bleaching myself. I have pairings I don't believe could ever exist (or at least last, some strange people will get together in their times) and have had to use the old mental bleach myself. The slash is for characterization, not because I'm a twelve-year-old squealing 'Ooh, hot boy sex' or whatever twelve-year-old slashers squeal.  
  
Fallacy: Thank you. And I like the name... very philosophical.  
  
Padmez: You didn't really get to see James here, but chapter twenty-seven will have a lot of James in it, trust me.  
  
Silly Riddles: I won't say whether or not Sirius is going back (but it doesn't look like he will, does it?). Thanks, I'm trying not to be cliché.  
  
Hall: I'm only giving you one reply, despite the many reviews.  
  
I will be posting on Schnoogle as soon as possible, but I can't find a reliable beta, besides Toasterlicious, and I want a second one. If you know anyone who would be willing, please send them over to me.  
  
Oscillating Wildly in on FictionAlley, specifically Schnoogle. I found the link to it in the 'Completely Alternate Universe' under 'What's Coming Will Come' in FictionAlleyPark. I advise everyone to read it, although it does have Harry Draco slash.  
  
This story takes place in Scotland, not London. I don't like London; I find it very dirty. I do like Scotland. Actually I love Scotland and all of my cousins in Scotland, hence the fiction taking place in Scotland.  
  
Brit-picking? I don't believe in having a Brit-picker. In any case, what do I have to Brit-pick (just curious)?  
  
Thank you for your reviews. 


	27. He Strangled Himself

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Strangled Himself  
  
By putting his hand around my neck, he slowly strangled himself. – Minako Ohba  
  
And when James opened the door, Sirius burst into tears, much to the shock of both James and himself.  
  
Two bespectacled, hazel eyes blinked confusedly at the openly weeping man who stood on their owner's doorstep. This was not a sight usual to James Potter's eyes, or anyone else's for that matter. What stood upon his hundred-year-old stoop was shocking in the extreme.  
  
Sirius Black, with his long raven hair and proud demeanor, a man with a family tradition centuries old and an attitude to match, was standing at his enemy's door, bawling like a child whose balloon floated away in the cross breeze. His dark jumper was soaked and clung to him like a second skin. His hair was haphazardly plastered to his head and he bore a small gash above his eye, as though something sharp had smacked him across the forehead. But most unusual of all were the salty tears that washed down Sirius's proud, pale cheeks.  
  
James could not remember the last time he had seen Sirius Black shed a tear, not even at his own father's funeral. No, he suddenly realized, he did remember when Sirius last cried, at least in public. When they were second years at Hogwarts, twelve-year-old mischief-makers and sworn brothers, Sirius had cried when Patera Black had honestly threatened to remove Sirius from Hogwarts if his exam scores did not improve by the end of the term. Never since had James Potter seen Sirius Black in tears.  
  
"Oh, God, James," Sirius managed to choke out between his sobs, as the mist continued to fall on his already soaked head.  
  
James just stared at him, obviously still in shock.  
  
"Honey, who is it?" a distinctly feminine voice called from within the house. "Aren't you going to invite them in? Don't keep our guest standing in the rain, James-love."  
  
"Er, come in, Mr. Black," James managed to stutter, plainly still in shock. "Eh.... Tea?"  
  
Sirius stumbled into the house, so very different than the one he had imagined earlier that afternoon. James led him to a nicely appointed parlor room, decorated in China blue and dark wood. His host motioned for him to sit in a chair by the fireplace – by Merlin, how Sirius had missed proper fireplaces – while he went off to find the tea he had so foolishly offered.  
  
When James returned with a silver tea service, a brunette stuck her head in the door and gasped. "Is that Black, James?"  
  
James looked back at her sharply, with a harsh, warning look. "Yes," he replied, quite coldly.  
  
The woman took the hint and slipped back behind the door, disappearing into the rest of the house.  
  
As James began to set out the things for tea (and putting an obscene amount of sugar into Sirius's cup in the process), Sirius's pale eyes hardened, though the brine continued to fall from his eyes.  
  
"Why'd you do it, James?" Sirius asked, trying to sound as hard and intimidating as a Black could, but his tone would not hide the fact that his voice broke like an adolescent's over his former friend's name.  
  
"What?" James asked, startled out of distraction. He pushed Sirius' teacup toward him, across the small end table.  
  
"Why did you tell Lily that?" Sirius did not touch the tea. The James he had loved knew that Sirius took his tea black, or with the slightest bit of milk. He knew that Sirius, despite his love of sweet, was nauseated at the thought of an over-sweetened drink.  
  
"That you don't love her?"  
  
"Yes, that." Sirius, for the life of him, could not understand why James was being so cavalier about this whole episode. The comment that had driven Lily to inconsolable weeping seemed to only be a passing conversation to James.  
  
James sipped at his own tea, blowing at it to cool the near boiling water. "I said it because it is true."  
  
Sirius felt his original anger rush back, nearly eclipsing the pain he felt at seeing his late best friend, almost erasing the superimposed image of James' corpse lying far too still in the ruins of the house at Godric's Hollow. "What?" he asked, his voice low and cold and very, very dangerous.  
  
"You. Do. Not. Love. Her," James replied, as if speaking to a particularly dull and insolent child. "You never loved her. You never will love her. It is as simple as that, don't you see?"  
  
Sirius growled low in his throat, a sound more appropriate for Padfoot than for Sirius, but the wizard did not care.  
  
"You wouldn't want anyone to lie to your wife, now would you?" James asked in a mocking tone, now nibbling at a biscuit.  
  
"What in all Hell do you mean by that comment?" Sirius exploded, forgetting the woman who was probably trying to listen to their conversation. "Of course I love Lily. Why wouldn't I love Lily?"  
  
"You? Love Lily?" James laughed, as if Sirius had just told him a rather amusing joke. "That's not possible."  
  
"Excuse me?" The growl was back in Sirius' throat.  
  
"You don't love Lily," James repeated. "You can't love her. You might love what she represents. No, you want what she represents. I don't think you're quite capable of love, old friend."  
  
Sirius's eyes flashed treacherously.  
  
"You want what you cannot have. You've always wanted what you cannot have."  
  
"What does Lily have to do with any of that ludicrous drivel?" Oh, Sirius thought, I have been spending far too much time with Severus.  
  
James raised an eyebrow at that. "Watch it, or you'll end up being just like poor, old Snivellus. That kid had it coming."  
  
"His name is Severus," Sirius spat. "And I still do not see what any of this has to do with my love for Lily."  
  
"You wanted her because I had her."  
  
Sirius blinked at him.  
  
"You've always wanted what I have, Sirius Black," James continued blithely on, not realizing that he was angering a very powerful and very repressed wizard. "I had the freedoms that you could not dream of. Your mother and your father had your future planned before you were even born. You would go to Hogwarts. You would go on to university, preferably, but not necessarily a prestigious one. You would inherit that blasted funeral home. You would marry. You would have children. You would continue your family line."  
  
"I hope this has a point."  
  
"Oh, it does." James clearly enjoyed torturing Sirius. "It does. I, on the other hand, had a great deal of freedom. Raised by my grandparents, I believed I could do anything I wanted to – and I can. If I saw something I wanted, I reached for it and I got it. If I didn't want something, I let it be."  
  
"Get to your point!"  
  
"You saw everything you wanted – and I had it. You cannot honestly tell me that you wanted to inherit your stupid little company. Regulus, the little brat, obviously did, but you always had greater dreams than that."  
  
"So what?!"  
  
"You wanted what I had. You want what I have."  
  
"And, by this decidedly twisted logic, I married Lily because you married Lily?" Sirius asked incredulously. "You're daft!"  
  
James plainly did not enjoy being spoken to in such a manner. "What?" he asked, matching Sirius's growl for coldness and dangerousness.  
  
"Would you like me to use your logic or explain it in a manner that would make sense to normal people?" Sirius demanded bitterly, his anger fully eclipsing the loss of his friend, much as it had so many years ago on Halloween.  
  
"My logic does make sense to normal people."  
  
It was Sirius's turn to raise his eyebrow. "If I so desperately wanted what you had, why would I marry Lily after you divorced her? I was hardly wooing her during the marriage, James."  
  
James shrugged, once again unperturbed. "I don't know if you weren't 'wooing' her during our lovely little marriage. Were you?"  
  
"What kind of question is that?" Neither man noticed the crack in the glass face of the mantle clock.  
  
"It's an honest question, Sirius. Were you? I know you always wanted to chase after her yourself, but you never did have the balls to escape from your parents' little regime, now did you?"  
  
"Of course I wasn't!" Sirius exclaimed, fervently praying that he spoke the truth. "I would never do that! I honored your marriage."  
  
James shrugged again. "Wouldn't matter to me, at this point. I mean, it's been nearly fifteen years since we divorced."  
  
Sirius saw shades of his old friend in this strange, belligerent imposter. He knew that James obviously still cared, no matter his casual words or a decade and one half. James would not have spoken to Lily as he did, not if he still did not care even a little bit for the once vibrant red-head.  
  
"No."  
  
"No?"  
  
"No, I would never do that." Sirius rose to his feet, his sweet and milky tea long gone icy cold. "Even if you were my enemy – which I suppose you are now – I would not do that to you. That insults the woman as much – more – than it hurts the husband."  
  
"Are you leaving?" James leaned back, precariously balancing his chair on two legs; reminiscent of their youthful days at Hogwarts.  
  
"Yes, I am leaving." Sirius' voice broke again and it had taken on its old, hoarse quality once more. "I don't think I'll be back to see you again. You or your wife."  
  
"Well, that's not very polite, old friend. And after we took you in out of the rain."  
  
"I ask that you leave Lily alone," Sirius continued desperately onward, in that broken, hoarse, pained voice. "I don't want to hear about you bothering her or Harry."  
  
"Finally taken a liking to my son? Too bad really. I think he's far too much like me for his own good."  
  
"Shut up," Sirius snapped. "Harry has more maturity at his age than you do at yours. You- you can't compare the two of you."  
  
As Sirius stormed out of the house, back into the rain of Parish Hill, James's dancing hazel eyes followed him.  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Hillary has returned from her holiday and graciously beta-ed both this chapter and the last one, so there are some minor changes in chapter twenty- six. Also, Hillary (Toasterlicious) would like to thank InsertRandomInsanityHere for recognizing the importance of betas, both generally and herself in particular.  
  
I would like to mention now that I take my holidays as seriously as I take my beta's, so there will be no chapter posted next week. Oh no, I will (hopefully) be leaving the cold damp behind and resting someplace (moderately) warm and (again, hopefully) sunny.  
  
Pam Briggs: The first part of chapter twenty-seven was Sirius daydreaming about what he wanted to do when he saw James. Then he hit reality and realized how painful it was to see his best friend alive. I've had friends die and I know I would cry if I saw them alive again, no matter I angry I was at the time.  
  
A Happy Little Bumblebee: I'm happy you figured it out. If you didn't, I gave an explanation of "Friendship Is Mutual Blackmail" in my reply to Pam Briggs.  
  
Drusilla – I didn't just leave it there. I wrote this whole chapter.  
  
chevalier Ryu: I'm happy you agree with me... Though I am beginning to wonder why you always understand the plot better than anyone else. I gave an explanation of the first half of that chapter in my reply to Pam Briggs (the first commentary).  
  
alethia jade: This is the confrontation. I'm happy you understood the last chapter.  
  
Sailor Christian: Rain coat? Ah, yes. Him. Well... You'll see. Eventually.  
  
Taci: Yes. Sirius would have liked to hurt James. There is a full explanation in my reply to Pam Briggs.  
  
C. M. Aeris, Queen of Insanity: Yes, those are liver spots.  
  
eruve tinwen: Sorry, but all of your guesses were wrong. I explained the first part of chapter twenty-six in my reply to Pam Briggs.  
  
Sarahfiremane117: I'm happy you like the story, and I am writing the slash so that it can be ignored (though I wouldn't advise you to read the sequels if you really hate slash). I think TOM is too long to read in one sitting, but I hope to hear from you again.  
  
SP-in-Sirius-Denial: No. James is just an ass.  
  
Mr. Happy Java Man: Wow. You put a whole lot of thought into that. I already have my plot line set – but don't let that keep you from writing your ideas. Fanfiction is born when we ponder stories the way you do.  
  
Lil Miss Potter: Like I to SP-in-Sirius-Denial, James is just an ass. There will be no reconciliation.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: Yes, the first part was just fantasy. Read my reply to Pam Briggs for a more in-depth explanation.  
  
Padmez: Thank you. If you are still confused, I explained everything in my reply to Pam Briggs.  
  
Sidirus: Sorry, none of the above. I explained chapter twenty-six in my reply to Pam Briggs (my first reply).  
  
queen-Sissy-star1: Thank you, but you'll just have to wait and see. Wait and see.  
  
LalaithoftheBruinen: I've never been to Paris (have no desire to speak French or deal with people who won't speak English, as my friends tell me the French are wont to do) so I don't know. I just know that I find London dirty, and most of Scotland is far cleaner. You should visit if you get the chance.  
  
Hekate101: Yes, if this Sirius returns to the Harry Potter world, then the other Sirius (Bastard Sirius) will return to this world. Lose-lose situation, no? If you want an e-mail when I update, you can just put me on your Author Alert List. FF.net will automatically send you e-mails. 


	28. Faith Exists

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. – F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Faith Exists  
  
I show you doubt to prove that faith exists. – Robert Browning  
  
Haggard, haunted blue eyes. A gash across the forehead. Pale skin, beneath with lurk a grayish pallor. Sweet gods above, he had not looked this bad, this hunted, since he had arrive in this forsaken world.  
  
Sirius splashed cold water onto his face and watched it drain into the green-speckled basin, studiously avoiding his reflection. He saw the light reflect off the mica chips in the basin and how the water twisted the reflected light, but could not bring himself to look again into the mirror.  
  
After his visit with James, Sirius had planned to rush home and have pleasant little emotional breakdown there. Sadly, he had rushed left when he should have rushed right and found himself on the other side of town, in a strange neighborhood. It then took one half of an hour to find a train that ran by the funeral home. Needless to say, Lily and Harry were worried and waiting when a wet and bedraggled Sirius grace the doorway to the flat.  
  
When he entered the living/dining area where Lily and Harry were reading on the couch, Sirius immediately knew that something was wrong. The message was relayed in the tilt of Lily's head, in the way Harry kept his eyes firmly glued to his text, in the wary look in Lily's eyes when she glanced up from her bestseller, and, most of all, in the way Harry all too eagerly scurried into his bedroom when Lily from the sofa to make some tea for herself and her husband.  
  
With his so-called wife and stepson suitably distracted, Sirius himself fled to the bath to view whatever physical damaged James had managed to inflict with his words in their very one-sided verbal battle. As far as that went, all Sirius found were his haunted appearance and the gash on his forehead, which had finally stopped oozing blood.  
  
The very personal emotional damage Sirius suffered, though, was rather more severe. He had spent the afternoon dodging raindrops and trying to evade memories he had thought he had contentedly left behind him in the past. As Sirius sat in his car on the train, visions of Godric's Hollow on Hallowe'en Night of 1981 flashed before his all too frightened eyes: James' body laying twisted and broken on the floor, blood pooling around his head and dying his shirt an angry scarlet; Lily's body, still draping protectively over her precious baby boy; and, of course, baby Harry, wailing at the top of his rather powerful lungs. Several young women, out for a day of shopping downtown, had left the car prematurely when he began whispered apologies to the dead Potters.  
  
But, during his wait at the nicely appointed train station, Sirius had also given himself a chance to mull over his troubles and their many and varied sources. Sirius' encounter with James Potter of a certain talk he had once had with the man's son in his world, the wonderful world of magic and wizardry. Harry had, despite the dangers, Firecalled himself and Remus, quite upset about seeing his father (and Sirius) as a teenager. He and Remus (mostly Remus) had explained to Harry that the four Marauders had matured over the years and eventually outgrown the pleasure of revealing their rivals underwear to the whole school.  
  
Obviously, Sirius had then thought quite bitterly, the Marauders (though they had never taken that particular name upon themselves in this world) had never moved past the stage of petty grievances and cold, spiteful parting shots. Had the First War done so much to them? But, no, the wizard had realized in a quick, painful epiphany, that was not the most important question. It was an interesting question and Severus would, no doubt, desire to discuss it to death over tea some time, but it was not the most important question. That question, one that burned Sirius like coarse salt in an open wound, was this: Had James, his James, ever really been like that? And one that was nearly as awful – Had he, Sirius, ever been like that?  
  
After Azkaban, Sirius, with a great deal of help from both Remus and Dumbledore, had tried to focus on the few happy memories he had left: the day he had become an Animagus for the boy he loved, James and Lily's faerie tale white wedding, babysitting an infant Harry with Remus, snowball fights on the Quidditch pitch, laughing in the Gryffindor Common Room when Frank Longbottom told a bawdy joke. He had purposefully and studiously avoided his bad memories – the Shrieking Shack incident, Hallowe'en Night in 1981, running away from home in his sixth form – because they had the alarming tendency to throw him into extended bouts of depression, marked only by periods of heavy drinking and weeping midnight confessions of his every real and imagined misdeed.  
  
Needless to say, his lover and his mentor devoted a good portion of their spare time reminding Sirius of the good times. He and Remus had spent a great number of hours on Remus' couch, simply going through piles of photographs from their teenage years. Four exuberant young men (and sometimes a short-tempered red-head) waving up at them. And now, after two years of extensive conditioning, Sirius realized he would have to remember exactly what he had done – and his life had not just been fun and games. He could not depend upon Remus and Dumbledore, despite the love he carried for both of the men.  
  
Steadying himself on the toilet, Sirius ran a turquoise towel through his still dripping hair and desperately tried to remember just who he had been twenty years previous. Had he really been as blindly and ignorantly hurtful as James? Had he been the person Remus and Dumbledore had so fervently assured him he was? Did he really deserve Snape's hatred? Had he earned James' devotion?  
  
With a sinking feeling in his stomach and a clearing of his brow, the young wizard realized that he was both, shocked by the fact that he could be both. He slid to the floor, letting out a sigh that was both long and sad. He, in his better days, had been heartbreakingly devoted to his friends, especially James. But he had had his times of arrogance and bitter superiority, not necessarily to the younger students, some of whom he had taken on a sort of protégés, but all too often to his supposed rivals and to those beneath his notice.  
  
As a young man, he had been a strange and often compelling mix of rebel and aristocrat, scorning his family's ancient, backwater values, but carrying himself with all of the poise, grace, and superiority of the young prince he had been raised to be. He had been beloved, hated, lusted after, and eventually near destroyed by it all.  
  
Sirius buried his face in his now damp towel, breathing heavily. Despite the blessed reprieve this world had given him, Sirius' emotions still walked a delicate balance and sometimes the slightest bit of provocation could send him into reels of joy or fits of sorrow. Somehow he felt he should have known that this day was not going to be one of his good ones. He should never have even treasured the hope that his meeting with his late best friend had ever held the possibility of going well.  
  
Sitting on the bathroom floor with a terry cloth towel draped over his head, as if to shield him from the outside world, Sirius, for what seemed like the first time in entire life, truly saw the boy he had once been.  
  
He remembered the instance Harry had so worriedly asked after. He remembered being in such high spirits, laughing with his friends and the boy he loved. He remembered being bored under that stupid tree, tired of James trying to impress the girls and Peter squealing with admiration at his idol and Remus (who was acting like he did not really know that Sirius existed) reading his stupid Defense Against the Dark Arts text. He had only wanted to do something interesting and to impress Remus at the same time. At fifteen, he had not really thought of others' feelings unless they were in his immediate scope of interaction. That is to say, he had only thought of the egos and emotions of the Marauders and the people they had love and no further.  
  
Like any other memory he had of pranks, whatever the outcome, Sirius and James had harbored no ill intent – but had only selfishly thought of their own pleasure and amusement. Remembering the pained look on Snape's young, greasy face and his own later laughter, mingling with James and Peter's, Sirius realized he had found the answer to his earlier question.  
  
Yes. It was as simple and cold as that single word. Yes. He had once been just like James. Yes. James had once, long before his death, been like James. Once upon a time, in a reality not so far away, he had been a bastard. Not a complete bastard, like some people of whom he could think, for he had hidden a warm heart, but, yes, he had been a bastard: arrogant, cold, sometimes malicious, hurtful.  
  
Oddly enough, he could only think of one thing: Why had no one reminded him? No one told him he had hurt people, however inadvertently. It really was not fair. They had only told him about the good times, told him to forget about his painful prison nightmares. Certainly, he had know he had not been a halo-bearing saint, but no one and nothing had prepared him for the memories he had locked away (been told to lock away) after Azkaban.  
  
"Uh, Sirius?"  
  
Sirius opened his eyes, seeing only the jewel-like turquoise of the towel that still covered his head. Lifting the end that covered his face, he could see Harry at the threshold of the bathroom, looking for all the world like a very disheveled and very nervous sparrow.  
  
"Sirius?"  
  
"Yeah, Harry?"  
  
"Er... Aren't you going to talk to Mum?"  
  
Sirius frowned. Talk to Lily? About what? He never told her he was going to visit James, had he?  
  
"You know she gets like this when she wants to talk."  
  
Sometime he would have to explain to Harry that he had never actually married the boy's mother.  
  
"Very well," the wizard sighed.  
  
Sirius heaved himself to his feet, begging the higher powers that Lily was not angry but nor would she burst into tears. He had never been good with crying women, and he knew he would not be able to fight an angry Lily when he was still reeling from the shock of James.  
  
"Uh, Sirius?"  
  
"Harry?"  
  
"You might want to take the towel off your head before you talk to Mum."  
  
Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy holiday. It was warm and it was sunny, but I still look like I've been living in a dark cave, so no one can tell I went away on holiday.  
  
Also, thank you to Hillary (Toasterlicious) who did indeed beta this, but I cannot access the file at the moment, so you are not reading the beta-ed copy. I'm also something of a technophobe, so I don't know how to get around my server not granting me access to my own files.  
  
Also, for any who finds this chapter to be a bit odd, it started out as an opening scene for the next chapter, but took on a life of it's own. I had not realized I could write a chapter about a man who washes his face and then puts a towel on his head while he sits on the floor. (That's the entire action sequence for the chapter.)  
  
Finally, everyone seems to use the term bastard quite freely. Why?  
  
Pam Briggs: Exactly. All of my characters are human, but some flaws are larger than others. Obviously James has some of the larger ones, eh?  
  
Snuffles2: I update once a week, on Wednesdays, last week being the exception because I was on holiday. James spoke from his point of view, just as everyone else only sees things through their own schema. In James' worldview, that was exactly why Sirius wanted Lily. It is up to you to decide whether or not he is right. And canon!James did lose his bastard side (we think).  
  
sierra: Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope you did something for your neck, like put a warm wash cloth on it.  
  
DarkOblivion316: Sirius has taken over Bastard Sirius' life, but Bastard Sirius is currently in a state of nonexistence. Have you ever seen the wonderful (but now off-air) SF show, Quantum Leap? If you have, Bastard Sirius is in something like the waiting chamber they have on the show. He is just kind of there, oblivious to the world and not really understanding what's going on around him.  
  
Padmez: Yes, James is a bastard.  
  
InsertRandomInsanityHere, queen-Sissy-star1, LittleGreenPerson, sunnysparkles: Thank you.  
  
A Happy Little Bumblebee: I'm happy you like it, even if James is a bastard. I hope you liked this chapter.  
  
Beth, that crazy fan type girl: Thank you! Flattery will get you everywhere, you know. In any case, I'm happy you liked those chapters, though you had to wait an extra week to get this one. How was Germany?  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: He's his dead best friend! Of course, he didn't beat him up! You do not beat up dead best friends, however tempting it may seem. Just seeing him hurt Sirius.  
  
Mr. Happy Java Man: See? You didn't use the term bastard once! Smiles Okay, interesting idea, interesting. But who said Sirius will ever leave?  
  
NO NAME, lol: How long have you been away? I only post one a week. Assuming you are American (or Australian), what words are different?  
  
Sailor Christian: Who said James was married? Sirius? How would he know? And there may well be truth in what James said to Sirius.  
  
eruve tinwen: Of course, he didn't strangle himself. I can't kill people off half way through my story. Now that a frightening thought: ten or so chapters to go. Anyway, yeah, they're all screwed up. It's the spice of life.  
  
Sabrina Weasley: Yes, this was partially to show what James is like. The other part is to show how Sirius has changed (as opposed to how he reacted to Wolfgang, much earlier in this fiction).  
  
Lily Skylo: As I've told others, she may or may not be his wife. James may or may not care for Lily. Everything is subjectively viewed through different characters' eyes. Aren't I really annoying when I give non- answers like that?  
  
Samhain Vampiress: Dumbledore is dead. He did of a heart attack after he retired from being headmaster, back in the forties. After all, in the magical world, Dumbledore is 130. Muggles don't live that long. Thank you.  
  
LalaithoftheBruinen: I'm sure Paris cannot be all that bad. "The City of Light" and all that must come from somewhere (other than lying advertisement agencies).  
  
Krylancelo: Thank you. I'm happy you like the quoted. I like it because it shows how everything you do reflects back to you (like it did to James).  
  
chevalier Ryu: Fear not! I have not given up on the fic (far from it). I will complete this if it will be the death of me (and sometimes I think it will be). Fanfiction.net was being temperamental on Wednesday so I could not update until Thursday. 


	29. More Of Joy Than Pain

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. – F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
More of Joy Than Pain  
  
Never say that marriage has more of joy than pain. - Euripides  
  
Having returned the towel to the towel rack by the toilet and ushering Harry back to his bedroom, Sirius washed and disinfected the cut that now decorated his forehead. He went to his bedroom and retrieved a fresh blue jumper, one that was not wet from the mist and smelly from the train system. Pulling his hair back into a low tail, Sirius decided he was suitably presentable and made his way to the living/dining area of the flat.  
  
Lily sat pensively on the couch, for once her long auburn hair hung down instead of being pulled back at the nape of her neck. Two cups of tea, now cold, sat on the low coffee table, accompanied by the matching teapot. Quite plainly, while Sirius was soul-searching in the bathroom, Lily had been waiting for him to join her for tea and a talk.  
  
Sirius smiled tentatively and sat in the armchair across from his wife. He pulled his ivy-patterned teacup into his hands, not to drink the cold and weak tea Lily had brewed, but to have a distraction with which he could toy. After his miniature emotional breakdown in the WC, Sirius was not feeling up to holding an everyday conversation, never mind a verbal sparring match.  
  
"Sirius," Lily began, as somber as he had ever seen her in this world. "I want you to know that I love you."  
  
Oh shit. Sirius, despite his severe lack of experience in romantic relationships, knew that those words were rarely spoken without something terrible happening to the unsuspecting victim shortly afterward. At least, that was what the other Marauders had always told him.  
  
His deer-in-the-headlights emotions must have shown on his face because Lily immediately backtracked. "Oh, no, Siri! I don't mean it like that. We aren't fifteen anymore, I'm not just going to leave you like that."  
  
"Then how do you mean it?" Sirius asked shakily.  
  
Lily looked down at her own interlocking hands as they lay over her checkered tea-length skirt. "Don't be upset with me."  
  
The Animagus frowned. What was Lily on about? "I won't be."  
  
"I think we should go to counseling."  
  
That was one thing that Sirius had not been expecting. Magical people generally did not do that sort of thing, at least, Purebloods thoughts that telling others your problems was just this side of airing dirty laundry in public, something no Pureblood wanted to do. Lily, in his world, had once talked about it. She had said that troubled people often went to professionals who gave them advice about their lives.  
  
"Why?"  
  
Sirius saw Lily's eyes flash from beneath her curtain of auburn hair, though he could not divine whether she was hurt or angry. "Siri, even you have to admit that things haven't been going well between the two of us."  
  
Sirius nodded. Being gay, a recent prison-escapee, and emotionally dysfunctional did not help his marriage to his best friend's dead wife. He knew their marriage was far less than ideal.  
  
"I was talking to Catherine Kiley, you know, from the church group, and she was having trouble with her marriage a few years ago. Do you remember her?"  
  
Sirius vaguely recalled meeting the women from the church group; Madame Kiley was a simple looking woman, with dark hair and bright eyes and as startlingly independent as the other Lily had been. Her husband, Patrick, had been quite friendly with him; apparently they had become friends when Catherine and Lily had. So, he nodded again.  
  
Lily smiled, her raspberry lips parting for the first time since she had run into her ex-husband at the corner store. "Then you must remember when they had trouble. They even separated for a while."  
  
'Separated?' Sirius wondered for a moment. Ah, yes, another term from Muggle Studies. In the wizarding world marriage were insoluble. Once two people said 'I do' that was that. Of course, it was not unusual for two people in such arrangements to have affairs on the side, which was unacceptable in the Muggle world.  
  
"Well, I was talking to Catherine," Lily continued softly. "And she gave me the card of the marriage counselor she and Patrick visited. Apparently the woman is quite good and...well, I think it would do us some good to talk with her." At this, Lily lifted a small rectangle of paper from the table and handed it to Sirius  
  
Sirius quickly read the card. "Gita C. Mahbubani?" he asked incredulously.  
  
Lily nodded quickly, obviously trying to appeal to her husband. "Please, Siri," she whispered. "I don't know what's going on between us and I don't honestly know why, but I know I don't like it. I want it to stop. I want it to be back like it used to be."  
  
Inwardly, Sirius cringed. It would not be 'like it used to be' unless Sirius found a way home, something in which he had lost any real hope a long time ago. But he could hardly tell his wife that. Although, he thought, why would she want that scum back anyway? He seemed to be quite the bastard, even to Lily and Regulus, from what he had heard of his former self.  
  
He looked back at the card. 'Gita C. Mahbubani,' the card read in elegant crimson script with an address and telephone number printed below in a more common, and cheaper, black ink. "Counseling services?"  
  
Lily looked at her hands, her long red hair falling across her face and obscuring her eyes from view. "Siri, I love you, you know I do... But..."  
  
"But what, Lils?"  
  
She looked up sharply, suddenly reminding Sirius of the Lily he had once known, the Muggleborn girl who had fought with the Gryffindor Pureblood boys without showing an ounce of fear. "You will be honest with Mrs. Mahbubani, won't you?"  
  
Sirius lied through his teeth. "Of course." He could not afford to be honest with the marriage counselor, not unless he wanted to become Wolfgang's new roommate. He, being raised in the environment he had been, could create some wonderfully elaborate lies, given enough time and the right motivation. Only, now, he needed to know just what type of lies he needed to make and modify to mollify Lily and this stranger. Maybe Severus could help him.  
  
"Sirius, are you there?"  
  
"Sure, honey. I'm right here."  
  
"For a minute you seemed to be somewhere else entirely. Maybe thinking about someone else, or something else?"  
  
Sirius only tried to smile reassuringly. Obviously, he could not tell his wife that he was trying to find a list of people who would willingly collaborate with him to create some new lies. He wondered if Harry would help, if the situation were explained properly. No, he would not drag Harry into this awful, godforsaken mess. Harry might not like being kept in the dark about things, especially when the information concerned him, but this, the knowledge that Sirius could not love Lily like a husband, that he was willingly to lie and scheme to cover that, would only hurt the boy. He was still so excited that Sirius really and truly cared for him, loved him, that his godfather could not find it in himself to break the boy's still- fragile heart.  
  
"Sirius Black!"  
  
Sirius' head shot upward, some of his dark, damp hair flying out of the low ponytail and plastering itself to his face and blocking his vision. He had not, in this reality, heard Lily use that tone of voice with anyone but Harry, and then only when her son had driven her to the absolute end of her patience.  
  
"Lily?" he queried, a bit nervously, though he would never admit it.  
  
Her emerald eyes flashed something like the way Harry's did when he thought that the Order had been keeping something important from him. "What were you thinking about just then?"  
  
Whether or not I could use Harry to lie to you, he thought. Aloud he only said, "Nothing."  
  
His beautiful, if somewhat broken, wife took a deep, calming breath, as if she were about to step to the edge of a very high precipice. "Sirius, I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me truthfully, okay?"  
  
Sirius nodded, though he was fully prepared to deny everything.  
  
"Is Harry still in his room?"  
  
Utterly confused, Sirius nodded again.  
  
"Are you having an affair?" she asked.  
  
"No!" Sirius exploded.  
  
Lily sagged against the sofa, appearing limp with relief.  
  
"How could you ask that Lily? Really, I though the whole 'Azkaban incident' was behind us." Sirius inwardly winced, remembering all too clearly 'the whole Azkaban incident' and Lily's anger then. How could she possibly believe that he was having an affair? Even if he was interested, he hardly had the time between work, Severus, Sasha, Wolfgang, and Harry.  
  
Lily stared at him as if he were a Neanderthal, one that had once been reserved solely for James Potter. Obviously, he was an idiot. But why? It was not as if that question were so shocking.  
  
"You can't be serious."  
  
Sirius judiciously decided to avoid the traditional pun. "I am."  
  
"Sirius," Lily began, "can you think of anything that might make me think that you could be having an affair?"  
  
Pausing only for a moment, Sirius shook his head, his ponytail rapidly losing its grip on his raven hair.  
  
Sighing, Lily buried her ivory visage in her palms for a moment, as if frustrated with Sirius' answer. Taking a deep breath, she looked up again. "Sirius, we haven't had sex in more than four months. You tense and try to push me away if I even try to kiss you. What else am I supposed to think?"  
  
"I- I don't try to push you away," Sirius protested vainly. Apparently it had had been too much to hope for that Lily would not notice that he was not remotely attracted to her.  
  
"Yes, Sirius, turning away so I kiss your cheek and telling me 'let's not do this in front of company' – even if 'company' is just Harry – is perfectly normal," Lily replied bitterly.  
  
Sirius ran a hand through his hair tiredly; he really had no idea what to tell his wife.  
  
"Siri, do you see why we need to do this?" Lily begged. "I want to kiss you again, I want to have sex again, I want you to hold me even when Remus and Peter are around, but only if you want it, too. Do you see why I was to talk to Mrs. Mahbubani?"  
  
"Did you tell Catherine all of this?" Sirius asked desperately.  
  
"Of course, not."  
  
Sirius sighed with relief and began silently planning an emergency meeting with Sasha and Severus. Lily only smiled her thanks and began putting the tea things away, after giving Sirius an extra biscuit.  
  
Oh Merlin and Ciridwen protect me, what have I gotten myself into? Sirius wondered quietly to himself as he went to tell Harry that he could leave his room.  
  
I want to thank Hillary (Toasterlicious) for beta-ing this even though my e- mail is still on the fritz and this is still the original copy.  
  
Also, as something of an aside, I would dearly like to know why a Scotsman insulted me by telling me I 'eat too many leeks.' Is there an underlying meaning to insult Wales in general or was he just odd? I mean, really, leeks?  
  
A Happy Little Bumblebee: Well, I can't promise that things will get better or that Sirius will stop brooding, but there will be some more character interactions in the upcoming chapters.  
  
Sabrina Weasley: Thank you. For someone who broods so much, Sirius had to reflect upon his life at some point.  
  
Pam Briggs: Thank you. And my holiday was lovely. Sirius is driven by his emotions and always has been, but prison has affected his reactions and forced him to think more than do.  
  
Mr. Happy Java Man: I must admit that I love reading your reviews. You seem to think about this story as much as I do, which is very heartening. And, yes, I am taking that into consideration – you just wait.  
  
LalaithoftheBruinen: Thank you, I do specialize in troubled characters. Now, the question that poses itself is what will happen with Madame Gita?  
  
beth: My loyal fangirl, now you will have two chapters to read, rather than just one. Isn't that exciting?  
  
Sunnysparkles, Snuffles2, Alynna Lis Eachan: Thank you.  
  
eruve tinwen: It's reviewers like you who make me very, very nervous. Sirius – well, he'll be somewhere in the end. It's already planned.  
  
Hecate Aiwe: Characters' minds are interesting places and Sirius had to come to this revelation at some point. Sirius had been through a lot, but hasn't had a chance to process even half of it yet.  
  
LittleGreenPerson: Thank you. I find it easier to write characters' thoughts rather than dialogue. Thoughts are simpler and can jump when my thoughts jump. A conversation can't do that.  
  
Padmez: I know how tempting 'bastard' is, but it was shocking to see how many people used it in their reviews. Unless you are all teaming up together to share a vocabulary, at which point it would make perfect sense.  
  
Ms. JP: I have no intention of stopping until I'm done which will be in about seven or eight chapters. After that, I will be writing two companion fics – one with a plot already set out. So, don't worry, I plan to be writing for a very long time.  
  
DarkOblivion316: Thank you! One of the reasons I chose to write this fic in the first place was the lack of character development I found in fanfiction. Anything – absolutely anything – is possible, given the right circumstances. The hard part is creating the circumstances and developing the character reasonably, rather than jumping ahead to the 'good part' where the characters have already changed and grown. Also, character growth and development is a little passion of mine, so I love writing it, hence the lack of a definitive plot in this fic. 


	30. Looking For an Accomplice

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. – F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Looking for an Accomplice  
  
When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. – Marquis de LaGrange  
  
It was a trendy new bistro that Sasha had suggested. Sirius often wondered why his family was yet to be caught eating in any one of the local pubs, but had never asked the question so it had never been answered. It was just one more detail that reminded him he did not truly belong in this world and it made him comfortable.  
  
The restaurant – bistro Sasha had called it – was noisy and cozy at the same time. He, Sasha, and Severus were seated at a corner booth, upholstered in teal and copper, with matching drapes separating them from the other diners. Sirius, despite his determined distrust of the restaurant's advertised American-style food, decided that he liked the restaurant and the strange privacy it offered.  
  
Both Severus and Sasha had insisted that they order a meal and eat before discussing whatever it was that Sirius had called them together to discuss. Sirius, after a brief but heated argument, capitulated and even went as far to ask his friends' advice on what to eat. While Severus a beer with the meal, Sirius and Sasha had water.  
  
While they waited for pudding and tea, Sasha slid back in the booth, resting her hands on her abdomen, which was now showing evidence of her pregnancy. Soon she would not be able to sit in the booth at all. "So, what is the Earth shattering problem, Sirius?"  
  
Sirius looked up, startled, tossing his dark hair back over his shoulders. "Was I really that obvious?"  
  
"'I don't really want to talk about it right now – here, I mean – but will you meet me and Sasha for dinner-'" Severus mocked. "Yes, you are quite that obvious and more, besides, Sirius."  
  
The dark-haired, fair-eyed wizard had the good grace to blush at this comment. "Oh," he muttered. "Sorry."  
  
Reaching across the table, Sasha took her brother-in-law's hand in hers. "Siri, he's teasing you, you goof. That's what Severus does."  
  
He blushed more deeply, an innocent shade of rose. "I just don't want you guys thinking I'm just calling you up and seeing you only when I have a major problem. You don't think that, do you?"  
  
Severus snorted. "Something's wrong now."  
  
Sirius just stared at his dinner companion, slightly shocked.  
  
"You haven't apologized for something you haven't done in weeks, Sirius," the man explained. "And you certainly don't just come to us when you have a problem. Unless, that is, you count wanting a chess game or drinking companion to be a major problem, which I certainly hope you don't."  
  
Sirius shook his head, but did not continue until the waiter had brought their desserts to the table and retreated to the kitchens. He found a quiet comfort in having some tea and chocolate pie with friends. It reminded him of times before his time in Azkaban, when he would join the Marauders and Company in the Leaky Cauldron or Enchantment in Diagon Alley for dinner and companionship.  
  
"What's bothering you now?" Sasha asked, around mouthfuls of her pudding. "Is this about James? I thought you were going to confront him."  
  
Sirius nodded. "I think it has something to do with what James said to her. But not directly. And I did talk to James, but it didn't go as planned."  
  
Severus raised an eyebrow at this comment and Sasha merely dug into her pudding with a relish only seen in pregnant women and starving animals.  
  
"I was hoping to beat the living daylights out of the bastard-" Sirius lowered his voice, as an elderly, blue-haired lady in the next booth gasped and glared at him. "But it didn't really work out the way I thought it would."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
Sirius remembered why he had really hated Severus in school; the man could be intimidating and condescending with one word and a twist of the lips. He wondered how the man ever became a schoolteacher, never mind a counselor to troubled teenagers.  
  
"What happened, Siri?" Sasha questioned, after swallowing her mouthful of pudding.  
  
Sirius flushed a deep, cherry red, as he had not turned since his graduation from Hogwarts. He knew that Sasha and Severus were his friends, but that did not diminish his embarrassment by much.  
  
"Really, Sirius," Severus drawled, "One would think that you had not brought up the subject yourself. What happened when you confronted Potter?"  
  
"I cried," the wizard muttered to the tablecloth.  
  
"What?" Sasha asked honestly.  
  
"I cried like a baby, okay?" Sirius snapped. "The bastard opened his front door and I bloody burst into tears!"  
  
Sasha's hazel eyes widened and she recoiled slightly, obviously hurt by the anger her brother-in-law expressed. The elderly woman from the other table glared at them again for interrupting her dinner.  
  
"Sirius," Severus began in a low voice. "It's okay that you cried." He reached out and rested his right hand on his former rival's shoulder. "You hadn't seen Potter in nearly two decades, and you thought he was dead, besides. It's perfectly natural for you to react that way."  
  
"Going to psychoanalyze me, Severus?" Sirius asked, with only a trace of his former bitterness.  
  
Severus sighed. "I'm just trying to say that you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. You've been through Hell, you know, and you can't assume that you will react as you once would."  
  
Sirius stared at his own pudding and poked the cake with his fork. Discussing himself had always made him uncomfortable and this was no exception. He mumbled something incoherent and not particularly meaningful. For a few moments, no one said anything and even Sasha stopped eating.  
  
In an attempt to break the silence, Severus coughed. "Well, now that we have diverged from topic, would you care to tell us why you wanted to have dinner with us?"  
  
Blushing again, Sirius mumbled, "Lily wants us to go into marriage counseling."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Lily wants us to go into marriage counseling," Sirius repeated more loudly.  
  
His dining companions stared at him in shock.  
  
"What?" Severus managed to ask.  
  
"Marriage counseling," Sirius enunciated. "My wife wants us to go into marriage counseling!"  
  
"What are you going to do about it?" Sasha looked honestly worried.  
  
"Lie, I believe," the wizard replied with obviously forced lightness.  
  
Sasha frowned and Severus looked almost proud of his friend's answer.  
  
"Well, what am I supposed to do?" Sirius floundered, wanting the approval of both of his companions. "I can't very well tell the truth! It'll land me a room in the madhouse, you know that."  
  
"I thought you were going to tell Lily the truth," Sasha reproached. "She's your wife and she deserves to know the truth. I thought you agreed with us on that."  
  
Sirius nodded contritely. "I was going to tell, and I did want to come clean. I was going to tell her as soon as I got home to the flat, but then Lily was so upset after what James did. I couldn't very well say, 'I know you're hurt and you ex-husband told you that you're unlovable, but I thought you should know that I'm really a gay wizard from an alternate universe and never actually married you or even felt the slightest twinge of romantic love for you.'"  
  
Sasha winced visibly.  
  
"Obviously," Severus replied, with a slight scowl, though it was unclear whether the schedule was meant for Sirius, James, or Lily. "But why jump to the decision to lie when she suggested counseling? The counseling could well help you with any issues you still have after being in prison."  
  
Sirius' pale eyes flashed at the mention of Azkaban, but he did respond to that particular jibe. "Can you imagine what this Mahbubani woman would say if I told her that the reason I don't want to be involved with my wife is because I'm a homosexual wizard who fell into this universe because I was taunting my insane cousin in the middle of a key battle?"  
  
"You've spent too much time with Severus," Sasha muttered. "I know you can say that, it makes you sound utterly mad. But there are ways of going about things that would get the message across without the same disastrous side effects."  
  
Sirius shrugged. "I know. But, really, how do I say it nicely? Lily is still in a state over what James said – and I can't bear to break Harry's heart. He is the most important thing in the world to me, and whatever hurts Lily hurts him. I can only imagine what Lily would do if I told her the truth right now."  
  
Sasha took Sirius' hand in her own, trying to give him some of the support he so desperately needed. "Siri, I love that you care for Harry and Lily and that you don't want anything bad to happen to them. Don't get me wrong, that's wonderful and I think it's terrific that they have someone to take care of them. But I don't think you should do it at the expense of yourself."  
  
Giving Sasha a Look, Sirius grunted. "I know that, but this is my life now. I can't spend all of my time chasing downs phantoms that may or may not be real and may or may not be a way to get home. I need to learn to function in this world, even if it isn't everything I could want it to be. The last thing I need, if I want to acclimate myself to this place, is for my wife, son, and marriage counselor to all think I'm mad as a hatter."  
  
"He has a point," Severus said dryly. "I encouraged him to tell Lily the truth – of course, Harry already knows. He was the first to know and he trusts you, Sirius. He is not the sort of child who would agree to call you crazy just because the adults around him say so. Harry is something of an independent thinker. But you do have a point. If you want to live here and Lily is already noticing changes, you really only have two options. One is to tell her the truth about this whole situation. The other is to lie through your teeth and pray that everyone believes you."  
  
Sirius buried his face in his hands and pushed his now empty dish toward the middle of the table. "Sweet Merlin, I'd love to tell her the truth. She isn't the same woman I used to know, but I love her the same way. I don't want anything to happen to her. She's the sister I never had. But she's also my wife. And Lils is having enough emotional issues between James and me that I don't want to overcomplicate things for her. Explaining my situation, down to the detail, would only hurt her. It would reinforce what James told her, that I don't love her. And I don't want to imagine what it would do to Harry."  
  
Signaling to the waiter for the bill, Severus smiled grimly. "So, that's it. We're lying through our teeth. What's the story this time?"  
  
Author's Notes:  
  
Again, this is un-beta-ed, so don't blame Hillary (Toasterlicious) if something is wrong. Just blame my cursed e-mail system.  
  
A Happy Little Bumblebee: Thank you. But if the other Sirius is straight as an arrow, how do you think Remus would react to Sirius trying to become romantically involved? And how hurt would Lily be?  
  
LalaithoftheBruinen: Let's go with none of the above, shall we? I have a plan with Gita Mahbubani.... You'll see what happens.  
  
Mr. Happy Java Man: "Corresponding Follies" by EnglishMuffin? That's the Sirius/Harry fic where Sirius is his 'secret admirer'? I love that one... I update once a week, and you'll know when you know.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: Oh, yes. This is very hard for Sirius.  
  
Snuffles2, sunnysparkles, LittleGreenPerson, Pam Briggs, eruve tinwen, Krylancelo: Thank you.  
  
Toasterlicious: Hey, look! My beta reviewed! Anyway, no. Just the one system, sadly.  
  
Jazzylady: I hope this chapter answered your questions.  
  
Miss JP: Yes, if Sirius tells the truth, it will hurt Lily and Harry. And do they really deserve that?  
  
MarsIsBrightTonight: If Sirius tells the truth – all of the truth – Lily will inevitably be hurt. The man she loves with all of her heart, does not love her in the same way and, in fact, feels that way rather about one of her closest friends (Remus). Should Lily be hurt in that way? And Gita Mahbubani won't steal the show from Sirius, but she is necessary for the plotline. She acts more as a modifier.  
  
Jeanne2: Thank you. As I have mentioned previously, this is not a romance. However, Sirius' sexuality does affect his life and the choices he makes, so I will write of it when it is relevant. But, there will be no slashy smut, especially in this fic. For God's sake, how could there? They are in two separate realities.  
  
Mia: Yes! I am not outdated!  
  
Sailor Christian: Yes... He feels for Lily as a sister... And he would not want to have sex with his sister.  
  
JulyFlame: Thank you. As I told DarkOblivion in the last chapter, I wanted to focus on development rather than plot devices/action in this fic. Far too much fanfiction has too little character development and too much plot.  
  
DarkOblivion316: Of course, you are appreciated. I love your reviews. And Lily is somewhat paranoid about Sirius cheating on her. I've found that in real life, when a woman does not instigate her divorce or break up, she can become overly nervous in her next relationship/marriage that her new partner will do the same thing.  
  
Xin Yi: Thank you. And I do try to do that, but reformats my fic for some reason and changes everything on me. 


	31. Fair Friend

Three O'clock in the Morning In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. – F. Scott Fitzgerald Fair Friend   
  
To me, fair friend, you can never be old. – Shakespeare  
  
It was Scotland and it was raining. No, raining was not the right word; it was as though the air had condensed itself into liquid that merely suspended itself above the ground. It was not fog and it was not rain. It was not even right to qualify it as mist. It was a miserable August day as only northern Scotland could make it. And nearly everyone in town was inside and doing something worthwhile (or at least dry) with their time.   
  
Sirius walked down the semi-abandoned pathway on the common, steadfastly looking anywhere but at his companion. He scuffed at the pebbles that decorated the border with his shoe, spraying them in random patterns like a five-year-old child. He did not want to be here, talking about this – especially with him.   
  
"Let's sit down here, Sirius."   
  
Curse that voice, Sirius silently cried.   
  
"Look, the willows cover that bench so it's barely even wet. I still don't know why you wanted to talk about this outside when we could very easily have had privacy in either of our flats."   
  
Sirius turned slowly and dragged himself over to the public bench, which was indeed relatively dry. Once seated, he amused himself by watching a squirrel scurry back and forth across the path in a frenzied circle, as though it were looking for something it could never find. Sirius restrained the urge to throw some food out to the animal. He knew what it was like living off of nature and he pitied the squirrel, though it probably had a better idea of what it was doing than he had ever had.   
  
"Sirius!" his companion snapped.   
  
"What?" Sirius asked slowly, still not facing the other man.   
  
"God, at least look at me! Or have I done something so horrifically wrong that you can't bear to see my face?"   
  
Sirius, once again capitulating, as he always did, turned to look at the other man. He turned to look at Remus Lupin. A Remus Lupin whom he had never met, but was sure he could have learned to love.   
  
This was a different Remus Lupin. This was one without grey hair or lines etched across a face too old for too scant years. A man who laughed long, loud, and often. A boy who had never had to face the fear of becoming a man- eating savage beast. This was a man with a full time job, whose clothes were new, fashionable, and fit well. Here was a person who never forced himself to learn restraint at a tender age, if only as a mercy to those around him. Sitting next to Sirius was a Remus Lupin with smooth edges and mischievous eyes, a man who did not always think twelve steps ahead and two steps behind. This was a man who could have been Sirius's lover; this was a man whom Sirius's lover could have been. But was not.   
  
"Sirius," Remus began again, making an obvious effort to keep his temper in check. "Lily's been talking to me and-"   
  
"Don't get in the middle of this, Remus," Sirius snapped. The last thing he needed was Remus – who so resembled his Moony – to be talking to him about love and responsibility and care and compassion and Lily. There were still nights when he woke up in a cold sweat, chilled in Lily's arms, wanting nothing more than for Remus to sit next to him, telling him that Azkaban was over, that the Dementors would never find him again. Never mind that the men had not been lovers since before Sirius's prison sentence. Sirius found that Moony could give him comfort with a few words or a simple pat on the shoulder. So, it was not surprising that he did not want to talk to Remus about love and devotion to Lily Madeline Evans Black.   
  
Remus lifted his hands, palms out, in shock. "I'm not going to get in the middle of this. This is between you and Lily, no one else."   
  
"Then what did you so desperately want to talk about?" Sirius growled, sounding much like Padfoot.   
  
Remus sighed and spent a few minutes listening to the sound of the rain on the willow trees and watching the crazed squirrel leave its circuitous path in favor of scampering up a tree and hiding from a stray cat. "I don't really know what to say, Sirius. I really don't. I didn't come by today and drag you from the funeral home to make you miserable, but," Remus sighed again, "things need to be said."   
  
Sirius ran his fingers through his hair and removed the tie that kept it in place, allowing the breeze to toy with it, only scratching at it when black strands blew into his eyes and obscured his vision. "What needs to be said?" he asked at last, truly wondering which secrets would be spilled on the common that afternoon. He knew more about Remus than his other self had, thanks mostly to Severus and Sasha, but also to his own ability watch, spy, and wonder.   
  
"You've changed, Sirius."   
  
Oh, so they were supposed to talk about his secrets. Well, Sirius decided, that will not happen today. He would lead Remus in a merry little circle if he were pressed. But he would not bear his soul to a man who did not dare to come out of the closet to him.   
  
"Oh."   
  
"Yes, Sirius, 'oh.' I don't really know when it happened or how we could have missed it, but over the past few months, you've changed. You seem... lost. It's as if you don't always follow what's going on around you, or, at least, you don't care about it. You're distancing yourself from us, your closest friends."   
  
"Us?"   
  
"Yes, Lily, Peter, and myself. You used to tell the three of us absolutely everything. Now, it's 'Sasha this' and 'Severus that' and 'I'm taking Harry and his friends to the movies tonight.'"   
  
"I can't take my own stepson to the movies?" Sirius asked dryly.   
  
"That's not what I'm saying!" Remus pressed his knuckles to his chin in thought. "Look, we remember what you were like. Suddenly, sometime in early summer, you made a complete turn-around. You were so outgoing, so involved in the community, and now you're content to go out to eat once in a while with Severus and Sasha, to walk Harry and Hermione to the movies on Friday, and spend the rest of your time either out here or in the flat researching God only knows what about Archways."  
  
"What do you know about Archways?" the wizard asked suddenly.   
  
Remus's soft brown eyes widened slightly, shocked at the venom in his longtime friend's voice. "Nothing. It's just that Harry asked me if I knew anything about Archways making a significant point in history, saying it was for you. I explained to him the significance of the Etruscan Arch and their use of the keystone, but that obviously wasn't the information he was looking for."   
  
Sirius's lean body sagged with defeat. He hated raising his hopes only to have them quashed, but whenever he heard a whisper of a rumor that might be able to bring him home, back to his Moony and Harry, he dared to dream that his wish might come true, this time.   
  
"Why?" Remus questioned shrewdly. "Is there something important about Archways?"   
  
"No," Sirius lied dejectedly. "There's absolutely nothing important about Archways whatsoever." Unless you were a misplaced wizard trying desperately, desperately to find a way home.   
  
"If you're sure..."   
  
"I am."   
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Sirius was sprawled along the bench, dressed in his black pants and white collared shirt, still savoring the freedom of being able to sit on a wooden bench on a town common, without fear of Azkaban and the Dementor's Kiss. Remus, on the other hand, fidgeted uncomfortable, twitching with his pale trench coat, obviously trying to find a way to stay dry in the Scottish mist without abandoning his friend in a grey, wet park.   
  
"Sirius?"   
  
The Animagus wanted to curse Remus for breaking the delicate silence of the day. "I just want to know what's wrong. We want to know what hurt you."   
  
Sirius only shrugged indifferently. "What happened happened. You couldn't understand, even if you tried." No one who had never met a Dementor had a shade of a dream of what twelve years in that hellhole was.   
  
"'What freezings I have felt, what dark days seen!'" the history teacher quoted, plainly tried to lighten the serious mood and get Sirius talking.   
  
Tossing his head back, Sirius tried to catch rain on his tongue, but found it impossible as the mist was not true rain. "Something like that."   
  
Remus stared at his friend worriedly. He was fairly sure that Sirius did not pick up on the sonnet reference, but for the usually upbeat man to agree with a seemingly melancholy line made him rather nervous. "What?"   
  
"I said, 'something like that,'" he annunciated.   
  
"No," Remus clarified with a swift shake of his head, flipping water onto Sirius and the bench. "What did you mean?"   
  
"It's rather obvious, isn't it?"   
  
The fair-haired man just stared at his friend blankly.   
  
"Well, you're the one who suggested it!" Sirius protested. "It stands to reason that you would know what you meant!"   
  
"I was joking," Remus said softly. "I was trying to make you laugh. You always teased me when I quoted Shakespeare."   
  
"Shakespeare? He... he wrote plays, didn't he?"   
  
Remus looked as if Sirius had just grown a third head, complete with horns and a forked tongue. "'He wrote plays, didn't he?' 'He wrote plays?'" the mild-mannered teacher sounded astounded and utterly flabbergasted. "Have you lost all of your memories of our English classes at Hogwarts?"   
  
Wisely, Sirius chose not to answer that particular question.   
  
"Shakespeare is only the greatest English-speaking playwright of all time! How can you forget that? Mr. Gallagher drilled him into our heads endlessly; it was the reason you despised him so much! Don't you remember when he forced you to recite Sonnet 87 in front of the entire class in third year?"   
  
Sirius stared as blankly at Remus as his companion had mere moments previously and Remus fell silent as well.   
  
For a long time, the two old friends sat on that wooden bench, side by side. Slowly the mist faded into a murky, pewter grey cloud cover. The wind rattled the rain out of the willow trees and onto their heads. A harried- looking young mother strode quickly through the common, dragging a three- year-old boy and pushing a carriage with a baby of indeterminate age and gender.   
  
Sirius was tempted to transform into Padfoot and chase squirrels, as he was sometimes still want to do. It relaxed him and reminded him of the good times with Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs. Being Padfoot reinforced his freedom to be who he wanted to be and do what he wanted to do. It was only too bad that Remus would not understand if his best friend suddenly became a black Labrador.   
  
The wizard wondered how Regulus was doing at the funeral home. When Remus appeared on their doorstep shortly after lunch, they had both been shocked. Sirius had wondered why this man who so resembled his lover had come to the funeral home. He had not really spoken with Remus earnestly in weeks. His brother had assured him that it would be perfectly fine for Sirius to go to the common and talk to his friend, but Sirius doubted that either brother had expected the anticipated conversation to last all afternoon. It would not make sense for him to return to work for only an hour or so, now, so he decided to stay with Remus. Maybe his friend had something more to say.   
  
Finally, Remus sighed again. "Sirius, I didn't come today to fight or make you miserable, whatever actually happened. I just wanted to talk. Pete and I have been worried about you, Lily, and Harry. The three of you have just become so closed off recently."   
  
"Closed off?"   
  
"You don't talk to use anymore. Lily is just still upset over James... I suppose Harry's talking to you now, but I miss being his favorite uncle. He always used to come to me with everything, but now you're his confidant and advisor, which is fine, but I still feel left out. I really don't know why you aren't talking to us anymore."   
  
"I talk to you," Sirius protested without much emotion.   
  
"Not anymore, you don't." Remus's voice was laced with hurt and it broke Sirius's heart that he had made Remus feel that way. "You smile and nod and tell us about the funeral home and Harry's day with Hermione and his cousins. You talk to us like we're strangers with whom you have to eat dinner. It's like you're building these walls around yourself and we can't get in."   
  
Sirius did not have an answer for that.   
  
Remus ran a hand through his hair and Sirius realized the man was overdue for a haircut. "None of this is coming out the way I want it to."   
  
"What do you want to say?" Sirius asked, moving a hand to rest upon his friend's right shoulder.   
  
Remus stared at the dark grey storm clouds overhead for a moment. "Maybe that I want you to know that I'm here for you, whatever the Hell is going on in your life. I don't think that you're off with another woman, like Lily does, but I do think that something's wrong. Maybe you're talking to Sasha and Snape about it, for whatever Godforsaken reason. I just wish you'd at least talk to me and Pete about it, even if you don't want Lily to know."   
  
Sirius nodded slowly and stood. "Do you want to join us for dinner tonight? Lily is making a nice lamb roast with those vegetables you like."   
  
"Are you sure?"   
  
"Yeah, I think Hermione and Draco are coming over, anyway. One more mouth won't be that bad."   
  
"What freezings I have felt, what dark days seen!" – Shakespeare, Sonnet 97 This is not actually a melancholy sonnet, Shakespeare is expressing how he feels when he cannot be with the woman (man?) he loves, but the line certainly fits with Sirius's emotions when taken out of context.   
  
"To me, fair friend, you can never be old." – Shakespeare, Sonnet 104 Sonnet 104, my most hated and most beloved sonnet of all time. Just never try to interpret it through movement.  
  
Reformatted for everyone who likes individual paragraphs... Everyone should thank Hillary (Toasterlicious) who has stuck with me despite the angsty love triangle of myself, my Internet server, and my e- mail service. She did beta this chapter and I'll be updating my other chapters later this week.  
  
Reviewers: If you review by e-mail, I will reply by e-mail. It just makes my life easier.  
  
A Happy Little Bumblebee: I agree that Sirius and Remus are meant to be. But I can't say more than that without giving away a key plot element.  
  
Pam Briggs: Thank you for adoring Sev. He's the easiest character to write because his responses are mine. Which is kind of creepy if you think about it. And could you think of your dead best friend's late wife as your wife?  
  
Alynna Lis Eachann, Bhappy107, Padmez, Sailor Christian, Sabrina Weasley: Thank you.  
  
Meeko Melodie: Sirius and Remus are homosexual. Deal with it. I'm certainly not changing it. If it really bothers you, stop reading this; no one is forcing you.  
  
Xin Yi: Sirius crossed over in May and it is now the end of August. Harry will be going back to school soon.  
  
Sionainn: Ron is a nasty bully. Sorry. He might show up later, but only to be mean to Harry, Hermione, and Draco. Sirius is sorting himself out. James cheated on Lily because, well, he was being an arrogant bastard and didn't real love Lily when he married her. Poor Lily. Harry and Hermione are together for the rest of this fic, but I don't know about canon.  
  
Samara-Morgan-101: I don't think you can dig deeper than Sirius did in the bathroom, or in this chapter. Not possible. But it might create an interesting plotline.  
  
Miss JP: I just won't say anything to your review... I can't. But keep thinking.  
  
MarsIsBrightTonight: This is just a lose-lose situation, isn't it? I wasn't planning on such angst when I first wrote this. But, yes, whatever anyone does everyone will be hurt.  
  
Molly W: Thank you. The Longbottoms will not show up in this story. Perhaps in the next one, but not in Three O'clock in the Morning.  
  
gloriousnewday98: I hope I at least didn't give you a crick in the neck. I give myself a crick in the neck when I write this story. You're onto something. Actually, you've figured out the key to my plot, but "Shh!" Keep that quiet. We don't want everyone to know.  
  
Imaginable: Yes, he is digging himself a hole. But that's all part of the plot.  
  
DarkOblivion316: Your reviews are always great. I'm happy my characters are understandable, I don't want anyone to be a total mystery to everyone. They need their motivation.  
  
Mars-Alfgonzo: Thank you! There will be roughly 37 chapters and I'm not saying what will happen to Sirius in the end.  
  
Please Review. But Sirius is gay. End of story. Thank you. 


	32. Maladies We Must Not Seek to Cure

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. – F. Scott Fitzgerald  
  
Maladies We Must Not Seek to Cure  
  
There are maladies we must not seek to cure because they alone protect us from others that are more serious. – Marcel Proust  
  
Mahbubani's waiting room was, in a word, nice. It was nice in a bland, heartless, patronising manner that made Sirius jumpy. The wickerwork chairs had been painted tan and decorated with bland tan and moss. There were Impressionist reproductions decorating the walls, all in muted shades of flax, primrose, and peach, and framed in walnut casings. The walls were painted a dull biscuit that bordered on offensive to Sirius's eyes. It, no doubt, was all meant to be calming and soothing, but it made the Animagus nervous. For some reason Muggles seemed Hell bent on pastels, while he was used to the magical world, where the brighter the color the better. What he would not have given to see the Gryffindor common room again, with iron red walls, the giant hearth, the golden decorations, and the crimson and gold furniture.  
  
Lily sat calmly in her wicker chair next to her husband, flipping through some brightly colored women's magazine that had been resting on the wicker and glass table in the corner. She, in her demure sweater and dark skirt, was the only other person in the small room and did not appear eager to speak with Sirius before their counseling session. She had been nervous all morning, especially since Sirius had made a point of taking the day off work to come to this.  
  
The previous night, he had set up a meeting with Sasha and Severus at the American-style bistro Sasha liked so much. Sirius would act as though nothing had happened, as if everything were just in Lily's head. Sasha had been against this plan at first, defending her sister-in-law valiantly before capitulating to its eerie logic and simplicity. Severus had originally hatched this particular brainchild. Sirius called him 'pure Slytherin' at the dinner table and then was forced to explain to Severus and Sasha just exactly what he meant by that. Apparently, in this world, the Houses, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Gryffindor and Slytherin, had no deeper significance than their names. No one had even heard of the Four Founders.  
  
After instructing them for an hour on his own half-forgotten History of Magic lessons, they had returned to the subject at hand: Sirius's impending doom disguised as marriage counseling. Sirius did not know enough about their marriage to cope in this new setting. He would, according to Severus, be asked any number of questions involving, but not limited to, his feelings and experiences earlier in the marriage, his feelings and experiences currently in the marriage, what he expected and/or desired from their mutual relationship, various questions regarding his stepson, and suggestions for reducing animosity and reviving romance.  
  
Sirius had gaped, opened mouthed, at Severus, while Sasha agreed with the commentary. He had no idea how to answer these questions and, while Sasha was undoubtedly close to her brother- and sister-in-law, she would not know the very ins and outs of their marriage and private lives. Both she and Harry had been tutoring him in how to act since he had told them his secrets, but this was beyond even that.  
  
He had spent a panic-stricken night in bed, twisting and turning so much that not even Lily had dared attempt to snuggle him midway through the night. At four o'clock in the morning Sirius decided that he would give up on sleep and panic on his own, with a cup of tea. He had taken a pre-dawn walk in the park, as Padfoot, and returned in time to nervously make a simple breakfast for Harry and Lily, having already eaten himself.  
  
But how would he deal with Mahbubani and Lily, he wondered, his right hand tapping out a tattoo on the wicker table next to him. He would be in a new place, a strange situation, with no one to turn to and no one to help him. It was not good. Earlier that day he had contemplated convincing Lily that this marriage counseling idea was a bad one, but then realized that he would be only delaying the inevitable rather than stopping it completely. Perhaps if he followed Severus's plan – that is, play dumb and make Lily look like an absolute fool – he could get away with being who and what he was. Maybe he could even convince his wife to stop the marriage counseling, that it was hurting their relationship.  
  
Rousing himself from his maudlin musings, he looked to his wife. Watching Lily closely, he realized that she was as nervous as he. Lily was flipping through another vapid magazine, but she did not appear to be reading any of the articles.  
  
Peering over her shoulder, Sirius snorted at the titles of her so-called reading material; "Three Weeks to Flatter Abs" and "10 Minute Fat-Free Dinners." Absurd. Lily did not need any of this!  
  
Lily, though, apparently had not heard her husband come up behind her and jumped like a frightened doe. "Sirius!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't do that!"  
  
Sirius shrugged indifferently. It was not as if he was interested in the foolish magazine, or that he had something else to occupy his time. He took up pacing once more, prowling from one end of the room to the other.  
  
Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Door. Turn. Step. Step. Step. Step.  
  
"Would you stop that infernal pacing?!"  
  
Sirius obeyed and sighed. "What do you expect me to do, Lily?"  
  
His wife remained silent.  
  
"I don't even know why we're here," the wizard protested.  
  
"Yes, you do."  
  
The Animagus raised an eyebrow. "Do I?"  
  
"If you don't, you need counseling in more than just marital matters," Lily retorted, her nervousness obviously wearing on her cautious exterior.  
  
Sirius's eyes flashed in anger at the biting comment. Lily took a step back, plainly thinking that her anger had caused her to overstep her wifely boundaries. Yet, before Sirius could feel guilt (and a surge of irrational anger toward himself for causing wild Lily to act like an animal in a trap) and Lily could cower as she had not since the incident with James, the perky and well-dressed receptionist appeared.  
  
"Ms. Mahbubani will see you now," she told the couple with a tilt of her tightly curled head, obviously ignoring or oblivious to the tension in the small waiting room. She motioned them into an even smaller adjoining room.  
  
A small Indian woman, presumably Ms. Mahbubani, sat behind an expensive cherry wood desk. She was nothing what Sirius had expected. She had short, dark hair and made no attempt to hide the gray at her temples in the vain manner many woman, Muggle or witch, did. Nor did she appear to be anything like a counselor, in her dark, pinstriped business suit and notable lack of anything resembling make-up. The woman was stark and down to business.  
  
Despite her rather Spartan personal appearance, her room held the warm, rich colors Sirius understood and knew from his life in the magical world. It was finely furnished, all in matching cherry woods and navy and hunter material, much like the Ravenclaw common room back at Hogwarts. The carpet was thick and plush with green vines intertwining on a dark background. The upholstery on the chairs matched the heavy blue window drapes. The two windows themselves looked over the grounds of the building, affording a view of a small duck pond and a few wet fields. Sirius, for whatever reason, automatically felt comfortable in the room and that in and of itself unnerved him.  
  
"Welcome," the woman said with a slight accent. She rose to greet them. "I hope you were not waiting very long."  
  
Lily smiled at her and shook her head in the negative.  
  
Sirius ignored the question and helped Lily into one of the elegantly carved chairs.  
  
Ms. Mahbubani smiled smally and warmly. The skin around her dark eyes crinkled slightly and Sirius dreamt that he could see a sparkle in the eyes. "I know Lily here arranged all of this so let's make sure we're all on the same page. Sirius, do you know why we're here?"  
  
A surly, petulant answer was on the tip of his tongue, but Sirius was sure that neither Lily nor Ms. Mahbubani would appreciate it. "Lily thinks that we are having trouble with our marriage, Ms. Mahbubani," he replied, trying his hardest to sound like he wanted to be there.  
  
"Call me Gita, please, Sirius. Lily thinks? Do you agree with your wife?"  
  
Sirius shrugged.  
  
"Well, then." Gita continued to smile, though Sirius did not really know why. The woman was beginning to unnerve him. "Has your marriage changed lately?"  
  
This simple question let loose the floodgates. Apparently Lily had desperately needed someone with whom to speak and she seemed to have found a confessor in Gita Mahbubani. She told Gita about Sirius's sudden changes, discussed more about their sex life that Sirius ever wanted to know, and told her how Sirius was acting more devoted to his godson than to his wife. Lily told the counselor that Sirius had stopped living his normal life and began spending absurd amounts of time with his new 'friends.'  
  
"New?" Sirius spat. "How long have Sasha and Regulus been married? Sasha is hardly a new friend, Lily!"  
  
She snorted. "What about Severus? Snivellus?! You certainly cannot call that man an old friend!"  
  
Sirius winced and wondered why Lily had grown a backbone and a tongue in front of a total stranger, when said stranger was watching their row with undisguised interest. "So I can't go back on the mistakes I've made, Lily? I can't realize what an utter prick I was and make good?  
  
Lily's green eyes were disbelieving. Apparently Sirius Black never admitted to mistakes or apologized. "What?"  
  
"I treated the poor boy like scum because I didn't bother to think of anyone beyond the M- er, my group of friends."  
  
"So you just kissed and made up?"  
  
Sirius threw up his hands in frustration. "We made amends! Is that so hard to believe?"  
  
Something in Lily seemed to snap. "You tried to kill that man!" she hissed. "You nearly succeeded! And Snape knows all too well how to hold a grudge. You and he have never gotten along!"  
  
"Lily," Sirius began reproachfully. He could not help but notice the inordinately amused look that decorated their counselor's dark face.  
  
"No!" she yelped indignantly. "You listen to me for once. Earlier this year you told that man to keep Harry in line, that you would pull him from Hogwarts if he tried running away again. Then Snape doesn't do that and Harry disappears. You go off looking for him. The next day you invite Snape over for tea! I don't understand!" Lily's tone was desperate, as if she truly desired to know just what was going on in her husband's head.  
  
Sirius just shook his head. "We talked... about Harry, mostly. But also about ourselves. He told me his side of the story, I told him mine, and we let bygones be bygones."  
  
Lily glared at her husband with all of her might. "I don't believe you," she replied, sounding more like a two-year-old than the 36-year-old woman she was.  
  
Gita coughed softly, but caught their attention quickly. "It seems that you two seem to have some communication problems, as well as some trust issues. We will have to work on those in our sessions."  
  
Lily nodded, obviously expecting this response. Sirius did not like the way Gita smiled at him, like the cat that caught the canary. He shivered and decided that Severus had had the right idea, even if it might upset Lily in the end. He had no intention of baring his soul to this strange woman, and, if Lily ended up looking the fool, so be it. After all, she was the one who wanted to do this whole counseling thing, wasn't she, he told himself.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed and especially to Hillary (Toasterlicious) who betas everything for me – even if I'm not feeling particularly coherent.  
  
On another note, this chapter is quite short and the next one will be as well because I will be working six day weeks and that does not leave time for writing, but I need the money.  
  
Before anyone hits me, Sirius knows about the Ravenclaw Common Room from a particular prank the Marauders pulled back in their fifth year. Yes, everything has a back story. If you want to hear about it, tell me in your review and I'll e-mail it to you (leave your e-mail address as well).  
  
Now for the reviews:  
  
Pam Briggs: Thank you. Yes, Remus is homosexual in this world. The formatting was 's fault (grr) but thank you for letting me know so I could upload the chapter again.  
  
Jeanne2: Thank you. But do you not like Sirius and Lily or Sirius and Remus?  
  
Sionainn: Thank you. You made me blush. And I like that line as well. In fact, Fair Friend is, in my opinion, one of my best chapters. (Yes, I rate my own chapters.)  
  
MarsIsBrightTonight: Oh, but Sirius IS gay, but refuses to break his marriage vows. And his lover doesn't want him as a lover.  
  
sunnysparkles: There will be roughly 37 chapters. Thank yo.  
  
MarsAlfgonzo: Thank you. And you'll just have to wait and see.  
  
Drusilla, Miss JP, Padmez, spazcat13: Thank you.  
  
Krylancelo: Short chapter?! That was seven pages long!  
  
A Happy Little Bumblebee: I'm happy you feel so involved with my borrowed characters. I feel so bad for Sirius, especially as I wrote this chapter. But thank you!  
  
dreamingfox: Not as into it as you expected? I'm not sure what you mean.  
  
Thank you for rereading it.  
  
Hell? No, this isn't Hell. Azkaban was Hell.  
  
Fangirl!Beth: Ok, so at least someone agrees that it's fine to have a homosexual Sirius. And Sirius is very angsty, but, on the surface, far better off in this world. On the surface.  
  
Hekate101: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Do I sound British?  
  
I was hoping to make Sirius more than a prankster/ladies' man. After all, there is more to men (and everyone) are deeper than the surface exterior. Too many people gloss over the Marauders, especially Peter and Sirius, making them into cardboard cutouts rather than the people they could be.  
  
Yes. Leeks. I never understood that insult.  
  
Alynna Lis Echann: Thank you. I try to make Sirius deeper (see my comment to Hekate101).  
  
sierra: No, this will not be Snape/Sirius. Severus is straight (gasp), if unmarried. I can't tell you anything more without giving away the plot.  
  
BigIsTheFace: Prim? I'm prim? How am I prim? (I've never heard the word used to describe prose.) And 'too creative'? I'm again unsure of your meaning. Do you mean that you do not like my use of Gita? I appreciate your constructive criticism (if that is what it is) but I'm afraid I don't understand it. 


	33. All We Need of Hell

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
_In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
_

All We Need of Hell

_Parting is all we know of heaven / And all we need of hell. – Emily Dickinson_

Sirius grabbed his stepson's duffle bag and helped him heave it onto the train. The plain, normal, gunmetal grey, graffiti-covered train. It made him shiver. The train was supposed to be a bright, fiery red. It was supposed to billow black smoke and say "Hogwarts Express" on the side in big, gold letters.

Students rushed past him, chattering with one another and with their parents. Not one of them wore a black robe or carried an owl in a cage. He did not hear the familiar yowl of a dropped cat or the explosion of misused magic. No harried mothers rushed their offspring through a magical barrier and no mystified, uninitiated and unmagical parents gazed around with mixed horror and awe.

It was not his world. Lily stood at his side, clutching his left arm and grinning at Harry to break her face. Harry, dressed in a new copper jumper and black cotton pants, was waving to his parents – since when had Sirius thought of himself as Harry's father? – out the window of the train, while Draco, Thebe, and Hermione yelled at him to get down. Sirius could even see dark-haired Thebe pulling at Harry's shoulder. No one knew why Harry did not want to see his stepfather go. Every previous year he had settled determinedly in his seat in the car, refusing to look out the window and see Sirius Black's darkly disapproving face watching him back.

This was his first year of not really wanting to leave home and Sirius knew it. Harry had been nearly begging to spend time with him in the past two weeks. They had done everything Sirius could begin to imagine, from playing games of cards at night to going to the cinema together to joining Lucius and Draco one day at the local organic market. The last was not an experience Sirius desired in any way to repeat. But it warmed his heart that he and Harry had bonded.

They had finally spent time together, in a way they never could when they were locked up at Grimmauld Place as virtual prisoners. When they had both been covered in black grief like a death pall they had been entirely unable to reach out to one another and be what they should have been. It hurt slightly that this was not his Harry – not the son of Prongs or student of Moony – but it still mollified him.

Harry truly trusted him now. Harry came to him with stories about Hermione, simple as they were. He told him about Thebe and Draco and how they teased him about his girlfriend, reminding Sirius of how he and Moony had teased Prongs about Lily. Sirius was more than happy to sit at their kitchen table and listen to tales of Harry's life over a game of cards and cup of tea.

They had gone to dinner the previous night. It had been simple an easy: natural. It was only the dimly lit restaurant and pub down on the corner, one Harry, Hermione, and Draco often frequented. The owner, a burly man in a tweed coat, had known his stepson on sight and tipped his head to Sirius and Lily in a slightly mocking manner that Sirius appreciated with relish.

Sirius loved that night with passion. It was a simple dinner: stew and shepherd's pie and more shepherd's pie. It was simple, honest fare; reminisce of Hogwarts' warm dinners on chilly autumn nights. It strengthened Sirius' resolve. He reveled in the fact that he could sit at dinner with Harry and Lily. It was a memory Sirius would treasure during the long months Harry would be at school.

"What classes will you be taking at Hogwarts this term?" Sirius had asked, honestly interested and unsure of what was taught at non-magical schools.

Lily had been quite startled by Sirius' question. Apparently he did not often take sincere interest in his stepson's class choice and general education. Lily, he thought to himself, should stop being so surprised by Sirius' changes in behavior.

Harry had smiled innocently; basking in his stepfather's attention the way a tabby cat will bask in warm firelight on a cold winter's day. "I'm still taking the basics, you know, Sirius. So, that's English, British History, Chemistry Advanced, Algebraic Maths, that sort of thing... and German and a Health Course."

No, Sirius did not know, but he had kept up with the conversation, anyway. Apparently history remained similar in both worlds and, despite Professor Binns' abysmal teaching habits, Sirius knew his British History, if only due to his Pureblood status. He was quite careful, though, never to mention any specifics. Who would have guessed that William of Orange ever took over the nation?

That conversation grew to span topics from Remus' teaching Harry's classes for the first time to the best meal in the restaurant to the local football stars. It relaxed Sirius' immeasurably that he could do this. He finally had enough control over his emotions to speak calmly and rationally about everyday topics. Harry trusted him enough to blather on and on about nothing.

When they had returned to the flat for the night, the three of them – Lily, Sirius, and Harry – had continued talking about this and that as they double-checked that Harry had packed everything he needed for school.

Late into the night, long after Lily had retired to bed, Sirius sat on the edge of Harry's horrific duvet and told him stories about the Marauders and even tales about his wild adventures with Hermione and Ron. Harry still could not believe that he had ever befriended Ronald Weasley, but, beyond that, he was a most receptive audience.

Sirius had longed to do this for such a long, long time. The time had never seemed right at Grimmauld Place, where they were both kept prisoner by their dearest friends. Harry had shared his room with Ron and Sirius doubted that Harry would want to share these stories with Ron, no matter how close they were. And Phineas Nigellus lived in that room as well and Sirius had no intention of telling childhood and teenage prank stories to his long dead, insufferable relatives.

Sitting there, with only Harry's beside lamp for light, and watching Harry's face sparkle as he told him stories, Sirius could not have been happier – or prouder. He told Harry about how hard it was to become Animagi, but that his father did the research and found the spells, that Peter found the unused classrooms, and Sirius himself made the potions, all the while keeping it dead secret from their werewolf comrade. He told Harry about the Chamber of Secrets and how Harry and Ron had risked life, limb, and professor to save young Ginny Weasley's life.

Neither dark-haired man had noticed when Lily passed by Harry's room on her way to retrieve a glass of water from the kitchenette.

"Sirius! Sirius! Come on!"

The wizard blinked, stumbling from his reverie as Lily pulled on his arm. He watched the dusty grey train wind off toward Hogwarts, taking Harry with it

"We're leaving, now, remember?" Lily asked, obviously confused as to why Sirius seemed so dazed.

"Erm, yeah, of course," Sirius mumbled, following Lily's lead much more obligingly than he usually did.

Outside on the street, they met up with Narcissa Malfoy, and Sasha and Regulus Black, all of whom had been at the station dropping off their respective children. Despite Hermione's budding friendships with Draco Malfoy and Thebe Black, as well as her romantic entanglement with Harry, the Grangers were not particularly inclined to join the infamous Black family for a casual dinner at Regulus' abode. They, to Sirius' eternal confusion, were rather disapproving of Sasha's pregnancy.

Seeing Narcissa for the first time in years without Lucius, even the all-new granola-crunching Lucius, by her side, reinforced the fact that Sirius would be lacking two of his most important summer allies: Harry and Severus..

He had said his good-byes to Severus a few days previous. Knowing that the dark and sarcastic man would be away for another nine months. Sure, he understood that Severus was a short train ride away and that the man periodically came home for weekends and during the holidays, but Sirius also knew that he could no longer just telephone his friend and show up at the flat or a pub for advice and interrogation.

They, as they sometimes did, met at his house. For whatever reason, Sasha was uncomfortable with meeting the two men at Severus' home, so she had graciously declined, begging off for some doctor's appointment having to do with her pregnancy.

Severus had offered him tea and biscuits in what Sirius had come to think of as "The Green Room." Severus never seemed to keep anything strong than Darjeeling in the house, though he was known to drink if they ever went to a pub or even to Sasha's or Sirius'.

Despite their friendship, Sirius had never dared to ask Severus about it, feeling decidedly uncomfortable about prying into Severus' life. For, whatever world he was in, a Snape was a very private person and even comrades trode a fine line with questions. It had landed Severus into trouble when he was in school: boarding school with a number of other, nosy boys is no place for a quiet, privately intellectual boy more interested in books than friendship.

Sirius appreciated it, nonetheless. Had Severus been drinking, Sirius would have accepted the drink as well. It was his nature as well as his upbringing to never let a man drink alone and never let a friend, however awkward and tentative the relationship, feel isolated or alienated with intent to do so. And he was really trying to avoiding drinking alcohol, especially whiskey, after last year. Hangovers depressed him.

For a long time, the two men had sat in corresponding overstuffed armchairs. Sirius had sipped delicately at his tea, feeling as though he were once more at one of his mother's endless tea parties, where he, at nine years old, had been the only person in the room actually drinking tea. And his mother had never let him have the good chocolate biscuits, only the nasty raspberry ones his Grandmother Hayworth sent his father in the Owl post.

"Sirius?" Severus had asked softly, breaking their long silence.

The man in question had only looked over the rim of his china tea cup, raising a single raven eyebrow.

"What will you do?"

Sirius had settled for looking decidedly confused.

"With Harry and myself gone, what will you do? You love that boy more than life itself," Severus attempted to sound detached and sarcastic, but Sirius could detect the sound of approval. He knew that Severus cared for Harry in the same way Remus had when Harry had come to him for help with the Patronus spell.

Sirius shrugged indecisively. "I'm not sure," he replied honestly. "I mean, I'll have Sasha around..."

"Not for long," Severus corrected. "She's been having difficulty with the twins, and you know the doctors have been warning her about bed rest. And once those two monsters are born, she won't have a moment to spare for the odd escaped convict."

The wizard could not help but smile at Severus. Perhaps a few months ago he would have taken offense at his tone, but now he knew that the chemistry teacher was merely expressing himself in the best way he knew. "I'm not honestly sure what I'll do then. Hopefully I'll know enough to handle myself by December."

"That's not what I'm trying to say Black, and you know it."

"No, really, I don't."

"You need friends, Sirius," Severus explained exasperated.

Sirius knit his brows. "But I have Lily, Peter, and Remus."

Severus looked as if he would have dearly loved to smack Sirius over the head with a rolled up newspaper. "That's not what I'm saying! Stop being deliberately obtuse."

His companion scowled at him.

"You need people you can really talk to," he elucidated. "People who really know your story and whom you can trust. Sasha, Harry, and I can't be here for you all of the time. You still have some troubles you need to deal with and you need some one with whom you can talk."

"Is this your way of getting me to tell Lily?"

"Or Pettigrew."

"Not Remus?"

Severus bit his lip. "I would think that Lupin would think you were outing him in an elaborately cruel joke."

Sirius' jaw dropped in a mix of shock and anger.

"It's not as if you haven't done it before, Sirius." At look of anger in the Animagus' eyes, Severus clarified. "At school you learned that one of the boys two years below us was, what did you call him, a shirt-lifter? In any case, you and James decided to play a joke on him, pretending that you were, in fact, infatuated with him. Then you embarrassed the poor boy in front of the entire school at breakfast, asking him why in all Hell would you want to kiss him, was he gay or something. He was humiliated."

Sirius nearly broke the cup he had been holding.

"Look," Severus had told him gently, getting up and putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know it wasn't you. You would never do something like that. But those three don't. Maybe you could show them some magic or something? Do you keep your want with you?"

"Stitched a place for it in my jacket sleeve," he had replied, with a weak, albeit proud, smile.

"Just tell me if you give Pettigrew a purple dress, would you? I'll even grant you a parent-teacher meeting for that."

Author's Notes:

I thank everyone who reviewed.

This is unbetaed, mostly because Hillary (Toasterlicious) is away on holiday somewhere. Hopefully she's warm and dry.

To everyone who asked after the short about Sirius and the Ravenclaw Common Room, you will receive it! But, I'm still working like mad and getting ready to move in two weeks, so it might be a little delayed.

My reviewers:

A Happy Little Bumblebee: I can like Snape/Sirius... sometimes. But I can't write it at all. So, knowing my boundaries, this will remain Remus/Sirius. I'm brilliant?

sierra: I never said Sirius didn't like Gita. Gita merely unnerves him.

PadfootBlackPaws: Yes, yes. I do cut things short (especially when I'm running on caffeine alone) but be sure that this story should be well rounded out before I finish it.

Pam Briggs: Lily has the same reason to doubt their friendship as we do. Sirius and Severus were enemies in childhood. I think I explained some reasons for their enmity in this universe.

Hekate101: I don't know about the Brit-speak you're talking about. This is just how I write. As for making Tom a victim, I attempted that in a brief songfic, "The Day Tom Riddle Died," which can be found in my profile here on

Jeanne2: So you just don't like Sirius being in love? Understandable. I'm happy you like this regardless.

NO NAME, lol: You're still reading? Wonderful!

sunnysparkles: Intense? I'm intense... I suppose my character is reflected in my writing. Anyway, I'm trying to keep this down to 37 chapters, but it keeps trying to leap ahead to be 43 or 47... Which will never, ever happen.

purplemonky: You have discovered my plot device! Sh! In any case, thank you for the compliments, reviews like yours keep my ego off life support.

chevalier Ryu: Yes, I've put Sirius in a terribly awkward situation right now, haven't I? Damned if you do, damned if you don't, as my great-aunts used to say. He just can't get it good... or can he?

LalaithoftheBruinen: I will always update on Wednesdays (or Thursdays if the server is down) unless I tell you otherwise. Gita is... Well, you'll see what Gita really is.

Krylancelo, Samara-Morgan-101: Thanks.

MarsIsBrightTonight: I hope Sirius and Severus' discussion about homosexuality has cleared up any questions you had about Sirius and Remus getting together. Sirius is a Gryffindor and a Pureblood to boot, so he takes his vows very seriously and will be honorable to a fault. He just has an interesting idea of what honor really is.

Kazaera: Ack! You, too, have discovered my dastardly plan. And I won't reveal more of it than is absolutely necessary.

confusingly-amusing: I made you get an account? Wonderful. Yes, there will be a sequel-prequel of sorts. Yes, I know that doesn't make sense, but it will when it's written. I will warn you, though, that before the sequel is written, this fic will be totally overhauled and redone. I have betas working on it already.

Sailor Christian: Everyone has secrets, even mysterious Indian marriage counselors.

Padmez: You wanted to slap Gita? Wonderful!

Lil Miss Potter: This is Sirius' plan. As described above. Remember, he spent twelve years in Azkaban after being a Marauder.

Jana: I think I squeaked when I read that both you and your daughter are reading my story (and I don't do squeaks). Thank you for the amazing compliments. Your HP/Caroline cross-over sounds rather interesting. I'll have to pop over and read that soon. To tell you the truth, I'm still rather amazed that people read my story at all.

Snuffles2: That's part of the reason I chose to write this story. So many times the characters are static: Sirius is the ladies-man, Snape is the evil Death Eater, Harry is the hero, Ron is the side-kick, Lily is the damsel in distress. But in real life no one is just that. Sirius might question his sexuality. Snape could be striving for the greater good. Harry has a dark side. Ron has his own mind. Lily can be willful and has a temper. They're just people.


	34. Lot's Wife

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
_In the real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald  
_  
Lot's Wife

_Remember Lot's wife. – Gospel of Luke_

It had been a long time since he had seen Harry off to Hogwarts, Sirius thought to himself quietly. It had only been a few months, but they had been long, and, at first, quite hard.

He had spent most of September launching himself into his work and desperately avoiding the flat, where he imagined Lily brooded all hours of the day. Of course, this was decidedly untrue as she had plenty of things to do with her time other than wonder what her husband was doing with his, and the town generally benefited from her activities.

In October, Sirius had watched the calendar with a mixture of fear and anticipation. It was on the thirty-first of the month that the Potters had died and the Marauders betrayed for the last time, but Hallowe'en was also one of the most awaited and celebrated nights of the year for wizard kind. He had actually joined Lily and some other families in decorating St. Mungo's for the holiday, but when the night came around and Lily left off to go somewhere, Sirius locked himself in the bathroom all night, much as he had for the previous two years. He could not stand to be with people on the anniversary of the night his life went to Hell. Lily had not really known what to do when she came home at eight o'clock and found her husband locked in the bathroom, refusing to speak with anyone, including herself and Remus and Peter, whom she had immediately telephoned.

The early part of November had seemed devoted to Sirius' friends berating him about the Hallowe'en incident. Remus continually told him that he was there for his friend, that he would listen to whatever Sirius had to say, and the sandy haired man had no idea that he was breaking Sirius' heart every time. Peter only told him to talk to Lily, so the wizard was never tempted to give Peter the same purple corset he had cast upon Severus.

Peter had actually confronted Sirius on the steps of St. Mungo's one day in the middle of November while Remus took Lily back to the flat.

"Something is wrong, Sirius."

"What?" he had replied cautiously. The Animagus still did not enjoy spending time with the traitor, despite the fact that Peter was a perfectly respectable businessman.

"Look, we all knew something was up," he replied casually. "But Hallowe'en night really clinched it."

Sirius wondered where Peter found his vocabulary; he had not spoken like this when they had attended Hogwarts together.

"Most fully grown men do not lock themselves up in the bathroom to hide from bogeymen, and I don't think you are part of the minority that do."

The raven-haired wizard nodded his agreement. He was not exactly frightened of bogeymen.

"Yet, you did appear to do that two weeks ago. Why?" The short man raised his right hand to cut off his friend's protestations. "No, I know you don't want to tell either me or Remus, despite the fact that he's been pestering you since August like a puppy. You just ought to tell someone. We don't like to see you suffer."

Sirius had shrugged. He had told Severus, Sasha, and Harry, but they were gone at this point: two to school and one to strict bed rest. By the end of October, Sasha had become enormous and her doctors, worried about the baby boys she was carrying, sentenced her to rest and relaxation for the rest of her pregnancy.

As much as Severus had offered his time and his sympathies to the lost wizard, Sirius was uncomfortable taking up so much of Severus' time. The man was busy enough with his classes, the students he counseled, and keeping Harry in line. He did not need a half-out-of-his-mind wizard knocking on his door every hour of the day and night.

And so, he was effectively alone, as Peter so willingly told him. He was alone and there was no one in whom to confide, with whom to share his secrets, or anyone with whom he could even plan his schemes with the mysterious Gita Mahbubani.

"Sirius." Peter rested his hand on Sirius' shoulder and the wizard forced himself not to flinch away from the touch. "Just tell somebody, even if it's just your marriage counselor. You're going to go mad if you keep things pent up like this."

Sirius had merely thanked Peter for his concern and stalked home, dragging his friend behind him.

* * *

And here he sat, once more in Mahbubani's horribly tasteful waiting room. The woman had suggested that they meet her one-on-one a few times, to discuss problems they might not feel comfortable bringing up in front of their spouse.

Sirius thought that it was absurd and brought along a book to read, one he had stolen from Remus and Peter's flat. It was on the history of war tribes in Mongolia between the seventh and eleventh centuries Anno Domini. The text, which did not even contain a sketch of their armor, was putting him to sleep, but remained infinitely better than the magazines that lay strewn about the waiting room. In any case, he had probably already read all of them, as the counselors did not seem to keen on keeping their reading material up-to-date.

The same frizzy haired assistant, the one who seemed to work every day and hour of the week, even when he and Lily had to change their appointment time, appeared. "Mr. Black, we're ready for you."

"Lydia," that was the assistant's name, "my name is Sirius." He told Lydia that every time he had come here, once a week for roughly three months, but she never listened. In Sirius' mind, the only people who called him 'Mr. Black' were his schoolteachers, and he had not seen them since before he went to prison.

"Of course, Mr. Black."

Sirius sighed, closed his book, and strode into Gita Mahbubani's office.

For once the sun was shining through the large windows in her office, making an amazing pattern of light and shadow across the older woman's face and desk. Gita did not rise to greet Sirius as she usually did, but merely motioned for him to take a seat.

"Has your transition gone well?"

Sirius just stared blankly at her, not understanding the question at all.

"I assume your presence here accounts for the shift in magic, Sirius. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, please tell me. I'll remove this conversation from your memories." Gita said this all in a light, conversational tone, as if she were asking Sirius if he would prefer jam or butter on his toast.

"How?" Sirius managed to ask.

"How what? How would I adjust your memories? I have my wand in my desk and it would only take a simple Obliviate charm and you'd be as good as new."

"You-you're from... home?"

Gita granted him a tight-lipped smile. "Of course, I am. Would I really know about magic if I didn't come from your world, Sirius?"

He shook his head and felt for his own wand in his coat sleeve, but the pocket he had carefully sewn into it was empty.

The Indian woman pulled a narrow wand from her desk. It was rough, uneven, and appeared to be hand-made. The gentle holly was bent in some places and Sirius could see that the core was made of a braid from the woman's own head. Wizard's or witch's hair made for tempermental and unpredictable wands, but he knew that even a weak wand was better than no wand. Lucky that Wolfgang never bothered to learn how to make one, he thought to himself.

"Now, my question to you is this: why are you here?"

Sirius just stared at her, finally making the connections. Gita C. Mahbubani was also Gita Chatterjee, one of the two women pushed beyond the Veil and Archway. Shocked that he had been sharing his secrets, even if those secrets were, in fact, lies, Sirius was furious. He scrambled to his feet.

"Death Eater!"

Quite calmly, Gita placed a locking charm on the door and invited Sirius to sit down in the chair again and discuss the situation like a rational human being. Sirius did not want to discuss the situation at all, but he did not like the way she was pointing her make-shift wand at him.

"I take it, then, that you are not a Death Eater?" she asked dryly.

Sirius scowled at her. "Unlike you, I have morals."

The woman then had the nerve to 'tsk' at him. "An attitude like that will not garner you any friends, Sirius. In any case, I'm no more a Death Eater than you appear to be."

"Then why were you pushed through the Veil and Archway?"

"I could ask the same of you," Gita countered. "But I won't. I didn't arrange for one-on-one meetings so that I could point fingers and tell you you got yourself into a mess. You already know that. I just want to know how you are doing. I'm thinking that your marital difficulties are stemming from your transition from the magical world into this one. Am I right?"

Sirius glared at her with great venom. "I fell."

His comment seemed to have caught Gita off guard. "What?"

"I fell through the Veil and Archway; I wasn't pushed. We were in the middle of battle and a hex caught me the wrong way."

Gita frowned at him. She knew how this conversation ought to play, knowing the ways of the British Purebloods fairly well. Now she needed to tell her side of the story.

"I was pushed," she replied quietly, as if discussing an unmentionable. "The Aurors found me aiding wounded Death Eaters and, after a brief stint in Azkaban, I was pushed through the Archway and Veil, assuming it would be my death."

Sirius shrugged indifferently. "You shouldn't have been helping Death Eaters in the first place."

"I was a Healer," Gita snapped. "I couldn't let men die in agony in the streets when I knew I could full well prevent it. The Aurors don't always stick to the nice hexes, you know. Or even legal ones."

"They were Death Eaters!"

"They were men! And they were dying!"

Sirius scowled.

"In any case," Gita continued, once again in that eerie conversational tone. "I did not invite you here to discuss the morality of my past decisions, or yours. How has your transition gone?"

Eying the holly wand warily, Sirius sighed. "Poorly. I can't be what they want me to be."

"Why ever not?"

Sirius looked Gita in the eye. "I never married my wife. I never raised my son. I never lived in my flat. I never ate dinner with my family. I never worked at my job. How do you think I'm doing?"

Gita's dark eyes took on a steely glint. "Well then, I suppose you will have to make do."

"Make do? There has to be a way back home!"

"How many years have I been here, Sirius? There is no way back. None of us have ever returned. We live the lives we were given, however poor and harsh they may seem. You're pining for what can never be."

Sirius bit his lower lip and came to a decision over which he had been dithering for months. "Then it's time to tell Lily. She shouldn't be in a relationship with me while I lie about my entire life."

"That isn't wise."

"What?"

"There's a chance she'll think you mad. There's an even greater chance she'll want to leave you. For all the wonderful things that Lily is, your wife is in dire need of a security blanket. At the moment, you and your son are that blanket. You shouldn't rob her of that. I never told my husband my story and we have been perfectly happy."

Sirius shook his head. "No, she needs to know that I'm not the man she married."

"Maybe, then, you should become the man she married."

* * *

On his way home, Sirius had concocted many different ways to tell Lily the truth. He knew he needed to pull up his Gryffindor courage and tell her today. If he put it off, even for another day, it would never be done. He told himself that she would understand, that she would help him, as Severus and Sasha had understood and helped him.

But now that he sat in front of her, a hot mug of tea in his hands, Sirius realized that he had not anticipated how hard it would be to know that he was going to hurt Lily.

"Lily, I have something to tell you."

* * *

Author's Notes:

Okay, it's an official cliffhanger, but I did not have the time to write more.

This is unbetaed as my e-mail server is down, again. The Ravenclaw prank will come to those who asked for it, eventually. I am moving over the weekend so there will be no ensuing chapters for at least a week, maybe two. I'm going to be going nuts trying to get any sleep, never mind writing decent chapters. I'd rather wait and give you something decent than hurry and give you thoughtless crap.

Also, points to everyone who figured out who Gita was before I told you.

Reviewers:

Hekate101: "Shirt-lifter" is a slang expression for a gay man. I never understood it myself as one would hope that straight men lift shirts as well (just on women not other men). I originally wrote 'poof' but it made me giggle and no one is supposed to giggle during that part of the conversation.

Mars-Alfgonzo: Sorry, no more Harry. Well, there's no Harry for now. Who knows what the future shall bring?

sunnysparkles: That's not sad, it's part of life.

Sionainn: It was touching? Wow. I suppose knowing everything that will happen distances me a bit from the story. He can't tell Remus, not after the prank he pulled with James at Hogwarts. But he is telling Lily (obviously).

Samara-Morgan-101, Krylancelo, Snuffles2: Thanks.

Jeanne2: And here Sionainn was telling me I was touching. Who should I believe?

Pam Briggs: Oh, it will be longer. This chapter was supposed to have three more scenes, all of which still need to be played out for the plot. I'm leaning toward 40 chapters.

PadfootBlackPaws: Chapter 32 was self-contained. The fight was finished at the counseling session, but I don't have enough space to show everything. Just imagine that I ended it properly.

sierra: He's not telling Pettigrew. Even I'm not that cruel.

LittleGreenPerson: Being Sirius really sucks. I mean, as if the poor guy doesn't have enough to deal with, I make him a homophobe with a nasty streak a mile wide. Wouldn't you just love to be him?

A Happy Little Bumblebee: When Lily went to get the glass of water, she just heard her husband and her son bonding. She doesn't suspect anything. Or didn't.

confusingly-amusing: Sirius is having a rough time of it. The people he told are gone and the people he has to tell may or may not support him. Remus would be hurt and who knows what Lily and Peter would think (other than me, that is)? I'm happy you like Thursdays. And the end, the real and true end, isn't for at least another forty-three chapters, maybe more. (Yes, that's the sequel.) So I won't tell you anything.

Shadow Wolf2418: Thank you. The sequel is after what happens in this fic. I can't say anymore without giving something away.

Sailor Christian: The Grangers don't approve of Sasha's pregnancy because they view her as too old to properly being having a baby. I base my character's reactions on people I've seen and met, and plenty of people tend to have this opinion of women who have late in life pregnancies. Ron and his brothers were the original reason Harry ran away from home (reread Melons for more information on this), so Sirius could hardly tell his godson to go befriend the guy who has made his life Hell.

NO NAME, lol: This is going to be picking up speed soon, in any case, as I desperately need to finish it.


	35. Forgive an Enemy

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
_In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald_

Forgive an Enemy

_It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. – William Blake_

"Open the damn door, you bastard!" Sirius pounded on Severus's door.

The older widow who lived next door to peered through her shades to look at the ruffian who was bothering Dr. Snape. He had long black hair, much like the doctor, but the look on his face was one of pure rage. Undoubtedly, the man was planning to do something to poor Dr. Snape, unless he was at the wrong door. The widow wondered if she should call the police. Then a rather bedraggled looking Severus Snape opened the door to his small home. He invited the strange man into his home willingly, and the widow decided not to notify the authorities, after all.

Inside the house, Severus did his best to pull his hair out of his face and look at Sirius Black. The facts that it was nearly midnight on a Saturday night and he had been safely in bed and asleep were not really helping the situation.

The two men standing in the yellow light of the mudroom could have been shades of men, representations of emotions, but not truly human in and of themselves. Severus, despite being sleep tousled and half awake, could have been Reason, with his sensible, pin-striped sleep clothes and tweed slippers. Sirius, on the other hand, may well have been Insanity incarnate. His hair, thick to start, was wild from humidity and carelessness, and his eyes held no small glint of madness.

Realizing that his hair was a hopeless case, Severus sighed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Sirius, what do you want with me at this godforsaken hour? Please, just tell me and I can get back to sleep."

"You. Bastard."

Severus vaguely remembered Sirius's broken story of arrest and incarceration in Azkaban. At the moment, he was sure that he could sympathize with the police men – what had Sirius called them, Aurors? – who had found the wizard at the scene of the crime. Severus really wanted, right now, to run and hide in his room, preferably with the door locked and bolted. He wondered if his magical companion were drunk, but not even the echo of the distinctive odor of Sirius's beer clung to the man, so that was out of the question.

The fiery eyed wizard panted for breath, obviously making no effort to rein in his wild temper. "You fucking bastard!"

Taking a few steps backward and pressing his back securely against the door that led into the kitchen, Severus took a deep breath. "Sirius, what are you talking about?"

"I trusted you," Sirius hissed. "I thought you my friend, my confidant, an ally when I was in a strange land! And this is how you repay me! Do you truly hate me that much, Snape? Is this your twisted revenge?"

Gripping the door handle firmly in his right hand, Severus tried not to shiver. "I don't know what you're talking about, Sirius! Why don't you go home, calm down, and then come back here in the morning? We can talk then, when we are both rested and coherent."

"No!" Sirius snapped. "You aren't getting away that easily!"

Severus let loose a gasp of air as the other dark-haired man lunged at him. While Sirius's intent had, no doubt, been to pin the counselor to the wall, he, in the dim lamp light, had not realized that Severus was braced against a door. As it was, the combined weight of the two men forced them against the door and onto the old-fashioned, grey tiled floor of Severus's kitchen.

The half-awake man winced and moaned as his back came in full contact with the cold, hard floor. Sirius, his anger further incited by this unexpected fall, furiously pinned his companion and opponent to the floor, one hand on the man's right shoulder and the other on his neck.

"You blasted son of a bitch!"

Severus twisted and turned beneath his attacker, finally succeeding removing Sirius's hand from his throat. "What the bloody Hell are you talking about, Sirius? Three days ago we went to the pub together!"

"You sneaky, underhanded, slimy Slytherin! Why did I ever think I could trust you over everyone else?"

Managing to slap Sirius across the face, albeit not mightily, Severus was granted a brief respite. He then wedged himself up on his elbows, forcing himself to look Sirius in the eye. "Sirius Black, listen to me. I don't know what you're taking about. Honestly, I don't. I haven't lied to you. I don't want revenge. I got over our childhood differences a long time ago. What the Hell are you talking about?"

Settling himself on Severus's chest and effectively pinning the slender man to the floor, Sirius gripped his knees furiously, obviously restraining himself from reaching for his wand. "You greasy Slytherin bastard! I know you know! Don't play innocent with me! You told me to tell Lily!"

Closing his eyes, Severus realized that Lily had obviously taken this badly. "What happened?"

Sirius, leaning back on his haunches, remembered his confrontation with Lily. He had sat down with her in the living area of the flat, and they shared some tea. He explained to her what had happened, that he truly loved her, but only as a sister. He told her that he was sorry, that he wished he could have been a better husband. He described his love for Remus, but that he was married to her and that she and Harry would always come first in his life, no matter what.

Lily's reaction had been less than desirable. First, she had pitched a tea cup at the wall, where it smashed and left a dull stain on the flat white paint. Then, unleashing the once infamous Evans temper, she began screaming at him: she knew something had been wrong, did he think she would believe that shite, how could he do that to her. Sirius had stood, shocked, and taken the abuse, too surprised to react.

When Lily told him to leave the flat and not come back until he was willing to tell her the truth, he had not known what to do, really. He had grabbed a duffel bag from the cupboard and stuffed a few clothes and books into the bag. When he found himself on the pavement, carrying only a duffel bag and the keys to a flat in which he no longer lived, Sirius took it upon himself to find a hotel. He found a small one, fairly cheap, and the owner did not ask any questions.

From the time Lily began to scream up until this very moment, Sirius had had only one clear thought in his mind: why did I trust Severus? When everyone else, Sasha and Harry and Mabhubani, had told him to keep mum, to stay silent, why had he listened to Severus's lone voice in the crowd? The man was a damned greasy son of a bitch! He was a nothing, a nobody! What in Ceridwen's name would compel Sirius to listen to him? If he were not sure that Severus was about as magical as a block of wood, Sirius would have seriously considered a hex or potion.

While Sirius pondered his life's downward turn, Severus had struggled to escape his companion's dead weight and failed miserably. "So my advice went awry. That hardly justifies your unannounced attack on my person at such an ungodly hour."

"You fucking bastard!" Sirius exclaimed. "She kicked me out of the flat! I won't see her or Harry again!"

Twisting like a snake, Severus vainly attempted to escape Sirius's anger. "So tell her you were drunk, that it was a lie, that it was joke," he coaxed. "Tell her she was right and you were wrong."

"I will not lie to my wife!"

"Well, then, I really can't help you, now can I?" As soon as the words escaped Severus's lips, he realized that they were foolhardy ones. One should not be sarcastic when one is being attacked in one's own kitchen.

"She can keep Harry from me," Sirius hissed, his voice low and dangerous. "I know the laws of this world and that I have no claim on Harry. She can call me mad. I can end up like Wolfgang, locked up in that precious little world of his, thinking he's won when he has nothing!"

In his anger, Sirius had lost some of his grip on his opponent and Severus managed to twist, pull, writhe, and shake his way out from under him. The dark-eyed man quickly scuttled to the other side of the unlit kitchen, praying Sirius did not have his wand with him.

Blinking owlishly in the dark after his vanished opponent, Sirius had indeed left his wand in the flat, forgotten with Lily. "Where are you, Snape?" he yelled. "Time to face the music!"

"What the Hell are you talking about, Sirius?" Severus responded from the shadows of the kitchen. "I can't help you change the past. I'm happy to talk about what's going on, but only if you're rational."

Sirius spun around, apparently trying to see where his adversary was hidden, but failing miserably.

"Go home, Sirius," the counselor begged. "Sleep off your anger. This is a problem that must be dealt with, but not in the dead of night."

"No! The only life I know here ended tonight, Snape, because I acted upon your advice!" Sirius bellowed.

His anger, apparently stronger than either man had realized, sparked his inner magic, as had not happened since he destroyed Lily's favorite teapot, some months previous. The wild magic lit the kitchen with an eerie, flickering light which showed Severus to be pressed against the wall, still wrapped in his plaid dressing gown. On the table near Severus elbow was a small table top fountain, used for the harmonious and melodious sounds the water made as it flowed over the stones held in a copper bowl.

Sirius's eyes snapped to the counselor's form. "What do you have to say for yourself now?"

Severus just shook his head. "I gave you the best advice I could give a friend. I'm only sorry it did not work out as I thought it would. I don't take responsibility for Lily's reactions, or yours."

His companion's answer only seemed to incite the wizard's anger even more. "You always were a slimy bastard!"

With the last snapped comment, sworn in heated rage, the electric fountain at Severus's elbow burst, the stone and copper shattering into shrapnel and the water spraying everywhere. As it was Sirius's innate magic that caused the explosion, he remained unhurt, but Severus caught the brunt of it, pieces of stone and metal tearing into his clothing and embedding themselves in his skin.

He cried out in pain when a particularly large piece of copper grazed his face, leaving his left cheek bleeding profusely while his dressing gown was ripped beyond repair.

When Sirius saw his erstwhile friend crumble to the floor, not have inner magic to sustain him beyond his injures, the reality of the situation hit him with full force. The one last friend in this world, the man to whom he turned for counsel and advice, despite being Severus Snape, had been hurt. By him. He had hurt his friend, just as he had betrayed Remus in his fifth year. And judging by the fact that Severus appeared to be unconscious, Sirius had hurt his friend quite badly.

The widow next door had not been pleased when the ruffian from Dr. Snape's house ran into the street, nearly in hysteric. She had been even less pleased when she learned that the good doctor had been mysteriously injured in his own home. But while the man, Mr. Black, tried to explain what had happened to the paramedics, she felt some empathy for the man. Mr. Black seemed to be beside himself with worry for Dr. Snape and was honestly confused as to how the water fountain exploded. The paramedics assured him that they would look into it, but that did not seem to assuage any of the man's nervous tension.

As she watched Mr. Black walk down the street, shortly after the medical team left with Dr. Snape, the widow wondered just why he had gone from wrathful to hysterical to melancholy in only a few hours – and just what he had to do with Dr. Snape's exploding water fountain.

* * *

Yes, yes. I know. I took almost a month in posting this chapter. The next one will not be so long in coming, I promise. There are only two more chapters and one is an epilogue. Isn't it ever so very exciting?

Also, I wrote this while drinking caffeine by the gallon and trying to ignore drunken revels, so forgive me if it is not up to my usual standard. We should all thank Hillary (Toasterlicious) for betaing this anyway.

There is even more excitement. Last week I was Niffled! Yes, TOM was Niffled, thank you to Danijo for pointing it out for me. I would never have known.

For my patient reviewers, the Ravenclaw story will come soon... after I finish writing the epilogue. I just have more work right now than I want to think about and TOM comes after my many papers and books.

Samara-Morgan-101: Thank you. I did enjoy putting that twist in, though many of you suspected it beforehand.

Mars-Alfgonzo: winces I didn't update quickly this time, did I? As for everything else, it will all unfold in the next chapter.

JazzyLady: I did update, if not 'soon.' I'll take a leaf out of C. S. Lewis' book: All times are soon. (No, I am aware that I am not Aslan... or Christ for that matter... but I can still say it.)

A Happy Little Bumblebee: What? You like cliffhangers? Are you ill? I hope this was as good as you hoped...

Hekate101: Gita believes that everyone should be saved because there is the possibility that everyone is good. What if Severus was one of the wounded Death Eaters? Should she have not saved him, and the Light have lost a spy? What if one of the murdered 'innocents' was in fact a murderer himself? Gita realises the vagueness of life and tries to go with it.

Jeanne2: I'm touching?... Wow.

sunnysparkles: Yes, Harry is at school. Sirius does not take his wand with him everywhere, mostly because he almost never uses it. At this point, it's more of a security blanket than a useful tool. After all, he cannot perform magic in front of anyone other than Harry, Sasha, and Severus.

seirra: I'm intense. Thank you.

Pam Briggs: Alas, it was no vacation, but school. Mourn the loss. I do love school, but it cuts in on my fanfiction time. In any case, the next chapter will be posted soon.

ShortySC22: Thank you. I'm happy you enjoyed the story. I hope you like the three final chapters as much. As for the slash bit, I think I just go about it logically. It makes no more sense for Sirius and Remus to shag like bunnies than for Harry and Hermione to do the same. Homosexuals have relationships in much the same way that heterosexuals do. I wrote the Sirius/Remus in the same way I would write any relationship.

Sailor Christian: I think this chapter answered all of your questions.

LittleGreenPerson: Gita has no desire to return from Beyond the Veil. She has a life, a family, and a home in this world. Why would she return to a world where she would be a pariah at best?

Krylancelo: The Veil has not moved since it was used during the first War. It is only logical, then, that they would be pushed into the same place. Wolfgang, Gita, and Sirius merely chose to remain in this town.

Mina-chan, Padmez, Snuffles2, Siri Kat, Sionainn, semirhage: Thank you!

Lil Miss Potter: I have this thing that I like to call suspense (but that may in fact be a misnomer) so I can't tell you that. Just wait two weeks. Or three. Then this will all be over. And I can start writing the sequel/prequel


	36. Enjoy the Interval

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
_In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald_

Enjoy the Interval

_There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana_

"Get your lazy arse out there right now, Sirius!" Lucius Malfoy snapped.

Sirius, who had been living at a small, rented apartment near the funeral home since his unseemly departure from his flat and later confrontation with Severus, frowned. He was sitting on the edge of his lumpy bed with an overnight bag settled at his feet. It had been a little more than a week since the night he finally told Lily the truth and sent Severus to the hospital. He had spent most of his free time skulking around the apartment or trying to convince his wife that he was not really lying to her. Most of his skulking was Severus related; Sirius could not stop worrying about his friend and feeling guilty that it was his magic that had so damaged Harry's favorite teacher. Of course, his relatives, Regulus and Lucius mostly, thought he and Lily were merely having a terrible row.

"But-"

Lucius cut him off in mid-sentence. "No exceptions or addendums, Sirius. We do this every year and don't think we won't this year, just because you and Lily are fighting. If anything, it might help the two of you to get away from each other a little bit. This town is small enough that the both of you are tripping over each other, even when you are pointedly ignoring each other."

Sirius scowled at his cousin. He was not just worried about Lily. He wanted to be there when Severus left the hospital, so that he could apologize for his terrible behavior. He only hoped he could still repair their friendship.

Flipping his hair in a slightly feminine manner, Lucius scowled back and looked very cross. "Your brother, my son, and your son are already waiting for us at the train station. All you need to do is pick up your bag and walk there with me. And I know that it isn't the weight of the bag that's keeping you here."

"But-"

"No," Lucius interrupted with a wave of his pale hand. "Lily will still be here when you get back. As will Remus and Peter. Maybe your friend, Dr. Snape, will be recuperating by then as well. The world won't end because you decided to take a much needed holiday, Sirius."

With a heavy, heartfelt sigh, Sirius rose to his feet, picked up the black bag, and followed Lucius out the door and into the street.

Surprisingly, Lucius had been talking to Sirius a great deal since his 'fight' with Lily. He encouraged Sirius to keep in touch with Harry and still go to counseling sessions with Lily and Gita, even though it was Sirius's first instinct to mope about his cramped apartment and eat Chinese takeout. Apparently, he and Narcissa had had some trouble a few years back, but had patched things up fairly quickly. Lucius, of course, had been miserable throughout and did not want his wife's cousin to go through the same ordeal.

As he sat on the train with his cousin and brother, as Draco and Harry had insisted they have a car of their own, Sirius could not believe he was actually doing this. Sirius was torn half way between laughing and cry at the same time. He, the first Gryffindor Black and defender of the Light, was on a train to Wales with Regulus, his Dark brother, and Lucius Malfoy, infamous Death Eater and torturer of innocent. To top it all off, he had brought Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, along for the ride so that the boy could spend time with Draco Malfoy, Junior Death Eater. To think, if he had not participated in that foolhardy battle, he would be hiding in a crumbling mansion while Harry fought his own demons, his brother lay cold in his grave, and his cousin generally went about trying to be the best sycophant he could be. No, he thought to himself, there is no irony in this situation, none at all.

Lounging on his seat as though he owned the place, Regulus looked more relaxed than he had in weeks. "So, Lucius, are you coming fishing with us this year or not?"

The blond, who was still looking reminisce of a homosexual lumberjack, frowned at his dark haired cousin. "Of course, I'm not going to fish!"

Sirius sat up, waking from the doze in which he had been resting since before they crossed out of Scotland. "Why won't you fish?"

Scowling amiably, Lucius explained. He, being the world-loving man that he was, felt that the manner in which Regulus and Sirius caught, manhandled, and killed the fish was inhumane and cruel. When Sirius pointed out that the fish were not human at all, Lucius laughed and told him he was beating a dead horse. They went through this every year and every year the answer was the same: No, Lucius would not go fishing.

Sirius snorted at the reply, amused by his blond cousin. He had never met a man who cared so much for small animals before knowing Lucius Malfoy. Eventually, Regulus picked up a book and Lucius went off to look after the boys, so Sirius rearranged his jacket and settled in for a nap

Sirius, carrying his overnight bag in one hand and an umbrella in the other, stared open-mouthed at the cottage to which he had been led. No Black or Malfoy, in his world, would have been caught dead in this place.

It was, indeed, for all intents and purposes, a cottage. It was on the small and older side, obviously rented for the spare few days the Black family needed it. Sirius would not call it run-down, by any means, but it did not have the understated elegance of his mother's farm or his and Regulus's respective flats. In a word, the place was bucolic, a small cottage by the edge of a small lake, surrounded by grass and a quiet road. Sirius wondered how on Earth they found it in the middle of Wales.

"Come on, Sirius," Harry cried, hefting his own bag over his shoulder. "It's getting cold out here."

Harry had an obvious point. It was December and, while it was warmer in Wales than it was in Scotland, it was still cold. The grass around the cottage was a gray-green, found when the frost forms at night, but no snow has fallen. The lake was a dark blue that hinted at hidden depths and icy water.

The inside of the cottage was warm and inviting. Lucius lit a fire in the hearth in the sitting room, while Regulus and Sirius hauled the luggage into the two small bedrooms. Harry and Draco were sharing a yellow room with a view of the lake, while the older men had a red room overlooking the garden.

Quickly, the place looked quite lived-in, and the men were eating a light dinner in front of the fireplace. Sirius greatly enjoyed the familiar warmth and light and, for the first time in a week, eagerly joined in the conversation. As the night grew older, Draco pulled a pack of cards out of nowhere and the five men began a few friendly rounds of poker.

Finally, Regulus sent the boys to bed, promising to look into renting a boat to go fishing the next day. Sirius shivered from his spot on the couch as Harry and Draco slunk back to their room and Lucius tossed him a sweater.

"It gets cold here at night," Lucius explained. "And I noticed that you didn't exactly pack well for the trip."

Sirius shrugged and watched Regulus bank the fire. "I wasn't really thinking about it," he replied honestly.

"What happened between you and Lily, anyway?" Regulus asked amiably. "I know you two were having a few problems and that this is none of my business, but I never expected you to leave her."

"She told you I left her?" Sirius exclaimed. "She kicked me out of the flat!"

Regulus's left eyebrow cocked at that statement. "Truly? Who would have thought it?"

His brother only shrugged again.

"As delightful as familial secrets are," Lucius drawled, "we should be following our sons to bed. You know they'll wake us bright and early tomorrow morning and the last thing you want is to miss your morning tea."

The three men retired to their room, Lucius and Sirius to two narrow beds and Regulus on a lumpy futon.

Sirius pulled his borrowed, geometrically patterned sweater around his shoulders. Lucius had not been lying, the morning was quite cold. Draco and Harry were sitting on the end of the dock, wrapped warmly in their winter jackets, and passing a thermos of tea back and forth. Lucius was indoors, still, preparing a hot breakfast for when Regulus returned with news on the boat.

It was odd, standing in the garden in Wales, waiting for his brother. There were still times that he would wake up in the morning, forgetting that he was in a different world. That morning, for instance, Regulus had woken him with a gentle punch to the shoulder. Sirius's instinctive reaction was to reach for his wand and hex the intruder. His brother and Lucius had stared at him in shock, as he scrambled about, half asleep, and looked for his wand.

Sirius, then, was naturally surprised when Harry popped up at his elbow. Turning, he could see Draco heading into the cottage, no doubt to help his father. Or annoy his father, depending upon his mood. You never could tell with Draco.

"Sirius?" Harry asked in a small voice.

Smiling despite the cold, Sirius looked down at his stepson. He had been disappointed to miss Harry during the first few days of his winter holidays. "Yeah, Harry?"

"Why's Mum so mad at you?" The messy-haired boy refused to make eye contact with his stepfather.

Sirius sighed. "You know how I told you and Severus my story?"

Harry nodded vigorously. "That you went to prison, but escaped and tried to save me?"

"Yeah, that one." Sirius scuffed his foot in the dirt, making 'x' shaped patterns on the frost. "Well, I told your mother."

"Oh," Harry replied in a quiet tone.

"Yes, oh."

"She didn't believe you?"

"No."

"Not even after you showed her some magic?"

"I didn't get a chance to show her any magic. I couldn't even grab my wand, Harry." Sirius ruffled his godson's hair. "Even if things don't work out with me and your mum, Harry, I still want to be your stepfather and godfather."

Harry grinned up at him, still several inches shorter than his godfather. "I know. That's why I grabbed this before Uncle Regulus and I left." He pulled a narrow box out of his coat pocket.

Sirius grabbed the box and opened it with a gasp. Inside the humble cardboard exterior lay his silvery wand. He pulled Harry into a bear hug. "Thank you so much, Harry. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"I just remembered how anxious you get when you don't have it with you," Harry explained. The teenager could not keep from grinning; he was obviously quite proud of helping his stepfather. "And I knew you kept it in the bedside table. It wasn't hard to grab it while Mum was out last week."

"Thank you," Sirius repeated sincerely.

"Look!" Harry cried. "Uncle Regulus is back. Maybe we can go fishing today after all."

Sirius smiled as Regulus strolled back down the path, his hands deep in his jacket pockets. Harry was right, he felt infinitely better knowing that his wand was safely tucked up his sleeve. With the smell of frying eggs coming from the kitchen, Harry at his side, and the freedom to stand in the garden, all seemed quite right with the world.

"Uncle Regulus, did you get the boat?"

Regulus smiled indulgently at Harry. "Yeah. We're renting it for the afternoon, from one to three. Why don't you go tell Draco?"

As Harry took off to find his cousin, Regulus turned to his brother. "So are you ready to go fishing?"

"Er... yes?" Sirius replied. He had never been fishing in his life. Wizards did not fish, not unless they were nearly squibs or somehow caught without their magic. As a child, he had been taught in no uncertain terms that Blacks did not fish.

"You don't sound particularly confident, Sirius."

The wizard did not know what to say to that.

"Look, I just want things to go well. You know how much Harry and Draco look forward to this trip and Harry is excited to be spending time with you. He's old enough to have realized that you're still going to be there for him, now, but he really needs you."

"I know."

"I don't think you do," Regulus reprimanded. "Something in you changed this summer and you became a real father to Harry. Even if you're having a row with Lily, he needs a father. That's your job."

"Regulus, I know. Now let's get inside before we freeze and the Malfoys eat all of our eggs."

Sirius sat at the end of the narrow boat, which swayed from side to side on the ice cold lake, wondering why he had agreed to go fishing when he could not even swim. Harry, Regulus, and Draco seemed to be having the time of their life, even if they had yet to catch a single fish. The four men were cocooned in heavy winter clothing to shield them from the wind, but Sirius's nose and ears had long since gone numb.

"Siri," Regulus called from the other end of the boat. "You're looking a little green around the gills. Maybe you shouldn't have had all of Lucius's food?"

The Animagus did not have the heart to tell his brother that he had never been on a boat before that day, the magical Hogwarts boats aside, and that he was becoming terribly motion sick. He managed a garbled moan and the others took that as an affirmative.

"Don't you want to fish, Sirius?" Draco asked innocently. "You might feel better if you move toward the back of the boat, anyway."

Sirius shook his head in the negative. He would have to climb around the boys if he wanted to find his fishing pole and Sirius was fairly certain that he would be sick if he tried. He did not want to ruin everyone's day by being sick on Harry or Draco.

"Do stop sulking about your friend, and have a good time," Regulus ordered. "You aren't helping anyone by hiding in the bow. Draco's right, anyway, sitting up there always did make you nauseous."

Again, Sirius shook his head.

Harry kept his habitual silence, knowing full well that nothing could persuade Sirius out of doing something he wanted to do. The best thing, in Harry's mind, was to keep silent. His mother had been fuming for the past week and his stepfather had been absent, and, according to his uncle, sulking in a tiny flat near the train station. Harry was not going to say a word.

"Sirius!" Regulus finally snapped. "If you don't want to fish, why didn't you keep Lucius company on the shore?"

Realizing that he did not actually have an adequate answer to his brother's question, Sirius decided to clamber down from the bow and take the damned fishing pole from the stern. Then he could sit down and watch the water all day. He really did not understand the appeal of this apparent sport.

Rising to his feet, Sirius wove his way down the small boat and reached for the fishing pole. As he had never been in a boat, aside from the magical ones on the lake at Hogwarts, Sirius had not realized how slippery a wet boat could be. Nor did he realize that his slick-bottomed shoes were not good to wear in a cold, wet boat.

So, no one expected Sirius to fall off the side of the boat; not Regulus, Draco, or Harry; not Lucius who saw it from the dock; and certainly not Sirius. And the possibility of Sirius not knowing how to swim was very small, as Patera insisted that Regulus and Sirius have swimming lessons at an early age.

As Sirius sank into the water, stunned by the freezing cold, he thought that this might not be the worse thing that ever happened to him. Azkaban certainly was colder than this. He thought of Harry and Severus and Sasha and feebly tried to kick toward the surface of the lake, which seemed quite far away. But, no matter how hard he tried, he could not seem to rise. Belatedly, he pulled his wand from his sleeve, but realized that he could not say an incantation underwater.

And then it did not seem to matter all that much.

Three cheers for Doneril for getting this out on time. And we should all thank Hillary for the excellent beta job.

Sirius has drowned. As in, Sirius Black died. I just want to clarify that, in case you are curious.

My loyal reviewers:

A Happy Little Bumblebee: I'm happy you liked. I took so long because I went back to Uni in the meanwhile.

LittleGreenPerson: You Niffled me! I love you! No, really, thank you.

ShortySC22: No, just the epilogue after this one. But there is another novel length following this one.

Samara-Morgan-101: There is another novel length.

Jeanne2: Hey, I like Snape. And there is another novel length.

Pam Briggs: Have I told you how much I adore you as a reviewer? In any case, yes, that was my line of thinking as well. And I updated!

Alynna Lis Eachann, sunnysparkles, seirra, Snuffles2: Thank you.

Hekate101: It's one of those soothing water fountains you see in stores. Roughly, it consists of a copper basin in which there are a number of smooth river rocks piled in a pyramid shape. Inside the rocks is a tube that pushes water out over the rocks, producing a soothing sound. But you wouldn't want it to explode near you.

I also hope that the format issue has been handled with this reload. If there are still no breaks, know that it is not from lack of trying on my part. It is now Saturday and I've been working on it since Thursay.


	37. Death

Three O'clock in the Morning  
  
_In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald_

Death (Epilogue)

_Think not disdainfully of death, but look on it with favor; for even death is one of the things that Nature wills.__ – __Marcus Aurelius Antoninus_

There was a picture in the paper. He was smiling, showing large white teeth, and his hair, dark as his name, was pulled off his neck. He looked respectable and utterly normal. The photograph was taken some months before a magical accident changed his life forever.

Severus hated the picture. His friend never grinned like that. His eyes were never that clear. Sirius hated wearing his hair back, so much so that Severus always remembered him with his hair in his face.

_Sirius Leonis Black, a well-respected member of our community, passed away two days ago while on a family holidays in Wales. He was fishing with his son, brother, and cousin when he fell off the boat..._

Severus stared at the words and phrases that formed the obituary of his friend. When Severus awoke in the hospital, he learned that Sirius had called the hospital half in hysterics after exploding his fountain. He had tried to contact his friend, but when he called the flat, Lily angrily informed him that Sirius no longer lived there. Not knowing what else to do, Severus waited, assuming that Sirius would come to visit him.

Then the nurse had given him the newspaper and Severus found Sirius's obituary. It wounded him deeply that the last interaction he had with his friend was an angry fight. It was not right that Sirius should die, when he was only just learning to live and to have a family. And what a torturous way to die!

"Severus?"

The raven haired counselor looked up from his newspaper only to see his colleague, Remus Lupin, standing in the doorway to his hospital room. "What do you want?"

"I know you and Sirius were close, especially these past few months." The dusty haired teacher paused. "I hate to tell you this, but he died the other day."

"I know," Severus paused heavily. "It's terrible."

Remus nodded slowly. "Lily's taking it hard. They were in the middle of a row when he left for Wales."

"I know."

Remus's eyes flashed darkly for a moment. "Sasha was hysterical when she learned."

"Understandable."

"And Dr. Mabhubani told Lily it was fascinating. And Sasha says that Wolfgang has been having fits since he heard about it, begging to go to Wales."

"Understandable."

"What is understandable?" Remus cried, obviously at the end of his rope. "What's going on? What do you know that I don't?"

"I don't think it's my place to tell Sirius's secrets, Lupin."

"He isn't here to tell me," Remus exclaimed, his voice betraying his grief. "He isn't here anymore and I know that you know what was going on. You know why he was acting like a stranger to his best friend."

"He had his reasons to keep you at arm's length. He was not trying to hurt you, but he refused to hurt himself as well."

"What are you on about?"

Severus sighed and buried his face in his hands. He felt as though he were betraying Sirius's trust, even though Sirius was gone. "He would have killed me."

"What? Speak up."

"He would have killed me if I told you. He never even told Harry, and Sasha didn't want to hear about it."

Remus looked as though Severus had just struck him. "What? What did I do to him?"

"You didn't do anything, Lupin. He did something."

"What?"

"He lived. He was here. And you were here. And you were young and happy. That's all that happened."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"He loved you, you dolt."

Remus blinked. He had not been expecting that particular answer. "Of course, he did. We were best friends."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Moron. He loved you."

"As a brother."

"As a lover."

"Is this some kind of sick joke, Snape?" Remus snapped. "You know as well as I do how Sirius felt about homosexuals. He would never love me like that. He had Lily, the girl he would have died for."

"Black loved Lily. Sirius loved you."

"I see no difference."

Severus wanted to scream at his colleague for being so thick-headed, but he knew that would be counter-productive. "There is one. It's the same difference between Sullivan and Wolfgang."

"I don't know what's wrong with you, but there was only one Sirius Black and one Wolfgang Sullivan."

"Have you talked to Harry about this?"

"I'm not that callous, Snape. Harry is beside himself; he watched his stepfather drown. And Sasha won't breathe a word."

"Sirius wasn't Sirius. Isn't." Severus paused to gather his thoughts. "Sirius was not the same person this summer as he was in school. Or even last winter."

"What are you talking about?"

"He wasn't Sirius." Severus realised that he was only further confusing Remus. "It's as if Sirius were a rubber duck replaced by a different rubber duck. It would be a different rubber duck, but still a rubber duck."

"But Sirius isn't a rubber duck."

"No, he was a Sirius who was replaced by a different Sirius. Therefore, he was a different Sirius, but still a Sirius."

Remus was about to open his mouth, clearly to once more protest the confusing analogy, when Lily, newly widowed, stepped into Severus's hospital room. Normally, Severus would say something disparaging, but the redhead was clearly mourning the loss of her beloved. Clothed head to toe in somber black and grey, her eyes were miserably swollen and red. This was no time for his trademark sarcasm.

"You believed him, Dr. Snape?" Lily asked quietly. "He told you and you believed him?"

Severus shook his head. "I didn't believe him at first, Mrs. Black. I thought he was mad. But, yes, I know he was speaking the truth."

"How?" The widow sounded exasperated. "It was madness."

"When you are given concrete proof-" at this Severus allowed himself a smile "- one can hardly ignore the facts."

"Proof?" Lily and Severus seemed to have forgotten that Remus was still in the room. Remus was quite content with this fact and had quietly retreated to the corner by the window. "What sort of proof could he have? He said he was a wizard, Snape! That's delusional."

"I watched the man turn into a dog, Mrs. Black. He changed my hair and clothing with a flick of his wand and a quick incantation. He lit fires in the air and accidentally shattered fragile objects with mere emotion. It would be delusional to disbelieve the man."

"What about the other things?" Lily questioned brokenly, eying her husband's best friend in the corner. "The things you were telling Remus."

"If you're asking if Sirius loved Remus, then the answer is yes. He loved you dearly, but not as a wife." When he saw tears pooling in Lily's eyes, Severus quickly hurried onward. "The man you married undoubtedly loved you very much, but this was not the same man. He lived a very different life before he found us."

"What do you mean?" Remus broke in. "How was his life different?"

Severus sighed. He did not want to discuss this, not now, not when Sirius's death was so fresh and painful. "Sirius had a troubled childhood and ran away from home at the age of sixteen. He was disowned by his family. As a teenager he fought in a war that was dividing his world, and fought his own family. When the war was won, it ended with the death of his best friend and his wife. Sirius was accused of homicide and treason, and then he was sentenced to life in prison, despite being innocent, without a trial. Your counterpart, Remus, had been his lover since they were in school, but the man turned his back on Sirius and believed he was guilty. After twelve years, Sirius broke out of prison and lived as a wanted fugitive for three years. The war was beginning to pick up again after his escape and he desperately wanted to fight again. In the first battle, something happened and he landed himself here."

"I don't know what to say," Lily admitted. "I never thought of it that way."

Remus frowned. "That would explain his strange behavior."

"How is Harry doing?" Severus asked.

Both Lily and Remus's faces darkened.

"He's not taking Sirius's death very well. He's taken to hiding in his room for most of the day and is not eating well. I'm worried about sending him back to Hogwarts at the start of term. He grew exceptionally close to Sirius in the past few months and, then, to watch him die – Harry's hurting."

Severus nodded. This was to be expected. "Why don't you have him talk to the other people who were there? Lucius has not visited, but I can not imagine that he and his son are taking this lightly. Or that Sirius's brother is untroubled by our friend's untimely death, either."

Remus smiled bitterly. "That's a good idea, Snape. We may well try that. On the other hand, I promised to take Harry out today. I think he needs to leave the flat and breathe some fresh air. We aren't going to talk about Sirius's death; it will just be some time for the two of us."

Severus shrugged as if to say, 'I'm not stopping you.'

Lily quietly watched her friend leave. "Do you know what the worst part is, now, Dr. Snape?"

"What?"

"I didn't believe him." A tear slipped from her eye. "I threw the bloody china vase at him when he told me the story. I told him to leave and not come back until he was willing to tell me the truth. I kicked him out of our home. OUR home, Snape! I was unimaginably cruel to him because he thought he could trust me."

Severus did not know what to say to that. "He loved you, Ms. Black, even if it wasn't the way you wanted it."

"Somehow that doesn't help." Lily left the hospital room.

The dark-eyed counselor frowned at his stark room. He was trapped in a disgustingly sanitary hospital room, captured in a sea of icy white, while his friend lay in a casket, undoubtedly of his brother's choice. Severus had been quite ill while Sirius was away in Wales. His friend, his dearest friend, had died alone, estranged from two of the people to whom he was closest: Severus Snape and Sasha Black.

The newspaper called him a pillar of the community. The fool who wrote Sirius's biography called him a family man, a devoted husband, a man who looked after his aging mother and took his stepson under his wing. He continued the family business and lived a perfectly normal life.

The idiot, Severus decided, did not know Sirius at all. Sirius was a deviant in most manners conceivable. The man was a wizard, a thief, an escaped convict, an abused child, slightly unstable, sometimes a dog, a godfather, a lover, a friend, and a self-conscious aristocrat. The two portraits of one man seemed to be mutually exclusive.

Looking at the obituary, Severus admitted that he would miss his friend. He would miss the tea and the pubs, the conversations on law and magic, the man's surprisingly biting wit, his innocent confusion, and his presence. He saw nothing wrong with breaking down and crying in his hospital bed, soaking the newspaper and his best friend's photograph with tears.

That is the end of Three O'clock in the Morning. Thank you to everyone who reviewed or even just read. This was a great pleasure to write and I hope you enjoyed it. The sequel of sorts, Dark Night of the Soul, is already in the works, but will not be making an appearance until winter at the earliest. I insist it be the best it can be.

I offer my thanks to Hillary (Toasterlicious) who has been my beta for the past months and is probably the only reason the grammar here is readable.

My reviewers:

Siri Kat, Jeanne2: Sirius is dead.

Hekate101, Kazaera: Sirius died. He drowned when he fell off the boat in Wales.

A Happy Little Bumblebee: I'm sorry I saddened you, but Sirius had to die. I am happy you liked it. Perhaps you will like the sequel as well.

Weatherwax: I adored your review by the way. It was wonderful to read. Yes, Sirius died, but everything that happened will not be explained for some time yet. I'm hoping that people will read Dark Night of the Soul because there are so many loose ends in this story. I'm not promising an understanding read, but if you liked this, you would probably like DNoS. And I was afraid people would figure out what was going on when I posted that on FictionAlley.

chevalier Ryu: He died. But Severus has only kind feelings toward him, so that isn't so bad, is it? As I told Weatherwax, there are a lot of loose ends in this story (and you seem to find them all) that will be explained in Dark Night of the Soul.

Samara-Morgan-101: Yes, I killed Sirius.

purplemonky: No joke, Sirius is dead.

Alynna Lis Eachann: So that last line wasn't so cheesy after all? Thank you.

eruve tinwen: Sh! Be quiet about that!

sgtharrison46: This isn't the end of the plot! Yes, Sirius is dead, but so much has yet to be explained. This is an end unto itself, but your questions will eventually be answered.

nimbio: The plot isn't over! ToM is, though, and I'm happy you like it.

Pam Briggs: The epilogue isn't so much a finale as a quiet close. The prologue of Dark Night of the Soul is something of a finale, but I refused to post it as a chapter in this fic. (Yes, DNoS is in the works.) I'm happy you enjoyed my ToM and hope you continue with my Fitzgeralds (my personal nickname for this set of novel-lengths).

merato: The answer lies here: this is not the end. This is the end of this segment, but the story continues. If I wrote the whole story in one go, it would have more than 100 chapters, which I think is absurd. It makes more sense to cut it into palatable sizes.

LittleGreenPerson: I'm happy you liked this fic (and Niffled me, I can't thank you enough, it was quite exciting). This is the epilogue, but most of your questions will be answered in Dark Night of the Soul, including how a sequel can exist.

Mars-Alfgonzo: No, that wasn't sarcasm. Well, that particular comment was, but he really is dead. And this world is still very real: if you die in this world, you're dead.

The Voice of Reason: I'm dead serious. (Ha, ha, I made a pun.) In any case, this is not the end. There will be a sequel. I promise.

sunnysparkles: I killed my Sirius. I was very upset about it myself, actually. The people who live with me are sick of me saying, "What's the best way to kill someone?" They were scared the first time I asked, and now they just tell me to shut up and write.

ShortySC2: Thank you! I liked how I killed my Sirius: rather painless, no? In any case, here is the much awaited epilogue.


End file.
